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COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT. 



GOOD FORM and 
SOCIAL ETHICS 



By Fannie Dickerson Chase 






1913 
review and herald PUBLISHING ASSN. 

WASHINGTON, D. C. 



tfv 



Copyright, IQ13 

by 

Review and Herald Publishing Association 

washington, d. c. 



A346714 
f 



Contents 

PAGE 

Good Manners 9 

The Gentleman 15 

The Home Girl 47 

The Schoolgirl . 59 

The Business Girl 67 

The Social Girl . . . . . . -79 

Insistent Demands of Good Form .... 87 

Simplicity in Dress 99 

For Children 107 

In the Home . . .117 

At Church T25 

On the Street 135 

Calls 141 

Letter- and Note- Writing 149 

Visiting-Cards 163 

In the Drawing-Room 169 

Introductions 175 

Conversation 179 

Kindness in Speech : 191 

Grumbling and Complaining 199 

Invitations 2©l 

At the Table- 2©§ 

As Guest or Hostess 223 

Weddings 233 

5 



6 CONTENTS 

On the Train . 243 

Telephone Etiquette 247 

Punctuality . . . 249 

Borrowing and Returning 255 

The Forgetting Habit . . . . . . .257 

Order and Neatness 259 

Pleasures and Recreations . . . . . . 263 

When Not to Laugh 269 

The Conventions of Mourning 275 

General Suggestions 279 

The Minister 295 



Preface 

Charles Buxton Going, in a poem entitled " In the 
Garden of Life," said: — 

"Ah, when I first began to plant 

Life's garden close, I did not know 
(For I was young and ignorant) 
What choice of seeds I ought to sow. 

"And many things I planted there, 
Alas! turned out but barren seeds, 
And others died for want of care, 

And many more proved noxious weeds." 

This having been my own experience, and having 
reason to believe that many others have passed along the 
same unsatisfactory way, I thought to suggest in this little 
volume some seed that seem worthy of a place in the gar- 
den of life, that some might, possibly, enter upon their 
career with more confidence in regard to the proprieties 
and conventions of society: for "one remains shackled by 
timidity till one has learned to speak and act with pro- 
priety." 

The preparation of such a work is not without its 
difficulties; for even different sections of the same country, 
as well as different countries, do not always make the same 
demands. Neither do recognized authorities always agree 
in interpreting the demands of good society; and besides, 
customs and conventions change with the years. The 
general principles underlying these varied and varying 
conventions, however, are more akin and more stable. 



8 PREFACE 

These I have endeavored to note; and if they possess one 
early in life, one can pass down the years with a poise 
and grace of character and demeanor that will not be un- 
welcome in the most refined society. 

"Good Form and Social Ethics" was prepared at the 
request of the Missionary Volunteer Department of the 
General Conference, and of the Review and Herald Pub- 
lishing Association through its book committee. There 
was also a call from our educators for such a work. 

I am indebted to too many persons for suggestions in 
this book to give due credit to all. "Correct Social 
Usage," "Holt's Encyclopedia of Etiquette," "Practical 
Etiquette," and "The Correct Thing" are among the 
authorities to which I have most frequently referred. 

The Author. 



Good Manners 



Guard the manners if you would protect the morals. — 
Davidson. 

Good manners demand three things: self-control, self-denial, 
and self-respect. — Archbishop Temple. 

Manners must adorn knowledge, and smooth its way through 
the world. Like a great rough diamond, it may do very well by 
way of curiosity, and also for its intrinsic value; but it will never 
be worn nor shine if it is not polished. — Chesterfield. 

A SWEET-FACED baby boy not yet three years old 
was being carried by his father into a crowded street- 
car. As the father stepped upon the rear platform, several 
women were pressing for places; and some of the men 
were not so gallant as they might have been. The baby, 
with his arms about his father's neck, leaned over, looked 
into his papa's face, and said: " Let the ladies in fust, 
daddy; let the ladies in fust." The effect was electrical. 
Men and women smiled, but the lesson in courtesy from 
baby lips was not unheeded. 

In this age of hurry and money getting, one needs often 
to be admonished, lest one forget even the common cour- 
tesies of life. We must admit with regret that the present 
age is lacking in kindly, courteous attention to others. 
So apparent has this lack been that it has been proposed 
to make instruction in manners a part of the compulsory 
school curriculum. Whether this plan carries or not, we 
should individually demand of ourselves more careful 
thought and action in regard to the courtesies due others 
from us. 



10 GOOD FORM 

To the Greek, manners and morals were one. "What 
we call blemishes or defects," says one writer, "were to 
him vices. It is our habit to separate morality and 
esthetics, and to place immeasurably more emphasis on 
the former than on the latter. In this we are in danger of 
going too far. The full-statured saint is beautiful in all 
his ways. He does not offend delicate ears by boisterous 
or ill-mannered speech, nor does he shock refined hearts by 
ill-considered and clownish action. There is no reason 
why the Christian should be disagreeable, nor has he a 
right to think that the Lord will hold him guiltless who 
constantly irritates by eccentric or uncouth behavior those 
with whom he deals. The psalmist felt it desirable that 
men should worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness, 
and equally desirable is it that they should inject that same 
beauty into their daily intercourse with their fellow men. " 

Youth is the time to learn graciousness of manner; and 
he who neglects to give attention to the demands of good 
society in matters of courtesy, can never attain to that 
warm place in the hearts of his associates in either the 
business or the social world that he might have attained 
had he possessed agreeable manners; for neither marked 
business ability, native good will, nor unusual intellectual 
attainments are acceptable substitutes for chivalrous 
action. Each or all of these, to possess their full charm, 
must be ornamented by a pleasing manner. 

Graciousness of manner is even an important business 
asset. "The courtesy and affability of clerks in one 
store," says Mr. O. S. Marden, "pull thousands of cus- 
tomers right by the doors of rival establishments where the 
clerks are not so courteous or accommodating. Every- 
body appreciates courtesy, and a little personal interest 
goes a great way in attracting and holding customers. 



GOOD MANNERS 11 

Most of us are willing to put ourselves to considerable 
trouble to patronize those who are accommodating, who 
show a disposition to help us, to render us real service. 
He is a shrewd merchant, therefore, who keeps only cour- 
teous, accommodating employees." 

The Illinois Central Railroad Company has established 
a bureau devoted wholly to what it calls education, espe- 
cially to education in good manners, or the courteous 
treatment of the public. Both the improvement in the 
character and operation of the service and the increase in 
business since the bureau was established declare it a 
paying investment. 

An affable, courteous, thoughtful manner is an equally 
potent drawing force in every other business. Its in- 
fluence is felt in the schoolroom, in the church, in the home, 
and in the community. The following incident is sug- 
gestive of the compelling force of courtesy: " In a crowded 
city restaurant, most of whose customers are women, a 
young girl, willing though not very efficient, was patiently 
trying to serve her quota of guests. She remembered 
their orders fairly well; brought the necessary forks and 
spoons, and did not omit the glass of water without which 
the restaurant dinner is so unhappy. But she did forget 
the napkins. One of the guests, a pale, stately person, 
glared at the waitress, and said in cross and reproachful 
tones, 'You forgot to give me any napkin.' At the next 
table a dignified, gray-haired woman turned her head as 
the girl hastened past, and asked pleasantly, though firmly, 
'Will you bring me a napkin, please?' Her air was quite 
as much that of one used to good service; but the maid 
was human, and the gracious lady got her napkin first, 
her glass was kept filled, and her dessert was served more 
promptly than that of the other." 



12 GOOD FORM 

It is not difficult to believe that the sum total of the 
world's discord, irritability, and unhappiness would be 
quickly doubled if the spirit of courtesy now extant should 
be suddenly withdrawn; nor is it difficult to believe that 
were the existent spirit of chivalry, true courtesy, and good 
will doubled, the world's happiness would be increased 
in the same proportion. 

Virtue itself is said to offend when coupled with for- 
bidding manners. "The world wants graceful living; 
true heart courtesy is the foundation for this, and heart 
courtesy is most fitly and most fully expressed through 
perfect knowledge of the true social etiquette," which is 
meant to be simply a help toward graceful living. Any 
"so-called culture which does not make a youth deferential 
toward his parents, appreciative of their excellence, for- 
bearing toward their defects, and helpful to their neces- 
sities; which does not make him considerate and tender, 
generous and helpful, toward the young, the old, and the 
unfortunate, and courteous toward all, is a failure. " 

Prof. Henry van Dyke asks the pertinent question in 
one of his books, "Why should we hate like Satan when 
we may love like God?" So, in accordance with the 
spirit of this suggestion, Why should any of us pass 
down the years disregarding the courtesies of life, wound- 
ing and discouraging others, when we might scatter 
blessings all along life's pathway by showing thoughtful 
courtesies to all with whom we have business or social 
relations? 

A peach-tree bearing roses, or a plum-tree filled with 
oranges, one never saw, simply because God said in the 
beginning: "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb 
yielding seed, and the fruit-tree yielding fruit after his 
kind. " This plan of God is so well understood that every 



GOOD MANNERS 13 

one expects to get from a tree or seed that which it has 
always produced. So with regard to our actions; we are 
to reap exactly what we sow. If we sow discourtesy, we 
shall reap discourtesy; and if we sow courtesy, we shall 
reap courtesy. Let us look well, therefore, to our sowing, 
that a pleasurable harvest may result both to ourselves 
and to others. 



How Sweet Is Courtesy 

How sweet and gracious even in common speech 
Is that fine sense which men call courtesy 1 
Wholesome as air and genial as the light, 
Welcome in every clime as breath of flowers, 
It transmutes aliens into trusting friends, 
And gives its owner passport round the globe. 
— James T. Fields. 



The Gentleman 



" Push as hard as you may at the gate of success, it will creak 
and stick, unless you oil its hinges with courtesy. " 

Whoever takes advantage of another can not be a gentle- 
man, for the first word of the law of good breeding, as is the last, 
is kindness. The golden rule contains the last word of manners, 
as it does on most other laws of living. — Thomas Nelson Page. 

His Relation to Woman 

r\R. FRANK CRANE says: "Show me how a boy 
treats girls, and I will tell you what kind of boy he 
really is. In other words, a boy's attitude toward girls is 
the best indication of his character. Always you can 
measure the man soul by his relation to the woman soul." 
And why not? for as Dr. Albert Banks says: "Every 
critical side of a man's nature has under all normal condi- 
tions woman associated with it. As mother, sister, friend, 
wife, daughter, a man's pleasure as well as duty brings him 
in contact with womanhood from the cradle to the grave. 
That he may be born into the world at all, a woman 
goes down into the shadow of death to meet his child- 
ish, groping fingers. Womanhood watches over him in 
his weakness, when he is a little helpless bundle of suction, 
giving back nothing, requiting nothing, not knowing 
enough to feel either love or thanks. When he is old 
enough to prattle and play and gambol in childhood's 
hour, bewitching girlhood is his sweetest and most fasci- 
nating playmate; while the background of all that young 
life continues to be womanhood's sympathetic face and 

15 



16 GOOD FORM 

kindly bosom. As manhood begins to dawn, he finds 
interwoven in all the lore of books and wealth of poetry 
and pictures, as well as all that is beautiful and idealistic 
in society, the ever-changing form of woman. His high- 
est hopes, his noblest struggles, his most heroic achieve- 
ments, lose the highest element of joy and the keenest 
zest of realization unless they are shared by some congenial 
womanly soul. 

"When old age comes, and the weakness of a second 
childhood gathers about him, it is to woman that he must 
turn for patient sympathy and compassion. Woman 
gives man life ; that life is lonely and dwarfed and helpless 
without her brooding tenderness in youth, her chaste 
fellowship in middle life, and her compassionate sympathy 
in old age. He pillows his head upon her bosom in baby- 
hood; and her hand is the last that smooths his fevered 
brow as he is about to die. Surely, the question of man's 
relation to woman is second only to his relation to God. " 

The true gentleman, therefore, ever honors woman in 
spirit and in action. He never makes slighting remarks 
of womankind. Longfellow's chivalrous spirit found ex- 
pression in the words: "I do not like to have woman dis- 
cussed in public. Something within me always rebels 
at the profanation." 

A coarseness of character is betrayed by the one who 
says deprecating things of womankind, even in fun. The 
man of gentle breeding never speaks of woman other than 
gallantly. This chivalrous spirit is revealed in the delicate 
compliment paid to woman by "an American traveler, 
who, when rallied upon the fact that there was no aristoc- 
racy in his country, replied, 'Pardon me, you forget our 
women.'" 

Formal etiquette does not demand that a man resign 



THE GENTLEMAN 17 

his seat to a woman in a public conveyance, unless she is 
elderly, lame, has a child in her arms, or appears over- 
burdened with parcels. But usually polite and kindly 
men voluntarily accord her this courtesy. 

A visitor in a town in Mexico was impressed with the 
marked gallantry of the men and their extreme readiness 
to extend courtesies to ladies. He noted especially their 
alacrity in offering their seats on a crowded car to the 
women that entered. He spoke of the matter to a hotel 
proprietor, and found that their chivalry was due in part 
to the unique edict of the governor which made any man 
who kept his seat and thereby compelled a woman to stand, 
liable to arrest and fine. Prompt politeness was a rule. 
None wished to become involved with the police and to 
be publicly branded as lacking in gentility. The real 
gentleman does not require an outward force compelling 
him to accord the usual courtesies to women. One day 
General Lee was seated in a car at the end farthest from 
the door. The other seats were occupied by officers and 
soldiers. An elderly woman, poorly dressed, entered at 
one of the stations, and finding no seat and having none 
offered her, approached the end where the general was 
seated. He immediately arose and gave her his seat. 
Instantly there was a general rising, each man offering his 
seat to the general. But he calmly said: " No, gentlemen, 
if there was no seat for the infirm old woman, there can be 
none for me." 

The present courteous raising of the cap or hat had its 
origin "in the removal of the basinet, or small metal helmet, 
an act which showed an absence of fear by leaving the 
head of the wearer open to attack, and which likewise 
occupied his right hand, so that he could practically make 
no assault." While little, if any, of the original sig- 



18 GOOD FORM 

nificance clings to the present custom of lifting the hat, 
yet the act on the part of our twentieth-century knight is 
none the less gracious. According to a recognized au- 
thority on good form, the following occasions require the 
lifting of the hat by a gentleman: — 

Whenever a woman bows to him. 

When he meets a man of his acquaintance who is ac- 
companying a lady. 

When a stranger shows a courtesy to the lady with 
whom he himself is walking. 

When he gives answer to a request for information 
concerning a right direction, a street or number, or any 
similar inquiries from a lady. 

When he offers her his seat in a car or omnibus. 

When he moves aside to make way for her in a narrow 
or crowded place. 

And when he shows her any passing courtesy. 

A man should also raise his hat when he recognizes a 
clergyman on the street, or an elderly gentleman, or one 
who has attained distinction. 

A man addressing a woman out-of-doors takes his hat 
off, and remains uncovered until she asks him to replace 
it, which she should do promptly. If the weather is cold, 
she may say, "Please to put on your hat; I fear you will 
take cold." The man should then replace his hat, saying 
"Thank you" as he does so. 

A man entering a house or private office removes his 
hat. It is the custom in many cities, as in our national 
capital, for a man to remove his hat on entering an elevator, 
if there are women passengers. 

When walking with a lady, a gentleman should offer 
to carry her packages, jacket, or whatever she has to carry. 
If she has several bundles, it is not necessary for him to 



THE GENTLEMAN 19 

insist on carrying everything; she may prefer to share in 
the burden-bearing. A lady may always be left to carry 
her own parasol. 

If a woman near a gentleman drops an article, he should 
be quick to anticipate her effort to recover it. 

A man should show as much courtesy to a woman in 
his employ as he does to one he meets in social life. 

If a young man wishes to pay his addresses to a certain 
young woman, he should ask her father's consent. 

When a young man is paying a visit, and the older 
members of the family are in the room, he should, on 
leaving, bid them good night first, and afterward say his 
farewell to the young girl on whom he has called. She 
should not go farther than the parlor door with him. 

"At weddings and other formal occasions men wear 
gloves," says Mr. W. E. Green, in his "Dictionary of Eti- 
quette." "In shaking hands with women on these occa- 
sions gloves should not be removed. If a hostess wears 
gloves at any formal affair, a man wears his when he shakes 
hands with her. A man with hands gloved should never 
shake hands with a woman without an apology for so doing 
unless she likewise wears gloves. A sudden meeting, etc., 
may make a hand-shaking in gloves unavoidable. Un- 
less the other person is also gloved, a man should say, 
'Please excuse my glove.'" 

In escorting a young woman home from church or some 
entertainment, a man should go up the steps with her, 
wait until the door is opened, and, as she enters the house, 
raise his hat and say Good night. They should never 
stand and talk at the door or gate, and the hour on such 
occasions is usually too late for him to enter the house. 

A man who is escorting two women on the street should 
not walk between them, but on the outside, near the curb- 



20 GOOD FORM 

ing ; at any place of amusement or at church he should sit 
nearest the aisle, at the side of one of them, but not be- 
tween them. 

A gentleman accompanying a lady is expected to walk 
next to the curbing of the sidewalk, unless he can from the 
other side offer better protection, or more convenience to 
the lady in holding her dress skirt. 

Some years ago it was invariably the custom for a 
gentleman to offer his arm to the lady he was escorting on 
the street in the evening, and married and engaged couples 
assumed the privilege of walking arm in arm in the day- 
time. But now that night has been turned into day by 
our effective lighting systems, this custom has fallen into 
disuse for night walking, and into decided disfavor for day 
walking, unless there is some special reason why the woman 
needs the support or protection thus offered her. 

If a young man meets a girl friend with her mother, he 
should always recognize the mother first. 

For courtesy wins woman all as well 
As valor. 

— Tennyson. 

Be closely observant of the best type of manhood and 
womanhood whom you meet. Add to what you may thus 
learn the knowledge to be gained from books on good form. 

A gentleman allows a lady to precede him in passing 
up or down stairs, and through an open door or gateway, 
unless there is room for him to walk by her side. He 
should ask whether he should not precede her in passing 
through a crowd or public place. A door may, however, 
open with such difficulty as to make it necessary for the 
gentleman to pass through first in order better to hold it 
open for the lady. If there is no usher in a church, the 
gentleman accompanying a lady precedes her to the pew, 



THE GENTLEMAN 21 

and stands aside for her to enter. In the parlor, a gen- 
tleman stands till women and elderly men are seated. 

Relation to People in Genera! 

The father's rebuke to a boy who tried to justify him- 
self for being rude to a young man, just "because he was 
no gentleman," merits consideration. "You should not 
treat a man politely because he is a gentleman, " said the 
father, "but because you are one. You can not afford 
to stoop to the level of a man who is not a gentleman. If 
he can afford thus to demoralize and desecrate his man- 
hood, you can not afford it." 

Be courteous to persons of every station in life. Cour- 
tesies shown to the humblest dame, better prepares one for 
performing the same service, when occasion demands, to 
the belle of the town. And it may be that the former is 
more worthy of chivalrous attention than the latter. An 
elderly country woman stepped into Mr. Wanamaker's 
store in Philadelphia, and asked an employee, as she en- 
tered the store, the location of a certain department. The 
young man addressed pointed across the room, and merely 
said, "Over there." Mr. Wanamaker overheard the 
conversation, so he stepped up to the woman, and said, 
"I will show you to the department." After escorting 
her to the desired place, and securing for her the services 
of a clerk, Mr. Wanamaker returned to where the young 
man was who first directed the woman, and asked him to 
step into his office, where he received his immediate dis- 
charge. Had the prospective customer been a woman of 
wealth or fame, no doubt the young man would have been 
more gracious; but Mr. Wanamaker recognized the fact 
that all who entered his store were alike entitled to cour- 
teous treatment. 



22 GOOD FORM 

Never fail to perform a service or favor for another for 
fear he will outstrip you. Be magnanimous. 

Two young men of almost equal intellectual attain- 
ments were anxious for a college course. A lawyer had a 
scholarship that he wished to give to a worthy young man. 
These two young men had been sent to his office by the 
principal of their school as equally deserving; but as the 
lawyer was busy when they entered, they were asked to 
wait a few minutes. The young men did not know why 
they had been called to this gentleman's office. While 
they were waiting, an eccentric old lady, "who was ac- 
customed to making periodical visits upon lawyers, came 
in. As she seated herself in a chair, the chair gave way, 
and she fell to the floor rather awkwardly. One young 
man smiled, and turned aside to hide a laugh he could not 
control. The other young man sprang to the woman's 
side, lifted her to her feet, gathered up her papers, and 
politely handed them to her. After the lawyer had his 
talk with the woman, he escorted her to the door, and then 
talked a few moments with the young men, and dismissed 
them. He then wrote to their principal and related the 
foregoing incident, and said he would give the scholar- 
ship to the one who assisted the elderly woman; for he 
believed that 'no one so well deserves to be fitted for a 
position of honor and influence as he who feels it his duty 
to help the humblest and the lowliest.'" 

Be more ready to tell of your own faults and misdoings 
than you are to tell of those of other people. 

Don't tease. "The incurable tease who can not refrain 
from annoyances, " says one, " is invariably a person whose 
intellect is in some respect deficient or disordered. " 

If you wish to speak to an older person up-stairs or in 
the next room, do not call to him, but go where he is. 



THE GENTLEMAN 23 

If entrusted with an errand for another, perform it as 
quickly and faithfully as possible. "As vinegar to the 
teeth, and as smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to 
them that send him." 

" Like the coolness of snow in Harvest-time 
Is a faithful messenger to those who send him." 

"An incompetent messenger plunges one into misfortune. 
But a trustworthy envoy insures success." 

Do not be too ready to drop your work -at the stroke 
of the clock. "The very grindstone will go on turning a 
bit after you loose it, " said George Eliot. "A young man 
who was in haste to leave the store where he was employed, 
after working overtime without receiving extra pay that 
busy day, allowed some articles to remain at the rear door 
that should have been locked up. He argued that it was 
his employer's business to look after his own property, 
which was true, and so he went away without caring for 
the things. That night they were stolen, and the clerk 
learned next day that his employer had been half dis- 
tracted over news of illness in his family. He discovered 
then that whether he worked overtime or not, and whether 
it was his business or not, in one sense of the word, what 
became of things at the store, it was nevertheless his 
duty to be on the alert every instant to further his em- 
ployer's interests. He turned over a new leaf from that 
hour, and since then has had no difficulty in going on to 
higher and higher positions in business life. The person 
who is exceedingly careful to give the exact number of 
hours he is paid for, and not a bit more, will never rise." 

Be generous hearted, generous with your strength, 
your money, your home, your talents, yourself. "Every- 
thing here," says Dr. Banks, "is made on a large and 
generous scale. It is a prosperous world. The sunshine 



24 GOOD FORM 

is not eked out, so many sunbeams to an apple-tree, or the 
showers doled off, so many gills to an acre of corn ; but God 
wraps the world in sunshine, and bathes the earth in 
showers, and slakes its thirst with running streams; and 
all this, may it not be, to teach us to deal unstintedly with 
those about us?" 

Do not be envious of another's gifts. It has been 
said that " the truest mark of being born with great 
qualities is being born without envy." " Envy is a pas- 
sion so full of cowardice and shame that nobody ever had 
the confidence to own it." "Of all virtues, magnanimity 
is the rarest. There are a hundred persons of merit for 
one who willingly acknowledges it in another." 

Have a regard for the reputation of yourself as a student, 
your teacher, and your school ; and refrain from the rude 
schoolboy tricks that always tend to make a disreputable 
school. Be more ready to build up than to tear down. 
The following true incident, which occurred fifty years 
ago, shows how one common schoolboy trick was re- 
garded by that eminent and cultured gentleman, Dr. 
Oliver Wendell Holmes: — 

"'The Autocrat* stood in the lecture-room of the old 
Harvard Medical School, one winter afternoon some fifty 
years ago. What a contrast between speaker and au- 
dience! He, polished, cultured, self-possessed, urbane; 
they — boys from east and west and north and south, 
from farm and desk and workshop and counter — many 
of them with education and manners only a grade above 
that of day-laborers! The medical-student audience of 
to-day is no easy one for a lecturer to face. He who stood 
before the one of that day, with its entrance requirements 
low or altogether lacking, surely needed to be well fortified 
with courage and philosophy. 



THE GENTLEMAN 25 

"On that day there was a stir of curiosity in the room, 
for on the table before the speaker stood two plates, nap- 
kin-covered, contents mysterious. 

"'Gentlemen,' Dr. Holmes was speaking, quietly, im- 
pressively, ' I have before me some pathological specimens, 
which I have collected at considerable trouble — and some 
expense, and which I hope will make an impression upon 
you which will last throughout your lives. ' 

" The room was tense with expectant curiosity. Quietly 
the napkins were removed. The plates were heaped high 
with paper wads — in plain schoolboy English, 'spitballs.' 
They had been gathered from the floor of the lecture- 
room. Dr. Holmes's 'expense and trouble' had been a 
twenty-five-cent fee to the janitor. 

"The Autocrat watched them a moment. A few of 
the boys laughed ; most stared in astonished silence. 

"And then the deluge! 

"Quietly, calmly, but with slowly gathering force, 
Dr. Holmes began to speak. Gone was the genial phi- 
losopher, the kindly teacher, whom they so well knew. 
Before them stood the professor, the scientist, the physi- 
cian, defending his college, his chair, his profession, against 
the levity, the low ideals, of their own disciples. Sternly, 
soberly, he talked to them — of the honor and traditions 
of their college, of the efforts and difficulties of their fac- 
ulty; of their profession, its high ideals, its sacred respon- 
sibilities. He talked to them of the priceless opportu- 
nities which they were wasting. His brilliant eyes seemed 
to search them one by one. His wonderful voice never 
raised, yet carried to the farthest corner of the room. 
His clear-cut phrases lashed whip-like about them. His 
wit stung them; his irony goaded them; till in all that 
rough assembly scarce a man but was in tears. 



26 GOOD FORM 

"And then, almost without a pause, their friend and 
teacher stood again before them ; with the ease of the born 
and practised speaker, he swung back into the every-day." 

Practical Jokes 

Don't play practical jokes. One principal of a private 
school charged every pupil in his school who indulged in 
practical jokes one dollar. This had a salutary, restrain- 
ing effect. But good sense should be sufficient to restrain 
the would-be practical joker. There have been instances 
where no amount of money could compensate the evil 
wrought by a foolish prank performed by some idle boy 
"just for fun." The American historian \V\ H. Prescott 
was blinded by a hard crust of bread thrown by a school- 
boy's rude effort at fun making. 

Some one who wanted to play a practical joke on the fire 
department of the city of Boston rang a series of fire alarms. 
His "fun" cost the city three hundred dollars. Another 
hunter after fun was accosted by a man riding along 
the public highway in haste, and asked if he had seen the 
doctor pass? The boy said, "Yes." Then in answer to 
the question, "Which road did he take?" for fun the boy 
pointed toward the wrong road. The man finally dis- 
covered that the doctor had taken the other road; but 
before he could find the physician, the child who had 
swallowed a chicken bone died. An earlier arrival would 
have saved the little one's life. 

Six girls and six boys between the ages of sixteen and 
eighteen, at Huntington Mills, Pennsylvania, went for a 
boat ride on a mill-pond at lunch hour on the twelfth of 
May, 1910. Some "smart" boy "for fun" began to rock 
the boat to frighten the girls. Two overturned boats, 
six dead girls, and two dead boys was the result. 



THE GENTLEMAN 27 

A girl who mounted lithographs in a New York factory 
slipped a bit of strong-smelling cheese into a package of 
prints that ordinarily would have been inspected by a 
"chum," who was relied upon to remedy the mischief. 
In the holiday rush, however, the usual routine was set 
aside, and the tainted package made a part of a large 
shipment. The consignees promptly rejected the whole 
lot, and the proprietor of the factory then discharged every 
girl employed in the room where the joke was .played. 

Some silly jester one day sent out a wireless message 
of distress purporting to come from the large steamer 
"Oklahoma." After a long wireless search, this steamer 
was located, but was in no need of help, and had sent 
no message. So many abuses of this character have been 
made of the wireless that the government may be com- 
pelled to remove the privilege of even its legitimate use by 
amateurs. 

A Colorado ranchman loaded a purse in such a way 
that when it was opened, a substance supposed to be harm- 
less would explode with a loud report. The purse was 
intended for a birthday present to his sister, who had 
played a joke on him ; but her little son got hold of it, and 
the explosion blinded him. Thirteen persons one evening 
lay dead on Brooklyn Bridge because some one "for fun" 
called out, "The bridge is falling," and a panic resulted. 

Beware of the practical joker; but first of all, beware of 
being one yourself. 

General Suggestions 

Respect weakness, and defer to it on the street-car, 
in the department store, and in the home, whether it be 
displayed by man or woman. "We that are strong," 
says Paul, "ought to bear the infirmities of the weak." 



28 GOOD FORM 

While this test refers primarily to spiritual matters, it is 
not without application here. 

Respect public property. Do not cut desks, nor write 
in books or on walls. 

Respect the property rights of individuals. Do not 
trespass upon private grounds by walking on the lawn or 
plucking flowers or fruit. If you chance from any cause 
to injure anything belonging to another, make haste to 
apologize, and make pecuniary amends when possible. 
Abraham Lincoln, when a young man, set a good example 
on this point. He borrowed from a neighbor a book, 
which he read until late in the night. He then put out his 
candle and went to sleep. In the morning, much to his 
discomfiture, he found that it had rained very hard during 
the night, and that because of a faulty roof the bed and 
book were thoroughly soaked. He dried the book and 
made it as presentable as possible, then took it to the 
owner, and explained how it came to be in so forlorn a 
condition. At his own suggestion, he worked three full 
days for the owner, to pay for the damage done the book. 
The owner of the book, while accepting the offer of the 
young man to work, was gracious enough to present the 
book to him at the close of his three days of toil. 

When working for another, make that person's interest 
your own; be jealous in everything that your employer's 
interest may be served. Mr. J. W. Chapman, the well- 
known railway financier, tells the following story, which 
illustrates this point. When he was president of a certain 
bank, a boy was hired to attend the door and run errands. 
"Two or three days after the boy had been employed," 
says Mr. Chapman, "and had shown that he was quick in 
doing what he was ordered to do, I was surprised to receive 
notice from my secretary that the boy wished to see me. 



THE GENTLEMAN 29 

He said that the boy would not talk to him, but insisted 
on seeing me. I was busy, but believing that boys have 
a reason for what they attempt, I ordered him shown in. 

"He came directly to my desk and said, 'Mr. Chap- 
man, you're the president of this bank?' 

"'lam.' 

"'You can order things done right, can't you?' 

"'I believe I can.' 

"'Well, sir, that stool they've given me at the front 
entrance isn't right with the rest of the bank. It's dirty; 
it ought to be varnished, and it ought to look as well as 
the doors. The janitor says I'm fussy, and won't help 
me. I thought you ought to know about it. The bank 
oughtn't to look cheap on account of a stool.' 

" He got the stool finished as he believed it should be, 
and not only that, he made friends through his fidelity 
to his own place. " 

Be slow to join "strikers," whether at school or in 
business. School mutinies seldom, if ever, result in good. 
The most pertinent advice to be given to students con- 
templating such a course is that of a father whom Rev. 
Nehemiah Boynton tells about. Mr. Boynton was once 
called to a military academy in which the students had 
mutinied, to aid in adjusting the difficulties. The prin- 
cipal of the school handed him a number of telegrams 
which had come from the parents of the boys involved in 
the rebellion. One father wired his son, " I expect you to 
obey." Another said, "If you are expelled from school, 
you needn't come home." Still another, "I'll send you to 
an insane asylum if you are sent home." Another said, 
"I'll cut you off without a shilling if you disgrace the 
family." But the best message was couched in the words: 
"Steady, my boy, steady! Father." 



30 GOOD FORM 

This last advice counseled consideration, judgment. 
Mutinies, rebellions, and many strikes in the business 
world come from inconsiderate action, impulsiveness. 
Therefore before being led to join the ranks of the re- 
bellious, consider well the father's counsel, "Steady, my 
boy, steady!" 

The commissioner of streets in New York reports that 
it costs the city forty thousand dollars a year to gather up 
the newspapers, banana skins, paper bags, and similar 
rubbish which careless people throw into the streets in- 
stead of into the receptacles provided by the city. Be- 
sides making the streets unsightly, orange or banana peel 
thrown on the sidewalk is liable to cause serious accidents. 
One who takes thought for those who are to follow him 
will refrain from such careless acts. 

Don't expectorate on the street, in railway cars, or in 
any other public place. Some cities now impose a severe 
fine for expectorating in such forbidden places. 

Laugh heartily when occasion demands; but do not 
laugh boisterously. Carlyle says that "laughter is the 
cipher-key whereby we decipher the whole man." One 
may be cheerful, full of good-natured fun, without being 
loud and boisterous. " In quietness and confidence shall 
be your strength," says the Book of Wisdom. Loud 
laughing, talking, or singing on the street is especially to 
be deprecated. The coarse-tongued, noisy group of men 
or boys in the public highway, though they are sober, is 
hardly more welcome than is the drunkard with his silly 
or maddened jargon. 

Boys should never be so rude as to ring a door-bell, 
and then run away without waiting for the call to be 
answered. It is an unkindness and an insult to the oc- 
cupants of the house, though the mischievous boy may not 



THE GENTLEMAN 31 

mean it as such. The manly boy thinks of the incon- 
venience the call may occasion some one in the house, and 
so chooses other ways of getting his fun. Boston's famous 
preacher, Phillips Brooks, was a man of magnificent 
physique and kindly grace, and quick to embrace any 
opportunity, however humble, to serve another. Once 
he saw a small boy trying hard to ring a door-bell that was 
a trifle high for him. Mr. Brooks offered to assist him, 
giving the bell a ring of considerable vigor. " No sooner 
had he performed this service, than the little fellow said: 
"Now, Brooks, let's scoot!" The genial divine was com- 
pelled, not without some embarrassment, to await the 
answer to the bell, and apologize for his complicity in the 
small boy's rudeness. 

A young man in an Indiana town thought it great 
sport to ring an apothecary's night-bell, and have him 
come to the door and find nobody waiting. The pastime 
was adopted by other roguish youths, until finally the 
apothecary was forced to disconnect the bell. A few 
weeks later, when he was wanted in real earnest, it took a 
long time to convince him of the fact, and the delay cost 
the life of a baby sister of the original joker. 

Never be a " bully. " A more unworthy and unpleasant 
character is seldom met. He is generally a man who has 
been given a position of some responsibility, and who 
uses this to threaten, terrorize, and annoy other persons. 
He is coarse and unkind in spirit, and quite lacking in a 
fine sense of honor and responsibility. Dr. Louis Albert 
Banks, in his excellent book "The Christian Gentleman," 
— a book that any young man would find helpful and in- 
teresting, — relates an incident that graphically portrays 
the difference between a bully and a Christian gentleman. 

"One cold morning," he says, "the Brooklyn end of 



32 GOOD FORM 

the great bridge across East River was thronged with 
business men on their way to their offices in New York. 
Most of them were well-dressed, well-fed people, comfort- 
able in their great warm overcoats, and enjoying the 
morning papers. Just before the bell rang for one train 
to start, a frail man, evidently a German, came panting 
into the car, tugging at a large bundle of overcoats care- 
fully pinned in a piece of black muslin. The linings of the 
coats were folded outside, and were of shining satin. The 
poor fellow who carried them wore a thin cotton coat, 
without any outer garment, and he shivered like a man 
with ague as the cold air swept through the open door of 
the car. He came to a place where three adjoining seats 
were vacant, and with a nice sense of not allowing his 
burden to interfere with his neighbor, the little tailor sank 
into the middle seat, the bundle of coats on his lap pro- 
jecting on either side far enough to cover the adjoining 
seats, but not really interfering with anybody. 

"The brakeman, however, was angry about something, 
or else he was a brute by nature, and came thundering 
into the car, and in a loud voice, harsh enough to attract 
the attention of all from their papers, roared out, 'Tajke 
care of your bundle; I can't have you filling up the whole 
car!' 

"Now the little tailor did not understand one word, 
but the threatening voice and gesture frightened him as it 
would a child ; all he knew was that he had given offense, 
and that it was in some way connected with the coats. 
A frightened, bewildered look came into his face as he 
looked from passengers to brakeman; but there was no 
solution. He looked at the coats and the seats and the 
scowling face above him, and then rose hurriedly, holding 
the coats in his thin arms, which were strained to their 



THE GENTLEMAN 33 

greatest possible length in their efforts to reach around the 
bundle. 

"'Get along out of here with your bundle, blocking 
up the whole car!' growled the big man in the blue coat 
and brass buttons. 

" In sheer fright the little tailor looked about. He did 
not understand a word, but the man's voice and gesture 
said, ' Go ! ' It could not mean that he must leave the car, 
for the car was in motion now, and there w r a"s no chance 
to get off. Bending under the heavy load, he went out on 
the platform, casting an appealing glance backward as 
he went through the door. He crossed to the front plat- 
form of the car behind, and holding the coats lengthwise, 
so that the only glimpse to be seen was the dented and 
shabby hat and the brown misshapen boots, with the 
strained wrists and grimy, thin hands with clasped fingers, 
he took his position against the door-pane. Some smoth- 
ered remark from the brute of a brakeman brought the 
white, frightened face in sight; but the tighter clutch of 
the hands, and the shrinking out of sight of the rest of the 
man behind the satin-lined coats, was the only result. 

"Just at this time a new character came on the scene 
and took part in the drama. From about the center of 
the car a magnificent specimen of American manhood 
stood up leisurely. From the top of the shining silk hat 
to the toes of the shining boots there was the atmosphere 
of the wholesome, prosperous gentleman. One gloved 
hand which grasped the paper he had been reading told 
of a muscular power that came from good blood, good 
feeding, and pure living. He glanced neither to the right 
nor to the left, but with flashing eyes fastened on the brake- 
man's back, went through the door, and standing directly 
in front of the tailor, tapped him gently on the shoulder, 



34 GOOD FORM 

saying pleasantly, 'My friend, put your bundle on this 
gate,' pointing to the closed gate on the inner side of the 
car platform. 

"A frightened glance was flashed in the speaker's face, 
and then at the scowling brakeman, but the tailor did not 
move. 

"Crowding the paper into his pocket, the gentleman 
took the bundle of coats from the tailor's arms and rested 
it on the gate, with a kindly, 'Stand here,' to the tailor, 
who caught at once the meaning that he was to rest his 
bundle on the gate. 

"The poor German, with a face full of smiles of relief, 
took his place beside the bundle, while towering in front 
of him, with a back and shoulders that gave a sense of 
protection against all possible ills, was the new protector. 
The gentleman faced the brakeman, with his silk-lined 
coat thrown back, a rather set look on his face, the tips of 
the fingers of one hand inside of his trousers' pocket, his 
whole attitude, as he faced the cowed and silenced official, 
bringing to the mind of an imaginative onlooker the picture 
of a knight of old with his chivalrous spear at rest. 

"When the train stopped at the New York end of the 
bridge, the tailor and his knightly defender were the last 
to leave the platform. As they parted at the head of the 
stairs, the gloved hand touched the rim of the silk hat to 
the little bent man who was going down the stairs. A face 
radiant answered the salute, but the burdened hands 
made its return impossible." 

Don't fear to say, when necessary, that you can not 
afford a thing. Thomas Hughes said: "The power to say 
4 1 can not afford it' has saved many a youth from poverty, 
strengthened him against temptation, and laid the foun- 
dation for honorable success. Nor need such a young man 



THE GENTLEMAN 35 

become mean and stingy. To be unwilling to waste time 
or to spend money for needless pleasure does not exclude 
a healthful amount of recreation or amusement. These 
things, in fact, must have a place in the reckoning, as well 
as matters of meat and drink and lodging. But many 
useless, wasteful, and harmful expenses will be avoided by 
the young man or woman who, with self-control, is able at 
the right time to say, 'I can not afford it.'" 

Make no noisy splurge over your work. "The sun 
fires no cannon to announce his rising, and blows no trum- 
pet as he melts the winter snows, and clothes the earth in 
the glory of meadow and forest." It is not the noisy 
worker that brings things to pass, that produces results. 

" Did you ever think, my friend, 
As daily you toil and plod 
In the noisy ways of men, 

How still are the ways of God?" 

Make friends with the best of men and books. Re- 
fined associations ennoble and refine the character. 
Many a young man alone in a large city would have 
been saved from a life of sin and degradation if he had 
heeded the following advice given by Nixon Waterman, 
author of "Boy Wanted:" — 

"To a young man away from home, friendless and 
forlorn in a great city, the hours of peril are those between 
sunset and bedtime; for the moon and stars see more of 
evil in a single hour than the sun in his whole day's circuit. 
The poet's visions of evening are all compact of tender and 
soothing images. They bring the wanderer to his home, 
the child to his mother's arms, the ox to his stall, and the 
weary laborer to his rest. But to the gentle-hearted 
youth who is thrown upon the rocks of a pitiless city, 
'homeless amid a thousand homes,' the approaching eve- 



36 GOOD FORM 

ning brings with it an aching sense of loneliness and des- 
olation, which comes down upon the spirit like darkness 
upon the earth. In this mood his best impulses become a 
snare to him; and he is led astray because he is social, 
affectionate, sympathetic, and warm-hearted. If there 
be a young man thus circumstanced, let me say to him 
that books are the friends of the friendless, and that a 
library is the home of the homeless. A taste for reading 
will always carry you into the best possible society, and 
enable you to converse with men who will instruct you by 
their wisdom, and charm you with their wit; who will 
soothe you when fretted, and refresh you when weary." 

Accept reproof and correction graciously. Solomon 
says that reproof gives wisdom. 

Be trustworthy; be dependable. " Confidence in an 
unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, 
and a foot out of joint. " 

Be strong, not weak-kneed. Never allow yourself to 
feel that you are compelled to do a wrong or mean thing. 
When Henry III of France visited Paliss3>-, the aged 
Huguenot prisoner, in his cell in the Bastile, the king said 
to the potter: "My worthy friend, you have been for forty- 
five years in the service of my mother and myself. We 
have suffered you to retain your religion amid fire and 
slaughter. But I am so pressed by the Guises and by my 
people that I find myself compelled to deliver you into 
the hands of your enemies; and to-morrow you will be 
burned at the stake unless you are converted." Palissy 
replied: "Sire, you have told me several times that you 
pity me, and now in my turn, I pity you who have used 
the words, ' I am compelled.' They were not spoken as a 
king; and they are words that neither you, nor the Guises, 
nor the people shall ever make me utter. I can die." 



THE GENTLEMAN 37 

Never be grouty and surly. Be agreeably cheerful 
whatever your perplexities. "Years ago, there came a 
time when it seemed to a certain manufacturer, who is 
now very wealthy, that he would surely fail in business. 
One day when failure seemed imminent, he walked down 
the street deeply depressed ; but meeting an acquaintance, 
thrust his despondency away, and greeted him cheerfully, 
as usual. 

"'Say, what makes you always look so cheerful? 
Don't you ever have anything to trouble you?' 

"'O, yes,' said the manufacturer, 'but to look blue 
doesn't do any good.' 

" ' Well,' said the other, ' I'll tell you what I am going to 
do. I have $20,000 lying idle, and I'm going to get you 
to invest it for me. You are so lucky in business always, 
and so cheerful, I am sure nothing ever fails with you, and 
I want you to invest this money any way you please.' 

"He took this man's money; it was just the amount he 
needed to make his business safe. A year later he paid 
the $20,000 back with generous interest, and his own 
fortune was on a secure basis. His cheerfulness saved 
him." 

A young music teacher met a lonely aged couple in a 
hotel at a summer resort, and she took pains always to 
greet the old lady with a smile, and did other things to 
brighten her hours; and as a result she received $25,000 
when the aged woman's husband died, as an expression of 
gratitude for her cheery smiles. Our smiles and good 
cheer may not bring us such financial rewards, but they 
will at least be worth to us and to others far more than 
the effort required to produce them. 

When sitting at his office desk, the emperor of Germany 
keeps always before him the following rules, which, if 



38 GOOD FORM 

heeded by others, will help to make of them more than 
emperors and kings : — 

"Be strong in pain. 

"To wish for anything that is unattainable is worth- 
less. 

"Be content with the day as it is; look for the good in 
everything. 

"Rejoice in nature and people, and take them as they 
are. 

"For a thousand bitter hours console yourself with one 
that is beautiful. 

"Give from your heart and mind always the best, even 
if you do not receive thanks. He who can learn and prac- 
tise this is indeed a happy, free, and proud one; his life 
will always be beautiful. He who is mistrusting, wrongs 
others and harms himself. 

" It is our duty to believe every one to be good so long as 
we have not the proof to the contrary; the world is so large 
and we ourselves so small that everything can not revolve 
around us. 

"If something damages us, hurts us, who can tell if 
that is not necessary to the welfare of creation?" 

Personal Habits — Some Insistent Don't's 

Do not wear your hat cocked on one side, nor thrust 
back upon your head. One method is "rowdyish, the 
other rustic." 

Do not wear too gay neckties, nor shirts that are con- 
spicuous because of design or color. The same advice 
is even more imperative in regard to hosiery. Plain black 
hose if the shoes are black are always to be preferred. 

Keep your shoes polished. It is better taste to patron- 
ize the home polisher than the high chair on the street. 



THE GENTLEMAN 39 

Keep your coat well brushed, especially the upper 
part, where dandruff is likely to collect. A man who 
appears in public with the collar and upper part of a black 
coat T ;.ell sprinkled with dandruff and loose hair can ill 
afford by carelessness to occasion the feelings on the part 
of those he meets that such a sight invariably produces. 
Especially should teachers and ministers conscientiously 
avoid appearing in public in such an unpresentable con- 
dition. To prevent doing so, one should make use of the 
clothes-brush the last thing before leaving one's room. 
Eau de Quinine is an effective dandruff remover; so are 
frequent massages, and shampoos with cold water. 

Keep a sweet breath. If you do not, you may share 
the sad fate of the noted Disraeli, whose proposal to a fair 
young woman was rejected, it is said, on account of his 
bad breath. A foul-breathed person is a public nuisance. 
A sweet breath results from habitually clean teeth and 
from proper attention to diet and exercise. 

Do not carry your hands in your pockets, nor thrust 
your thumbs into the armholes of your waistcoat. 

Never place your feet upon chair, table, or mantle- 
piece. Be content with the floor or a footstool. 

Avoid mannerisms. They are useless and undignified. 
Hawthorne perhaps exaggerated the seriousness of man- 
nerisms when he said, "God forgives sins, but awkward- 
ness has no forgiveness in heaven or earth;" and yet 
his words suffice to show that the world is slow to over- 
look erratic acts. 

Bathe frequently. The feet should be washed and 
the hose changed daily, if necessary to prevent one's pres- 
ence being made objectionable by the odor of sweaty, 
uncleanly feet and hose. A caller would, of course, feel 
humiliated if he knew that, because of his ill-smelling feet, 



40 GOOD FORM 

the office or drawing-room window was immediately 
thrown open after his departure. But this is frequently 
done. Then, again, the good of a prayer season is not 
infrequently lost to one by the disagreeable odor coming 
from the unclean body of a near-by worshiper. 

Relation to Liquor and Tobacco 

"Evil communications corrupt good manners;" there- 
fore look well to your associates. "Can a man take fire 
in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned?" Avoid 
wine-bibbers especially; "for the drunkard and the glut- 
ton shall come to poverty." If a person suffers him- 
self to associate habitually with wine-bibbers, you may be 
sure that he will in time himself fall heir to the drunkard's 
legacy. Never suffer yourself, then, to yield to the tempter 
so far as to take the first glass. Ninety-five per cent 
of the moderate or occasional drinkers, it is estimated, 
become drunkards in time. Ex-Governor Hanley, of In- 
diana, has given the following reasons why a young man 
should refrain from even an occasional glass of whisky: — ■ 

"The beginner is always confident of his own self- 
control. An occasional drink can do no harm. He can 
take it or let it alone. Its use will never become a habit 
with him. He can do as he wills. Therefore there is no 
danger. The will is too inconstant and too human to be 
safely put to such a test. When it fails, the consequences 
are too far-reaching and too disastrous to be hazarded on so 
uncertain a premise. 

"Just here is the peril. The beginner does not know 
himself. His system, through heredity or other causes 
of which he has taken no account, may utterly lack the 
power to resist the evil effects after he has once imbibed. 
In certain temperaments and in nervously constituted 



THE GENTLEMAN 41 

persons even the smallest indulgence may arouse incli- 
nations and weaken the inhibitory powers of indifference 
and of will, until ruin follows, swift and sure. Occasional 
indulgence becomes frequent. The will is powerless to 
oppose, and the victim unable to abstain even from the 
grossest excess. But, even though a particular individual 
could trust his own will-power with absolute reliance, 
every young man ought still to be a total abstainer. No 
man lives unto himself alone. Whether he wills it so or 
not, he is one of the units of society. Whatever he does 
affects others. He may not measure the consequences 
of his acts solely by their effect upon his own personal life. 
The power of suggestion is tremendous. Example tells. 
In some degree every man is his brother's keeper. He 
himself may escape occasional indulgence without ruin, 
but the acquaintance or the friend who follows his example 
may not. Every non-abstainer, through the force of ex- 
ample, takes on his soul the risk of another's blood; the 
total abstainer, never." 

Sign the temperance pledge, and use your influence 
to get others to sign it. The reasons given by Hon. 
William Jennings Bryan for signing the temperance pledge 
should mean much to every young man. He says one 
should sign a total abstinence pledge — 

"Because it marks the crossing of the line into the 
total-abstinence brotherhood. 

" Because it strengthens one in the hours of temptation. 

"Because it encourages others to abstain. 

" There is nothing humiliating about taking a pledge. 
Every man who becomes a member of a fraternity or 
secret society of any kind binds himself by a solemn obli- 
gation; every person who becomes a naturalized citizen 
takes the oath of allegiance; every official is sworn into 



42 GOOD FORM 

office by subscribing to a pledge to support the Constitu- 
tion, obey the laws, and perform the duties pertaining to 
his office. The church-member takes upon himself certain 
obligations as a condition precedent to membership, and 
marriage is solemnized by an exchange of pledges. The 
husband and wife do not regard it as a sign of weakness 
to enter the holy estate of wedlock by promising fidelity 
to each other in the presence of witnesses. The man who 
verbally declares that he will pay a debt, but refuses to 
put the promise into writing, is not likely to be pointed 
out as an example of honesty; the official who says that he 
intends to perform the duties of his office, but does not want 
to make the promise a matter of record, excites suspicion. 
Why should the man who intends to abstain from intoxi- 
cating liquor refuse to let it be known?" 

Never smoke nor chew tobacco. You pollute your 
breath, clothes, and the air about you, to say nothing of 
the detriment you do your own health. On passing a 
smoker, many persons instinctively turn their head from 
him in disgust. Sometimes a boy or young man gets the 
idea that smoking makes one appear manly. Senator 
Beveridge once said: "You will be very little of a man, 
very little indeed, if you have to resort to liquor or tobacco 
to make you manly;" and the effect of these stimulants is 
not altogether different if you resort to their use for any 
other reason. There is only one text in the Bible that 
permits the use of tobacco, said D. L. Moody, and that is 
found in the last chapter of the New Testament. It 
reads: "He which is filthy, let him be filthy still." 

Boys are quick to see a point — I mean boys who have 
not destroyed their brain power by excessive smoking of 
cigarettes. To such boys the following facts must appeal 
as a strong reason for the non-use of the cigarette: — 



THE GENTLEMAN 43 

All the world likes a boy. The man who said that no 
story nor incident was to him complete without a boy in the 
foreground, voiced the sentiment of many persons. The 
world has no grudge against the boy. Where should we 
get our presidents, generals, explorers, farmers,' engineers, 
merchants, and preachers if it were not for the boys? The 
boy is all right — if he is a genuine, manly, upright boy. 

Now since the country is on good terms with the boy, 
why should so many people, states, and nations be en- 
deavoring to keep the cigarette away from him? The 
trouble must be with the cigarette, else every government in 
Europe would not have enacted some legislation against 
the cigarette, or be considering restrictive measures. 

The general freight agent of a large railway company 
said that eighty-five per cent of the mistakes made in his 
offices by the two hundred clerks were traceable to the 
thirty-two who used cigarettes. 

E. H. Harriman, the late railroad magnate, said that 
"railroads might as well go to a lunatic asylum for the 
employees as to hire cigarette smokers." 

A high official of the Southern Pacific Railway Com- 
pany says: "The Southern Pacific needs bright and am- 
bitious young men, but it has no room for boys who vapor- 
ize their brains with tobacco or blow smoke through their 
nostrils." 

Surgeon-General Rixey "has recommended to the 
Secretary of the Navy that the use of cigarettes be for- 
bidden all persons under twenty-one years of age on board 
ships of the United States Navy. He says that if this 
recommendation is put into effect, the sick records of the 
navy will be smaller, the development of a better physique 
will be fostered, and the general efficiency of the navy 
enhanced." 



44 GOOD FORM 

A governor of Kansas declared that during his term no 
person addicted to drink or to the cigarette habit would be 
retained in the employ of the State. 

The Literary Digest and Everybody's Magazine refuse 
to accept advertisements of cigarettes. 

Now, boys, what can all this talk and legislation mean? 
It must signify that the cigarette is the boy's enemy. 
Wide and intelligent observation has proved that it robs 
him of physical, mental, and moral power. It makes 
him unsteady, listless, and incompetent. An eminent 
author who is a well-known friend of boys says: "Never 
advance the pay of a cigarette smoker; never promote 
him; never trust him." 

Judge Ben B. Lindsey, known as "the boys' judge," 
says: "The cigarette not only has a grip upon boyhood, 
but it invites all the other demons of habit to come and add 
to the degradation. " 

The late Justice David Brewer, of the United States 
Supreme Court, said: "The cigarette is the American 
abomination. No cigarette victim can climb to the top 
of the ladder." 

Thomas A. Edison says: "I can hardly exaggerate the 
dangerous nature of acrolein, and yet that is what a boy 
is dealing with in cigarette smoking." 

Judge Crane, of New York City, says: "I believe 
that the cigarette question should be a national one, and 
the fathers and mothers of the land should be aroused to 
the danger and join together to stamp out the evil." 

An enormous percentage of all male convicts start 
their downward career by smoking and drinking. In one 
prison of six hundred men confined for crimes committed 
under the influence of drink, five hundred testified that 
they began their intemperance by smoking. 



THE GENTLEMAN 45 

Hon. George Torrance, superintendent of the Illinois 
State Reformatory, said: "Out of fifteen hundred boys 
under my care, ninety-two per cent were cigarette smokers 
when convicted, and eighty-five per cent were so addicted 
to their use as to be classed as ' cigarette fiends.' " 

At the Edinburgh reformatory, of eighty boys there 
was not one who had not been a smoker or chewer, and 
most of them had been both. In the reformatory at 
Blakely, near Manchester, out of thirty boys who were 
admitted soon after the opening, twelve had been smokers, 
eight chewers, and ten confessed they had stolen tobacco, 
or money with which to buy it. 

A Glasgow physician stated that scarcely two per cent 
of cases of undergrown boys had not been habitual cigarette 
smokers, and the late chief inspector of recruiting in Man- 
chester said that perhaps a third of the rejections from the 
army in Lancashire might be attributed to smoker's heart. 

James E. Delzell, superintendent of education of 
Nebraska, says, "For twenty years this State has taken 
a stand upon its statutes in regard to teaching the evil 
effects of stimulants and narcotics. This has made the 
position on the tobacco question so plain in Nebraska that 
less than two per cent of the male teachers in the State 
use tobacco in any form, and these only occasionally. 
I know of no public-school man who openly smokes in 
his own district. I am heartily opposed to any school 
man's using tobacco in any form at any time or in any 
place. Our boys are being trained to abstain from the 
use of tobacco on account of its effect on the lungs. As a 
general rule, a tobacco user is a poor athlete, and the boys 
refrain from using it in order that they may be strong in 
athletics." 

The men of this country in a recent year smoked 8,- 



46 GOOD FORM 

500,000,000 cigars, besides many millions of dollars' worth 
of tobacco in pipes ; and the boys and men together smoked 
in three months' time 3,800,000,000 cigarettes, or enough 
in one year to girdle the globe at the equator thirty times. 
The boys were taught to smoke by the example of their 
fathers and of other boys' fathers. And it is a fact that 
has been demonstrated in every State and county in our 
Union that the cigarette does untold harm to the boy. 
Every man must admit that if there had been no smo- 
king men, the cigarette evil among the boys would not have 
existed. We may legislate against the evil; but there are 
many boys still who will be ruined physically and spiri- 
tually by the cigarette. Legislation will not work a com- 
plete reform. The men of this country, including clergy- 
men, deacons, Sunday-school superintendents, teachers, 
and business men, will in the day of God have to share 
the responsibility of the loss to this world and to the next 
of thousands of boys, because by their own example they 
lent their influence to the smoking evil. 

'Twas but one little drop of sin 

We saw this morning enter in, 

And lo! at eventide the world was drowned. 

— John Keble. 



The Home Girl 

Home is the chief school of human virtue. Its responsibili- 
ties, joys, sorrows, smiles, tears, hopes, and solicitudes form the 
chief interest of human life. — Charming. 

Home is the resort 

Of love, of joy, of peace and plenty, where, 
Supporting and supported, polished friends 
And dear relations mingle into bliss. 

— Thomson. 

DE generous in the use of your accomplishments, 
and especially so to those of your own household. 
How ungrateful it is in a young woman who has been 
given the opportunity of a musical education by the hard 
work and self-sacrifice of her parents to refuse to play or 
sing when and whatever her parents may desire her to 
play or sing. She may think their selections "unclas- 
sical" and "old-fashioned;" but what if they are? She 
should acquiesce graciously and gladly in their wishes, 
doing everything possible to add to their pleasure. 

One young girl rushed into the kitchen of her home one 
day with a scowl, and when asked what the trouble was, 
said: "'I came in here to get rid of thumping on that old 
piano. Papa's got some old man in the parlor and wants 
me to entertain him, and I don't want to play, and I won't.' 
And that daughter stayed in the kitchen the entire fore- 
noon rather than please her father, who has spent much 
money on her music lessons." 

Such a person will in time reap a bitter harvest of 
regrets; for such selfishness and unloveliness will have 

47 



48 GOOD FORM 

their effect upon her character, and make her friends few 
in number, and bring trial and perplexity into her life. 
"Thoughtful courtesies, that, beginning in our families, 
extend outside the family circle, help make up the sum of 
life's happiness; and the neglect of these little things makes 
up the sum of life's bitterness and sorrow." "A little 
wrong against another is a great wrong done to ourselves. " 

"A kiss of greeting is sweet and rare 
After the toil of the day, 
But it smooths the furrows out of the care 
And lines on the forehead you once called fair 
In the years that have flown away. 

" 'Tis a little thing to say, ' You are kind,' 
'I love you, my dear,' each night, 
But it sends a thrill through the heart, I find, — 
For love is tender, as love is blind, — 
As we climb life's rugged height." 

Learn to do housework. Even if you are the daughter 
of a Croesus, such knowledge will do you no harm, and may 
possibly be of great service to yourself and others in future 
years. If you can not boast of wealth, then let nothing 
prevent your learning the noble art of housekeeping, 
which includes all phases of domestic economy. A young 
woman twenty years of age recently presented herself for 
service to a sick woman who was in distressing need of 
help. The lady engaged her; but the girl's ignorance of 
everything pertaining to housework was a trial to the 
invalid, and militated greatly against her recovery. The 
lady asked the young woman one morning to bring her a 
poached egg: "What is it?" she asked. She had no 
idea how to cook cereals, or how to perform any household 
duty acceptably. Yet she had a lover, and probably 
thought herself well able to assume the duties of housewife 
at any time he might suggest such a step. But no girl is 



THE HOME GIRL 49 

ready for marriage who does not know how to attend prop- 
erly to the duties demanding attention in a well-ordered 
home. 

Learn to enjoy housework. It will make you a more 
agreeable and a more courteous member of your family. 
Somehow the expression, " \ hate housework," carries 
with it an unsavory sound. Instinctively I think of the 
woman who said she did not "like music, birds, nor chil- 
dren," our Father's best gifts to earth. 

Certainly one so afflicted should be reticent about telling 
others of one's prejudices. Some one made the suggestion 
to a young girl who was emphasizing her dislike for house- 
work that she call it home work; for there is no more beau- 
tiful word in all the world than home, and a home and work 
are inseparable. Longfellow called the every-day cares 
and duties, which we are prone to regard as drudgery, 
"the weights and counterpoises of the clock of time, 
giving its pendulum a true vibration, and regular motion. " 

Don't allow your mother to tax her strength unduly 
in sewing for you. If you find that your taste differs from 
hers, be courteous and kind in making it known. If 
your taste demands extra work from her in the remodeling 
of a gown upon which she has already spent much time, 
then be sure to take some added responsibility upon your- 
self, in order that she may have extra time and strength 
for fulfilling your wishes. Some girls are cruelly thought- 
less in such matters. 

And it is not enough merely to avoid making un- 
necessary demands upon your mother's time and strength ; 
you should take great pains to do things for her pleasure. 
"Pleasing mother," says one writer, "should be a habit 
with all girls. Early in life they should begin the culti- 
vation of thought and effort with reference to the grati- 



50 GOOD FORM 

fication of her wishes, and of making her happy. If they 
would do this, they would find daily opportunities of speak- 
ing kind words, of rendering such helpful service, and 
showing such noble traits of character in dealing with others 
as would gladden the hearts and lighten the cares of mother 
in a way too often little thought of. If girls could but 
realize their indebtedness to their mothers, they would 
certainly be more anxious about pleasing them." 

Don't fail then to celebrate "Mothers' day" more than 
once a year, by endeavoring to make it possible for your 
mother to enjoy some unexpected but long-merited pleas- 
ure, even though it may require the sacrifice of some 
especial pleasure of your own. If this can not be, you can 
at least "make a beautiful climate for her at home," and 
you will be happier yourself; for happiness "is a perfume 
you can not pour on others without getting a few drops 
yourself. " 

Before going up-stairs empty-handed, look about to 
see if there is not something you can take with you that 
will save another's climbing the steps later on. 

Wait on yourself. When anything is lost, do not call 
on John or Mary or mother to find it for you. In general, 
the rule " not to ask others to do for you what you can do 
for yourself" is an excellent one for every young person 
to follow. 

Rudeness to servants should not be tolerated in one- 
self. It is incompatible with true ladyhood. An English 
paper recently offered a prize for the best definition of a 
lady. The following pertinent answer won the prize 
for its author: — 

"To be a lady means, rightly, to be a gentlewoman 
who shows by every word and action a sweet and gentle 
dignity, with a gracious charm of manner; a woman whose 



THE HOME GIRL 51 

heart is pure and true, who is tender toward all suffering, 
who sympathizes with those in trouble and is ever ready to 
give that which costs her some effort and self-denial. 
A lady thinks no work derogatory, and no one is deemed 
too low to receive courtesy and kindness. She is pure 
and good in every detail of life, a true friend, and a ' min- 
istering angel ' in sorrow and in sickness. " " As the sword 
of the best-tempered metal is most flexible, so the- truly 
generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior 
to their inferiors. " 

Don't be vain. "A picture that our fathers and moth- 
ers used to see in their school readers, was that of a peacock 
with his tail outspread and his head turned to look proudly 
over it. Though the vain creature seemed to be utterly 
unconscious of his feet, the artist had not forgotten to 
portray them in all their ungainliness. Beneath the 
picture were the words, ' Peacock, look at your feet.' 
While that picture was in vogue, the words were often 
used to rebuke those who made much of some one natural 
gift, or of a single worthy deed or accomplishment. 

"It is well to have all the beautiful traits one can, but 
it is not well to forget in them one's faults or weaknesses, 
or to think that one's virtues can so overbalance faults 
as to make them of no importance. The curve and the 
circle and the sphere are much more beautiful than ir- 
regular lines and forms; so the life symmetrical, full-orbed, 
is the ideal life. " 

Learn to be helpful. This means a readiness to give 
one's effort to the little daily tasks and duties that present 
themselves in every relation of life. The last work of the 
late famous Saint-Gaudens was the sculpturing of a statue 
of Phillips Brooks, which was unveiled in Trinity Church, 
Boston, Massachusetts. It represents Mr. Brooks as 



52 GOOD FORM 

standing in his pulpit in a characteristic attitude, while 
behind him, his hand resting on the minister's shoulder, 
is a figure of the Christ, his inspirer. She who feels the 
constant quickening touch of that hand which alone can 
make one effective in work, renders to the world in her 
daily ministrations in the home a service second to no 
other. 

Do not be too ready to ask others to do errands or other 
favors for you. You can not tell what an inconvenience 
it may be to your friend under the particular circumstances 
that confront her at the time. A young business girl 
remarked, on recognizing the familiar handwriting of a 
friend as she was handed a letter: "I wonder what Erne 
wants now. She never writes me except when she wants 
something." She glanced over the hastily written lines, 
and smiled as she said: "O, it's something quite easy this 
time! I was afraid she might be going to ask me to match 
a fragment of silk that she bought last year, or get her a 
book whose title she didn't know, or do an errand for her 
away out on the other side of the city. She has asked me 
to do every one of those things at different times." Yet 
if you are always ready to accommodate others when 
possible to do so, you will find them quite willing to accom- 
modate you in all reasonable things. 

To give way to temper when things do not go to suit 
you is both undignified and discourteous. Don't pout 
and sulk. Such exhibitions of temper are beneath woman- 
hood and manhood, and do much to darken the lives of 
those about the one who indulges in such puerile and un- 
becoming actions. 

Slight inaccuracies in the statements of a person 
should not be corrected by one in the presence of others. 

This world is a world of progress. Men and women 



THE HOME GIRL 53 

grow. New ideas, plans, methods, inventions, ma- 
terialize in a day. Things that yesterday were con- 
sidered facts are to-day disproved, and the unimagi- 
nable and impossible become practical realities. This 
being the case, it becomes no person to be too positive 
in his judgments. This is why the most learned the 
most wise, are often the most reticent. But especially 
unbecoming is it in the youth, those lacking both ex- 
perience and years, to be too positive in their assertions. 
Young girls are frequently given to speaking in italics 
in common conversation. One may be mistaken; and 
the more emphatic one has been in one's statements, the 
harder it is to retract them. 

Where men of judgment creep and feel their way, 
The positive pronounce without dismay. 

— Cow per. 

Carry your umbrella and rain-coat when there is any 
probability of your needing protection from rain. Don't 
shirk this task, hoping, if not deliberately planning, to 
share your neighbor's in case of a shower. One umbrella 
is wholly inadequate for two in a severe rain; so you 
or your neighbor or both must suffer as the result of 
your neglect. It is an unpardonable imposition thus to 
compel one to share with you one's own means of pro- 
tection. 

Refrain in public from scratching the head or any other 
part of the body. 

Do not receive callers, nor appear in public halls of a 
boarding-house, in a kimono. "The kimono is a lounging 
robe, and is associated with the toilet, and a really refined 
woman remembers the fact, and does not allow herself to 
be seen in it except by her family, unless in one of those 
emergencies that excuse everything. " 



54 GOOD FORM 

Don't stand nor sit with the arms akimbo, that is, with 
the hands on your hips. A young woman said to another, 
who happened to have her hand resting on her hip: "That 
is the only unbecoming thing I ever saw you do." The 
young woman in question committed other breaches of 
etiquette, but in future she avoided that one. 

Don't cross your knees on sitting down. At the St. 
Louis Exposition a young woman from one of our leading 
cities was asked to give a selection in Festival Hall on 
Maryland day. The audience was to be addressed by 
President Francis, Governor Warfield of Maryland, and 
other leading men. This young woman, gowned in her 
laces and trailing robes, was escorted by an official to the 
platform, which was several feet higher than the seats of 
the auditors. She occupied a chair in the front row on 
the elevated platform. After speaking in a very affected 
way her little piece, she took her seat, and energetically 
threw one leg over the other. A more undignified and 
inappropriate procedure could hardly be imagined. Such 
an attitude in public is always highly inappropriate for a 
lady. One of the dailies in our national capital denounces 
it as barbaric, and yet girls persist in taking this posture. 

Don't twist your foot when standing. Let your feet 
rest solidly upon the floor, A young girl was rehearsing 
a poem she was to speak at a public gathering. It was not 
a long recitation, but while standing she turned her foot 
over twenty-five times. Such a thoughtless proceeding, 
if it had passed uncorrected, would have destroyed the 
effect of her recitation. One suggestion, however, was 
sufficient to correct the evil. Cultivate repose. 

Don't unduly exalt yourself by sitting upon shelves, 
tables, or boxes, and swinging your feet off. Such an 
attitude is beneath the dignity of the well-bred girl. 



THE HOME GIRL 55 

Don't sit with knees spread apart. Place neither 
the hands, umbrella, nor any package between the knees. 

A good carriage of the body is essential to one's health 
and appearance. " Grace is to the body what good sense 
is to the mind." Economy of muscular effort and grace 
and ease of movement are the results of maintaining 
habitually proper standing and sitting positions. A few 
simple rules carried out will secure this desirable end : — 

In standing carry the weight on both feet; lean forward 
from the ankles; carry the upper chest high and well for- 
ward; keep the chin down and back. 

In walking allow the leg to swing freely from the hip ; 
keep the head well poised; make the upper chest lead, and 
not the head or abdomen. 

In sitting sit well back in the chair; keep the chest up, 
and back straight; lean forward from the hip-joint; do not 
curve the back. 

In stooping to pick up an object from the floor, bend 
at the knees, and not at the back. 

True courtesy has acute discriminative power. It 
observes infinitesimals. For example, it calls the men 
who deliver mail, groceries, fresh vegetables, and eggs 
by their individual names, instead of always referring to 
them as " the mail man," or even "postman," "storeman," 
"vegetable man," and "egg man." One woman in 
speaking of this custom so common among us, tells how 
her attention was first called to the thoughtless discourtesy 
thus done those who serve us so acceptably. She said : — 

"One day, soon after we had moved out to the sub- 
urbs, the postman handed me a card with his name and 
address and the time of collections and deliveries neatly 
printed on it. ' Sometime you might want to call out to 
me,' he said, with a twinkle in his eyes, 'and it isn't 



56 GOOD FORM 

pleasant for a lady to have to say, "Hey, there!" so I 
thought I'd just leave you one of my cards.' 

"It was a sensible thing to do, but I couldn't help 
thinking that under it all lay a sensitive feeling that he'd 
like to be recognized as an individual. And I took the 
first opportunity to address him as Mr. Wiley." 

Be a sister in the truest and highest sense of the word 
to your younger brothers and sisters. Be patient with 
them, answering their questions, counseling them by 
precept and example. Be interested and helpful in their 
plays and small tasks. Be gentle, be courteous. 

"If I were a girl, a bright, winsome girl, 

Just leaving my childhood behind, 
I would be so neat from my head to my feet 

That never a fault could one find. 
So helpful to mother, so gentle to brother, 

I'd have things so cheery and sweet 
That the streets and their glare could never compare 

With the charms of the home so replete." 

Be as willing "to lighten your father's cares as his 
pocket. " "Think your brother is as fine a fellow as some 
other girl's brother, and act accordingly." Many towns 
of France have the custom of crowning with a wreath of 
roses the young woman who distinguishes herself for her 
kindness to her family, for her virtue, and for her close 
application to her work. One city presents a gift of one 
hundred twenty dollars each year to the winner of the 
prize. But Heaven's way of recognizing the worth of such 
characteristics is to give to each possessor of these worthy 
traits a reward of infinite value. 

If you are not always cheerful, can not say "All right" 
at all times, to all things, remember grace and grit can 
change the most sour, scowling, grouchy, morose spirit 
into an habitually cheerful, happy disposition. It can 



THE HOME GIRL 57 

cause any disagreeable circumstance to be met with 
agreeableness. Some persons seem naturally to possess 
this happy gift; but to some it can only come through the 
possession of a large measure of grace and grit. It will 
come easier now than when you are older. Do not allow 
failure to come to you year after year. Why not grittily 
and prayerfully acquire this trait now, and let it brighten 
your own life and that of others all through the years? 
Grace and grit can make you beautifully happy; can get 
you into such a peaceful state of mind that unexpected 
unpleasantnesses and annoying experiences can all be 
received with the magic words, "It is all right." 

If you are inclined to take your ease; to plead the 
excuse, " I have not time," when you have all the time there 
is; if you are inclined to refuse to help do this and that for 
others' convenience or service, remember that self-ease 
is destructive of all beauty. Of course, one must not 
overwork, yet, after all, there is not nearly so much danger 
of this as we sometimes fear. Grace in the heart is a 
wholesome stimulant that buoys up and strengthens 
spirit and body. Then be ready to serve; be ready to 
serve at the humblest task. 

If you are ever given the honor of representing an or- 
ganization at a convention, and are entertained in a private 
home as one of the delegates, exercise extreme care not to 
make your presence objectionable by rude and selfish 
behavior. There are all kinds of delegates. "The noisy 
girl who throws her shoes across the room at twelve 
o'clock at night, and keeps her roommate and all the mem- 
bers of the family, including a feeble woman, awake until 
after two o'clock by her laughing and talking; the young 
man and woman who apparently have no interest in any 
one or anything except in each other, who take their 



58 GOOD FORM 

meals at the same restaurant, stroll about town until late 
at night; the young girl who writes her hostess an appre- 
ciative note after her return home; a prominent speaker 
of the convention, who makes himself one of a family of 
four children so completely that both parents and chil- 
dren regret that he can not stay longer; the young men 
who care for their own room, use their own towels, wipe 
the dishes so their hostess may attend the service, and 
exercise great care not to disturb the household if they 
return to the home at a late hour," — all these, as a rule, 
are at every convention. Be the kind of delegate that 
you would like to entertain. 

Acquaint yourself early with high ideals of woman- 
hood, and of its responsibilities and possibilities. Then 
direct your full effort toward the attainment of these 
ideals. No place offers wider opportunities for cultivating 
the essentials of beautiful womanhood than does the home. 
Make use of all these opportunities by being tenderly 
solicitous of the welfare of every member of the home, 
by expressing this solicitude in earnest service and thought- 
ful courtesies, and by maintaining a constant wholesome 
cheerfulness that makes life a joy to others, and keeps 
your own heart full of brightness. 

Having thus given first place to the essentials, remem- 
ber the accomplishments. The ability to play well on 
some musical instrument and to sing acceptably; the 
power to converse creditably, which implies intelligent 
reading; and the gift of entertaining graciously, which 
requires an intimate knowledge of the conventions of 
good society, are worth striving for, even amid weariness 
and a multitude of cares. 



The Schoolgirl 



What better school for manners than the company of vir- 
tuous women? — David Hume. 

"Her voice was ever sweet, gentle, and low; an excellent 
thing in woman. " 

I hate to see a thing done by halves; if it be right, do it 
boldly; if it be wrong, leave it undone. — Gilpin. 

A child no more ! a maiden now — 
A graceful maiden, with a gentle brow, 
A cheek tinged lightly, and a dove-like eye; 
And all hearts bless her as she passes by. 

— Mary Howitt. 

\X^THAT is wrong with the girls?" asked a friend of a 
mother who had just returned with her daughter 
from a college in which she had intended to place the young 
woman. 

'"Nothing was w T rong,' replied the mother. 'If there 
had been any question of morals in the case, I should not 
have hesitated to trust Mary to stand her ground. But 
bad manners are more subtly contagious than bad morals. 
Education of the mind is good, but unless it goes hand in 
hand with breeding in gentle manners, it makes scholars 
who are neither good citizens nor sweet women; and I 
want none of such in my family.'" 

Francis E. Clark, founder of the Christian Endeavor 
Society, says that "on the cars and on the streets he sees 
more rudeness of behavior, less respect for others, and 
more indifference to the general public welfare among the 
high-school girls than among the boys. " This is a hard 

59 



60 GOOD FORM 

saying; and coming as it does from one who has opportu- 
nity for wide observation, and who, it must be conceded, 
has a disposition to judge generously, it should cause 
every well-meaning and self-respecting schoolgirl to look 
well to herself lest she fail in maintaining habitually a 
becoming decorum. 

Be modest and reserved. Spurgeon said, "A maid's 
best dress is bashfulness." Eschew all familiarity with 
your boy schoolmates. Treat your teachers with con- 
sideration and deference. Be kind, helpful, and courte- 
ous to the poorest member of your school. Speak pleas- 
antly, gently. Even though your feelings may be ruffled, 
let not the voice betray the fact. "Auntie, " said a little 
girl, "if all the folks in the world should think their cross 
thoughts out loud, what a racket there would be!" So 
many of the cross thoughts are spoken aloud, that to 
heaven earth must seem a continual babel. There is not 
one of us but would be ashamed to have our friends find 
us mixed up in a street brawl, and yet it may be that we 
are often counted by angels as having a part in the babel 
of unkind, sharp, stinging, criminal, accusing words that 
daily ascend to heaven. 

A person who has control over his physical being, who 
stands erect, has a graceful carriage of the body, with every 
organ in good condition and subservient to his will, finds 
admirers everywhere, and justly, too. But how much 
more praise does one deserve who has control of one's 
spirit! 

Don't be in too great haste to "keep company" with 
young men. Be content to get your education first, or 
at least to get well started in that endeavor. Mr. W. D. 
Upshaw, editor of the Golden Age, received a letter from a 
young girl asking his opinion on the propriety of a girl 



THE SCHOOLGIRL 61 

while in school "keeping company" with young men. 
He gave a response to her inquiry that is worthy of con- 
sideration by many other schoolgirls. He says: — 

"Sixteen is too early an age for a girl to be getting 
involved in affairs of the heart, as she is likely to do if she 
keeps the company of young men. Nothing so quickly 
robs a girl of her flowerlike freshness of heart and face as 
prematurely engaging in the emotions that belong to a 
riper period. You will lose nothing by waiting. Young 
men will respect you more, and your neighbors and friends 
will look on you with added esteem. Boys always value 
a girl who is kept within the pale of reserve. It cheapens 
a girl in the eyes of everybody when she begins early to 
have 'beaux.' There will doubtless be special occasions 
when you can go out with some young man in company 
with older women friends, or when your mother is of the 
party. It is an excellent custom — that of having a chap- 
eron for a party of young people." 

Plan to make the most of holidays and vacations. 
This does not mean to shut oneself up in the house and 
pore over some book or some piece of work. By no means ! 
One young woman planned the following program for her 
vacation, and it is one that any girl can follow with both 
profit and pleasure if she so desires : — 

"This is to be a getting-ahead vacation for me," said 
a freshman girl, with a glad ring in her voice, a short time 
before the school year's end. 

"A getting-ahead vacation? You don't mean you're 
going to study, do you?" asked her friend, almost in 
dismay. 

"No, not the old text-books; but I mean to keep my- 
self open to information and culture in ways not possible 
in school. I'm going to know some of my most cultured 



62 GOOD FORM 

friends better than I do. I expect to become better ac- 
quainted with some very humble and sincere people in 
our parish, get more closely into touch with their side of 
life. I mean to live as much as possible in 'God's out- 
of-doors,' not only for the sake of health, but for the sake 
of breadth of mind and heart culture. I mean to pay 
particular attention to my manners and habits, and I'll 
delve into the best literature now and then. Besides, I 
mean to give a little more attention than I can when in 
school to church and Sabbath-school privileges." 

Don't forget your benefactors. Show them every 
little thoughtful courtesy. Dr. Len G. Broughton tells 
of a young girl whom a friend of his educated. The 
pathetic story of the girl's ingratitude, as related by Dr. 
Broughton's friend, follows: — 

"I had a bit of experience that I never shall forget. 
I came across a girl who had just finished the high school. 
Her father was a blacksmith, one of the poorest men in 
the community, and people said that she was the brightest 
child in the school, and it was such a pity that her father 
was not able to educate her. I went to him, and said: 
1 Will you let me have this child for four years? I will 
send her through college, and give her the education she 
wants.' The father consented. So I took charge of 
the girl for four years and graduated her, and paid every 
dollar of the expense. 

"When she got out of school, she became a veritable 
butterfly, light-headed and frivolous. She finally married, 
and never even thought enough of me to invite me to her 
wedding; and has never written me a line since the day 
she married, nor sent me a message. Actually I had 
become so wrapped up in the child that I loved her almost 
with a father's affection, and for a long time the thing 



THE SCHOOLGIRL 63 

burned in my soul; but after a while I began to feel, 
'Well, I got the blessing; for I never did enjoy anything 
as I did sending that money to pay her expenses. I got 
enough out of four years to last. Never mind whether I 
ever hear from her or not.' " 

It is well to remember that courtesy is the best of de- 
fenses against discourtesy. One writer says: "If a girl 
wants to be shown genuine courtesy by her young man 
friends, such as springs from hearts, and such as 'big boys' 
enjoy showing, she herself needs to take heed to her way 
of accepting polite attentions. Negatively, she must not 
demand them, nor make it a point to see how many favors 
she can win from her associates, nor must she act as if she 
had a special claim on their gallantry. Positively, she 
should cultivate the spirit of genuine gratitude in her 
own heart, and seek to express it in simple ways ; she must 
be willing to do all she can for herself as gracefully and un- 
obtrusively as possible. Always, always, she must be 
ready to offer such little civilities as are possible and ap- 
propriate for a girl to offer. When a girl goes about simply, 
freely, in this spirit, she is both a receiver and a giver of 
happiness in her social relations with her brother and her 
brother's friends." 

Secret Societies 

Beware of secret societies. Francis E. Clark says: — 
"Probably the most foolish and wicked institutions 
connected with our high schools are many of the secret 
societies to which the boys and girls belong. The case 
of the girl who became a nervous wreck and practically 
insane through the initiatory ceremonies of one of the 
sororities is still fresh in the public mind, and the ' ritual ' 
of initiation in this school has been made public. It is 



64 GOOD FORM 

not only foolish, but disgusting. This young girl was 
tortured with a fiendish ingenuity scarcely equaled in the 
torture chamber of Nuremburg. Of course, some girls, 
perhaps the majority, can stand such treatment and come 
out physically little the worse for it; but others, more 
delicately constituted, will be injured for life; and all, 
particularly those who inflict these tortures, will be coars- 
ened, their sensibilities blunted, and their whole nature 
degraded." 

The open life is always be to preferred to the secret. 
It is said of Gladstone that "no man ever had fewer se- 
crets." Tennyson said of the Duke of Wellington, 
"Whatever record leaps to light, he never shall be 
shamed." Schoolgirls should have no dark chambers 
in their lives. 

The Unfinished Task 

"Keen at the start, but careless at the end," is de- 
scriptive of the way too many persons work. A business 
man asked another if a certain person could be recom- 
mended as a workman. "Well, he's a first-rate beginner," 
was the response. Beginners only, are not those who do 
the world's work. An unfinished task nearly always de- 
mands the attention finally of some one upon whom the 
beginner has no right to cast the extra burden. The 
following pertinent comment on this prevalent habit of 
leaving things unfinished should be received as an ad- 
monition by those inclined to weary before completing a 
task : — 

"There are girls who never can write 'finished' after 
anything. They have quantities of uncompleted pieces 
of fancy work lying around ; a book is never read through ; 
in school one study after another is taken up, only to be 



THE SCHOOLGIRL 65 

abandoned when half mastered. Even in pleasures and 
amusements they never become skilled in any one sport. 
In seeking a business career it is the same. One thing 
after another is started with ardent enthusiasm, but soon 
there are whisperings of a missed vocation, interest lags, 
and a change to something else is made. Don't do it, 
girls; don't turn back. Nothing is so fatal to stability 
of character as leaving unfinished threads in life's web. 
Learn to hold on. Stick-to-it-iveness is what you need 
unless you are to reckon with a life full of half-finished 
tasks. " 

Count well the cost before beginning a task or work; 
and having once begun it, see that it is well finished. Mr. 
James Buckham in the following paragraphs shows the 
serious side of the "dropping" evil: — 

"The girl who gets in the way of 'dropping things' 
simply because they require mental grit, is never safe 
when she encounters things that require moral grit. A 
loose texture of the mind is apt to induce a loose texture 
of the soul. One would expect a coward on the intellectual 
side to be, sooner or later, a coward on the moral side. 

"Let the girl of high moral standards and ideals, and 
especially the girl of sincere religious consecration, beware 
how she yields to the seductive temptation to abandon 
hard things of any kind in favor of easy things, to abandon 
them simply because they are hard and demand the stren- 
uous qualities of life. Each yielding of this sort is so much 
weakening of the moral fiber, so much disintegration of 
the common substance of character. Keep life and char- 
acter whole ; let it be all one substance, one quality, from 
root to flower. That is the secret of the simplicity and 
beauty and consistency of the life that is faithfully pat- 
terned after Christ's." 



"A gracious woman retaineth honor.** 

He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, 
and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause. — 
H. W. Beecher. 

To be humble to superiors is duty; to equals is courtesy; 
to inferiors is nobleness; and to all, safety; it being a virtue that* 
for all her lowliness, commandeth those souls it stoops to. — 
Sir Thomas More. 



The Business Girl 

"Small things talk loud." 

" Dignity is an invaluable asset to the business woman." 

"Good manners are the shadows of virtues, if not virtues 
themselves." 

A WELL-KNOWN business paper gives the following 
pertinent hints for the business girl : — 

"When starting out to earn your own living, don't 
think you know it all; there are a few who know very 
nearly as much as you do. 

"When you enter an office or business house for the 
first time, do exactly as you are told; don't ask too many 
questions; use your eyes and see what is to be done. 

"Don't visit with your employer; he doesn't hire you 
to entertain him. 

" Be on time — f you lose an arm to do it; get to busi- 
ness on time above all else; don't be two minutes late. 

" If you promise to do a thing at a ce. ain time, do it; 
do as you promise. Thousands of dollars have been lost 
because some one failed to do as he agreed. 

"Don't have friends constantly calling you on the 
telephone; the instrument was put into the office for busi- 
ness, not for visiting. 

"Don't think that because your employer is sitting 
at his desk and apparently doing nothing, he wants you to 
talk to him ; sometimes his mind is on a weighty problem, 
and he doesn't need your help in planning it out. 

67 



68 GOOD FORM 

"Be pleasant as soon as you step inside the office; no- 
body wants to know about your troubles. Your time is 
not your own; it belongs to your employer, and he doesn't 
hire you to look gloomy." 

"From the moment you enter the office until you leave 
it, attend solely to your duty. When you have finished 
attending to your duties, leave the office. The habit of 
lingering after business hours to chat with the young men 
in the office is a bad one. " "A business office is not the 
place for fun and social conversation. If young men 
wish to talk to you, they should seek you in your own home. 
Chatting will not raise you in your employer's estimation. 
No matter how great your friendship with one of your 
fellow workers, treat him during office hours as you would 
a comparative stranger. There is no reason why you 
should not be cordial and pleasant toward the men with 
whom you come in daily contact, but never allow the slight- 
est liberty or familiarity. 

"Accept no presents from your business associates; 
and if a married man begins to show you more than or- 
dinary courtesy, keep away from him. 

If you are a shop-girl, be patient and courteous, how- 
ever trying customers may be. Be as courteous to those 
who do not make purchases as to those who do. American 
women shoppers are not always so thoughtful and cour- 
teous as they should be; some may be brusque and un- 
reasonable, but it is well if the clerk can overlook this and 
be respectful and courteous under all circumstances. 

Altercations in public with clerks, shopkeepers, or 
servants are not good form. 

Be chary of your use of perfume. A small amount of 
delicate cologne is permissible, but much strong perfume 
is vulgar. 



THE BUSINESS GIRL 69 

When living at a private house it is not the correct 
thing to lock your door and carry away the key unless 
you have been given permission to do this by the land- 
lady. 

If you are visiting or boarding at a private home, take 
pains to let your hostess or landlady know when you are 
going to dine out ; also give ample forewarning of a coming 
guest. 

Whether living in a private home or in a public board- 
ing and rooming institution, always leave the bath-tub 
clean after taking your bath. You will never forget 
this important task unless you are indifferent to the 
unpleasant reflections that involuntarily come to others 
on observing the tub left just as you emerged from it. 

Don't monopolize the bath-room to the inconvenience 
and discomfort of other roomers. 

Pay your housemaid when her wages are due. Pay 
your laundress and dressmaker when work is delivered. 
Don't fail to do this. It is an unkindness, and therefore 
a discourtesy, to be negligent about meeting such obli- 
gations. Pay your bills before buying things for your 
own pleasure. Your creditor may need the money for 
the necessities of life. 

Wilt thou seal up the avenues of ill? 
Pay every debt as if God wrote the bill. 

— Emerson. 

If a stranger takes occasion to be polite to one during 
a street-car accident, all that is necessary is a polite 
"Thank you." 

If a man is courteous enough to open the door of a 
store or any public building for you, don't forget to 
thank him. 

The girl who holds or is seeking for a position as 



70 GOOD FORM 

stenographer, saleswoman, or bookkeeper, that is, the 
would-be business girl, is in special danger of being de- 
coyed into the hands of the "white slave" dealer. She 
must therefore be cautious, and alert to every proposition 
that might endanger her virtue or liberty. She must not 
answer advertisements to unfamiliar establishments un- 
chaperoned. 

Everywhere the dishonest, suave politician, with his 
bag of gold, lies in wait for the unsuspecting statesman ; the 
liquor dealer decoys innocent children into the saloon 
play-rooms, where an appetite for intoxicants is created 
by treats of doped candy and diluted wine and beer; and 
agents lurk in every part of our globe to lure, by deceptive 
promises, worthy girls into a life of shame. In our country 
alone, sixty thousand girls, it is estimated, are lost every 
year to home and virtue. 

Hundreds of European girls "are lured, by specious 
stories of gold and ease, from their country homes to 
America, and conducted straight from immigrant vessels 
to brothels, where they are kept prisoners to serve the 
passions of men. " A pretty peasant girl makes the ac- 
quaintance of " a rich American lady " traveling in Europe, 
who apparently takes a great fancy to the girl. The 
parents are flattered, the girl is pleased, and when the 
"lady" is about to depart, she tells the girl she will send 
her money sometime to come to America and visit her; 
and true to her word, in due time the letter goes contain- 
ing a check. The young girl eagerly makes the prepara- 
tions for her anticipated visit, and in time steps from the 
vessel at New York, not to be met by her friend, the 
"lovely American lady," but by a strange man, who 
conducts her direct to a brothel. Here her street clothes 
are taken from her, and she is a life prisoner. 



THE BUSINESS GIRL 71 

The National Prohibitionist, of Chicago, gave the 
following account of one young girl who was decoyed 
away from friends upon false promises : — ■ 

"A French-Canadian orphan girl nineteen years old, 
living with an aunt in Montreal, met an elegantly dressed, 
fashionable French woman from Chicago, posing as a lady 
of high degree. The girl was poor, and this French woman 
offered her a position of ease and luxury as her ' companion 
and daughter.' Though the uncle, with sturdy common 
sense, was suspicious and distrustful, the aunt consented, 
and the girl came to Chicago with her newly found friend. 

"In Chicago it took but a few days to change the 
mask, and she found herself, not in the position of com- 
panion to a wealthy lady of fashion, but a drudge to a 
grim old 'madame' — the drudgery systematically piled 
on, while the allurements of ease and pleasure that could 
be had, by merely yielding to the invitation of vice, were 
constantly paraded before her. 

"Why didn't she leave? 

"Just review for yourself the circumstances, and answer 
the question. Friendless in a great city, unable even to 
speak the language of those around her, practically penni- 
less, her very clothes under the lock and key of her owner 
— why didn't she? 

" But at length the situation grew desperate. Hidden, 
unsuspected, behind a door, she heard her owner sell her 
for a price, and arrange for her delivery; and, with only 
five dollars chat she had managed to save from the little 
store she brought from home, and a few clothes that she 
got by stealth from her trunk, she fled out into the heart- 
less city. 

" Perhaps you think her lot hard. No, she was almost 
unbelievably fortunate. To have been for months in 



72 GOOD FORM 

such a den, at the mercy of such brutes, and not to have 
experienced compulsion and violence, such as thousands 
of other girls have experienced, was a miracle. 

"With nothing to guide her, the poor girl found a 
room in a neighborhood that looked good, and, little by 
little, the five dollars melted away, while she lived on 
crusts; and the few clothes, almost to the last garment, 
went to the pawn-shop. Then she fell sick of exposure 
and starvation, and the kind-hearted woman in whose 
house she was, learned her story. Friends were found 
for her, the tardy arm of the law was roused to reach out 
after the girl-thief; and shortly after, as by a miracle, she 
went back to her home no worse for her experience." 

Many another innocent country or village girl has 
been enticed from her home by some "nice young man," 
who went to her village for no other purpose than to make 
love to some unsuspecting girl, to go through a make- 
believe marriage ceremony, and then deliver her over to 
" the madame. " Or he may represent himself as an agent 
for a theatrical company and offer girls a place on the 
stage at a good salary; or he may offer them positions as 
stenographers or clerks. Only last May (1910) the head of 
a gang of slave-dealers in New York City, said that "a 
year ago he could furnish as many girls as anybody wanted 
at from five dollars to ten dollars a head." He boasted 
that he had sold herds of girls at such prices, to be taken 
away to the West to die in the lust markets of mines, 
lumber camps, and city ports. But since the recent 
agitation of the white slave trade, the risk was so great 
that he has had to charge a heavier price. 

The story of Estelle Raymond, a beautiful Kentucky 
girl, has recently been made public in a book entitled 
"War on the White Slave Trade," 



THE BUSINESS GIRL 73 

This young woman was of good parentage. She had 
been her father's companion and idol from babyhood 
days. Mr. Raymond was a good-looking, honest, hard- 
working man from the mountains; his wife was an accom- 
plished woman, inclined, however, to too great fondness 
for " society. " Although her husband was doing well on 
the farm, she chafed under the conditions imposed by 
such a life, and was always longing for the city. When 
Estelle was old enough to express a choice, she chose 
the farm to the city, so Mrs. Raymond released her hus- 
band from his promise to leave the farm when Estelle 
was old enough to go to school. 

Estelle in her teens was both beautiful and gifted. 
At the age of seventeen she was an accomplished pianist. 
Her influence in the church and Sunday-school was strong 
for the right. 

William Scott, the son of a near neighbor of the Ray- 
monds, was a young man of sterling worth. He and 
Estelle had been playmates and friends from childhood 
days. And even in youth they plighted each other their 
love, and promised to be true during the years to follow. 

Their fondness for each other was discerned by the 
parents. The mother was incensed at the thought, while 
the father felt that he could trust Estelle to no better 
person than young William Scott. The mother's pride 
longed and determined that her gifted daughter's heart 
and hand should be given to some gentleman of city man- 
ners, who could introduce her into society. So intense 
were her feelings that William Scott was denied the priv- 
ilege of calling on Estelle. 

About this time Mr. Raymond met his death while 
floating a raft of logs down the Cumberland River to 
Nashville. His last words, "William, I'm gone; promise 



74 GOOD FORM 

me you will take care of Estelle, " brought forth the soul 
response from him who was endeavoring to rescue the 
drowning father, " I swear to you that I will do it. " 

About a year after the death of Mr. Raymond, a well- 
dressed and handsome young man came into the Raymond 
neighborhood. He represented himself as an artist, having 
come to make sketches of the beautiful scenery along the 
Cumberland. He was affable, courte6us, and entertain- 
ing; and talked much of his own importance and his 
society connections. He apparently became greatly in- 
terested in Estelle, much to the satisfaction of Mrs. Ray- 
mond; and was not slow in expressing admiration and 
love. Gradually he and the mother won Estelle to their 
way of thinking, though it was not without misgiving 
that she gave up William Scott. The wedding day was 
hastened. 

The old homestead and the father's insurance money 
gave them the sum of eight thousand dollars in cash. 
This the mother turned over to her prospective son-in- 
law; for it was planned that as soon as the marriage cere- 
mony was performed, he and Estelle would go to Cin- 
cinnati and purchase a home, while Mrs. Raymond re- 
mained behind visiting friends for a short time. 

They went to Cincinnati, but no home was purchased. 
Three weeks passed, and Estelle became alarmed, and 
told her husband he must either get the home or take her 
back to her mother. He shortly after this claimed that 
he was called to Cleveland by telegram, so told her they 
would go there and look for a home. Here she was taken 
to a house of ill fame. There her husband informed her 
that "he was done with her, that he was very grateful 
for the eight thousand dollars, and that he hoped she 
would have a good time with the madame." Estelle 



THE BUSINESS GIRL 75 

fainted, and he fled, and was never heard of again. In 
vain were the girl's pleadings for freedom. She had been 
sold for fifty dollars to the woman who kept this house; 
so Estelle was a prisoner as long as keys and iron bars 
could keep her. 

Long weeks had passed since she left Somerset. Her 
mother, during this time, had no word from her. The 
terrible suspense and fear drove her to madness, from 
which she never recovered. 

When it became quite certain that Estelle had been 
made a victim of the artist fiend, William Scott began to 
search for her with detectives. Day and night, from city 
to city, for weeks this devoted young man searched for 
the young woman. Just as he was despairing of ever 
finding her, he overheard the conversation of some gam- 
blers in a hotel. He caught enough of the conversation 
to assure himself that Estelle was in Cleveland, Ohio. 
After a brave search, and by wise strategy, he succeeded 
in rescuing her. 

The sorrow, shame, and suffering crowded into those 
months were so deeply written upon her face that the joy 
of freedom from her hellish prison could scarcely restore 
her former beauty and vivacious spirit. 

Not many innocent girls similarly victimized find a 
rescurer. Hence the importance of being on one's guard 
to avoid being entrapped by the satanic agents. 

The pathetic story of Estelle Raymond points a lesson 
to both mothers and daughters. 

The story of another young girl who recently died has 
been given to the world. Being left an orphan, she felt 
discontented under the restraints of an older sister, so 
determined to seek work whereby she could make her 
own living. She was a bright, intelligent, well-bred girl. 



76 GOOD FORM 

She "entered the employ of a man whose family and busi- 
ness standing gave her reason to believe she could trust 
him. " He treated her as a true friend and a gentleman. 
She had perfect confidence in his integrity of character, 
When she had to secure another place to work, he recom- 
mended her to a certain woman. She went there, and 
was engaged on the recommendation of this supposed 
gentleman, and too late found herself in a house of ill fame. 
Her clothes were taken away, and there was no way of 
escape. She was there only a year, but in that time she 
contracted an incurable disease. Being without friends, 
she had to be sent to the poorhouse to die. Upon her 
death-bed she told her story, that it might serve as a warn- 
ing to other girls. She died a horrible death at the age 
of nineteen, when she should have been in the glory of 
young womanhood. 

Another case very recently made public is that of a 
young girl in Vancouver, British Columbia. She was a 
good-looking, sensible girl working at the glove counter 
in a large department store. A young man by his con- 
tinued attentions, in the store and on the street, though 
always repulsed, made himself exceedingly annoying to 
this young woman. One day he had made himself espe- 
cially obnoxious to her by coming into the store and asking 
her to go to supper with him. With indignation she had 
commanded him to leave her; but he went away muttering 
that he would wait for her outside. While this last ex- 
perience was still fresh in her mind, a well-dressed lady 
customer who had previously bought several pairs of gloves 
of the girl, came up to ask about a rent in a pair she had 
bought. She noticed the girl's indignation, and said, 
"What is the trouble, dearie?" Then the girl told her 
something of the persistent impertinence of the young man. 



THE BUSINESS GIRL 77 

The woman said, in her blandest tones: "Well, girlie, we'll 
fool him»to-night, anyway. Where do you live? Let me 
take you home in my car?" The girl hesitated to accept 
such kindness; but when she glanced up, she could see the 
young man, with his repulsive face fastened against the 
window-pane, watching her. So she rode away in the car 
with the woman, and nothing has been seen or heard of 
her since. 

The only safe rule is to beware of the flattering offers 
of strangers, or of men or women who have but recently 
made their appearance in your city or village. Do not 
answer, unattended, advertisements for help, unless the 
advertisement is by some well-known, reliable firm; for 
many girls have been entrapped by advercisements offering 
much higher wages than they were then receiving. When 
traveling, follow directions of officials. The modest 
young woman who follows these simple directions will 
more likely be able to pass on her way unmolested by the 
agents of the white slave traffic. "To fall into the hands 
of these is ruin, utter and absolute." 



"The world will never be convinced of the sweetness of our 
faith by the sourness of our face." 

Good manners and soft words have brought many a diffi- 
cult thing to pass. — Sir John Vanburgh. 

"Refuse to regard as unfortunate the treatment you re- 
ceive from others; let it stimulate you to deal more justly with 
yourself and with them." 



The Social Girl 

The world needs our daughters, and we must send them out 
clad in the completest armor that can be forged by earnest care, 
by wise instruction, by tender watching, and by human love. — 
" American Education." 

Harshly falls 
The doom upon the ear — she's not genteel 1 

— Willis. 

^^O relation in life perhaps offers greater opportunity 
for giving offense to another's sense of propriety 
than the association of young people of the sexes. 

A slight infringement of some rule of good form is 
sufficient to provoke questioning and unfavorable sugges- 
tions relative to one's motives and character. One can ill 
afford through carelessness or ignorance to subject one- 
self to evil surmisings; for an unsullied character is one's 
bank-account, one's working capital. Without a good 
name one faces social bankruptcy. 

All the world honors friendship, whether it be between 
man and man, woman and woman, or between man and 
woman. Yet while "all the world loves a lover," all the 
world does not love all the ways of all lovers. Neither 
does it love to see mere boys and girls forsaking the sim- 
plicity and self-forgetfulness of youth, and substituting 
for these attractive traits the thought and action that be- 
long to mature years. Wholesome, seemly friendship 
between boys and girls should never give place to a silly 
sentimentalism that is entirely out of accord with good 

79 



80 GOOD FORM 

form. This quickly robs a girl of that beauty that is 
characteristic of the modest, womanly girl in her early 
teens. It takes from a boy that manly seriousness that 
is always acceptable to his older friends. It destroys that 
interest in school work that lays for its possessor a good 
foundation for future successful educational effort. The 
boy or girl who betrays too early an interest in matters 
intended by God for the adult person is even more out of 
accord with the desired simplicity of childhood than 
would be a boy or girl wearing the attire meant for the 
full-grown man or woman. 

In matters of friendship the greatest responsibility 
rests upon the woman, not because she is more responsible 
before God for lapses of conduct, but because in our 
chivalrous age she sits a queen, and can say, Thus far and 
no farther shalt thou go; and man obeys her royal will. 
There is much truth in the observation of Thomas Nelson 
Page: "Women make both the manners and the morals of 
a people. Neither rises higher than the gage which women 
set in a community." 

Making Friendships Among Men 

Don't rush into friendships with men about whom you 
know nothing. Hold yourself in some reserve. A girl 
can be dignified and modest without being in the least 
stiff or prim. Your men friends should be properly in- 
troduced to you and vouched for by some reliable person. 

Select decent, manly men whose friendship will be of 
benefit to you. Don't grow to look upon them as old 
friends by the second or third meeting. 

Be merry and pleasant and have a good time, but 
don't let any man feel that he can treat you with aught 
but respect. 



THE SOCIAL GIRL 81 

Don't talk too freely; learn to know the man before 
you make a confidant of him. 

A man thinks far more of the girl whom he has to 
exert himself to please than he does of the one who is too 
easy of conquest. This at least is the general verdict. 

The girl who is bold and undignified may get a certain 
amount of attention, but it is valueless. Men quickly 
tire of her, and seek the girls who are modest and well 
behaved, as well as pleasant and cheerful. 

Neither Deceive nor Be Deceived 

Don't flirt. Affection is too sacred a thing to be trifled 
with. Insincerity in this, as in every other line, leaves 
its mark for evil upon one's own character, as well as being 
an injustice to those with whom one flirts. "Finnish 
women," it is said, "never flirt. And it may be because 
they do not thus trifle, and are adverse to frivolity, that 
they have been accorded rights of franchise equal to those 
of men. " They vote in all the municipal elections, and 
more than forty of them sit in the national assembly. 
Their ability and service as legislators have demonstrated, 
to their country at least, the wisdom of granting suffrage 
irrespective of sex. 

A writer of national fame gives the following pertinent 
suggestion: "Girls, do not overrate the attentions of the 
men you meet. Summer evenings are full of bewitchment, 
and men and maidens fancy themselves in love, when it 
is simply the fascination of time and place, and may have 
in it nothing stable, nothing that is really worth while. 
Look upon the man who says nice things to you as simply 
your good friend until he declares himself your lover, 
and remember that no witching hour should let him tempt 
you to break down the barriers of your girlish pride. 
6 



82 GOOD FORM 

Don't let him touch the tip of your little finger until he 
has the right. You'll be glad you didn't when the right 
man appears." 

The well-bred young woman does not monopolize the 
company of a young man during an evening's entertain- 
ment. As one writer says, "To make oneself con- 
spicuous in any way is ill-bred, and to make oneself 
conspicuous in this way is most ill-bred of all." 

It is not good form for a young girl to address by his 
Christian name a man with whom her acquaintance is 
but slight. 

A young girl should consult her mother before granting 
a request for an interchange of letters with a young man. 

Flowers, bonbons, and books are the only gifts that a 
girl is allowed, as a rule, to accept from a man unless she is 
engaged to him. 

When a man who is to escort a girl to an entertainment 
calls for her at her own home, it is proper for her to appear 
with her wraps on, and be ready to start at once. 

If a young girl goes to an evening affair, her mother 
should arrange to have either a servant or a member of 
the family to go after her to bring her home. 

There is very great harm in girls meeting young men 
in secret, however innocent the motive of the girls may be. 
The men can but have less respect for the girls, and if 
such clandestine meetings become known to others, mortifi- 
cation for the girls must result. 

Be reticent about offering your photograph to another. 
Florence Burton Kingsland says: — 

"In my opinion it is never in good taste to give one's 
photograph as a Christmas present, especially one already 
framed. The only exception might be to a very intimate 
friend, one who is sure to enjoy having it in her room among 



THE SOCIAL GIRL 83 

her household goods. It is always better, I think, to wait 
until we are asked for our photographs before giving them 
to friends, for it is taking a great deal for granted in pre- 
supposing a welcome for them. " A degree of reticence 
also in asking for photographs is imperative. 

If flowers are sent by a girl to a young man friend who 
is sick, her mother's card should always accompany her 
own. 

The Engaged Girl's Behavior 

Mrs. Christine Terhune Herrick, daughter of "Marion 
Harland," the famous novelist, says, on the etiquette of 
engagements: — 

"The engaged girl's demeanor is sometimes charming 
and sometimes distinctly amusing. If she is well-poised, 
well-bred, she is not likely to be very self-conscious in man- 
ner and speech. It is to be hoped that she will have enough 
sense of proportion to recognize the fact that hers is not the 
only engagement that has ever taken place, and to bear her- 
self accordingly. The less she talks of it the better, unless 
to her very intimate friends; and while she and her fiance 
should be on easy terms in public, there should never 
be anything different in their bearing from that which 
would appear in the conduct of two friends toward one 
another. The sentimental glance and the covert or 
open caresses . in which some engaged couples indulge, 
are not only ridiculous, but, in some cases, almost nau- 
seating to an indifferent onlooker. " 

One of the editors of the Christian Endeavor World 
received from a young woman a letter containing questions 
relating to affairs of the heart. Excerpts from the young 
woman's letter and from the editor's reply are given here, 
that timely counsel, and possibly needed reproof, may be 



84 GOOD FORM 

gained from them by others who are confronted with the 
same problem. The letter says : — 

"'Some of the questions we girls are asking are: Who 
is to blame when a young woman yields her heart to one 
who is apparently seeking her affection? If she gives her 
love unsought, she may be accused of unwomanliness ; 
but is she unwomanly when she returns the love of another? 

" 'And how far has a young man a right to act the part 
of a lover when he has not the least intention of marrying 
any one? After he has courted one girl and won her 
affection, is it honorable or right for him to desert her for 
another? And ought the girl to forgive him, and to allow 
him a place among her friends? 

" ' How can a girl protect herself without becoming of a 
suspicious and distrustful nature? Some one — a minister 
of the gospel, in fact — told a group of girls not long ago 
to consider every man a scoundrel until he had proved 
himself otherwise. But don't you think that Christian 
young men should be of a higher character than others, 
and be Christians in their love affairs as in everything 
else?' 

"Those are important questions, and well put," says 
the editor in reply. "They reach to the real founda- 
tions of life. 

"Two considerations should govern this matter of 
love-making. One is absolute truth ; the other is profound 
and prayerful thoughtfulness, — thoughtfulness, because 
for both parties the experience is the most important in 
life, with* the single exception of entrance into the kingdom 
of God, — truth, because success here, or anything but 
the most miserable failure, is impossible on any other 
terms. Flirting is not a laughing matter nor a venial 
error; it is one of the deadly sins. It is a crime against 



THE SOCIAL GIRL 85 

individuals and a crime against society. Any man who 
acts the part of a lover without the positive and determined 
and eager intention of proposing marriage imperils by that 
act his soul, as well as the lifelong happiness of his victim. 
Any man who, after making such advances to one girl, 
deserts her for another, is giving to the second girl what 
he has forever placed beyond his right to give. His guilt 
is doubled, and he is poisoning with his miserable infection 
two lives instead of one. The first girl should forgive 
him, as all Christians are commanded to forgive even their 
deadliest enemies; but if she retains him as her friend, she 
deserves her fate. 

" ' But,' it may be asked, 'is it right for a man to go on 
pretending love when his affections have gone out to an- 
other? Can a man help that? And ought a man to 
marry some one he does not love?' I have already said 
that absolute sincerity is essential for success in love and 
marriage; but the man should have been sure of his heart 
before making advances and getting a girl to fall in love 
with him. When a man is really in love, he will not turn 
away from the object of his affection on the advent of 
another pretty face. No woman will want to marry a 
man who does not love her ; but the cessation of love under 
such circumstances is one of the most tragic events of life, 
not to be followed by a second flirtation, but by years of 
sorrow and remorse. 

"And then, what is to be the girl's attitude toward 
young men? Is she to be trustful or suspicious? Is she 
to blame if she falls a victim of some wretched flirt or 
egotistical shallowpate? Should she harden her heart 
against all men, and hold them off until they have proved 
themselves? 

"The answer to all these questions is, Just let her be 



86 GOOD FORM 

sensible ! There are certain persons that the girl can surely 
trust, — her mother, her father, her brother, her sister. 
Most of these love tragedies would have been averted if 
frank, free relations with these natural guardians had been 
cultivated from the start. 

"Associate frankly with young men, holding your 
head level, not fancying a lover in every one who pays you 
friendly attention. Do not quickly admit strangers to a 
footing of familiarity. Never for a moment think that a 
man who has been false to another will be true to you. 
Keep your eyes and your ears open. If a young man 
does deceive you, do not grieve; he is not worth a single 
tear. Also, do not allow yourself to become soured. 
This is God's world, and there are plenty of God's men 
in it." 

" So much to win, so much to lose, 
No marvel that I fear to choose." 



Insistent Demands of Good Form 

"Virtue requires a ruler and a judge: 
Follies are learned without a teacher." 

Rub off the bloom of the grape, or the blush of the peach, 
and there is nothing in art which can replace it. So if you deprive 
a girl of the inborn modesty and grace of her nature, all the re- 
finements of art will fail to restore them. — Daisy Eyebright. 

T) EFINED tastes are offended by the familiar way- 
heedless young girls behave toward young men. 
Resting the hand familiarly on a young man's shoulder, 
wrestling with him, slapping him, jerking off his hat, and 
the taking of other similar liberties are quite outside 
the bounds of propriety. 

"It is sometimes a bitter lesson," says Mr. Bok, editor 
of the Ladies' Home Journal, "for a woman to learn, but it 
is one that all women must learn, that human nature 
actually needs every safeguard that 'the conventions' 
demand. We may ignore rules of etiquette and follow 
our own lead as to ways of dress and living, but we can 
never ' overstep the proprieties ' between man and woman 
without being made the subject of remark among our 
acquaintances." 

It is the girl who has no knowledge of good form, or 
else is willingly bold, who asks a young man to go driving 
with her, to write to her, give her his picture, or offers 
him one of hers. The gentleman takes the initiative in 
such matters. In heathen New Guinea, where it is con- 
sidered beneath the dignity of the male inhabitants to 

87 



88 GOOD FORM 

court a woman, or to pay any special attention to her, 
the woman is accorded more liberty in love matters. 
She even makes all the proposals of marriage. Perhaps 
it might be well if American girls who are inclined to take 
such things into their own hands would emigrate to New 
Guinea. There is another way in which they might gain 
the prerogative of taking the initiative in courtship and 
marriage, and that is by securing the crown to some of 
the European thrones. In fact, the same rule holds good 
to all royal ladies who marry commoners. But the wom- 
anly queen asserts her privilege in a delicate way. It is said 
Queen Victoria "put the question" to Prince Albert by 
showing him Windsor and its beauties and the distant land- 
scape, and then quietly saying, "All this may be yours." 
Queen Wilhelmina, of Holland, sent a sprig of white heather 
to Prince Henry, and asked him to look out its meaning 
in a book of flowers and their meanings. The Duchess 
of Fife took the gentleman of her choice "to a drawer and 
showed him its contents. There he saw a number of 
trifles he had given her, including sprigs of several kinds of 
flowers, which he had picked for her on various occasions. 
He was much impressed at the sight, nor did it require 
words on her part to make her meaning plain. " 

Mrs. G. R. Alden, popularly known as "Pansy," 
says, in speaking on the subject of familiarity between 
boys and girls: "Any game or amusement, dancing in- 
cluded, that allows the same degree of familiarity among 
boys and girls that is permissible with girls alone or boys 
atone is to be discouraged with earnestness and persistence. 
One can not in these days read the records of any juvenile 
court without feeling sure that grave faults have crept 
into the amusements of our young people, and those who 
have their interests at heart should send out warnings." 



DEMANDS OF GOOD FORM 89 

A girl who wrote to Mrs. Alden, and asked if there was 
any proper way in which she could show a young man 
that his attentions would be agreeable to her if offered, 
received the following reply: "A frank, cordial friendliness, 
such as any girl of refinement may offer to her male friends 
whose society she enjoys, is all that a self-respecting man 
would desire. The moment a young woman undertakes 
to show special attention to, or interest in, one particular 
man who has not especially sought her, that moment the 
man of true culture is repelled. A certain something in 
his nature shrinks naturally from this evidence of lack of — 
perhaps he will call it ' womanliness ' or ' modesty ' or ' good 
form.' Perhaps he will not name it, but as a rule he 
feels it." 

To another young girl who had asked Mrs. Alden if 
she thought it wrong for a girl to be out walking with a 
boy after twelve o'clock at night, and whether she thought 
there was anything wrong in sitting down in the same 
chair with him once in a while just for fun, Mrs. Alden 
replied : — 

"I wish I could sit down beside you and have an ear- 
nest talk; I feel sure that I could convince you that ' wrong ' 
is the very word to use. Not that you mean to do wrong, 
or have any thought in your mind but that of fun; but 
you are on the very road that leads to sin, and that has been 
the ruin of hundreds of girls and boys. This is not the 
place in which to enter into an argument; but let me beg 
of you to take my word for it, even before you have had 
time to study into the subject, and refuse utterly to meet 
a boy anywhere but in your own home, no matter how 
' bashful ' he may be. And never for a moment, no matter 
how funny it may seem, allow him to occupy the same chair 
with you. Indeed, I would have you take the position 



90 GOOD FORM 

that a boy who proposed such a thing was insulting you. 
Believe me, you can not respect yourself too much; and 
the more care you exercise about these things, the more the 
boys will respect you. Don't walk with any one after ten 
o'clock at night unless duty demands it; in that case make 
your walk as brisk as possible, with no hint of a mere 
pleasure excursion about it. " 

The author of "Practical Etiquette" says on this 
subject: "A young woman should meet a young man with 
whom she has only a slight acquaintance under her father's 
or a proper guardian's roof. When he has become well 
acquainted with her and her family, she may take oc- 
casional walks with him alone in the afternoon, but never 
in the evening. " 

" Books, flowers, and other small articles of decoration," 
says Mr. W. C. Green, in his "Dictionary of Etiquette," 
"are proper gifts for a girl to accept from a gentleman. 
Expensive gifts should not be accepted from mere ac- 
quaintances or friends. It is bad form for a man to send 
expensive presents to a woman who may be compelled 
to return them. " 

If an engagement is broken, all presents received by 
either must be returned. If wedding presents have been 
received from friends, they must be returned to their 
donors. 

A lady should not thank a gentleman who has taken her 
to a concert or an entertainment, or accompanied her home 
from church. It is, however, proper for her to say: " You 
have given me a delightful evening," or, "It has been 
a most enjoyable evening, Mr. D.," or some other sim- 
ple expression of appreciation of the entertainment and 
company. 

If a young man escorts a young woman on the street- 



DEMANDS OF GOOD FORM 91 

car, he should pay her fare, if he has invited her to accom- 
pany him ; but if he chanced to meet her on the street or 
on the car, and is thrown in her company simply because 
they both happen to be going the same way, she should pay 
her own fare. 

When boarding the car, the girl precedes her escort, 
but follows him on leaving it, thus making it possible for 
him to help her as she alights. 

Be slow to regard your mother's advice lightly. The 
Bible says, "Honor thy father and thy mother." The 
word honor here has the significance of having weight. 
Let your parents' words have weight with you, is the real 
meaning of the commandment. Ruth Cameron, writing 
for one of the leading dailies in our national capital, relates 
the following incident: — 

'"But my mother is so old-fashioned — ; she does not 
understand,' I heard a girl say as an excuse for not taking 
her mother's conservative but wise advice. 

"'My dear girl,' I said, 'you may be thankful that that 
dear old mother of yours is old-fashioned and does not 
understand; for in all probability, if she had not been old- 
fashioned and did — what you call — understand, you 
would not have been the refined girl you are to-day.' 
Taking an 'old-fashioned' mother's conservative advice 
is much the same as investing in substantial three-per- 
cent bonds. They do not seem so attractive at the time 
as some glittering stock that pays fifteen or twenty per 
cent and later on goes to the wall. But a girl should re- 
member that while a man may recover from a crash, a 
woman, alas! seldom can. Large mercantile houses pay 
thousands of dollars annually for the advice of experts 
who know. The advice of your mother doesn't cost you 
a cent. You can't afford to throw it aside lightly. " 



92 GOOD FORM 

Preserve a womanly dignity, which is to "the maiden 
soul what a rich fitting frame is to a rare and beautiful 
picture; while the absence of this grace is a stepping-stone 
to a life of dishonor." 

Court Proper Chaperonage 

Mrs. Harrison, in "The Weil-Bred Girl in Society," 
says: "By most young Americans, the unmarried are 
considered to be hedged about by too much of restrictive 
and unreasonable observance, and the chaperon at large is 
looked upon as a bugbear imported from communities 
that can not trust their women. But a few years more of 
our present march of progress may lead them to see for 
themselves that such guardians are in reality the corner- 
stone upon which will arise the edifice of a perfected Ameri- 
can civilization." And Miss Eleanor Clapp in her book 
"The Courtesies, " gives the following excellent suggestions 
upon this subject: "Year by year, as is necessary in a 
rapidly growing and cosmopolitan society, the rules govern- 
ing chaperonage grow stricter. And poor Millie and 
Emily are told to conduct themselves in ways they do not 
at all relish, while their mothers do not understand why the 
customs that prevailed in their own girlhood are not suited 
to the young people of to-day. They were able to take 
care of themselves; why can not their daughters do the 
same? 

"Well, there are several very good and sensible reasons 
for the change, with which fashion, all-powerful as it is, 
has had nothing to do. In the first place, society is much 
more complex than it used to be. We no longer know 
everybody in our especial neighborhoods, — who they are, 
and where they came from, — as used to be the case thirty 
or forty years ago. America has grown to be a great coun- 



DEMANDS OF GOOD FORM 93 

try, and it behooves us to 'mind our manners/ now that 
the eyes of the world are upon us. The freedom that the 
American girl enjoyed, while it perhaps gave her an in- 
dependence and vivacity that was irresistible, certainly 
made her, outside of her own land at least, the most mis- 
understood young woman in the world. 

"Years ago Henry James showed us in one of his books 
just what foreign society thought of the unchaperoned 
girl, and what construction they put on her most innocent 
actions. Nowadays people travel more than they used 
to. Almost every American of means has been to Europe, 
and we have learned that there is much good in some of 
the customs of the Old World after all, and are adopting 
many of them to a modified degree. And so it comes 
about that the young girl of to-day in our most fashionable 
society, in what for want of a better term is referred to as 
the 'smart set,' is much more carefully hedged about by the 
proprieties than her mother used to be. She is not quite 
so patiently chaperoned as her English cousin, nor is she 
guarded from masculine glances with the same strictness 
as the jeune fille of France, who never stirs without her 
duenna; but she is a little more carefully protected than 
she used to be, and many people think her value is greatly 
enhanced in this way. Now, in this complex America 
of ours, there are certain rules on the subject which are 
applicable only to very rich, formal, and fashionable 
society that apes English customs, and which would be 
rather ridiculous among people of moderate means in the 
smaller towns and cities of the country. And there are 
also a few other rules which are followed everywhere by 
refined people ; these latter I shall try to point out. 

" Concert parties, picnics, or any excursion of a number 
of young people should invariably be accompanied by a 



94 GOOD FORM 

chaperon; for there is no doubt that the presence of a 
chaperon greatly improves the manners of young people. 
There are girls who are inherently well bred, but who, 
having the natural, instinctive desire to please, sometimes 
fear to be considered prim, proper, and 'goody-goody' 
if they do not join in the pranks and imitate the manners 
of those who seem to be overmuch at home in young 
men's society. To such the presence of a chaperon is 
never an unwelcome restraint." 

No young girl should drive alone after nightfall with a 
young man. "Evening 'buggy rides,' often extending 
far into the night, such as are indulged in occasionally 
in country places, are not suitable amusements for a young 
girl, and would, if she lived in a more enlightened com- 
munity, put her outside the pale of good society. There 
is no harm in her taking a short drive with a young man 
with whom her parents are well acquainted, but she must 
take it in the daytime." 

"There is another thing that a thoroughly well- 
brought-up young girl never does, and that is to dine 
alone with a young man at a hotel or restaurant. She 
may, if she knows him well, in the daytime, or in the eve- 
ning if it is not late, go with him to eat an ice at some 
quiet caterer's; but the girl who is seen dining or supping 
alone with men in public places is apt to be severely 
gossiped about, and can blame no one but herself if she is 
called 'gay' or 'fast.' 

"Of course a mother is a girl's natural chaperon; but 
as our American society is constituted, mother and daugh- 
ters seldom go out together except in very fashionable 
society, where, as has been said before, a young girl never 
goes to any entertainment unless accompanied by her 
parent, or in the care of some friend or relative who takes 



DEMANDS OF GOOD FORM 95 

the mother's place in this respect. Among people of more 
moderate means this plan is absolutely impracticable. 
And all the average mother need ask is that the affair be 
chaperoned by the hostess, or her mother or some elderly 
relative if the party be given by a young girl, and that her 
daughter has some suitable means of getting to and from 
the place of entertainment. She may go with a party of 
young friends and return home with them if the distance 
is not too great, or she can be escorted by some young man 
whose character and reputation are well known to her 
family. A young girl should not be allowed to go to any 
place relying on the chance of some one's asking to ' see her 
home.' The mother should know how the daughter is to 
get home before she allows her to go. " 

Another authority on etiquette says: "It is always 
wisest, when a number of young persons are to have a 
party, to ask two or three married women to be present, 
not only for propriety's sake, but because there will then 
be no danger of anything unwished for happening, inas- 
much as it is the duty of the chaperons to make all social 
entertainments smooth and pleasant." 

Perhaps nowhere does the subject of chaperonage 
receive more opposition from the young people themselves 
than in boarding-schools, where students come from widely 
separated homes and communities, with their varying 
ideas concerning questions of social usage. In many cases 
the young people have had little education upon this 
important subject, and are therefore unfamiliar with the 
requirements of good society. When they inform them- 
selves by the reading of standard books of etiquette, they 
will see that the schools demand no more of them than does 
the best society. Teachers know that there is always a pos- 
sibility of there being in a large company of young people 



96 GOOD FORM 

one person who may behave injudiciously, and thus in- 
jure the reputation of all, and bring reproach upon the 
school. It is far easier and better to prevent the occasion 
for unfriendly criticism than it is to correct wrong im- 
pressions when once made. Any true young woman will 
welcome the protection proper chaperonage offers to her 
reputation and character. She will therefore take great 
care to be courteous to the one who serves her so graciousfy, 
and will see that the chaperon shares every pleasure 
accorded to herself. 

William Morse Cole, writing on the subject of chap- 
eronage, says: "It is a characteristic of human nature, 
especially of average American nature, to value a thing 
largely at what we have to pay for it. An American girl 
is valued largely at her own price. If she holds herself 
cheap, not needing protection, others will so hold her. 
If she places herself in positions about which gossips and 
slander-mongers are able to talk unchecked, she will be 
made their victim. If young men find her sole company 
easy to get under free circumstances, some (fortunately 
not all) are sure to think her charms easy to enjoy, and they 
are not always able to tell, without a trial, just where she 
will draw the line between good comradeship and undue 
familiarity. From each of these results a wise parent 
will wish to spare her. Unfortunately, too, all these 
blastments, sad enough each in itself, are contagious in 
their influence one upon another; as soon as any one of 
them is in operation, the others, as by infection, spring 
into force, and each adds power to its fellows. 

"What is the sure escape? Not to shut the girl away 
from the world, as is done in some countries; not to re- 
strict her proper enjoyments; but to see to it that whenever 
she goes about in the evening or away from the course of 



DEMANDS OF GOOD FORM 97 

her daily concerns, she is accompanied by a mature person, 
sympathetic, of good judgment, and devoted to her 
interests, whose mere presence shall be a safeguard against 
blastment. A chaperon is not to watch and to restrain 
her, but to certify that her bloom is unimpaired, and to 
compel others to respect it. No air of cheapness, no 
breath of slander, no undue familiarity, can touch the girl 
who is known to be always protected as a thing too pre- 
cious for the hazard of chance. 

"Chaperonage has come to be a subject for joking 
only because many chaperons have, by neglect of duty, 
made themselves ridiculous — or worse. The chaperon 
who abandons her charge is worse than useless. She has 
confessed herself a sham, and so she is contemptible. By 
her absence she has lost one link in the chain of testimony 
that it was her particular task to preserve. Worst of all, 
she has put the girl into the unfavorable light of seeming 
to evade care; and this light the girl who fears no watch- 
ing may well resent. Proper chaperonage avoids even 
the suggestion of watching and of the need of watching. 

"A young man who really cares for a girl's company at 
any gathering or excursion will not demur at either the 
presence of a chaperon or the expense of extra tickets. 
He will be likely to value the girl in the same degree that 
he finds her valued. The man does not live, who, other 
things being equal, would not choose for a wife the girl 
who has been protected rather than the one who has been 
left to shift for herself. It is not quite enough for him to 
have faith in her; he desires her to be above the reach of 
any one's doubting whisper." 



Sweet to the ear of the Father above is the assurance from 
his children that they would rather have him than all the fine 
clothes and jewels that money can buy. 

Not that I have any quarrel with bangs or frizzles or flowers, 
but I have a quarrel with that for which they often stand — the 
total lack of individuality and appreciation of life's mission. Of 
this these things often tell.— F. E. Clark, D. D. 

Phidias worked on marble, and the light of his creation still 
beams from afar. Raphael worked on canvas, and gave to the 
world a beauty which has thrilled hearts through all these ages. 
What shall we fashion who work upon the breath of God ? — Plato. 



Simplicity in Dress 

She neglects her heart who studies her glass. — Lavater. 

Show is not substance; realities govern wise men. — Penn. 

In character, in manners, in style, in all things, the supreme 
excellence is simplicity. — Longfellow. 

Loveliness needs not the foreign aid of ornament, but is, 
when unadorned, adorned the most. — Thomson. 

r\ RESS simply and modestly, and your manners will be 
more simple and pleasing. The earnest student dresses 
simply; so does she who has laid aside school-books, and 
is seeking to help solve life's problems in the social and 
the spiritual world. An observer at a New York function 
gives an interesting glimpse of Miss Helen Gould, America's 
wealthiest young woman, as she appeared on that occasion. 
"There was nothing of what women call style in Miss 
Gould's appearance. She wore a small black hat, which 
could have been hidden completely in the crown of a 
'Merry Widow' hat, and was trimmed only with a bow of 
black velvet and a modest buckle. Her white shirt-waist 
with a neck ribbon was of the simplest order ; and a black 
cloth skirt and a short black coat were alike simple, quiet, 
and ladylike. Not a jewel was visible. So simple was Miss 
Gould's attire that she was an unconscious rebuke to the 
overdressed girls and women around her, who could ill 
afford the clothes they wore. The quietly dressed million- 
airess looked the woman that she is. " 

A young Christian woman was on her w T ay to Kansas. 
One day the conductor of the train sat down opposite her, 

99 



100 GOOD FORM 

and politely asked why she dressed so plainly. She in- 
quired what his motive was in asking the question. He 
replied that his wife talked much about the necessity of 
women's dressing plainly, while he did not see any reason 
for doing so. The young woman looked at him and said : 
"Why do you wear the special uniform you now have on? " 
He replied, " Because I serve the Rock Island Company, 
and comply with its orders in wearing it." "My reasons 
are similar to yours," was the quick reply. "I have joined 
the church of Christ, and am in the service of my Master, 
whose orders I obey in dress, according to I Tim. 2 : 9, 
where it is stated that women shall adorn themselves in 
modest apparel. " The conductor acknowledged the force 
of her answer. 

A daughter of an eminent Chinese gentleman, once am- 
bassador to the United States, was a young woman of rare 
common sense. During her residence in Washington, she 
once said, " I do not mean to criticize, but there is one thing 
that I don't understand about American girls, and that is 
their eagerness to discuss the subject of dress. Almost the 
day of my arrival in this country questions about the style 
of dress began to be put to me, as if that were the most im- 
portant of all subjects. In my country these things are 
considered trivial, and only the unlettered women waste 
time talking of them. As a matter of course, we dress 
according to the most approved custom, and think no 
more about it." 

"'How can you expect Edna to be a close student?' 
asked a teacher of many years' experience of a younger 
one who was complaining of a pupil's shortcomings. ' Look 
at those frizzes and furbelows.' 

"'Do you think elaborately dressed hair and fussy 
clothes work injury to the brain?' 



SIMPLICITY IN DRESS 101 

" 'O, no, not necessarily, of course; but the fact is that 
our fashion-plate girls are not our best students.' 

"One would hardly advise a girl to be untidy or severely 
plain for the sake of making herself a scholar; there's no 
magic in unkempt hair or excessive plainness, yet that 
older teacher's pronouncement contains much truth. 
The girls who make extremes of fashion their fad, do not 
excel in their studies. The secret of the whole thing is 
that no one person can have everything. Sacrifice in 
some direction is the price of success always. In the case 
of scholarship, successful study takes so much time that 
one must, by the law of consistency, save the time from 
other things in order to accomplish what is worth while. 
Teachers are likely to seem too exacting with the pupil 
whose mind can never be detached from the details of the 
toilet, and the pupil wonders why, and sometimes thinks 
she is unjustly treated. The only reason for the teacher's 
attitude is that she knows how to value things, and wants 
the young person to emphasize the upbuilding and em- 
bellishment of her mind rather than the adorning of her 
body." 

We sacrifice to dress, till household joys 

And comforts cease. Dress drains our cellars dry, 

And keeps our larder lean. Puts out our fires, 

And introduces hunger, frost, and woe, 

Where peace and hospitality might reign. 

— Cow per. 

An African woman of high distinction considers that 
she has done much toward increasing her personal attrac- 
tion if she can wear a rubber heel as a nose ornament; and 
her brother's aspirations for personal adornment are per- 
fectly satisfied, it is said, if he can display a pair of beauti- 
ful silk garters dangling from his ears. Quite akin to this 
crude idea of ornamentation is that of one who displays 



102 GOOD FORM 

elaborate gold bracelets, lockets, and earrings when the 
other apparel or the occupation demands simplicity of 
ornamentation. Simplicity of dress is incumbent on both 
the business girl and the student. Anything else is not 
in accord with the demands of good form. 

Tidiness in Dress 

It is well to strive for a good general effect in dress, yet 
the girl who really commands admiration is the girl who 
pays strict attention to each detail of her toilet. 

Alice Lorraine Griggs says on the subject of personal 
tidiness in dress: "One of the charms of the well-dressed 
girl lies in her dainty freshness — in the snowy whiteness 
of her clean shirt-waist, in the spotlessness of her collar 
and cuffs, her stock, or the ruching that relieves a dark 
silk waist. Many girls, fond of pretty clothes and anxious 
to look their best, make the mistake of choosing materials 
that do not take kindly to frequent 'tubbings,' or of ma- 
king up the more serviceable materials in such an elaborate 
fashion that the laundry problem becomes a serious one. 
The average girl of to-day, whether she is in school, in 
business, or at home, expects to wear wash waists during 
the greater part of the year. With these she must have 
stocks or collars, of linen or pique, fancy wash goods, lace, 
silk, or ribbon, according to her taste. Some of these 
more elaborate stocks are very pretty at first, but their 
charm is gone when they begin to look dingy. Between 
two girls, one of whom has on a fresh white shirt-waist 
with immaculate linen collar or stock, the other a more 
elaborate waist and stock which have lost their first 
daintiness, there can be no question as to which looks the 
smarter and more attractive." 

A young woman whose costume — "a handsome tai- 



SIMPLICITY IN DRESS 103 

lored skirt, an effective lingerie blouse, and a fresh sum- 
mery-looking hat — was unusually pleasing, spoiled the 
effect by her collar, which was pinned in a haphazard, 
bunchy way — one side higher than the other. She would 
have been most attractive had her collar been properly and 
neatly arranged. " Another trim suit was spoiled because, 
when the lady walked, one saw at least two tucks of petti- 
coat hanging below her skirt. The effect of a pretty, 
fluffy white dress was ruined because the white shoes were 
soiled and ugly. Another woman's otherwise attractive 
appearance was marred by a soiled collar. 

Never wear soiled linen. If you can't afford to hire 
it washed, wash it yourself. A colonel was once going 
down the line of soldiers on a tour of inspection, and 
noticed a corporal with soiled gloves. He said : " Corporal, 
that is setting a bad example to the men — wearing soiled 
gloves. Why do you do so? " 

"I've had no pay for three months, sir; and I can't 
afford to hire washing done." 

Taking from one of his pockets a pair of spotlessly 
white gloves, the colonel handed them to the corporal, 
saying: "Put on these gloves. I washed them myself." 

Do not repair ripped seams with a pin. 

Do not wear hose with holes in them. 

Keep the shoes well polished, the gloves whole, and the 
undergarments clean and tidy. A soiled or frayed under- 
skirt is always a reflection upon the wearer. It is better 
to have the outer apparel unpresentable than the under- 
garments. 

Don't wear clothes with grease or other soiled spots 
on them, hoping to escape detection. You will not. 

To wear shoes, gloves, or any garment with one or 
more buttons missing is not correct. 



104 GOOD FORM 

Be tidy in your dress at home, even in the kitchen. 
One should require cleanliness, however simple the apparel 
may be. Two women were conversing in a railway car. 
One said: "I don't care much for Clara. She seems to 
me to be selfish and domineering; and then she is so 
untidy. I do dislike an untidy girl." 

"Why, whenever I've seen her, she has been very 
neatly dressed, " said the other; "and she has such a good 
voice! She sang at the club musicale for us, and was very 
obliging about it. She works in the Girls' League, too, and 
they think a great deal of her. I've always admired her." 

"O, well, perhaps I shouldn't have said what I did!" 
replied the first speaker. " I may be mistaken. You see, 
I've seen her only at home. " 

The writer that cited this incident, gave the following 
wholesome comment: — 

"How many Claras there are, obliging and pleasant in 
public, whom it is far better not to know within the four 
walls of home ! They come out of the door neatly dressed, 
smiling, polite, and leave untidy rooms and cross words 
behind them. Yet the one place where a lovely, womanly 
character is most lovely and most womanly is home. 
If there is any perfume of girlish sweetness, it ought to 
make the home atmosphere fragrant first, before it floats 
out to the world beyond. If there is not enough unself- 
ishness and obligingness for both home and society at 
large, then they ought to be concentrated at home. Clara 
had not 'enough to go around,' in homely phrase; and she 
chose the wrong alternative. How many other girls make 
the same unwise, mistaken choice, who shall say? It is 
in every girl's power to make the sweeter and higher choice 
of being a blessing in the home, whether she be admired 
abroad or no." 



SIMPLICITY IN DRESS 105 

" I could better eat with one who did not respect 
truth or the laws," said Emerson, "than with a sloven 
and unpresentable person. Moral qualities rule the 
world, but at short distances the senses are despotic." 

Personal Cleanliness 

Keep the hands free from stains with lemon-juice, 
and soft and free from chapping with rose-water and glyc- 
erine, equal parts. 

Keep the face free from blackheads with thorough 
washings, using warm water and a good quality of soap 
when necessary. Too much soap, however, will dry the 
skin. 

Wash neck and ears as regularly as the face. 

Keep the teeth clean. Besides the regular use of the 
brush and powder, cleanse the teeth sometimes with a 
cloth and powder. 

Manicure the finger-nails, but not in public. 

A daily bath is desirable for both health and cleanli- 
ness. 

Shampoo the hair frequently. Brush it daily. Mas- 
sage is effective in stopping the falling out of the hair. 









How smooth the sea-beach pebbles are I 

But, do you know? 
The ocean worked a hundred years 

To make them so. 

'And once I saw a little girl 

Sit down and cry 
Because she couldn't cure a fault 

With one small 'try'l" 






For Children 



Childhood shows the man as morning shows the day. — 

Milton. 

"We can not always oblige, but we can always speak ob- 
ligingly." 

"What's a fine person, or a beauteous face, 
Unless deportment gives them decent grace?" 

/^HLDREN sometimes think that the favorite word of 
grown people is the little word d-o-n-'t. It may be 
too much of a favorite with some; but the best beloved 
children are those who have learned to rather like the word 
themselves, knowing that if they would have genuine 
friends, they, like older people, must willingly and faith- 
fully heed the admonition of many don't's. One mother 
who takes great care to train her child well, says that she 
doesn't want people to say when they see her daughter 
coming, "O dear! I hate to have that child come to my 
house," instead of saying, "It is a pleasure to have her 
about." The welcome that children receive in public 
places or in other people's homes depends almost wholly 
upon whether they are polite or rude. The courteous 
child rarely if ever fails to receive a hearty welcome, while 
the ill-behaved child is just as sure of being unwelcome. 

The following points are worthy of being remembered 
habitually by the boy or girl ambitious for a warm place in 
the hearts of men and women : — 

Never look over another's shoulder and read from his 
paper or book, without permission. 

107 



108 GOOD FORM 

Do not speak to one who is reading, unless it is neces- 
sary; then beg the pardon of the reader for interrupting. 

Do not try on hats, gloves, jackets, or other garments 
belonging to some one else. 

Answer immediately on being called, even if you are 
unable at the moment to respond to the person's wishes. 

Rise in the morning when called. For one member of 
the family to be careless in responding to the rising alarm 
causes annoyance to other members. Rise promptly. 

Young people should allow their parents, elders, or 
guests to precede them in entering or leaving a room, or in 
going up-stairs. 

Children and youth should not take the easiest chair 
or most desirable place, leaving the less desirable to be 
occupied by older persons. 

Do not, in the presence of older persons, make little 
noises with feet, hands, or mouth that may annoy them. 

Never be guilty of saying anything rude or unkind to 
the aged or afflicted. 

"God has especially enjoined tender respect to- 
ward the aged. The hoary head tells of battles fought 
and victories gained, of burdens borne and temptations 
resisted. It tells of weary feet nearing their rest, of places 
soon to be vacant." Some children and youth have had to 
learn the seriousness of an offense against the aged or af- 
flicted through bitter experiences. One such boy lived 
in England. He, with some playmates, was watching 
one day the passengers alight from a stage-coach at a 
hotel. One old man, bent and pale, got out of the stage 
very slowly, and hobbled away on crutches. The boys 
watched him, and finally one whose name was Fred, 
called out, "Go it, old rattlebones!" Then all the boys 
together called, "Go it, old rattlebones! Go it, old rattle- 



FOR CHILDREN 109 

bones!" Having thus greeted the stranger, they went to 
their ball playing, and the old gentleman, Mr. Johnson 
by name, made his way slowly to a near-by cottage, where 
he was heartily welcomed by Mrs. W., the mother of Fred. 
It was evident that Mr. Johnson was not long for this 
world, for when Mrs. W. referred to his physical condition, 
he told her that his physician had said he could live but a 
short time; so he thought he must come home and see 
Fred before he died. "Where is he? " Mr. Johnson asked. 

"He is playing ball," said the mother. "I will call 
him." 

She did so, but Fred went reluctantly and much 
ashamed into the presence of Mr. Johnson; for as soon as 
he heard the name of their visitor, he knew that this was 
the man who had saved him when a baby from drowning. 
As it was a cold day, Mr. Johnson took a severe cold from 
this exposure in the water, and had been a sufferer ever 
since. He had been in southern France for some time, 
seeking to regain his health, but without satisfactory 
results. Naturally he greatly desired to see the boy for 
whom he had borne all his pain, and for whom he was now 
about to offer up his life. He had hoped for some sincere 
expression of gratitude from him, but instead he had re- 
ceived this unhappy greeting. 

The following incident, as related by another, also 
emphasizes the lesson of unfailing courtesy, whatever 
one's personal appearance may be: — 

"Get aboard, old limpy, " said the conductor to an 
aged plainly dressed lame man standing on the platform 
waiting for the signal to depart; "get aboard, old limpy, 
or you'll get left." 

At the signal the old gentleman quietly stepped aboard, 
and took a seat by himself. When the conductor, in taking 



110 GOOD FORM 

up the tickets, came to him and demanded his fare, he 
replied, " I do not pay fare on this road. " 

"Then I will put you off at the next station. " 

The conductor passed on, and a passenger said to him, 
"Did you know that old gentleman?" 

"No, I did not." 

"Well, it is Mr. Corning, the president of this road." 

The conductor changed color and bit his lips, but went 
on and finished taking up tickets. As soon as he had done 
this, he returned to Mr. Corning and said, "Sir, I resign 
my station as conductor." 

"Sit down here, young man. I do not wish to harm 
you; but we run this road for profit and to accommodate 
the public ; and we make it an invariable rule to treat every 
person with perfect civility, whatever garb he wears, or 
whatever infirmity he suffers. This rule is imperative 
upon every one of our employees. I shall not remove you 
for what you have done, but it must not be repeated." 

The "old limpy" was the Hon. Erastus Corning, of 
New York, a member of Congress for eight years, and one 
of the leading railroad capitalists of the United States. 

A boy applying to a merchant for a position was re- 
fused the place. A man who stood by said to the mer- 
chant: " I know that boy to be an honest, industrious boy. 
Why don't you give him a chance? " " Because he hasn't 
learned to say 'Yes, sir,' and 'No, sir,'" replied the mer- 
chant. 

"Yes, mother," "No, father," "Yes, Aunt Pauline," 
"No, Cousin John," "Yes, Mr. Chase," "Yes, sir," and 
" No, sir, " are the proper forms to be used by children and 
youth. "The plain 'yes' and 'no,' however gently 
spoken," said Margaret Sangster, "have an abrupt curt- 
ness which is not pretty on childish lips." 



FOR CHILDREN 111 

Don't forget to say, "Good morning !" "Say it to 
your parents, your brothers and sisters, your schoolmates, 
your teachers, and say it cheerfully, and with a smile; 
it will do you good and do your friends good. There's a 
kind of inspiration in every 'Good morning' heartily 
spoken, which helps to make hope fresher and work lighter. 
It helps to make the morning good, and seems to be a 
prophecy of a good day to come." "Some people's man- 
ners," some one has said, "are like bats; they come out 
only at night," under the glare of the company light. 
But such have not the best manners, nor the best char- 
acter. 

Do not be absent-minded or inattentive, requiring the 
one speaking to repeat that you may understand. 

Don't use another's comb, brush, towel, or wash-cloth. 

Refrain from sneezing in church or in the drawing- 
room. A sneeze may usually be avoided by pressing hard 
upon the upper lip. 

Be careful not to drop food on the table-cloth or on 
the floor. 

Never leave the table before others without asking to 
be excused. At a hotel or boarding-house this rule need 
not be observed. 

Never sneeze, cough, expectorate, nor use the hand- 
kerchief noisily at the table. If such a procedure is 
necessary, ask to be excused from the table. 

Do not look over the edge of the glass when drinking. 

Do not enter private rooms without knocking. 

In passing objects with handles, as a pitcher or spoon, 
turn the handle toward the person to whom you are giving 
the object. In handing scissors, hold them by the point. 

Do not sample goods in a store if you are not really 
desirous of testing the article with the view of purchasing 



112 GOOD FORM 

it. This is a species of dishonesty that has caused mer- 
chants great annoyance. 

Do not clean the nose with the fingers in public. 
Doesn't sound well, does it? But it looks worse than 
it sounds. 

Never pick the teeth nor clean the nails in company. 

One writer says, "Tardy attention to ears or finger- 
nails in our presence, showing that their owner has neg- 
lected to prepare himself for our society in the privacy 
of his dressing-room, is an insult." 

Keep shoes polished, and hair combed. 

Be honest and fair in your play as well as in the greater 
things of life. Mere courtesy to your playmates demands 
this. 

Do not try to " be smart. " Every boy likes the praise 
and attention of older persons; but the bright boy, the 
manly boy, gets this by worthy means. 

" I knew him for a gentleman by signs that never'fail; 

His coat was rough and rather worn, his cheeks were thin and 

pale — 
A lad who had his way to make, with little time for play; 
I knew him for a gentleman by certain signs to-day. 

" He met his mother on the street — off came his little hat; 
My door was shut — he waited there until I heard him rap; 
He took the bundle from my hand, and when I dropped my 

pen, 
He sprang to pick it up for me — this gentleman of ten." 

Do not call your playmates by nicknames. This is 
not kind, for the nickname is usually based upon some 
physical defect or some unhappy trait of character about 
which the person may be sensitive. 

Don't hecter nor tease younger children. Only a 
"bully" will do this. 

Do not make yourself unwelcome by asking a mul- 
titude of questions. 



FOR CHILDREN 113 

Be unselfish in your play, and don't get angry with 
your playmates. Don't insist on having your way in 
everything. 

Pass behind, not in front of, people. If the carrying 
out of this rule makes you conspicuous, pass in front, 
but say, "Please pardon me for passing in front of you." 

Do not stare at people. 

Never be late to any church service if you can possibly 
avoid it. The interruption incident thereon is a dis- 
courtesy to other worshipers. 

It is undesirable to pass between persons who are 
talking. If unavoidable, apologize. 

Good form demands apologies for tardiness to a class 
or in meeting an engagement, for absences, for mis- 
understandings, hasty words, or an abrupt, uncivil tone, 
or any other breach of courtesy. A brief explanation 
for reason of tardiness or failure to meet an engagement 
should accompany the apology. 

Don't laugh at your own stories or sayings. "If you 
say something amusing, others will do the laughing. If 
what you have said is not funny, it is ridiculous for you to 
laugh. " 

Do not appear to notice a scar, deformity, or defect of 
any one in your company. 

Deformity of the heart I call 
The worst deformity of all ; 
For what is form, or what is face, 
But the soul's index, or its case? 

— Colton. 

Do not walk with your arms about your chum on the 
street. 

Do not be noisy or rude on the street. 

If you wish to speak with one you meet on the 
street, it is more courteous to turn and walk along 
8 



114 GOOD FORM 

with the person a short distance than it is to stop him 
to talk. 

Be quick to pick up an object that an older person 
drops. When you receive a hearty "Thank you " for the 
courtesy, tip your hat, if a boy, in recognition. 

Give half the sidewalk to one you may meet. Never 
make it necessary for others to crowd by you. Step off 
the sidewalk if necessary. 

Do not scatter peanut shells, banana peelings, or bits 
of paper on the floor of a car, railway station, or on the 
street. 

Do not walk between a person and the light without 
begging his pardon. 

Be very attentive when receiving orders from a person, 
that you may fulfil your part without error. 

Never be impertinent nor impudent. A youth can 
hardly be guilty of a more ungracious act. 

On meeting older persons whom you know, never fail 
to speak courteously to them. It is the younger person's 
place to speak first. 

Never appear to see what another is apparently trying 
to keep others from seeing. 

Be willing to inconvenience yourself that you may do 
another a favor. A young man of Bainbridge, Georgia, 
several years ago exchanged his lower berth in a Pullman 
car for the upper berth of J. T. Young, the latter being on 
his way across the country for his health. Mr. Young 
recently died and left $20,000 to the young man who did 
him the favor. Not all persons are able to express so 
generously their appreciation of favors; but in no instance 
will the accommodating person be the loser. 

Be quick to offer your seat in a car to an elderly man or 
woman. This is as imperative for girls as for boys. 



FOR CHILDREN 115 

If you have been guilty of a misdemeanor, tell on your- 
self before you do on the other person. This is both the 
right and the courteous thing to do. 

Refrain from contradicting others. Even to those 
of your own age it is better to say, " I think you are mis- 
taken. " 

Do not be overpositive. "I sha'n't, " "I shall," "I 
won't, " savor strongly of stubbornness and rudeness. 

Never rush through a door, allowing it to swing to 
carelessly when another is about to pass through. One 
young man did this, — failed to look behind him, — and the 
result was a frail, hard-working elderly woman upon whom 
three grandchildren were depending for support suffered 
for weeks with a broken arm, worrying the while about the 
doctor's bill and the hungry children depending upon her. 
But happily this unfortunate experience wrought a trans- 
formation in this young man's habits. He learned to 
look behind him, to take thought for the one who might 
follow. 

When older people are conversing together, don't ask 
them to repeat for your benefit. Don't be inquisitive. 

Never be guilty of reading another's personal letters. 

Respect the property of others. Refrain from walk- 
ing on lawns, picking flowers, or in any way trespass- 
ing upon private property. 

Be happy, cheerful, and obedient in your home. 
This is the best way children have of expressing their 
gratitude to their parents, who through the years of their 
infancy, childhood, and youth give them such constant 
care. The children should do the singing, as it were, 
for their burden-bearers, as did the little birds a traveler 
tells about. He stood on the northern shore of the Med- 
iterranean Sea one day in September, and watched the 



116 GOOD FORM 

flocks of birds flying across the sea to their winter home 
in Africa. "Some of the birds flew so high," he said, 
"that they were mere specks in the sky; others kept so 
close together that they looked like a dark cloud against 
the brilliant blue. After a time he saw a flock of cranes 
approaching. Many of the smaller birds he did not rec- 
ognize, but the cranes were unmistakable. Imagine, 
then, his astonishment, when the flock of cranes were right 
above him, to hear the sound of beautiful singing, warbling 
trills and runs and shakes in sweet high notes. He said 
to himself, 'Cranes are big, strong birds, with a mighty 
power of flight, but never yet have I heard of a crane that 
could sing.' 

41 A little while afterward the traveler met a fisherman 
along the shore, and asked him the meaning of the singing. 
The man smiled and said, 'The next time you see a flight 
of singing cranes, fire a blank shot among them, and see 
what happens.' 

"The traveler did so; and at the sound of the report 
myriads of little birds flew frightened into the air. Whence 
had they come? — Off the backs of the cranes. The little 
birds found the journey long and wearying, so the large 
birds carried them; and in return for the help, the little 
birds sang with all their hearts to their kind friends. " 

The following stanza summarizes quite fairly the es- 
sentials of beautiful conduct in children, and it will help to 
win, for such as heed its counsel, the happy appellation, 
"Living jewels dropped unstained from heaven:" — 

" Be quick in obeying, be loving, be true; 
Be mindful of manners in all that you do, 
Be cheerful, be helpful, be gentle, be kind, 
Be-fore in all right ways; in wrong ones be-hind. 
Be earnest, be honest, be useful, be pure; 
Be good, and your happiness then is secure." 



In the Home 



Good manners are made up of petty sacrifices. — Emerson. 

He that rules only by terror, doeth grievous wrong. — 
Tennyson. 

"A cheerful home, a household kind, 
Will breed no grief, leave none behind." 

HP HAT a person should be as careful about his home 
manners as about his company manners is perhaps 
more easily conceded than fulfilled. Too often — 

" We vex our own 
With look and tone, 
Though we love our own the best." 

Apropos of this fact are the following incidents from 
real life : — 

"A young girl boarded with an elderly woman, who was 
not only landlady, but assumed for her also the place of 
parents. The girl had been out one evening. Upon her 
return a young man accompanied her as far as the door. 

'"He is my brother,' said the young woman. 

" ' Your brother ! ' replied the cynical old lady. ' Why, I 
saw him raise his hat to you when he walked away!' " 

"Do the young men deserve so severe a comment? 
Many, perhaps most, of them do. They are not always the 
boorish, rough, and uncultivated young men, either; nor 
is their incivility confined to their sisters. It is usually 
a family affair, not at all personal nor exclusive; simply the 
carelessness which comes from familiarity. But it robs 

117 






118 GOOD FORM 

life of a charm fine enough to be classed among the moral- 
ities. " 

A young man was entertaining in a reception-room, 
with his wife, when he stepped on her gown and stum- 
bled. In his annoyance he exclaimed: — 

"'Bother it, Mary! I wish you would either hold up 
your dresses or have them made short.' 

"The wife made no reply for a moment. Then she 
said, pleasantly: 'Charles, if it had been some other 
woman whose gown you had stepped on, what should you 
have said?' 

" The young man was honest with himself. He blushed 
and answered frankly: 'I should have apologized for my 
awkwardness, and I do apologize to you, my dear. I am 
ashamed of myself.' 

"We are ready to do for those who are nearest to us 
without stint or complaint, and we take pleasure in it. 
We ought also to remember that to give pleasure the deed 
should be framed in courtesy. A mother, a sister, or a 
wife, of all women, ought not to miss the consideration 
that mere acquaintances claim as a matter of course." 

Do not fail, either by words or by little attentions, to 
express often to the members of your own household your 
affection for them. 

Forbear to criticize; for criticism easily develops into 
nagging, which is destructive of a happy home atmosphere. 

Avoid argument in the home, especially over matters 
of small moment. Strife and bitterness more often result 
therefrom than good; for "opinions are like nails; the 
harder you hit them, the farther you drive them." 

On passing through a door leave it closed if you found 
it closed ; open, if you found it open. 

Never slam a door; close it quietly. 



IN THE HOME 119 

Do not pass into another's private apartment, espe- 
cially a bedroom, without rapping and obtaining per- 
mission. 

The well-bred hostess bids her guest "Good morning;" 
why should she fail to greet her daughter with this simple 
expression of good feeling? "The cordial interchanging 
of this simple morning greeting between parents and chil- 
dren often scatters incipient ill humor or drives away some 
lurking weariness or sadness. It acts like a sort of tonic 
breakfast. But if the mother waits for her daughter to 
say, 'Good morning,' and the daughter waits for her 
mother, the charm of it has all gone. The greeting must 
be mutual, spontaneous, loving; and when it so comes, 
a fresh, delicate sort of atmosphere begins to pervade the 
household. There will be no moody silence at the break- 
fast table, no complaints, no discordant reproofs or dis- 
cussions, but an air of sunshine and gladness." 

Be hospitable. And this does not impose a burden of 
elaborate entertaining. Simple, palatable fare is better 
than an elaborate menu where the person entertained 
knows that his presence has made too great demands upon 
one's time and strength. I heard a friend say: "I never 
fail to invite a person to my home, when circumstances 
seem to demand that I should, because I feel that I am not 
prepared. I can at least give him what I have prepared 
for my own family." 

"A man whose business makes him a good deal of a 
pilgrim once gave his hostess a hint on hospitality which 
she will not soon forget. Coming in unexpectedly, it was 
almost literally ' pot-luck ' he was to share, and she could 
not help an inward quaking as with her own hands she 
brought on the homely fare. But his instant appreciative 
word and glance put her at ease. ' It's pot-luck, you see!' 



120 GOOD FORM 

she laughed, nervously. 'Becm pot-luck,' he responded, 
quickly, adding, with sincerity, ' If you could only know 
how I have longed for months for a smoking plate of good 
old Boston beans! It's my first taste of home.' It is not 
the table groaning with unusual delicacies that best ex- 
presses hospitality, but a taste of home — our home, what- 
ever it is. This does not mean that a bit of extra frosting 
is forbidden, if there is leisure for it; but it does mean that 
whatever we decide to set before the guest, we pay him the 
compliment of believing him to be a person of sentiment. 
We tacitly say, 'Come, have an hour of home with me!' 
This simple, sincere way of treating people makes friends 
and intimates when expensive and conventional enter- 
taining would still leave us 'strangers.'" 

Hospitality is a duty. Yet this most gracious courtesy 
seems sweeter when aligned with pleasure than with duty. 
The old-time genuine home hospitality has quite largely 
given place to a more formal but less satisfactory system 
of entertaining, which consists of elaborate teas, lunch- 
eons, and dinners. 

Those who are accustomed to present-day entertaining 
are rarely able to give the unexpected guest a hearty wel- 
come. But a hostess is never more gracious than when 
she can sincerely welcome the stranger or unexpected 
friend, without being disconcerted at his presence. 

"In the days of our grandmother," says one writer, 
"it was considered a part of every housewife's duty and 
privilege to be ready to welcome the unexpected guest. 
Visitors were invariably invited to stay to a meal. I knew 
a dear old Scotch lady who always kept the ingredients for 
a Scotch shortcake measured and at hand ; when she saw a 
buggy turn in at the gate, she ran to the pantry, mixed the 
flour, butter, sugar, lemon peel, and nuts together, ac- 



IN THE HOME 121 

cording to the time-honored recipe, and before the guest 
arrived at the house had the cake in the oven, and was 
ready to extend the glad hand." 

"Six friends agreed to take turns in inviting one an- 
other home to lunch, without saying anything to their 
wives about it beforehand. This is what happened: 
Mr. A. was obliged to sit in a cold parlor with his friend 
while the table-cloth was being changed. Mr. B. had to 
excuse himself and make a trip to the grocery store before 
the meal was served. Mrs. C. insisted on changing her 
own gown and the clothes of two children before luncheon 
was announced. Mr. D. and his guest were kept waiting 
so long while additions were being made to the menu that 
they had only time to snatch a bite and run for their car. 
Mrs. F. was the only woman of the six who really rose to 
the occasion. When her husband opened the front door, 
she was found mounted on a step-ladder, dusting a cornice; 
she had a sweeping-cap on her head and a smudge on her 
face, but she actually smiled a radiant smile as she came 
down from her perch, saying, 'How lovely!' when her 
husband explained that he had brought his friend home to 
luncheon. 'Come right into the dining-room,' she said; 
' I'm afraid the parlor is not very warm.' In a minute or 
two she emerged from the kitchen with a clean face and a 
clean apron, and in an astonishingly short time she had an 
appetizing meal on the table. 

11 ' It is hardly fair to the rest of you,' her husband said 
to his friends afterward ; ' Maggie makes a kind of specialty 
of entertaining unexpected guests; in fact, most of our 
entertaining is done in just this way, I telephone from the 
office, "I'm bringing Jones up to dinner," and she tele- 
phones to Mrs. Jones to come, too. We can't afford to 
give elaborate company dinners, and people don't expect 



122 GOOD FORM 

them when they are invited in this informal way. Maggie 
always keeps an emergency shelf in the pantry, and some 
fresh fruit in season. She says it's no trouble at all to 
make a few additions to the usual bill of fare when one 
does this.'" 

Refreshments should not be considered a requisite of 
an acceptable social hour. It is no compliment to guests 
to assume that they can not be satisfied without having 
their appetites ministered to. The social hour should 
especially appeal to the intellect. Therefore, happy 
conversation, good music, recitations, talks, or intellectual 
games should alone make a social hour altogether accept- 
able to the most demanding guests. 

An observer recently denounced the usual church 
social as consisting of "small talk, senseless games, and 
indigestible refreshments." He said there was no excuse 
for eating and drinking in the middle of the night or after 
a person had had his supper. Many are debarred from 
entertaining their friends, because of the expense required 
in meeting the usual demands of custom. Better forego 
custom, even though it is a good one, than to deprive 
oneself and friends of a pleasant evening together. An 
acceptable drink, such as orangeade or grape-juice, will 
take the place of the more elaborate and less hygienic 
refreshments. 

Do not be quick to blame another for an accident or 
misfortune. You may yourself be more responsible. 
There were two Japanese families; one had wealth, the 
other had little of this world's goods. The gentleman of 
the wealthy family determined, if possible, to find out why 
things moved so much more smoothly in his neighbor's 
family than in his own. So he asked his neighbor the 
reason for the difference in their homes. 



IN THE HOME 123 

"The poor man replied, thoughtfully, 'Perhaps it is 
because you are all such good people at your house.' 

"The rich man objected that if they were all good peo- 
ple, certainly they ought to be happy together. 

"But the poor man would not recede. 'No, you are 
all good at your house. Now, at my house it is different. 
We are a faulty lot, and we all know it. To illustrate: 
Suppose I am sitting on a rug by the brazier, and the 
maid, passing there, kicks over my teacup, spilling tea 
over the mats. I immediately break out with, "Excuse 
me, excuse me. Very stupid of me! No business to leave 
a teacup out in the middle of the room for people to stum- 
ble over! Serves me right." 

" ' But the maid will not have it that way. She drops 
down, wipes up the tea with her handkerchief, and with 
beaming face, cries, "O Master, what a blunderbus I am! 
always stumbling and making trouble! It will only serve 
me right if you turn me off without a word one of these 
days." 

" ' You see how it is, we are such a faulty lot all around, 
and we know it so well, that there is no chance for ill 
feeling or quarreling.' 

"And the rich man, after thinking a moment, slowly 
said, ' I see it all. It would be very different at our house. 
I would turn to the maid with, " What are you up to now? 
You've only two feet; can't you look out for that number, 
or are they so big they are bound to hit every object in 
the room? I'll turn you off some day, and get a maid 
of more delicate build." And the maid would sullenly 
mutter, "A lazy man has no business to spread himself 
all over a room and get in busy people's way." You are 
right; we are all too good — ■ or at least we think we are.' " 

Children should not insist on having their way when 



124 GOOD FORM 

their parents or guardians hesitate about granting a de- 
sired permission. Parents, as a rule, never refuse their 
children pleasures unless they believe such refusal to be 
for their good. It is therefore both discourteous and un- 
kind to tease. Only recently a young girl of thirteen was 
urging her mother to allow her to go bathing in a near-by 
lake. The mother said she feared to have her go un- 
less her father or some gentleman friend could accompany 
the party of ladies who were preparing to go. But Ethel 
insisted, notwithstanding her mother's refusal. Finally 
a gentleman rooming at the same cottage, having heard 
the conversation, offered to accompany the party if his 
presence would be agreeable. His offer was gladly ac- 
cepted, and hardly were they all in the water before Ethel 
lost her footing and became entangled in her floating 
wings, and when observed was having a serious struggle 
with the waves and water. But fortunately just as she 
was about to relinquish hope of being saved, the gentleman 
came to her rescue. Had her mother given way to her 
persistent and therefore discourteous entreaties, and 
suffered her to go not properly escorted, without doubt 
she would have been drowned. Nearly three hundred 
children were drowned in New England during a recent 
year. Many of these fatalities would have been averted 
if all had refrained from insisting on having their own way 
despite the judgment of parents. 



At Church 



There are really no good manners without Christian souls. — 
Spanish proverb. 

"Entire sympathy with Christ will always heighten man's 
appreciation of man." 

T F a man sits or if he wears his hat at the tomb of Na- 
poleon, the officer on guard reprimands him, and insists 
on observance of the outward forms of respect. Dis- 
respect and irreverence, even in the house of God, do not 
usually receive such summary treatment; though we all 
recognize that such conduct is far more deserving of re- 
proof and correction. Extreme care on the part of all 
communicants is essential to a worshipful church at- 
mosphere. 

"The place whereon thou standest is holy ground," 
said the Lord to Moses at the burning bush. And he says 
the same to every one who enters a house dedicated to 
his service. Were this thought and feeling to possess 
one fully on one's entrance into the place of worship, 
irreverence would be an impossibility. 

The Jews had the tradition that unless eleven persons 
were present at a service, the Lord would not be there; 
but Jesus assured his followers that where two or three 
are gathered together in his name, there he would be to 
bless. Then if two persons are in the church who desire 
the presence of God, he is there, and the place is holy. 
Acceptance and appreciation of this promise of our Sa- 
viour will lead to reverent behavior in the place of worship. 

125 



126 GOOD FORM 

Regularity of attendance fosters reverence. One of 
the pastors of the church that Washington attended said 
of him: " I never knew so constant an attendant at church 
as Washington, and his behavior in the house of God was 
ever so deeply reverential that it produced the happiest 
effect in my congregation." 

The following suggestions are worthy of consideration 
by attendants upon church services: — 

Do not congregate on the steps or in the vestibule of 
the church, and thus compel others entering to pass in 
review, as it were, before you. Such a course occasions 
embarrassment. 

If from some unavoidable cause you are late, do not 
pass up the aisle to your accustomed seat during the 
Scripture reading, prayer, or sermon. Take a seat near 
the door. But if this is impracticable, make great effort to 
pass to your seat without noise. 

Find the hymn and share the book with your neighbor. 

Be devout in your attitude. A young girl when asked 
what led to her conversion, replied that it came as a re- 
sult of the devout attitude her Sabbath-school teacher 
maintained during the church service. 

Do not turn around in your seat at church or in the 
lecture-hall to look behind you. 

Take no notice of dog or cat that has strayed into 
church, unless you can assist in quietly removing it. 

It is good form for a man to remove his overcoat or 
rain-coat in the vestibule of the church. 

Never put on overcoat, wrap, or overshoes during the 
closing song of a church service. Leave all such matters 
until after the benediction. 

Do not rush out after the service is concluded; neither 
tarry to jest and laugh with friends. 



AT CHURCH 137 

Do not clear your throat noisily in church. One 
must be quite oblivious to the feelings of others to do this 
in any public gathering. 

Refrain from restlessness during a discourse, address, 
lecture, or concert. Miss Anna Burnham Bryant, in tell- 
ing how one sermon was spoiled for an elderly woman by 
the thoughtlessness of others in the congregation, gives a 
number of suggestive hints to those who would be cour- 
teous church attendants : — 

"Ten persons stole the best part of my sermon to-day, " 
said Aunt Sophia. "First thing, Jenny Peters took the 
text and ran off with it. She coughed, a nice little hacky 
kind of cough, just as the minister was going to give the 
chapter and verse. Something about 'redeeming the 
time ; ' I suppose I can look it up in the concordance. 

"I settled down to do without looking up the text, 
though I always like to look it up and mark it, when three 
pretty-appearing young persons, who had at last succeeded 
in getting ready to come to church, came tiptoeing in, and 
the rustling and all made me lose the whole fore part of 
the introduction, or outline, which I don't like to lose any 
more than I like to step right into a big house straight off 
the sidewalk. Sort o' needs a pair o' steps and a front 
entry or something. 

"Number five was a fidgety woman in front of me. 
She had a long chain of black beads that her little bead 
purse was fastened to; and she played with it. And she 
had a fan that she flirted some, and the rest of the time 
spent hunting after. She had a little belt bag that she 
kept snapping. She looked at her watch right in the 
face and eyes of the minister, and that had an old-fashioned 
hunter's case that snapped, too. At first she felt too 
warm, and took her wrap off; and by and by she put it 



128 GOOD FORM 

on again. Her gloves seemed to bother her a good deal 
by being tight round the wrists, and she held her hands 
right up in front of her and unfastened the lacings, and 
laced them up differently. There were a number of other 
things she did, too numerous to mention. 

" Across the aisle was a young man that read the hymn- 
book. I presume to say he was deaf, or partially so, for 
everybody else could hear the leaves rustling. A girl and 
a young man in front of him sat and whispered. I don't 
wonder the Bible has so much to say about whisperers, 
and names them in pretty bad company. The woman 
that sat with me wouldn't listen when the hymns were 
given out, and always had to lean over and ask me what 
was the number announced. Once, near the end of the 
sermon, she didn't quite catch a word, and leaned over to 
ask me what it was, and by that means I lost two whole 
sentences. 

"The last stroke and straw was when a woman finally 
concluded she felt faint and started to go out, and in so 
doing tumbled over the footstool. No; I don't feel to say 
that I enjoyed the sermon. What I'm wondering is 
whether the minister did. He must have seen and heard 
some of the disturbances." 

King Solomon gave a good rule for churchgoers. He 
said: "Keep thy foot when thou goest to the house of 
God, and be more ready to hear, than to give the sacrifice 
of fools, " which sacrifice must be inattention. 

Dr. Charles Sheldon, author of "In His Steps," in 
dedicating a new church for his congregation in Topeka, 
Kansas, had printed in the church bulletin the following 
pertinent points for his people to remember as they began 
to worship and work in their new church, points worthy 
of being put into practise by all worshipers: — 



AT CHURCH 129 

"It is God's house. I would therefore treat it with 
reverence. 

" I will not mar nor deface it in any way. 

"When I enter, I will offer a prayer for the Spirit's 
blessing on all that is said and done here. 

"I will join heartily and reverently in the song and 
prayer. 

"I will be a real worshiper, and not a listless or care- 
less critic. 

" I will be courteous to all strangers. 

"I will do my part to make this church a meeting- 
place for a brotherhood — no rich, no poor, no ignorant, 
no educated, no classes nor cliques as such; but all one 
family, met to worship God in spirit and in truth. I will 
remember that God is 'no respecter of persons.' 

"I will think of this house as a place where I hope to 
learn how to live better, to forgive and to love more, to 
have a vision of the kingdom, to consecrate and dedicate 
myself to God's service in every part of life." 

Do not sleep during the church service. It is an in- 
justice to the minister, and too noticeably announces your 
own weariness or disinterestedness. Especially should 
one occupying a seat on the platform avoid such an un- 
fortunate occurrence. He is supposed to be there to aid 
the speaker by his prayers and interest. Is it seemly, then, 
that he should so publicly betray his trust? Neither is 
it hardly in keeping with the alertness demanded of him 
for him to cross his legs, slide down in his chair, or in any 
way appear to put himself at great ease. Crossed legs 
are not becoming in the pulpit. Such an attitude on the 
part of a witness in the supreme court of New York recently 
brought from the judge a severe rebuke. 

Never consult your watch in the presence of one who 



130 GOOD FORM 

is lecturing or preaching. It is disconcerting to the 
speaker, for it seems to him that you are not interested 
in what he is saying, but are anxious for the lecture or ser- 
mon to be concluded. If he is uninteresting as a speaker, 
your action will tend to make him more so and you, 
therefore, do both yourself and him an injustice. The 
same rule applies to yawning, whispering, or noticeable 
restlessness. A suggestion that will, if followed, insure 
model church behavior, is to watch sincerely and in- 
terestedly throughout the sermon for some special message 
sent directly to you by the Father, whose thought is ever 
toward his children. 

These suggestions are of equal worth to the Sabbath- 
school pupil. Conversing with one another during the 
recitation is a great discourtesy to the teacher. Such 
behavior on the part of a pupil is often as a sharp arrow 
piercing the teacher's heart. 

Never sit still and allow three or four persons to squeeze 
past and over you in the church pew rather than rise and 
pass to the farther end of the seat. If it is important for 
any reason that you retain the end seat, rise and step out 
into the aisle, and allow those wishing a seat to pass in. 
The man who has grace enough to give up the end seat of 
a pew for the convenience of another is a valuable asset 
of the church. 

If gaping, or yawning, becomes a necessity, conceal 
the unattractive process as much as possible by use of the 
handkerchief or hand. 

When prayer is being offered, good form demands that 
one take a worshipful attitude, and maintain it through- 
out the prayer. To glance up when some one enters the 
room, or at any noise that may be heard, is decidedly bad 
form, not to say irreverent. 



AT CHURCH 131 

Dr. Francis E. Clark, founder of the Christian En- 
deavor Society, deplores the prevalence among young 
people of irreverence, the "American sin, " as he terms it. 
He makes the following suggestion, which if heeded would 
conduce at least to greater manifest reverence: — 

"In every church there should be a quiet moment 
after the benediction, when with bowed heads and rever- 
ent mien we wait before God for the blessing which has 
just been invoked upon us all. In this respect the Epis- 
copalians set an admirable example to most denominations 
in this country, though I have seen the same quiet moment 
observed in some Presbyterian churches in this country 
and always in Scotland. Why should not every service, 
whether preaching, prayer-meeting, or Christian Endeavor, 
be closed with a silent moment of meditation and prayer 
with bowed head and closed eyes ?" I commend this heart- 
ily as an invariable rule for the close of all our church 
services. 

Irreverence is frequently shown, both in the home and 
in the church, by rising in too great haste after prayer. 
Hardly is the "Amen" said before the worshipers begin 
to rise. Cultivate the habit of lingering on the knees 
for a moment after the prayer. The eminent Scotch 
preacher, Rev. Alexander White, of Edinburgh, in writing 
upon this point says: — 

"There is a house I am sometimes in at the hour of 
family worship. In that home after the psalm and the 
scripture and the prayers the head of the house remains 
on his knees for a brief period, then slowly and reverently 
rises as if he were in the King's presence, with his eyes and 
his whole appearance full of holy fear and holy love. And 
I have noticed that all his children have learned to do as 
their father does. And I have repeatedly heard his guests 



132 GOOD FORM 

remark on that reverential habit of his, and I have heard 
them confess that they went home rebuked, as I have often 
gone home reproved and instructed myself. 

"There is another house I am in sometimes which is 
the very opposite of that. Family worship is held there 
also ; but before the head of the home is off his knees, he has 
begun to give his orders about this and that to his servants. 
He has been meditating the order, evidently, during the 
prayer. It must have been in such a house or in such a 
synagogue, as that in which our Lord saw the wicked one 
coming and catching away the seed that was sown in the 
worshipers' hearts." 

If you are the speaker, be at least moderate in your 
changes from one side of the desk to the other. Too con- 
stant or too rapid motion distracts attention from what 
one is saying. I often have occasion to think of a little 
boy who for some time earnestly watched a minister pace 
back and forth from one side of the desk to the other be- 
hind the altar railing, meanwhile gesticulating strenuously. 
Finally the little fellow looked up to his father and said, 
earnestly and sympathetically, "Papa, why don't they let 
him out?" 

It is said that John B. Gough had this habit, but he 
was moved to it by his intense earnestness, and not in the 
effort to work himself up to say something of worth, or 
to prevent his audience from observing the poverty of his 
thought. You may follow Mr. Gough's course if you will 
accompany your action with something as good as he gave 
his audience. An incident related by the late Justice 
Brewer shows how admirably Mr. Gough succeeded in 
capturing the attention of his hearers. When a student 
at Yale, Mr. Brewer frequently heard Mr. Gough lecture 
on temperance. One night there was present at his lecture 



AT CHURCH 133 

a distinguished audience, and on the stage were many 
venerable and noted men of New Haven. The orator had 
described graphically how a drunkard had beaten and 
kicked his wife. As a climax he said, "Any man that will 
kick a woman ought to be kicked out of the universe," 
and emphasized his words with a vigorous thrust of one 
foot. With it every person on the platform, intensely 
wrought up, likewise kicked outward as did Mr. Gough. 

Be generous with strangers, graciously sharing your 
pew with them, and seeing that they are provided with 
hymn-books, and Bibles if needed. 

Allow no stranger to pass from the church ungreeted 
and unwelcomed. Cordially invite visitors to return. 

Listen sympathetically and prayerfully to the dis- 
course. If the speaker does not seem to have the freedom 
he desires, offer a silent prayer to God for a special blessing 
to come to his aid. If he is speaking manifestly under the 
direction of the Spirit of truth, remember in a similar way 
some one in the audience who is indifferent to spiritual 
things or who may be discouraged. 



' He, as he passes, whispers in mine ear 

One magic sentence only, 
And in the awful loneliness of crowds 

I am not lonely." 

The clasp of hands will oft reveal 
A sympathy that makes us feel 

Ourselves again; we lose our care, 
And in our heart's first glad rebound 
At tender sympathy new found, 

The world once more seems bright and fair. 



On the Street 

"Politeness is not always the sign of wisdom, but the want 
of it leaves room for the suspicion of folly." 

A beautiful behavior gives a higher pleasure than statues or 
pictures; it is the finest of the fine arts. — Emerson. 

V^/HEN a person enters the Bank of England, no mat- 
ter by what door, four pairs of eyes watch him, 
though he is unaware of the fact. Situated close to the 
doors are recesses in which are secreted four guardians of 
the institution. One can not see them, but they can watch 
one closely with the aid of reflecting mirrors, affording a 
view of both one's entrance and one's exit, as well as of 
every movement made from the time of entrance to the 
time of departure. A person on the street is subjected to 
more than four pairs of eyes; and though he may deem 
himself unobserved by those whose opinion he values, the 
street gives many surprises. So it is well to give special 
care to one's conduct on the street. 

It is inelegant, when walking, for a woman to move the 
arms so much as to be especially noticeable. Once such 
motions, it is said, were sufficient to deny a woman's 
claim to gentlehood, but the world is less conventional 
than formerly. Some one has suggested that the in- 
elegance of the action can be tested by fancying a bride 
and her attendants walking up a church aisle swaying 
their arms. 

Kissing on the street is provincial. There may be 
times when a public display of affection is pardonable; 

135 



136 GOOD FORM 

but as a rule, such expressions of friendship should be re- 
served for a more retired place. 

Do not sing nor hum under the breath. This is un- 
pardonable. 

Refrain from talking or calling across the street. 

Do not remove combs from the hair, in public places, 
and use them in rearranging the hair. 

Attending to the toilet before shop-windows, before 
the mirrors of public elevators, and when in the car by use 
of the pocket mirror, is not good form. 

Refrain from bantering in the trolley-car over who 
should pay the fare. 

Loud talking or laughing on the street or in a car is 
unbecoming. 

Refrain from eating on the street. 

Do not crowd nor jostle other persons on the street. 

Do not on the street point to objects. This habit is 
counted as a mark of one unused to cultured society. 

Do not stand in groups on street corners or at shop- 
windows, causing inconvenience to passers-by. 

Do not sit still in a car and allow a person with bundles 
to squeeze past and over you rather than pass to the farther 
end of the seat. 

Answer civilly and sincerely all questions asked you by 
a stranger. A noted writer and lecturer says that once 
he arrived in a town new to him, and having only a few 
moments to catch a train, he inquired of the only persons 
near, a group of schoolgirls, his way to the station. The 
leader of the group purposely directed him three squares 
out of his way, so that he missed his train. Again the same 
person says that once he was compelled to post some cor- 
respondence on a New York midnight train which left in 
a few minutes. He saw no one of whom to ask the where- 



ON THE STREET 137 

abouts of the train except some cabmen. They detained 
him ten minutes with characteristic badinage, without 
giving him any information. He advises one to ask all 
questions for information of men in uniform if it is at all 
possible to do so; but if none of these are at hand, ask 
older persons, rather than boys and girls. But there is no 
reason why an intelligent, courteous boy or girl can not 
give directions satisfactorily. It is unpardonable not to 
do so. Cultivate civility to strangers. 

In passing others on the street, never fail to give at 
least half the walk to the other person. Always turn to 
the right, unless you are in a country where custom de- 
mands the opposite. 

On getting into a carriage, "place the left foot on the 
step, if there be but one; your right if there be two: the 
object to be attained being the placing of your right foot 
first in the carriage, so that you may drop into the seat 
with ease." The same instruction holds in alighting 
from a carriage. 

Refrain from making remarks about those in the same 
car with you. It is more difficult than one sometimes 
thinks to keep the person remarked about from perceiving 
that he is the topic of conversation. 

"Correct Social Usage," a book published recently by 
the New York Society of Self-Cuiture, is authority for the 
following suggestions: — 

"When walking in daytime on the street, a lady does 
not take a gentleman's arm unless she is elderly or infirm. 
At night it is of course proper to do so. She should not 
thrust her arm through his, in the ungraceful manner often 
seen, but should lightly place her hand just within the 
curve of his elbow." A gentleman escorting two ladies 
at night, offers his arm to one of them. "The other lady 



138 GOOD FORM 

walks beside her friend ; it is not correct for the gentleman 
to sandwich himself between them. That side of the 
pavement where he can best guard his companion from 
obstacles or dangers is the side for the man to take; there- 
fore either the right or the left arm may be offered with 
equal propriety. A well-bred man offers his arm to the 
lady; he should never attempt to take hers. " 

Whether the persons are engaged or not, good form 
demands that there should be no special manifestation 
of regard shown in public. This is true even in the case 
of husband and wife. 

Don't chew gum in public places. Few would venture 
to do this after reading the following description by Will 
Carleton of the appearance of one who indulges in this 
pastime in public: — 

" It is a much more desirable thing than to be killed — 
this sitting in a trolley-car opposite a gum chewer ; but even 
that has its unpleasant features with some very fastidious 
persons. In fact, some are constituted on such sen- 
sitive lines that the sight of a mouth industriously working 
up and down massacring a mouthful which is apparently 
never to be swallowed, hurts the nerves badly. 

"There are different kinds of gum chewers. Notice the 
quiet, unostentatious person who has picked up one of the 
precious little prepared quids, from a penny box at the 
station, and is trying to get the good of it and not be ob- 
served. He does not like to suffer detection in the act; 
but that very feeling has its conspicuousness. Every- 
body knows that there is a wad of gum in that mouth, 
however slowly, deliberately, and slyly the leverage of 
the jaws may work. The nervous person opposite is al- 
ways waiting for the return movement, glad when it is 
over, and apprehensive of the next one. Probably no one 



ON THE STREET 139 

can even have a piece of gum in the warm storage of the 
mouth, and sit among people, without its being known, 
and in some degree resented. Then there is the out-and- 
out gum chewer, who is enjoying the function, and ap- 
parently does not care who knows it. His mouth may be 
large, but he manages to make it seem a great deal more so. 
He tips his head forward, to enjoy the luscious morsel a 
little more. He tips his head backward, so as to enjoy 
it still more. Sidewise to the right and the left also, sways 
he the receptacle which has received the perpetual morsel. 
Wag, wag, wag, go his jaws. Smack, smack, smack, go 
his lips. Happily, amid the roar of the cars, this latter 
series of concussions can not be heard; but one has little 
difficulty in imagining them. 

"Happily, and unhappily, the enthusiastic gum chewer 
in public does not know what a figure he presents, — hap- 
pily, because it would mortify him exceedingly; and un- 
happily because it would probably induce him to dis- 
continue the practise." 

So much are American tourists given to gum chewing 
that a well-meaning hostess at Oberammergau presented 
her American guests on their departure with a stick of 
chewing-gum, saying that although she did not chew gum 
herself, she knew Americans were very fond of it. The 
recipients of the good woman's gift happened not to be 
victims of the gum-chewing habit, as one of them discloses 
in writing of the incident: "For a minute," she says, 
"we were utterly nonplused. We could not tell this new 
friend our opinion of gum chewers in general, and of those 
who chew gum in Europe in particular, so we accepted the 
gift in the same spirit of kindly hospitality in which it was 
given, and my stick of gum is among my treasured sou- 
venirs of my stay under the great Mt. Kofel." 



140 GOOD FORM 

Gum chewing for a few minutes after meals may have 
some merit as an aid to digestion ; but it has nothing in its 
favor as an esthetic public performance. 

A woman should exercise care not to take too long 
nor too short steps. Very short steps give a jerky, un- 
dignified gait; while too long steps give a masculine ap- 
pearance. 

Men should also give attention to their walking car- 
riage. To realize the necessity of this admonition one 
needs only to sit by one's window and watch the passing 
pedestrians for an hour. The maintenance of a high 
chest will do much toward preventing the "slouchy" 
walk so often observed. 

Don't walk on the street with hands in the pockets. 

Don't stare at persons you meet on the street. 

Ladies should complete their toilet, even to the put- 
ting on of their gloves, before going upon the street. 

Refrain from turning and looking after* one who has 
passed you. 

Refrain from absent-mindedness on the street, else 
inexcusable accidents will bring upon you the lawful dis- 
pleasure of those you run against, or in other ways need- 
lessly annoy. 

Two persons ordinarily are enough to walk abreast on 
a crowded street. 

Two ladies should not each take an arm of the same 
gentleman. 

Be quick to recognize acquaintances, but slow to resent 
any seeming slight on the part of others, for a preoccupied 
mind and defective eyesight are alone responsible for many 
failures to speak to passing friends. 



Calls 



"Friends are lost by calling often and calling seldom." 

True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, 
But in the worth and choice. 

— Ben Jonson. 

The sooner you learn to be hurt and not injured, the better 
for you. — Will Carleton. 

"A man's good breeding is the best security against other 
people's ill manners." 

Gossip will die when it can find no listener. — L. A. Banks' 

TT is generally understood in small cities, towns, and in 
the country that residents will call upon strangers first, 
and not strangers upon residents. Good form demands 
that those calls shall be returned within one or two weeks, 
even though one may later allow the acquaintance grad- 
ually to lapse. In large cities the custom of calling upon 
the neighbor next door is not followed, persons sometimes 
living in the same block for years without ever calling 
upon one another. But it is a custom not to be recom- 
mended as worthy of adoption by the Christian man or 
woman. Those living near you in the city block may be 
in the greatest need of your friendship; and they may 
possibly prove in time to be your warmest friends. In 
the diplomatic circles of Washington, D. C, the stranger 
calls first on the residents. 

Most society women have a special day for receiving 
callers, known as the "At Home" day. This may be in 

141 



142 GOOD FORM 

every week or in every two weeks, as the lady may wish. 
The ordinary once-a-week At Home day is indicated on the 
visiting-card Society allows a woman the privilege of 
not receiving those who make a social call at other times 
than the one she has set apart for this purpose. From 
this viewpoint she may in truthfulness announce herself 
as not "At Home," merely meaning that this is not her 
day for receiving callers. 

We can, however, hardly conceive of a Christian 
woman availing herself of this convention of society. She 
might thus miss opportunities for service and for being 
served. Indeed, she might miss, as Edwin Markham 
suggests, the visit of the great Guest in the person of his 
needy but worthy children: — 

" ' Why is it, Lord, that your feet delay? 
Did you forget that this was the day? ' 
Then soft in the silence a voice he heard: 
' Lift up your heart, for I keep my word. 
Three times I came to your friendly door; 
Three times my shadow was on your floor: 
I was the beggar with bruised feet; 
I was the woman you gave to eat; 
I was the child on the homeless street.' " 

In large cities the fashionable calling hours are between 
three and six o'clock in the afternoon. Morning calls are 
never made except by intimate friends. Business calls, 
if of short duration, are permissible in the morning. " The 
foregoing applies to conventional custom. All of us are 
blessed with friends who are privileged to call upon us in 
the evening." 

Fashion says that the length of the call should be from 
fifteen to twenty minutes. But this depends upon the 
object of the call, the closeness of the friendship between 
the guest and hostess, and the leisure of each. Good 
common sense and an intuition quick to detect the accept- 



CALLS 143 

ableness and timeliness of a call, can be trusted quite as 
well as Dame Fashion to tell one when to cut short a call. 
By all means, be not a bore. Be sure to leave before your 
hostess wishes you to go; for America has no custom by 
which one can gracefully relieve oneself of a tedious caller. 
In China both guest and host at the beginning of the call 
are served a cup of tea. If the call seems likely to tres- 
pass upon an approaching engagement, the host may 
say to the guest, " Please to take your tea when it suits 
you;" or he may command the servant to bring in fresh 
tea. The guest, if wise, will see that his departure follows 
close upon either of these courtesies. 

Oliver Wendell Holmes had a unique way of tacitly 
suggesting to callers who lacked a fine sense of the value 
of another's time that their welcome was about dissi- 
pated, by handing to the visitor an autograph extract 
from some of his writings, asking him to take it as a keep- 
sake. Mr. Holmes called these extracts his lubricant. 
But it is a pitiable thing when a caller so trespasses upon 
a host's time that he feels compelled to give him a hint 
to leave. 

It is courteous and cordial to accompany a lady caller 
to the hall door, if there are no other visitors present; if 
the departing guest is a man, the hostess accompanies him 
only to the drawing-room door, unless he is an intimate 
friend of the family. 

Do not ring the door-bell nor knock too vigorously 
nor too often. Ordinarily, once is enough. 

If a hostess opens the door for a gentleman caller, she 
should precede him in entering the parlor; but if the caller 
is a lady, the hostess allows the caller to precede. 

If asked by a servant or any one at the drawing-room 
door, " What name, sir? " (or madam), the caller should 



144 GOOD FORM 

not reply Smith or Mary Brown; but, Mr. Smith, Miss 
Brown; or Mr. John Smith, Miss Mary Brown. 

If one calls upon a friend who is already entertaining 
a caller, good form demands that the first guest shall leave, 
not immediately after the second person arrives, but 
within a few minutes after. 

It is always woman's prerogative to make the move to 
go from any social function. If two women are calling, 
the older gives the signal for leaving, unless some special 
circumstance gives that privilege to the younger. 

A caller's departure is announced simply by rising. 
And it is not necessary for the hostess to urge her guests to 
prolong their stay. She should never do so in the case of 
formal acquaintances; and in the case of friends, she must 
not press her invitation to stay to the point of embarrass- 
ment: for however much her friend might enjoy pro- 
longing the call, other duties may make it inconvenient 
for her to do so at that time. Neither should one "speed 
the parting guest too blithely, lest it appear that one is 
glad to be relieved of her presence." 

When taking leave, one should choose a moment when 
there is a lull in the conversation, and then take leave of 
the hostess, letting one bow include the others in the room, 
unless it is an informal gathering of only a few intimate 
friends. 

When a person has received an invitation to call on 
another, it is well merely to say, "Thank you," heartily, 
and then call as soon as convenient. To return the 
compliment by saying at once, "Thank you, and you 
come to see me," is not good form. 

When one calls on a friend in an apartment-house 
where there are speaking-tubes connected with the bell, 
one should, immediately after ringing, call through the 



CALLS 145 

proper tube her name and that of the person she wishes 
to see. 

One discharges her social obligation by calling upon a 
neighbor, even though the caller finds her neighbor not 
at home. 

When a daughter is in the parlor, and her mother is 
entertaining callers, she should rise when her mother does 
in bidding them good day. The same is true of a boy or 
young man. 

It is not good form for a young girl who is ill to re- 
ceive men callers in her room. If she is very ill, there is no 
impropriety in her mother's bringing her betrothed to see 
her, although, of course, the mother should remain in the 
room during his visit. 

Unless a young woman receives a personal invitation 
from her fiance's mother, it is not good form for her to 
visit at his home. 

If a young woman knows that her parents have not yet 
retired to their sleeping apartments, and the hour is not 
late, she may ask her escort in on returning home from the 
evening's entertainment; otherwise she should bid him 
good night at the door. 

"If a woman lives in a boarding-hall, and has only 
one room," says the author of "Practical Etiquette," 
"it would be very bad taste to receive any gentleman 
visitor there. Even if it is not quite so agreeable, he 
should be received in the public parlor." 

" In very formal society, " says " Correct Social Usage, " 
"young ladies who are everywhere chaperoned by their 
mothers do not, as a rule, ask men to call upon them. 
The chaperon fulfils this duty by saying: ' I should be very 
glad to see you on our Tuesdays at home, Mr. A.;' or, * I 
shall be very glad to meet you again, Mr. A. ; we are at 
10 



146 GOOD FORM 

home on Mondays, and very often in the evening.' This 
foreign rule, while it obtains in our most exclusive and 
formal society, is not followed elsewhere, and the young 
American woman selects and invites the majority of her 
masculine callers. She should not ask a married man 
to call, nor one engaged, nor one of whom she is aware her 
parents disapprove; neither should she, more than once, in- 
vite a gentleman to call. If he fails in due time to take ad- 
vantage of the opportunity offered him, she can safely 
decide that he does not desire to do so, and that future 
invitations will merely embarrass him and detract from 
the value of her own hospitality. Some young ladies 
wisely await a second meeting before inviting an agree- 
able man to call. Again, a discreet woman watches for 
some delicate indication of desire for or interest in her 
company before inviting a man to her home. A young 
lady invites a man to call upon her in very much the same 
terms employed by a matron. 

"In parts of this big country of ours the rule of eti- 
quette exacts that the man shall request of the lady he 
admires permission to call at her home. When he wishes 
to confer a very high compliment, he asks this privilege 
of the mother of a young and unmarried woman. To do 
so gracefully he may say: 'Mrs. A., I trust I have your 
permission to call in the near future if you and Miss A. 
are at home.' A gentleman is entitled to make this 
request, whatever the prevailing rule of the neighbor- 
hood may be, provided he feels sure that the lady has 
evinced a friendly manner." 

Good form does not permit a very young woman to 
invite a gentleman to call upon her. 

The following summary of what are usually regarded 
as imperative calls may be of interest: — 



CALLS 147 

"The call at least once a year upon those on your 
calling-list ; the call after having been entertained at dinner, 
or luncheon, or at an evening entertainment; the call of 
congratulation after a marriage or a birth; the call of 
condolence upon those in sorrow; the call of inquiry at 
the house of illness; the call upon the newcomer into your 
neighborhood, or upon a stranger who has been introduced 
to you by a friend; the return call, when a first call has 
been made upon you. None of these can be evaded. 
A first call should be returned within a week, or at longest 
a fortnight; a dinner call, or, in fact, any others of those 
named, should be paid promptly." 

When a woman is visiting, any acquaintance who calls 
upon her should also ask for her hostess, and if she is 
absent, leave a card for her. 

To keep callers waiting long after announcing their 
presence by the ringing of the bell, is an unpardonable 
offense. 

Keep a neat paper pad and a pencil on the hall table, 
so that callers may leave a message if desirable to do so. 

If one, on meeting another, fails to recall the name, 
he should frankly say so. 

. Some of us may be too honest, so we think, to say 
we are glad to see one when we are not; we may be too 
honest to ask one to come again when really we prefer 
not to have the person call. This is commendable. 
We should certainly refrain from saying we are glad if 
we are not; but Christian courtesy demands far more 
than this of us. It demands that we get rid of that 
peculiarly unkind feeling that is hid in the heart, so that 
we shall be really glad to see all who may come to our 
door. Not until one is possessed of this spirit can one be 
said to be truly courteous. 



Write Your Name Plainly 

Why are your letters 

Carefully penned 
Only to jumble 

Right at the end? 

Words in a sentence, 

If we're in doubt, 
Just by the context 

May be made out; 

But a man's signature, 

One lonely scrawl — 
That is the craziest 

Writing of all! 

Are you like Roosevelt, 

So known to fame 
That "T. R." will answer 

For your full name? 

— Christian Endeavor World, 



Letter- and Note- Writing 

I will chide no breather in the world but myself; against 
whom I know most faults. — Shakespeare. 

"Think much, speak little, write less." 

" For a letter, timely writ, is a rivet to the chain of affection ; 
And a letter, untimely delayed, is as rust to the solder." 

A BUSINESS letter written illegibly is an unpardonable 
offense; and a letter of friendship penned carelessly 
is a discourtesy, to say the least. One should not so 
presume upon friendship, nor upon the leniency of the 
members of one's immediate household. Friendship 
letters are written for the sole purpose of giving pleasure; 
then one should be careful not to detract from the pleasure 
by illegible penmanship. 

A letter consists of distinct parts, and each of them 
should be given special attention by the letter- writer. 
These parts are: — 

The heading — place and date. 

The address — name of individual or firm addressed. 

The message — body of letter. 

The subscription — including phrases of compliment. 

The signature — name of writer. 

The superscription — name and address on envelope. 

There is a place and accepted form for every part of a 
well-written letter, and the acceptable letter-writer must 
conform to these conventions. The following form in- 



149 



150 GOOD FORM 

dicated by the lines gives the approved place for each 
part of a letter: — 



Envelope 



In answering a letter it is well to give the date of the 
letter being answered; but avoid the ordinary stereotyped 
way of doing it. 

Read over letters before answering them. 

Answer the questions of a letter. 

Use jet-black ink, and plain unruled paper or delicately 
tinted paper. 

Leave margin at left side. 

Date a letter at upper right-hand corner; a note is 
usually dated at lower left-hand corner. 

Except in very formal letters, one may in beginning 
a letter say, "My dear Mrs. Stevenson" or "Dear Mr. 
Stevenson." In addressing a strictly business letter to 
one of whose social standing you know nothing, "Dear 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 151 

Madam" or "Dear Sir," "Madam" or "Sir, " may be 
used. 

Avoid beginning a letter with the pronoun I. 

Do not abbreviate ordinary words, such as conjunctions 
and relative pronouns. 

Never write figures to express quantities; as 8 gallons. 

Never use slang in a letter. 

Write "Very truly yours," "Very sincerely yours," 
"Yours respectfully," or "Yours truly." It is regarded 
as better form not to omit the word "yours," writing 
simply, "Very sincerely" or "Respectfully." 

Sign the full name at close of letter. Don't assume 
that business offices know all about you. They do not. 
In every such communication give not only your full 
name, but your address also. Even in friendship letters 
the full name is preferable to the given name only. 

Do not make the postscript carry all your love to the 
family, nor burden it with other important messages. 
Leaving such matters for the "forgetful man's paragraph" 
may suggest that they make little impression on your mind, 
and therefore are not complimentary to the one receiving 
them. 

Read over letters before sending them. 

Enclose a stamp when writing to a stranger on your 
own business. Pin it on with a small pin instead of stick- 
ing it on the letter. 

Write short letters to persons upon whose time you 
have little claim. 

A woman's name upon an envelope must always be 
preceded by her title. If there is uncertainty in regard 
to whether it is Miss or Mrs., it is complimentary to use 
Mrs. If she has a profession, the title indicating the 
profession should be used in all business correspondence. 



152 GOOD FORM 

In social correspondence Miss or Mrs. should be used. 

Address all communications to a married woman in 
her husband's name. 

In addressing notes or letters to a man use a title. 
It is not customary to use Mr. or Esq. when Jr. or Sr. is 
used in the address. 

Put stamp on upper right-hand corner of envelope. 
Make sure that your letter or parcel has all the postage 
demanded by its weight. Failure to do so is an imposi- 
tion upon the receiver. 

A letter of introduction should be an unsolicited 
courtesy. A degree of reticence in asking for such a letter 
is therefore necessary. 

In giving one a letter of introduction to a friend, it is 
well to write in advance to your friend, giving more de- 
tailed information than would be proper in the letter 
itself. A letter of introduction is left unsealed. A man 
usually presents such a letter in person, handing his own 
card with the note of introduction to the one who receives 
him A woman usually sends her card with her address 
thereon, and the letter, through the mail. It is of course 
imperative that a call upon the lady be made promptly 
by the one who receives the note of introduction. 

The anonymous letter is in disfavor in good society. 

Don't substitute the picture post-card for the letter 
you should write. One writer cites instances where the 
card will not be an acceptable substitute for the letter: — 

"Your father wants to know all about the duties of 
your new position. A picture of one of the streets of the 
town will not satisfy him. 

"Your mother wants to know about the comforts and 
discomforts of the new boarding-place. A view of the 
nearest object of natural scenery will not tell her. 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 153 

"Your chum wants to know about the work and the 
play at college. A picture of the president's house is 
not so interesting. 

"Your aunt wants to know what fun the box of good 
things to eat afforded. You can not tell her in a space 
two and one-half inches square. 

"Your friend's mother has broken her hip, and your 
friend has been obliged to give up her vacation. A 
picture of some place you visited during your last auto 
ride will hardly convey deep sympathy. 

"Your Sabbath-school teacher in the old home will 
be less interested in a picture of the outside of the church 
in the new home than in an account of what is going on in 
that church. 

"It might be easy to send post-cards to these good 
friends of yours. To send them letters will be in better 
form, because it is kinder and more Christian." 

Do not reject manuscript nor send duns or complaints 
by post-cards. 

Be chary in the use of comic post-cards. They may 
be humorous, but they are quite likely to be coarse. 

In folding a letter written upon the ordinary business- 
letter paper, take hold of lower right-hand corner of the 
page on which the writing is, and place it about one-half 
inch below the upper right-hand corner, on the edge of 
sheet, then crease sheet. Turn letter as folded so that the 
left edge will be toward you. Take the lower right-hand 
corner and fold over on lower edge until it comes two 
thirds of the way across the sheet. Fold the remain- 
ing third over the folded part by creasing at the edge of 
folded part. 

Place a letter or note in the envelope in a way to 
make it unnecessary for the receiver on removing it to 
turn it over before reading it. 



154 GOOD FORM 

A married woman should never sign her name with 
the prefix Mrs., unless the Mrs. is in parentheses; thus, 
(Mrs.) Irma Stuart. But the following form is preferable: 
If Bertha Smith is married to Mr. John Jones, she should 
sign her name Bertha Smith Jones, or Bertha S. Jones, 
whichever she may prefer. This is the proper signature 
for all business matters, and the one to be used in writing 
to her friends and acquaintances. In concluding a business 
communication, if she has doubts whether the person to 
whom she is writing knows her married title, she writes 
it in parentheses beneath her name, or places it at the left, 
thus, — 

Bertha S. Jones. 
Mrs. John Jones, 

Takoma Park, D. C. 

An unmarried woman on her visiting-cards should 
use the title Miss, but never in her ordinary correspond- 
ence. In business communications where she is a 
stranger to the person addressed, she should prefix the 
title Miss, making sure to enclose it in parentheses. 

In signing her name a woman should not use only the 
initials of her given and middle names with the surname. 
This is man's prerogative. 

If you are writing to another, avoid saying, "I am so 
very busy I can't take time to write more this time, " for 
such a statement is quite likely not to carry with it the 
idea that the correspondence is a pleasure. 

Make sure that no letter or manuscript passes your 
hands without being properly addressed. The address 
of the sender should be on every letter and package, as 
well as that of the one to whom the mail is sent. Recently 
a clerk in the dead-letter division of the Post-office De- 
partment ran across a letter that contained one hundred 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 155 

dollars in bills, but nothing whereby the identity of the 
sender could be determined. 

A similar package from a Western city, addressed to 
a name in Africa, was returned to the division of dead 
letters. In it were five new one-hundred-dollar bills. 
The owner of the money, after a long search, was dis- 
covered, and the contents of the letter returned. 

Receipts of this character, it is said, average about 
sixty thousand dollars a year, about sixty-eight per cent 
of which is restored to the owners, leaving thirty-two per 
cent to be conveyed into the United States Treasury, 
where it is held, subject to reclamation, for four years, 
after which time the money becomes the property of the 
United States government. A special act of Congress 
is necessary to recover it. 

Be careful to discriminate between street and avenue. 
Many letters go astray, and carriers are often inconve- 
nienced, by such carelessness. 

"The date in full should always be put on letters, 
whether of a business or a social nature. In their social 
correspondence women are prone to either omit the date 
altogether or write merely the day of the week. Perhaps 
the letter has come from a distance, and has been five 
or six days on the road, and proves to be full of references 
to time, such as, ' I am going to start for home next Thurs- 
day' or, 'I shall be at this address until Tuesday,' which, 
in the absence of a date on the letter, are confusing to the 
reader. 

"The date of a letter often decides an important issue. 
I recall an instance in which a woman wrote simultaneously 
to two men, asking them whether they wanted to buy a 
piece of real estate she owned. One replied by return 
mail, and said he would go and examine the property, 



156 GOOD FORM 

but that it would be a month or six weeks before he could 
say positively whether he would buy it. A month later 
the other man wrote, and said he did not want to purchase 
the property himself, and advised her to offer it to the 
man she was already negotiating with. When the sale 
was made, her adviser claimed a commission. She pro- 
duced the correspondence, which showed that the deal 
was practically all settled before he wrote his letter. So, 
of course, he could not collect a commission." 

Answer business communications promptly. Letters 
of friendship asking for information should receive an im- 
mediate response. Especially should a young person 
receiving a letter from an older person respond to all 
questions or directions at the earliest opportunity. 

Follow a visit by an early letter to your hostess. 

All gifts received from a person at a distance should 
be promptly acknowledged by a sincere, well-written note 
of appreciation. A tactful, cheery note may be prized 
by the receiver more than a costly gift would be. Even 
those of the home circle often prize these tokens of 
affection. 

Avoid the use of trite, or worn-out, expressions in your 
letters, especially in business letters. The following 
examples, given by the editor of Correct English, contain 
some of the expressions now in most disfavor : — 

Say: "We have your letter," not, "We have your 
favor." 

Say: "I have your letter of the sixteenth, and it shall 
receive prompt attention," not, "I beg to acknowledge 
your favor of the sixteenth, and in reply to the same 
would state. " 

Say: "I wish to say," or, "Allow me to state," not, 
"I will state." 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 157 

Say: "We inform you," not, "We beg to state." 

Say: "We enclose, " not, "We beg to enclose herewith. " 

Say: "Your letter or "order," not, "Your valued 
favor" or "order." 

Say: "We agree," not, "We hereby agree." 

Say: "We shall keep informed of Mr. Blank's plans," 
or, "We shall inform ourselves of Mr. Blank's plans," 
not, "We shall keep in touch with Mr. Blank's plans." 

Say: "We discussed the subject of," not, "We talked 
along this line." 

Say: "Fortunately," not, "As good luck would 
have it." 

Say: "Hoping that we may receive an early reply," 
not, " Hoping that we may be favored with an early reply. " 

"An official letter addressed to the President of the 
United States begins, 'Sir;' it concludes, 'I have the 
honor to remain your most obedient servant.' A social 
letter begins, 'My dear Mr. President;' it concludes, 
1 1 have the honor to remain most respectfully [or sincerely] 
yours.'" 

"An official letter to the Vice-President, to a senator, 
or to a member of the House of Representatives begins, 
'Sir' or 'Dear Sir.' Such a letter to the Vice-Presi- 
dent concludes as does one to the President. The con- 
clusion for senators and representatives is the same 
as that for members of the Supreme Court, 'Believe 
me, truly [or most sincerely] yours,' etc. To the gov- 
ernor of a State, an official letter begins, 'Sir;' it con- 
cludes, 'I have the honor, Sir, to remain your obedient 
servant.' " 

If addressing the members of a firm, as Messrs. Double- 
day, Page & Co., it is correct to say "Sirs," "Dear Sirs," 
or "Gentlemen." The former addresses, however, are 



158 GOOD FORM 

preferable to the latter, some authorities debarring alto- 
gether the use of "Gentlemen" in this connection. 

Refrain from writing letters expressing unkind or 
angry sentiments; but if you write them, never send them. 
Mr. Amos R. Wells in his little poem "The Letters I Have 
Not Sent" suggests the desirability of according them 
such treatment: — 

I have written them keen and sarcastic and long, — 

With righteously wrathful intent, 
Not a stroke undeserved nor a censure too strong, — 

And some, alas! some of them wentl 

I have written them challenging, eager to fight, 

All hot with a merited ire; 
And some of them chanced to be kept overnight, 

And mailed, the next day — in the fire! 

Ah, blessed the letters that happily go 

On errands of kindliness bent; 
And much of my peace and my fortune I owe 

To the letters I never have sent. 

The following examples of letters and notes of various 
kinds may be suggestive of the usages of good so- 
ciety : — 

Worcester, Massachusetts, 

_ JT January ii, IQ13. 

My dear Mr. Randall, — 

The bearer of this letter is Mr. Henry L. 

Wright, the son of Hon. J. L. Wright, of this city. Mr. 

Wright is to connect with one of the large mercantile 

establishments in your city. Any courtesy you or your 

family may show him will be greatly appreciated by me. 

* am ' Cordially yours, 

TT _ _, • Frank D. Hopeful. 

H. E. Randall, 

125 Broadway, New York. 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 159 

Washington, D. C, 

^ ^ ^ ^ay 10, 1 913. 

Curtis Publishing Company, 

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. 

Dear Sirs, — 

Enclosed please find money-order for $1.50, for 
which send to my address for one year the Ladies 1 
Home Journal. Vfiry truly yourS| 

Mrs. H. C. Reavis, Clara M - Reavis - 

125 Carroll Avenue. 



Boston, Massachusetts, 

Messrs. Harper Brothers, July 7 > IQI2 ' 

Franklin Square, 

New York City. 
Sirs, — 

Please change the address of my Harper's Weekly 
from 18 Ashland Avenue, Riverside, California, to 217 
Courtland Street, Boston, Massachusetts. 
Respectfully yours, 

(Mrs.) Josie Strong. 



Will Miss Palmer do Mr. Rosewood the honor to 
accompany him to Mr. EJmendorf's lecture at the Na- 
tional Theater, Sunday evening, at eight o'clock? 
1 1 18 Salonika Street, 
January ten. 

Miss Palmer accepts with pleasure Mr. Rosewood's 
invitation for Sunday evening, January thirteen. 
Friday, January eleven. 



160 GOOD FORM 

Miss Palmer regrets that owing to a previous engage- 
ment she can not accept Mr. Rosewood's invitation to 
attend Mr, Elmendorf's lecture on Sunday evening, 
January thirteen. 

Friday afternoon. 



Mrs. Howard E. True requests the pleasure of Mr. 
James L. Courtner's presence at dinner on January 
twelve, at six o'clock. 

17 Baltimore Street, 
January seven. 

Mr. James L. Courtner regrets that he can not accept 

Mrs. Howard E. True's invitation to dinner on January 

twelve, since he has an appointment to be in Boston at 

that hour for consultation with the president of his firm. 

27 Acushnet Avenue, 

January eight. 



1118 Salonika Street, 
Dear Miss Palmer,- Thursday Evening. 

Burton Holmes gives one of his lectures, or 
travelogues, Sunday evening, January thirteen, at eight 
o'clock, at the National Theater. May I have the pleasure 
of escorting you to the National on that occasion? 
Very sincerely yours, 

William Rosewood. 
Miss Blanche Palmer, 

17 Pine Street. 

17 Pine Street, 

My dear Mr. Rosewood,- Januar y "• '«»• 

I shall gladly accept your invitation to 



LETTER- AND NOTE-WRITING 161 

attend the lecture to be given next Sunday evening at 
the National Theater. I have heard Mr. Holmes once, 
so I know I shall greatly enjoy the evening. 

Very sincerely yours, 
Mr. William Rosewood, Blanche Palmer. 

I i i 8 Salonika Street. 



Transit Pass, Oregon, 
My dear Maud,- June 10, i 9 i 4 . 

What a comfort and blessing are our friends I 
So I thought when I saw your letter as it lay on the table, 
where I was depositing my bundles after a wearisome but 
satisfying shopping trip into the city. It was bargain day, 
you see; and I had found some things I seriously needed, 
at greatly reduced prices; and then again I found some 
warm, comfortable children's garments, such as I plan to 
keep on hand for special calls. Not having any little 
prattler to brighten my own home, I never want to miss an 
opportunity of helping to make some poor child comfort- 
able. Such opportunities come oftener than one might 
think. It is such a task to get to the city that I must 
always be prepared for whatever comes. 

Can't you spend next Wednesday with me? Bring 
your "knitting" along, and we shall spend most of the 
day in the grove by the lake. I have one of Dr. Isaac T. 
Headland's books on China, which we can read when we 
have finished our sewing. Come early, and bring a basket 
along, for I have a taste of country garden for you. 
As in days of old, 

Pauline Stevenson. 
Mrs. O. R. Radcliffe, 

Moosehead, Oregon. 
ii 



" The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none." 

"A bigot's mind is like the pupil of the eye: the more light 
you pour upon it the more it contracts." 

" Nothing is small which helps you along in your career, which 
broadens your horizon, deepens your experience, or makes you 
more efficient in the great service of life." 



Visiting-Carcis 



"Good manners are like standard gold; they are current all 
the world over." 

"True politeness is always so busy in thinking of others that 
it has no time to think oi itself. " 

Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed: 
nature never pretends. — Lavatev. 

HP HE card should be of plain white cardboard. It 
should be engraved or written, not printed. The 
size of the card varies with the changing fashion. The 
card of a young woman is usually smaller than that of a 
married woman. Men's cards are smaller than those of 
women, being both narrower and shorter. 

The European countries have customs similar to ours 
in regard to the size and use of the visiting-card, but some 
of the Oriental countries display a much larger card than 
we are accustomed to seeing. An incident that occurred 
in 1844 when M. de Lagrene was sent from France as 
minister extraordinary to China, illustrates this fact: — 

"The courtesy of the ambassador greatly impressed 
the Chinese statesmen, particularly their doyen. When 
the negotiations had been completed and the French 
minister was ready to embark, a delegation brought him 
a great roll of paper. The ambassador, seeing this parcel, 
at once thought this was a present, knowing Chinese 
methods, but to his surprise the delegates started to un- 
roll the cylinder, which extended to about fifty meters of 
paper, over one hundred sixty-two feet. Then he learned 

163 • 



164 GOOD FORM 

that it was the visiting-card of the doyen. In returning 
his modest little bristol -board, the humiliated ambassador 
added a few words, which read : ' The ambassador of France 
regrets that he is able to offer only these simple words to 
Your Excellency.'" 

A married woman should always have engraved on 
her card her married name, using her husband's first name 
in full and his surname, with the prefix "Mrs." Of her 
husband's middle name, she may use either the initial or 
the name in full; as, — 

Mrs. George Willis Thompson 

or 

Mrs. George W. Thompson 

If she wishes to announce her profession, as that of a 
physician, she should use her own given name with her 
title, and not that of her husband. 

A widow may retain her deceased husband's name upon 
her card as long as she chooses, though she may with pro- 
priety after a few years revive the use of her own Chris- 
tian name. A divorced woman may use her married sur- 
name with her given name, or she may use her maiden 
name entire. In either case she must retain the title Mrs. 

The title must always be upon the card of an unmarried 
woman. The address may be placed on the lower right- 
hand corner and her reception day on the left, if she is 
no longer a debutante. The following is an example of 
such a card: — 

Miss Lora C. Clement 

Tuesdays 1825 Massachusetts Avenue. 

According to the latest decrees of good form, the joint 



VISITING-CARDS 165 

card for husband and wife is obsolete, except as an ac- 
companiment of gifts or as a New-year or Christmas 
token. The joint card should be a little larger than the 
single card used by a married woman. 

Sometimes two sisters or a mother and daughters have 
joint cards. In case of two daughters' names appearing 
on a joint card with the mother's, the younger daughter's 
given name must be used. 

Mrs. Clarence Wilson Piper 

Miss Piper 

Miss Lucile Piper 

In fashionable society a debutante during her first 
year of making formal calls has no separate card, but has 
her name engraved on a card below that of her mother. 
If she is the eldest daughter or the eldest unmarried 
daughter of a family, the card is thus engraved : — 

Mrs. John McCune Holliday 
Miss Holliday 

The address is, as in all other cards, in the lower right- 
hand corner. If the debutante has an older unmarried 
sister, then the younger woman must use her given name 
on the card. When calling alone, she uses this card, 
drawing a light pencil mark through her mother's name. 
The mother never uses a joint card only when the daughter 
whose name is on the card is calling with her. 

A man should always have the title "Mr.," with his 
name in full, placed on his cards, unless they are to be used 
for business purposes only, in which case his professional 
title is substituted for the ordinary one; as, Dr. Roland 
B. Harris or Roland B. Harris, M. D., and Rev. John 
Roberts Kunz. If Jr. or Sr. is affixed to a name, the title 
Mr. is omitted. A youth's card never has a title. 



166 GOOD FORM 

The address on a gentleman's card may be placed 
on either the lower left- or right-hand corner. 

In making calls, the visiting-card should be placed 
upon the small tray which the servant holds out for it 
as one enters the door. If there is more than one lady 
belonging to the family, and if there is a lady guest with 
whom you are acquainted, place a card upon the tray 
for the ladies of the home, and one for the guest. If 
it is the first call of the season, a married woman should 
leave her husband's card with her own; but this will 
not be necessary afterward unless he has been invited to 
some formal function. Never hand a visiting-card to 
any one but a servant. It may be carelessly dropped in 
the card-receiver in the hall as one passes out. 

"Correct Social Usage" says: "Don't hand a card to 
the servant who opens the door until after you have been 
informed whether the lady is at home or not. In case 
the friend upon whom you are calling is at home, it is no 
longer customary to offer the servant a card." The visitor 
is asked into the drawing-room, and after being informed 
that the mistress is at home, says: "Will you say Mrs. 
Thompson desires to see her?" 

Mrs. Herrick, in her admirable book "The Modern 
Hostess," advises gentlemen in regard to the use of calling- 
cards in calling upon young women, thus: — 

"The young man in his eagerness toward a particular 
lady, often forgets the courtesy due her mother or chap- 
eron and the other ladies of the home, and sends up or 
leaves a card for only the lady in question. This is ill- 
advised, besides ill-mannered. Two cards should always 
be sent up or left, — one for the mother or chaperon, who 
is at any rate his hostess, however little he wishes to 
see her." 



VISITING-CARDS 167 

It is correct for a lady calling upon a stranger to send 
up her card. 

It is proper to call or to send cards soon after one has 
been invited to a wedding, or has received the announce- 
ment of one. 

P. p. c. are the initial letters of the French words pour 
prendre conge (to take leave). If, on leaving town, one 
is prevented from returning the calls which one owes, 
visiting-cards bearing these letters may be mailed as 
substitutes for personal calls. Such a card requires no 
acknowledgment on the part of the recipient. 

The visiting-card may be used for extending invi- 
tations to both formal or informal receptions. But the 
custom of issuing engraved cards of larger size is to be 
preferred in the case of the formal reception. 

The width of the black border on mourning cards 
indicates the depth of the mourning, that is, the nearness 
of the deceased relative. A widow or a widower will 
use a card with a border about five sixteenths of an inch 
in width; a mother for a child a card with a border one 
fourth of an inch; while for distant relatives one sixteenth 
of an inch, or the Italian border, which is still less, is 
sufficient. Mourning cards should not be used unless the 
owner dresses in mourning. 

Good form does not permit a card of congratulation 
or condolence, or of inquiry in case of illness, to be sent 
by post; but all such cards may be acknowledged by mail. 

Cards may be left at a door instead of paying personal 
visits only in cases of an elderly or a delicate woman who 
wishes to recognize calls or attentions paid her; the so- 
ciety leader who has an interminable visiting-list; and 
young men who wish to recognize the courtesy of elderly 
women who have been their hostesses. 



"Leave a welcome behind you." 

" New occasions teach new duties; 
Time makes ancient good uncouth." 

" When a woman really has the finest manners, they are not for 
use on especial occasions nor for especial people. They are hers; 
and wherever she goes, they go with her." 

" To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather 
than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, 
not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think 
quietly, talk gently, act frankly; to listen to stars and birds, 
babies and sages, with an open heart; to bear all cheerfully, and 
bravely do all, await small occasions, hurry never; in a word, to 
let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the 
common, this is my symphony." 



In the Drawing-Room 

Good manners are best conserved by every-day usage. 

"Manners are not idle, but are the fruit of noble natures and 
of loyal minds. " 

Great moments do not put great qualities into the souls of 
men; they simply reveal what is already there. — The Outlook. 

r\0 not wear overcoat or overshoes into the parlor. 
Leave these, together with the umbrella, in the hall. 
If making only a short call, a gentleman may carry his 
hat into the drawing-room, though it is preferably left 
in the hall. 

Wear overshoes in inclement weather. If you are 
accidentally caught in a storm without them, care- 
fully remove all mud or snow from your shoes before 
entering a house. To enter a parlor with muddy or dusty 
shoes is boorish. 

The hostess should allow a gentleman caller to take care 
of his hat; she need give no notice to hat or cane, unless 
the owner seems uncertain as to the proper disposition 
of them. 

If a gentleman, do not be seated unt9 the lady receiving 
you is seated. Rise whenever a lady first enters the room. 

Do not tip your chair, nor sit with legs crossed. Keep 
the feet still. 

Never pull nor finger tassels, ribbons, or other articles. 
Cultivate repose. Oliver Wendell Holmes said, "Still- 
ness of person and steadiness of features are signal marks 
of good breeding. " 

169 



170 GOOD FORM 

If asked to play or sing, do so if you are capable. As 
a rule, one should not be urged to play or sing beyond the 
second request. 

It is not good form for a woman to assist a man with 
his overcoat. He should be able to put on his coat with- 
out assistance from his lady friends. There are excep- 
tions, however, to all rules. A young woman whose 
gentleman friend, unfortunately, had but one arm, was 
asked to assist him in putting on his overcoat; but her 
sense of propriety bade her refuse the aid of which he 
really stood in need. 

A gentleman should assist a lady in putting on her 
jacket. This is a delicate attention that a gentleman 
should always give to a lady in his company. Often it is 
quite awkward for a woman to put on her jacket grace- 
fully without assistance. Mother and sister should be 
thus remembered, as well as women acquaintances. 

It is a mark of courtesy for one to exercise extreme 
care, when calling upon another, to leave everything 
in the room as it was when one entered. If the door 
is slightly ajar, one should leave it so on passing out, or 
if a caller finds the door closed, he should make sure it 
is closed as he leaves the room. Great annoyance is 
sometimes caused by a thoughtless disregard of these 
courtesies. This ha.bit, rigidly adhered to, may keep 
one from committing some error when important in- 
terests are concerned. Twelve prisoners in the Bilibid 
jail at Manila, who had been, as was supposed, inoculated 
with cholera serum for the prevention of cholera, died. 
The year previous, with only good results, eight hundred 
prisoners were inoculated with the serum, also the physi- 
cian and his assistants who administered it. The surprise 
and astonishment of the doctor can therefore well be 



IN THE DRAWING-ROOM 171 

conjectured when he found that twelve out of twenty- 
four patients died after inoculation. On looking about 
for some possible cause of the calamity, he found that 
the substance used for inoculation was not cholera anti- 
toxin, but a liquid in which germs of the dread bubonic 
plague were being grown. Tubes containing both of 
these were standing in racks in the laboratory, one rack 
the doctor having always reserved for cholera serum, 
and another for the bubonic plague germs. A visiting 
scientist examined both; and while the physician was out 
of the room for only a moment, the scientist inadvert- 
ently put the tube of germs in the rack that had been de- 
voted to the cholera serum, thus causing the death of the 
prisoners. 

While it is hardly possible that one could cause such 
serious depredations in a drawing-room by not^adhering 
to the foregoing advice, yet a highly prized vase or book 
may be injured by a failure to leave everything as found, 
and to leave those things untouched that should not be 
touched. 

It is well not to feel free anywhere to touch things 
that you have no right to touch. At least one young man 
suffered a severe penalty for his failure to adhere to this 
mandate of good form. George O. was eighteen years 
of age when he attended a county fair. At that time 
the electric battery was new and a great curiosity. Young 
O. watched for an opportunity when the operator of the 
battery was absent. He turned a lever, seized the handle 
to the coils, and was soon writhing on the ground in agony. 
When released, he seemed blinded. He fought with every- 
body around him. He tore his clothes from his body. 
He sank his teeth into the hands of men who sought to 
restrain him, and then it was discovered that his sanity 



172 GOOD FORM 

was gone. After weeks of treatment he was removed 
to an insane asylum. His mother, however, pleaded for 
him day and night. Finally her importunity resulted 
in the preparation of an iron cage in the attic of an old 
house in the rear yard. Here the mother for thirty years 
remained hidden away from the world with her unfortunate 
boy, until from the darkness and confinement she nearly 
lost her eyesight, and contracted other difficulties which 
caused her death in the early part of 191 1. 

Do not stare at people, nor laugh at their peculiarities 
of manner or dress. 

Never look through the open door of a private room, 
of through a crack or keyhole to see what is taking place 
in a room. 

When calling it is impolite to scrutinize things in the 
room, especially bric-a-brac. 

Never be quick to take supposed slights. Undue 
sensitiveness is unkind and mean of spirit. Neither be 
too ready to take supposed compliments. Above all 
things, do not make remarks to call out compliments. 
If, however, a compliment has been sincerely expressed, 
it should be acknowledged by some expression of ap- 
preciation; as, "Thank you for the compliment," "I am 
glad you think so," "I hope I deserve that," or simply 
" Thank you." After this modest acknowledgment, 
say nothing that will prolong the conversation on the 
point in question, as if you would like, if possible, to get 
a second word equally complimentary. 

If one commits a breach of etiquette, one should say, 
"I beg your pardon," instead of "Excuse me." 

If circumstances compel one to pass in front of another 
several times in quick succession, one should make some 
remark or explanation the first time, and obtain permission 



IN THE DRAWING-ROOM 173 

for the several times. If one's passing interrupts con- 
versation, an apologetic look or some further word may be 
necessary. But to repeat the request, "I beg your par- 
don," each time, would become unpleasantly monotonous 
to all concerned. 

At afternoon receptions guests do not as a rule remain 
less than fifteen minutes, nor longer than three quarters 
of an hour. The same promptitude in arriving is not 
demanded at receptions as at dinner parties. 

If bashfulness and embarrassment without cause 
occasionally afflict you in society, banish them by doing 
or saying something forthwith. Ask for an introduction 
to somebody, and talk of commonplace things till some- 
thing better suggests itself. 

Do not vex yourself with thoughts of inferiority; 
but be yourself. "A little familiarity with the world," 
says one, "will teach you the absurdity of timidity." 

A guest, on departing, need not thank the hostess 
for the evening's entertainment; but with a warm grasp 
of the hand, should say, "I have thoroughly enjoyed 
the evening, Mrs. C.;" or, "I don't know when I have 
spent such a pleasant evening, "or, "I am sure every one 
has enjoyed the evening's program; I know I have." 

This courtesy from a young man or girl is very 
acceptable to elderly ladies. At large receptions one 
may for the sake of not disturbing the hostess, who is 
still receiving, retire quietly without speaking to her. 

It may not be amiss here to suggest that one should 
avoid making the common error of saying, "I have thor- 
oughly enjoyed myself this evening." Speak of enjoying 
the entertainment, the evening, the program, or the music, 
— anything but yourself. 

If detained from fulfilling a dinner engagement by 



174 GOOD FORM 

sudden illness or inclement weather, write the hostess an 
apology at the earliest moment. 

The tardy dinner guest should make an apology to 
the hostess. The too-previous guest is also an unwelcome 
arrival. It is courteous to arrive only a few minutes 
before or exactly on the dinner-hour. 

At a somewhat formal dinner the gentleman guest 
removes his hat and coat in the hall or in the gentlemen's 
dressing-room, and waits in the hall until the lady he is 
escorting returns from the ladies' dressing-room, when 
they enter the drawing-room together, meet the host 
and hostess, and chat until dinner is announced. 

Guests may leave as soon as a ceremonious dinner 
is over, though it is better to wait ten or fifteen minutes. 
A protracted stay, however, is not desirable, as the hostess 
or diners may have other engagements. At informal 
dinners a more prolonged stay after the meal is expected. 

Do not be too reticent. Bear your part in the con- 
versation. Some of the brightest men known in the social 
world always took pains before going to a social gathering 
to read or commit to memory something that might per- 
chance be especially appreciated by those with whom they 
conversed, an example that if followed might prevent 
the less gifted from a failure to bear an acceptable part in 
the conversation. 



Introductions 

"Good fashion rests on reality, and hates nothing so much 
as pretenders." 

" Blessed with all other requirements to please, 
Some want the striking elegance of ease." 

It is but the littleness of man that seeth no greatness in 
trifles. — Wendell Phillips. 

A GENTLEMAN is always to be introduced to the 
lady, never the lady to the gentleman, except in case 
of one greatly superior in rank or age; therefore the lady's 
name is usually given first. In introducing a gentleman 
to a lady one may say: "Mrs. A., allow me to introduce 
Mr. B.; Mr. B., Mrs. A.;" or, "Mrs. A., permit me to pre- 
sent Mr. B.; Mr. B., Mrs. A.," being sure that the names 
are distinctly pronounced. If either person does not 
understand the name, let him ask it at once, a simple, 
"I beg pardon, I did not understand the name," saving 
future annoyance. 

"The common fault," says one writer, is to gabble 
or mumble names in careless haste or foolish embarrass- 
ment, thereby leaving the persons presented in total 
ignorance of each other's identity, and robbing the cere- 
mony of its usefulness and meaning. Deliberation and 
distinct enunciation are essential to the adequate per- 
formance of this very important social rite. "Speak 
clearly if you speak at all; carve every name before you 
let it fall." 

175 



176 GOOD FORM 

In introducing two ladies, the same form may be used, 
or one may say: "Mrs, Y., this is my friend Mrs. Z.; Mrs. 
Z., Mrs. Y.;" or, "Mrs. Y., I believe you have never met 
Mrs. Z.; Mrs. Z., Mrs. Y." 

In introducing a stranger, it is always well to make 
some little explanatory remark that may be used as a 
stepping-stone toward beginning a conversation; thus, 
"Miss S., allow me to present Mr. T., who has just re- 
turned from Africa; Mr. T., Miss S." 

In introducing two sisters, the elder is "Miss Davis," 
and the younger, "Miss Fern Davis." 

To say, "Let me make you acquainted with Mrs. B.," 
is now deservedly obsolete in good society. Use "pre- 
sent" only when presenting one to a superior, or to one who 
takes precedence over the other. To "introduce" is 
to make equals known to each other. 

Do not make the mistake of leading a lady about a 
room full of guests and introducing her to the entire 
company. All who have once been subjected to this 
embarrassing ordeal will, I am sure, be kindly disposed 
to this counsel. 

Prevent the third or fourth introduction, as some- 
times happens, by saying to the one about to make the 
introduction, "I think I have had the pleasure of meet- 
ing Miss W.," or by some other pleasant remark that 
would preclude the embarrassment consequent upon 
repeated introductions. Few pass through the ordeal 
of introductions graciously enough to desire unnecessary 
repetitions. 

If a prolonged conversation ensues on meeting a 
friend in the street, then it is necessary to introduce any 
person who may be with you. 

If a person has met another person, but has reason 



INTRODUCTIONS 177 

to think that his own name may have been forgotten, 
he should make himself known in approaching the person, 
and not stand and force from him the embarrassing ac- 
knowledgment that the name has been forgotten. 

It is good form for a woman to introduce her husband 
to acquaintances as "My husband," and not as "Mr.;" 
to intimate friends as "Henry." 

A man always stands when any introduction takes 
place in which he has part. 

When two women are introduced to each other, it is 
not necessary for either to rise; a bow and a smile from 
each are sufficient. Neither does a woman rise when a 
man is presented to her, unless he is old or a person of 
importance. A hostess, however, invariably rises to 
receive an introduction to either man or woman. 

An introduction may be recognized by a formal bow 
only, but a cordial greeting by the hand is always in place, 
unless circumstances would make this an awkward pro- 
cedure. Gentlemen, when introduced to one another, 
usually shake hands; but a gentleman introduced to a 
lady, never offers his hand unless the lady first extends 
her own. There are times when it is perfectly proper 
for this expression of good will to be mutual and simul- 
taneous. Ministers and elderly gentlemen are some- 
times allowed special privileges in taking the initiative 
in hand-shaking. A hostess receiving in her own parlor 
accords this hearty greeting to all comers. 

Mr. O. S. Marden says: "When you shake hands, 
grasp the hand as if you were glad to see the owner of it, 
and not as if performing a perfunctory duty. Put your 
heart into your hand-shake. Let cordiality and geniality 
gleam in your very face. Fling the door of your heart 
wide open, and not, as many do, just leave it ajar a bit, 
12 



178 GOOD FORM 

as much as to say to people you meet, You may peep in a 
bit, but you can not come in until I know whether you 
will be a desirable acquaintance. " A great many persons 
are stingy of their cordiality. They seem to reserve it 
for some special occasion or for intimate friends. They 
think it is too precious to give out to everybody. " Cold 
and reserved natures should remember that though not 
infrequently flowers may be found beneath the snow, it is 
chilly work digging for them, and few care to take the 
trouble." 

"Get rid of all reserve; do not meet a person as if you 
were afraid of making a mistake and doing what you would 
be glad to recall. You will be surprised to see what this 
warm, glad hand-shake and cordial greeting will do in 
creating a bond of good will between you and the person 
you meet. 'The practise of cordiality will revolutionize 
your social power. You will develop attractive qualities 
which you never dreamed you possessed, and you will 
astonish yourself at your quick development of social 
graces and real charm.'" Do not be so energetic, how- 
ever, in your hand-shaking that you cause actual pain 
to the one whose hand is given you in greeting. Be 
assured such excessive cordiality is unappreciated. 

There is an interesting sentiment about the custom of 
hand-shaking, for it is said to have orginated in barbaric 
times, "when two men, meeting, gave each other their 
weapon hands as a security against treachery." 

When a man and a woman approach a hostess to- 
gether, the hostess should shake hands with the woman 
first. 



Conversation 

Give us grace to listen well. — Keble. 

Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil. — Japanese maxim. 

The men and women that are lifting the world upward and 
onward are those who encourage more than criticize. — Elizabeth 
Harrison. 

All good conversation, manner, and action come from a 
spontaneity which forgets usages and makes the moment great. 
— Emerson. 

HP HE art of acceptable conversation, according to Sala, 
consists not only in saying the right thing in the 
right place, but in leaving unsaid the wrong thing at the 
tempting moment. The problem, then, is how shall one 
learn what to say and what to leave unsaid. Noting 
the counsel of men who have achieved distinction as con- 
versationalists, may contribute toward a happy solution of 
this ever-present problem. 

Steele advises that in beginning a conversation with 
a man the first thing to determine is whether he has 
greater inclination to hear you, or that you should hear 
him. Having acquired this information, which is not 
likely to be a difficult task, let the conversation be di- 
rected accordingly, whatever the sacrifice to your own 
inclination. Col ton volunteers the suggestion that " when 
we are in the company of sensible men, we ought to be 
doubly cautious of talking too much, lest we lose two 
good things, — their good opinion, and our own improve- 
ment; for what we have to say we know, but what they 

179 



180 GOOD FORM 

have to say we know not." Then, as Burke says, "the 
perfection of conversation is not to play a regular sonata, 
but, like the ^Eolian harp, to await the inspiration of the 
passing breeze." "Discretion in speech," said Bacon, 
"is more than eloquence." 

If a person's conversation can always be characterized 
as truthful, sensible, good-natured, and, when occasion 
permits, witty, he may feel that he has achieved no in- 
considerable part of the equipment of a good conver- 
sationalist; or it may be said that "he who sedulously at- 
tends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, coolly answers, and 
ceases when he has no more to say," is in possession of 
some of the best requisites of an acceptable conversa- 
tionalist. 

But conversation, choose what theme we may, 
And chiefly when religion leads the way, 
Should flow like waters after summer showers, 
Not as if raised by mechanic powers. 

— Cow per. 

Golden Rules 

The following simple suggestions for acceptable con- 
versation are given by one authority as the golden rules 
of that art: — 

"Avoid unnecessary details. 

"Do not ask question number two until number one 
has been answered. 

"Be neither too curious nor too disinterested; that 
is, do not ask too many questions nor too few. 

" Do not interrupt another while he is speaking. 

"Do not contradict another, especially when the 
subject under discussion is of trivial importance. 

"Do not do all the talking; give your tired listener 
a chance. 



CONVERSATION 181 

"Be not continually the hero of your own story; on 
the other hand, do not offer your story without a hero. 
"Choose subjects of mutual interest. 
"Be a good listener. 

"Make your speech accord with your surroundings. 
" Do not exaggerate. " 

The Speaker 

Do not be conceited. Too many capital I's in con- 
versation, as in one's writing, never fail to give an un- 
favorable impression of the speaker. "Egotism is the 
greatest of blemishes in social intercourse." "Ability," 
says Will Carleton, "when the owner becomes conscious 
of it, will soon become debility, if it does not take care." 

"Talk much, err much," is a suggestive maxim, for 
one must remember that tireless listeners are among earth's 
rarest treasures. However much a person may value 
his own conversational powers, it is well to be slow to 
assume that his listener is as oblivious to time as he him- 
self may be; for while the poet says of the verbose talker, — 

" Time vanishes before him as he speaks, 
And ruddy morning through the lattice peeps 
Ere night seems well begun," 

he does not say this is true of the listener; neither does 
observation indicate it to be so. 

Do not be inquisitive. Avoid any semblance of in- 
quiring into the personal affairs of strangers. Even with 
intimate friends, one needs to exercise great care lest 
one trespass upon another's right to privacy. To ask 
one's age, one's business, how much money one has, what 
one intends to do with it, how much one paid for an 
article of dress, is considered the correct thing in China, 
but not in America. 



182 GOOD FORM 

If a person gives the slightest indication that he does 
not mean to reveal anything further on some point that 
has been spoken of, never press him to say more. There 
are many persons who share the feeling of one of our emi- 
nent poets, who said, "I loathe that low vice, curiosity." 

Be sincere. "An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth 
his neighbor." "Bread of deceit is sweet to a man; but 
afterwards his mouth shall be filled with gravel." 

The interrupting of conversation every one knows 
to be discourteous, but somehow it is an easy thing to do. 
One should energetically and conscientiously determine 
not to be guilty of such rudeness. If our first trespass 
upon this rule brought upon us as stinging a rebuke as 
the home secretary of England received from His Majesty 
King George V., we should see to it that it needed no 
repetition. At a reception of the cabinet officers at 
Marlborough House to discuss the political situation, 
it is said that the secretary interrupted the king to say, 
"I do not agree with Your Majesty there." He was 
instantly ordered from the royal presence. 

Never take the words out of another's mouth and 
finish the sentence for him. Such service, though gratis, 
is rarely appreciated. A minister once had a stenographer 
who quite frequently proffered such help. The clergy- 
man, when giving dictation, would sometimes hesitate, 
knowing full well what he started to say, but considering 
whether he had chosen the best way to say it, or whether 
it would not be better to leave the whole thing unsaid; 
but the young man would suggest a word that he thought 
was wanted, when all that was desired was for him to re- 
main quiet, leaving the person giving the dictation to his 
own thought. 

Do not be too ready to express your opinion. "A 



CONVERSATION 183 

good library," says Will Carleton, "is an example to the 
human race, in that it knows a whole lot, and keeps it to 
itself, until consulted." "The people most humble in 
their opinions are generally the best educated." 

Do not be boastful. "More people have marched 
up to the cannon's mouth with their mouth than in any 
other way." 

Respect experience. "Years know more than books. " 

Be careful not to introduce irrelevant subjects into the 
conversation. 

Choose for conversation those topics of interest to the 
one with whom you are conversing. Do not assume 
these to be yourself, your maladies, your property, or 
other personal matters. 

Do not dispense stories, or anecdotes, too freely. 
Not every one can relate a story acceptably, and many 
current anecdotes are not worth repeating, either from 
content or from staleness. It is well to remember that 
Mr. Carleton spoke truly when he said, "If you enjoy 
repeating anything overmuch, you have probably told 
it twice to the same person." But a pertinent anecdote, 
well told, is always acceptable to a company. "One 
who never tells an anecdote is generally dull ; one who does 
little else in conversation is in his anec-dotage. " 

A tale should be judicious, clear, succinct, 
The language plain, and incidents well linked; 
Tell not as new what everybody knows, 
And, new or old, still hasten to a close. 

— William Cowper, 

Originals are preferable to copies, and "every one 
should dare to be himself. Individuality, when combined 
with graciousness, is a most potent weapon. Adjust- 
ability is the key-note of pleasing. Feel sympathy with 



184 GOOD FORM 

the aged, and you are prompted to say the thing that 
interests the aged. Feel sympathy with a child, and 
you have won that child. In a word, the secret of charm 
is in giving. Even extend your hand with the spontaneous 
suggestion of giving, and you have done much toward 
winning those you meet. Give something of your own 
nature, and do not discourage your friends by dropping 
a veil over your thoughts. " 

Refrain from making frequent use of such expressions 
as "You don't say!" "Do tell!" "Did you ever?" and 
"Don't you know?" And it is altogether opposed to 
good form to preface one's remarks with such expressions 
as "Say," "Well," "Listen!" "Look!" Some have 
formed the habit of vigorously demanding attention at 
the beginning of almost every remark, by the use of the 
word "Listen!" regardless of the age or position of the 
one addressed. It is hardly courteous to the person ad- 
dressed thus to assume that he would not give voluntary 
attention. Such persons mean no affront to their willing 
listeners, but it is a habit they have formed unconsciously 
— a habit, however, that should be broken. 

Don't indulge in slang. Some well-meaning girls by 
association thoughtlessly take up the use of such frivolous 
words as dandy, daisy, lemon, and chestnut. This de- 
tracts from their otherwise sensible and praiseworthy 
deportment. 

"Some frequently use slang phrases, with a slight 
pause or smile to serve as marks of quotation, or rather 
as an apology. But to modify a fault is not to re- 
move it. Resolve that you will never use an incorrect, 
an inelegant, or a vulgar phrase or word in any society 
whatever. If you are gifted with wit, you will soon find 



CONVERSATION 185 

that it is easy to give it far better point and force in pure 
English than through any other medium, and that brilliant 
thoughts make the deepest impression when well worded. 
However great it may be, the labor is never lost which 
earns for you the reputation of one who habitually uses 
the language of a gentleman or of a lady." 

Cultivate a refined and reasonably extensive vo- 
cabulary. The free use of slang indicates a limited vo- 
cabulary. No one who has at command a large list of 
well-chosen English words would pass these by for the 
uncouth slang of the day. The following poem suggests 
the poverty of speech that is frequently revealed by the 
girl who allows herself to use the questionable language 
of the street: — 

" I once met Miss Geneva, when passing by her gate, 
And asked if she'd go strolling. She said, ' That would be 

great I ' 
I spoke about the weather we'd all enjoyed of late. 
Geneva showed her dimples, and smiled, ' It has been great 1 ' 

" Ensued a silence deadly, which, hoping to abate, 
I asked her, ' How's your mother? ' She laughed, ' Ma's feeling 

great! ' 
The minister, two novels, a play, my sister Kate — 
No matter what I mentioned, Geneva thought ' 'twas great.' " 

Don't be gushing. That is, don't use too many 
superlatives. Too free use of comparatives is also to be 
avoided, as indicated by the following incident: — 

"'I think superlatives are not half so disagreeable 
to listen to as comparatives,' said privileged Aunt Lydia. 

"'Comparatives,' echoed Lydia. 'What do you 
mean?' 

"'Just watch yourself for a little while, and perhaps 
you'll see,' was the reply. 

"Lydia was considerably puzzled until that noon when 



186 GOOD FORM 

she caught herself saying to Minerva Clapp, whose house 
faced the west, ' I think it's nicer to have one's house face 
the east. Our porch is much cooler in the afternoon than 
yours.' And then Aunt Lydia's expression was illumined. 

"At bedtime she counted up just seven similar slips 
of the tongue. 

"'Green is prettier for you,' she had said to auburn- 
haired Patty, who was christening a new bright-blue dress 
of very durable material. 

" ' It is easier to play on a dirt court,' was the remark 
she had made to their neighbor Alec, who took pride in 
the home-made grass court he had marked out in his 
own yard. 

"'Jonquils or hyacinths would be more appropriate 
for spring,' she had said to Aunt Lydia, who carried a 
box of roses to a sick friend. 

"'Our baby walked earlier than that,' she said to 
Cousin Carry, whose baby sister was just beginning to 
toddle. 

"'I've been farther south than that,' she had said to a 
school friend, jubilant over a trip of a hundred miles to 
the south." 

I can not forbear citing in this connection another 
instance which shows how uncompanionable one may 
make oneself by indulging in discourteous comparisons 
and criticisms: — 

"'No, I did not take Jeanette with me when I went 
to England last summer,' said Jeanette's aunt, Miss 
Graham, when talking to a friend. 

" ' Such was my intention until after her visit to me in 
Washington during the winter. I found her one of those 
unpleasant persons who think it looks countrified to show 
surprise or pleasure at new things. When I took her to 



CONVERSATION 187 

the Corcoran Art Gallery, she merely said that the col- 
lection was finer in the Metropolitan Museum. The 
Library of Congress had too much gilt in the mural dec- 
orations, and the Capitol was not so imposing in its ap- 
pearance as it ought to be, according to her ideas. 

"'At the churches the music was not so fine as that 
she had heard in a small inland city church near her village 
home, which some minister who has traveled much said 
was the finest he had ever listened to, either in Europe 
or in America. She thought Washington different from 
New York. It certainly is, but there is no comparison 
between the two cities, as I tried to point out to her one 
day. 

'"In addition to her disparaging criticism, I was 
obliged to listen to her gossip of the small village where 
she lived, until I was tired and bored. Before she went 
home, I said to her frankly: "My child, you are in a fair 
way to become a very disagreeable woman. Don't you 
know it is only polite when people take the trouble to show 
you about a new or strange place, to try to see only what 
is attractive? You will not be accused of provincialism 
for simple appreciativeness. And you should try to in- 
terest yourself in general matters, when you are with 
strangers at least. While, by virtue of our kinship, I am 
interested in all that concerns you, I grow weary of hearing 
you talk continually of yourself and your own affairs. 
You ought to learn to talk about books and current events; 
to listen more to the conversation of your elders.'"" 

Refrain from biting jests. " Laughter should dimple 
the cheek, not furrow the brow. A jest should be such 
that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occa- 
sions; but if it bears hard upon one of the company, like 
the crack ©f a string, it makes a stop in the music." 



188 GOOD FORM 

11 He that will lose a friend for a jest deserves to die a 
beggar by the bargain." 

Be not angered at a jest. " If one throw never so 
much salt on thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou 
art raw and ulcerous." 

Do not cherish malice. The one who does so can not 
be courteous. " Malice sucks up the greater part of her 
own venom, and poisons herself." 

Be as generous in distrusting your own judgment as 
that of others. Infallibility is not an attribute of any of 
us; yet "'tis with our judgments as our watches; none are 
just alike, yet each believes his own." 

Discourse may want an animated no, 
To brush the surface and to make it flow; 
But still remember, if you mean to please, 
To press your point with modesty and ease. 

— Cowper. 

Acceptable Listeners 

"The best talkers are the best listeners," is an axiom 
which is said to have been repeated in one form or an- 
other in every cultivated language. "The person speak- 
ing to another always appreciates the constant, voluntary, 
sincere attention of the listener. It is helpfully inspiring 
to the speaker. The attentive, direct look establishes a 
sympathetic relation that is necessary to spirited, enjoy- 
able conversation. One should be taught early in life 
to look fearlessly and confidingly into the eyes of the 
person addressing one. The shifty eye has come to 
stand for deception and insincerity. It must be re- 
membered, however, that shyness is responsible in many 
cases for the averted glance." 

"Many persons excel in courteously evading or getting 
rid of the conversation of others, but the lady or gentle- 



CONVERSATION 189 

man has mastered a much higher grade in the art of living 
who can listen with interest to all, especially to the poor 
and humble, without manifesting impatience, indifference, 
or affectation of interest. A supreme test of politeness is 
submission to various social inflictions without a wince. " 

It is discourteous to engage in conversation while some 
one is rendering a piano selection, or offering any musical 
entertainment; and you may be sure the performer feels 
it so, though he may not allow himself to betray his ob- 
servation of the discourtesy. 

At a certain concert a young man persisted in whisper- 
ing to the lady who accompanied him, telling her what the 
music "meant," what passage was coming next, and so 
on. Presently he closed his eyes, and said to his com- 
panion: "Did you ever try listening to music with your 
eyes closed? You've no idea how much better it sounds." 
Whereupon a gentleman who sat in the seat in front 
of the young man turned and said, gravely: "Young man, 
did you ever try listening to music with your mouth 
closed ?" An undisturbed quiet followed. 

Children should not be allowed to interrupt conver- 
sation between the mother and her caller, nor is it neces- 
sary for them to be present during the conversation. 
One writer courageously describes this discourtesy to which 
many mothers are much given: "Talking with a mother 
when her children are in the room is the most trying 
thing conventionally; she listens to you with one ear, but 
the other is listening to Johnnie. Right in the midst of 
something pathetic you are telling her, she will give a 
sudden irrelevant smile over her baby's last crow; and 
your best story is sometimes hopelessly spoiled because 
she loses the point while she arranges the sashes of Ethel 
andTotsie." 



190 GOOD FORM 

A famous violinist had reluctantly consented to play 
for the passengers of an ocean liner. He had a most enthu- 
siastic, intelligent, and appreciative audience; yet the 
people noticed, as the evening wore on, that the musi- 
cian seemed to be playing to one person, for his glance 
went always in one direction. Finally the company 
discovered that it was to "a plain little woman, simply 
dressed, with no marks of wealth or culture. But she 
was looking at the master with shining eyes, her face 
wet with tears, unmindful of everything except the magic 
of his violin. When the program ended, pushing his way 
through the crowd who would have detained him, the 
musician went straight to the little woman. 

" ' Madame, I congratulate you, you are a great artist!' 
he cried. 

"She looked up at him almost in alarm. 'I — O — I 
can not play a note,' she stammered. ' I don't know any- 
thing about music. I only — love it.' 

"The violinist shook his big shaggy head. 

*' ' Is it not what I say? You have the artist soul — the 
artist to listen. What good to play to the deaf — like 
the rest? ' with a disparaging gesture toward the crowded 
room. 'It is to the one with the heart to listen that we 
masters play.'" 

It is the person with a listening heart that gives inspira- 
tion to musician, lecturer, teacher, preacher, or con- 
versationalist. 



Kindness in Speech 

" Judge not the working of his brain, 
And of his heart; thou canst not see; 
What seems to thy dim eyes a stain, 

In God's pure sight may only be 
A scar, brought from some well-won field 
Where thou wouldst only faint and yield." 

I criticize by creation, not by finding fault. — Michelangelo. 

f DON'T see anything wrong in saying what I think," 
said a girl who sometimes made rather prickly speeches. 
"That depends altogether on what you think. Perhaps 
if you would put on the right kind of mental glasses and 
examine your thoughts carefully, you would find that 
they are hardly well enough disciplined yet to be always 
presentable in polite society," remarked her teacher, 
with a smile. "Unkind thoughts would far better be 
smothered in silence than sent out to sting one's friends 
and associates. Kind, pure, generous, sympathetic 
thoughts are ever admissible, and may be expressed 
freely." 

One should be frank, open-hearted, sincere. But 
that gives no license to disregard another's feelings, and 
to say sharp, unkind, blunt things. There is a difference 
between frankness and bluntness. "Frankness holds 
out a friendly hand, bluntness a fist. Frankness softens 
the hardest truth by its kindly sincerity; bluntness trans- 
forms truth into an insult." "Rudeness is not frankness 
nor sincerity, but selfishness personified." 

191 



192 GOOD FORM 

Refrain from sarcasm. "I could have made just as 
sarcastic remarks myself," said a bright fellow in the 
senior class, referring to the witticisms of a new student; 
"but" — he hesitated for the exact word — " but it seems 
to me a silly exhibition of strength. The really strong 
fellow doesn't make them." 

"He was perfectly right," says one commenting on 
the remark, "for the really vigorous and healthy mind 
does not show itself in sharp speeches at the expense of 
others. The more sensitive and finely keyed the intellect, 
the more well-balanced and considerate the language." 

" It is wonderful how he has mellowed with the years, " 
was said lately of a great American novelist. "One can't 
imagine him writing now the merely clever, sarcastic 
things of his early days. He has gone so far past that 
cheaper point of view. " 

Don't criticize nor underrate others. "Talk about 
things rather than persons," is the advice of a noted 
writer. The counsel of Queen Catherine is still pertinent: 
"Praise loudly, blame softly." 

"Many persons," says one, "appear to think that 
criticism proves superiority. Such a one sat next to a 
friend who was enraptured by an exquisite violin solo, 
rendered by a performer of international reputation. 
As the last strain died away, and a storm of applause 
broke forth, the critic shrugged her shoulders. 'Really,' 
she said, ' I can not see why there is so much fuss made 
over that man. To me his playing seems mediocre!' 
Had her training been more than mediocre, she would 
have kept silent when she noticed the enjoyment of her 
companion. To the simple-hearted the critic appears 
as an object to be pitied. " 

A writer of note says: "A snap-shot and adverse 



KIXDXESS IN SPEECH 193 

judgment of a fellow being is the easiest thing in the 
world to give; that is why so many inferior persons are 
constantly at the business. To condemn a person is a 
mark of inferiority. To point out another's strong point 
is a sign of power. Hamilton W. Mabie has said a strong 
word on this: 'To see the good in people is not so much a 
matter of charity as of judgment. Our judgment of others 
fails oftenest through lack of imagination. We fail to 
see all the facts; we see one or two very clearly, and at 
once form an opinion. ... I ought not to pronounce 
judgment on a fellow creature until I know all that enters 
his life; until I can measure all the forces of temptation 
and resistance ; until I can give full weight to all the facts 
in the case. In other words, I am never in a position to 
judge another.'" 

"Time was when I believed that wrong 
In others to detect 
Was part of genius and a gift 
To cherish, not reject. 

"Now better taught by thee, O Lord, 
This truth dawns on my mind, 
The best effect of heavenly light 
Is earth's false eyes to blind." 

"It was my custom in my youth," says a celebrated 
Persian writer, "to rise from my sleep to watch, pray, 
and read the Koran. One night, as I was thus engaged, 
my father, a man of practised virtue, awoke. 'Behold,' 
I said to him, 'thy other children are lost in irreligious 
slumber, while I alone wake to praise God.' 'Son of my 
soul,' he said, 'it were better for thee to be engaged in 
irreligious sleep than to awake to find fault with thy breth- 
ren.'" 

"When Henry III of France inquired of those about 
him what it was that the Duke of Guise did to charm and 

13 



194 GOOD FORM 

allure every one's heart, the reply was: 'Sire, the Duke of 
Guise does good to all the world without exception, either 
directly by himself or indirectly by his recommendations. 
He is civil, courteous, liberal; has always some good to 
say of everybody, but never speaks ill of any one ; and this 
is the reason he reigns in men's hearts as absolutely as 
Your Majesty does in your kingdom.'" 

"Criticism seems to grow in power to hurt in direct 
proportion to its distance from the original source. It 
is dangerous enough at its best, when spoken face to face 
in love and tactfulness; but when it becomes second- 
hand, and reaches the one criticized in an indirect way, 
it has usually lost in its love and gained in its sting during 
the journey. We can not control the criticisms of our- 
selves that reach us in this thoughtless or cowardly fashion ; 
but we can see to it that we never have any part in thus 
hurting others. Two simple rules will insure this: First, 
resolutely refuse to pass on a criticism of another that has 
come to our ears; second, if we have any criticism of our 
own to make, make it directly to the one needing it, and 
never mention it to another person. Sometimes we shall 
find that if we forbid ourselves second-hand criticizing, 
the criticism will not be made at all. " 

"A faultfinding, criticizing habit," says Mr. Marden, 
"is fatal to excellence. Nothing will strangle growth 
quicker than a tendency to hunt for flaws. The direction 
in which we look indicates the life aim, and people who 
are always looking for something to criticize, for the 
crooked and the ugly, who are always suspicious, who 
invariably look at the worst side of others, are but giving 
the world a picture of themselves. The disposition to 
see the worst instead of the best grows on one rapidly, 
until it ultimately strangles all that is beautiful, and 



KINDNESS IN SPEECH 195 

crushes out all that is good in oneself. No matter how 
many times your confidence has been betrayed, do not 
allow yourself to sour; do not lose your faith in people." 

"The little girl who informed her mother that her 
brother John had failed to shut his eyes while her father 
was asking the blessing, was rather chagrined when her 
mother pointed out that her knowledge of John's remiss- 
ness betrayed a like fault on her own part. But her case 
is not an uncommon one. People who are quick to dis- 
cover the shortcomings of their neighbors, usually ap- 
propriate to the inspection time and energy which could 
be better used in improving their own conduct. " 

Not infrequently an act a casual observer might criti- 
cize becomes, when the motive behind it is understood, 
really praiseworthy. Therefore, since motives can not be 
unerringly divined, it is well to form the habit of delayed 
or lenient judging of others. Antoinette Patterson, in 
the following stanzas that appeared in the Youth's Com- 
panion, prettily suggests this wise course: — 

" A stream laughed merrily the livelong day, — 
It laughed, too, in its sleep. — 
While on the bank a willow, silver gray, 
Did nothing else but weep. 

" ' Do serious moments never come, O Stream? ' 
I asked impatiently. 
It answered, ' I am doing what I deem 
My best to cheer that tree. ' 

" I asked the willow if it never smiled; 

It only shed fresh tears, 
1 To change the flippant nature of that child 
I've wept, alas! for years.' " 

"0 for keen wits ruled by kind hearts to help every one 
to remember that often and often, because personalities 
are never just alike, because no one mind can foresee all 



196 GOOD FORM 

possible situations, 'things are not what they seem;' that 
if a situation looks suspicious, the only thing to do with it 
is to conclude that it is all right! Be patient, give another 
the benefit of the doubt if one arises. Wait until you 
know before you pass judgment, and many very trouble- 
some possibilities will never materialize." 

Fortunate indeed is he who does not offend in word, 
and therefore has complete control over both his physical 
and his spiritual being. Such is indeed the perfect man. 

"'I have caused no one to wear crape,' said Pericles, 
as he neared his end. It is a negative virtue, to be sure, 
but a good one. To take the brightness out of human 
lives is a kind of manslaughter, yet we do it by our ugly 
retorts, our morning moroseness, and our midday boor- 
ishness. To kill happiness in another is a species of 
assassination. Close down your crape factory, and start 
up a plant for the manufacture of shining garments of 
joy woven from heaven's sunshine. All the smiles in the 
world can not remove the scars of one wound." "If I 
can put some touches of rosy sunset into the life of any 
man or woman," said George Macdonald, "then I feel 
that I have wrought with God." 

The power of physical sunshine is acknowledged in 
the fact that if the rays were made efficient by concen- 
tration, every wheel in Manhattan could be run by the 
sunlight that falls upon the metropolis. Mental sun- 
shine is equally potent in the performance of life's work. 
It gives both mental and physical energy to its possessor, 
and to those with whom he comes in contact. A cheery 
whistle one dull, rainy morning from a ragged newsboy 
striding down the sloppy pavements, papers under arm, 
heartened a whole houseful. "They laugh that win" 
They win that laugh; "for good cheer energizes, en- 



KINDNESS IN SPEECH 197 

courages, inspires, wins. There is no corner of the earth 
but thrills at sight of a happy, cheery face." "A laugh 
is worth a thousand groans in any market. " One gloomy 
day the melancholy eye of Thomas Carlyle from his dark 
chamber was sadly watching a blithe, merry bricklayer. 
The singing and whistling of the workman inspired the 
great author to rewrite, and then complete, his work on 
the French Revolution, part of the manuscript of which 
had been destroyed by fire. 

In the beautiful Tyrol mountains the peasant women, 
with their children, at eventide go forth singing to meet 
their husbands returning home. The fathers and brothers 
from the distance cheerily answer the singers in song, — 
a beautiful custom, which makes home-coming a joy! 
Care, harshness, and petty vexations are dissipated by the 
joyous chorus — husbands and wives, parents and chil- 
dren, returning in peace and quietude. 

A man who has no fondness for music has been said 
"to be fit for treason, strategems, and spoils." Not 
less so is the melancholy man, the "man of the blues." 
Then keep in the sunlight, the sunlight of God's own 
love. "Nothing beautiful or sweet grows or ripens in 
the darkness." 

Should we decide that for ourselves we preferred to 
lie close to the slough of despond, for the sake of our 
friends we could not afford to do it. We are our brother's 
keeper; we must not be a stumbling-block to him. The 
word to each of us is, "Arise, shine ; for thy light is come ; " 
and we must obey for the sake of others as well as for our 
own good. 



" There's only one failure in life possible, and that is not to 
be true to the best one knows." 

" One of the greatest secrets of charm is charitableness and 
scrupulousness in imputing wrong motives to those who interfere 
with our even way." 

" One is bound in honor to leave a friend's name as good as 
when he found it; and more than that, to leave a friend's char- 
acter better than when he found it. This is true friendship." 



Grumbling and Complaining 

Look at everything through kindly eyes. — J. R. Miller. 

"Faultfinding draws more wrinkles in the face than good- 
finding." 

You have such a February face, so full of frost, of storm, and 
cloudiness. — Shakespeare. 

Nothing is easier than faultfinding; no talent, no self-denial, 
no brains, no character, is required to set up the grumbling busi- 
ness. — Robert West. 

TT is not good form to grumble habitually about the 

accommodations given one at school, at the hotel, 
or on the cars. Very likely one gets all that one pays 
for, or more. At any rate, such complaints are in dis- 
favor. Observation has disclosed the fact that very 
frequently it is the one who has been accustomed to the 
fewest home accommodations that complains the most 
loudly of public service. The following charges challenge 
consideration at least: — 

"The man who is accustomed to wood-bottomed chairs 
at home is the man who complains most about the hard 
seats on the train. 

"The man who could not successfully conduct the 
business end of a peanut cart is the man who is free to 
tell you how the railways are mismanaged. 

"The woman who finds most fault if she ever does have 
to stand is the one who, when the opportunity comes, 
expects to occupy two or three seats with parcels. 

"The man who loafs away three quarters of his time 

199 



200 GOOD FORM 

is the one who is the most unreasonably impatient if the 
train is a few minutes late. 

"The man who is in a business that considers two- 
hundred-per-cent profit legitimate is the one who wails 
loudest about extortionate fares. 

"The woman who talks so loud as to annoy all the other 
passengers is furious if any one makes a noise when she 
wants to doze. 

"The person who buys a half -rate excursion ticket 
expects more privileges, favors, and luxuries than the regu- 
lar-fare passenger." 

Don't complain of being neglected by others. "When 
people neglect you, it is a sign that you yourself are doing 
some first-class neglecting." 

"Murmur at nothing," said Shakespeare; "if our 
ills are reparable, it is ungrateful ; if remediless, it is vain. " 
This does not forbid legitimate effort to have really poor 
service improved. 

" She was very old and very poor, 

And the postman, whistling gaily, 
But seldom stopped at her dingy door, 

Though his route led by it daily. 
And as I saw her face one day 

At this door, I could not choose 
But pity her — till I heard her say, 

'Thank God for no bad newsl'" 



Invitations 

Would you both please and be instructed, too, 
Watch well the rage of shining to subdue. 

— Stillingfleet. 

Good manners is the art of making those people easy with 
whom we converse. Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy, 
is the best bred in the company. — Swift, 

INVITATIONS, except in the case of ceremonious 

functions, appropriately take the form of written 
notes, though in some cases the visiting-card may be used. 
Not more than the first page of note-paper should be 
covered by the invitation. It is considered more gracious 
for the name of the receiver to be contained in the body 
of the note, though this is not imperative. If the in- 
vitation is formal, that is, if expressed in the third person, 
the answer should correspond in form. If the entertain- 
ment is given in honor of a certain person, that fact should 
be, stated in the invitation. Formal functions require 
engraved or written invitations. 

Invitations to important functions should be sent out 
from two to four weeks previous to the date of the enter- 
tainment. All the invitations should be sent out as 
nearly as possible at the same time. 

Invitations to weddings, dinner parties, or evening 
receptions should be given in the name of both host and 
hostess. 

Invitations to musicales, breakfasts, luncheons, and 
afternoon receptions are given in the name of the hostess 

201 



202 GOOD FORM 

only, and may be given by means of the visiting-card, 
with an explanatory line written upon it; as, "Breakfast 
at twelve, August five." 

When sending an invitation to a married pair, address 
the invitation to the wife, though the names of both are 
included in the invitation. If another member of the 
household is invited, a separate invitation should be sent 
to that person. An invitation to the daughters and one 
to the sons is correct, though some authorities recommend 
the use of a separate invitation for each adult. 

Invitations must be given to both husband and wife, 
unless it is an entertainment where gentlemen alone or 
ladies alone are invited. Unless both husband and wife 
can accept an invitation, a note declining the invitation, 
and giving the reason therefor, should be sent. If the 
hostess then sends another invitation to the one who is 
at liberty to go, the invitation may be accepted. 

If one who has been invited can not accept the invita- 
tion, the hostess may write a note to some intimate friend 
or relative and state the facts as they are, and request 
such a one to accommodate her by filling the gap. If one 
receiving such an invitation can possibly accept, one 
should do so. 

Real invitations cite a definite time for visiting. To 
say to one, "Come to see me sometime," is regarded by 
some authorities as no, invitation at all. 

Written invitations should receive a written response, 
not verbal. 

Visiting-card invitations may be answered by use of the 
visiting-card or note, but a written or engraved invitation 
should be answered by a written note. 

In declining an invitation give reason for doing so. 

It is not required that all invitations be answered, 



INVITATIONS 203 

and yet it is far better to answer an invitation when not 
absolutely required to do so, than to ignore one that 
should be answered. There are those that demand no 
acceptance, but which require regrets if one is unable to 
accept. Among these are cards to "At Home" days, to 
teas, and to large receptions. Unless the invitation 
to any one of these bears the letters R. s. v. p., an ac- 
ceptance card is not required; but "if one can not attend 
the function, one should send one's card so that one's 
would-be-hostess will receive it on the day, and preferably 
at the hour, of the affair." 

The letters "R. s. v. p. " below an invitation stand for 
the French sentence, "Repondez, s'il vous plait/' meaning, 
"Answer, if you please." An early acceptance or re- 
jection is expected. These letters are not used so much 
as formerly. It is uncomplimentary to use them when 
the necessity of an answer is apparent, as in the case of a 
dinner invitation. 

If the tea or reception is in honor of some one, the 
person receiving the invitation, in sending a card of re- 
grets, should enclose a card also for the guest whom she 
has been invited to meet. The word "Regrets" should 
not be written on the card. 

If the invitation to the reception was in the form of 
a short cordial note from the hostess, a note of regrets 
should be sent at once if the person invited can not attend. 

An invitation to a large church wedding requires no 
answer, but an invitation to a home wedding or a church 
wedding where the invitation is a written one, requires an 
answer. 

An invitation to breakfast, luncheon, or dinner should 
have a prompt response. On accepting such an invitation, 
it is well to repeat the hour named. 



204 GOOD FORM 

An answer, whether conveying regrets or an acceptance, 
is invariably addressed to the hostess, and not jointly 
to the hostess and her husband. 

If an invitation to dinner has been accepted, any 
ordinary rain at the last moment should not deter one 
from keeping the engagement. Whatever inconvenience 
the rain may occasion the guest, it is not to be compared 
to the discomfort given to host and hostess by having the 
dinner prepared, but no guest to share it with them. To 
fail to meet a dinner engagement for an unimportant 
cause is unpardonable. 

A basic rule of society is that if an invitation is ac- 
cepted, an invitation to a similar function should be sent 
to host and hostess, if it is possible to do so. "A woman 
should not accept the courtesies of others if she is not 
prepared to return them in as delightful a way as her 
means will permit. This is only a matter of fair play, 
and does not betoken a mercenary spirit. One should 
give as much as one gets, if it is possible to do so; for 
otherwise one will be looked upon as a sponger upon others' 
hospitality. The rule is, 'Give something in return.' 
It may have to be a very inexpensive, unassuming little 
entertainment, but, at least, it shows the desire to give 
something to those who have given to us. And because 
an entertainment must be simple and inexpensive, it does 
not at all mean that it may not be most delightful and 
charming in every way. " 

Formal breakfasts are usually held from ten to twelve, 
luncheons from one to two, dinners from eight to ten. 

"While conventional forms," says Agnes H. Morton, 
"like the social conditions of which they are the exponent, 
are substantially fixed, the details of style are subject to 
the caprice of fashion. Any one having occasion to use 



INVITATIONS 205 

the mare elaborate forms of invitations or announcements 
may learn from any reliable stationer what is the latest 
approved usage." The invitations that follow, will be 
suggestive of acceptable forms. 

Formal Invitations and Acceptances 

1888 Hayen — Dickerson 1913 

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Hayen 
request the pleasure of your company 
on Tuesday evening, June seventeen, 
after eight o'clock, 
Two Hundred Park Avenue. 

The surnames or monograms engraved in silver letters 
between the dates, indicate the nature of the invitation. 
If the anniversary is to be celebrated by a dinner instead of 
a reception, the following form would be used : — 

Mr. and Mrs. Henry Hayen 

request the pleasure of your company 

at dinner on the twenty-fifth 

anniversary of their marriage, 

Tuesday afternoon, June seventeen, 

at five o'clock, 

Two Hundred Park Avenue. 

Mr. and Mrs. Frank Green accept with pleasure the 
invitation of Mr. and Mrs. Henry Hayen to dinner, 
Tuesday afternoon, June seventeen, at five o'clock, on the 
occasion of the twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage. 

Twelve Hillcrest Avenue. 



206 GOOD FORM 

Mr. and Mrs. John McCune request the pleasure of 
Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Blanchard's company at dinner 
on Thursday, June tenth, at six o'clock. 

In honor of General and Mrs. Fred D. Gordon. 
Brightwood Avenue, 
June fifth. 

Mr. and Mrs. Herbert Blanchard accept with pleasure 
the invitation of Mr. and Mrs. John McCune for dinner, 
Thursday evening, June tenth, at six o'clock, to meet 
General and Mrs. Fred D. Gordon. 

14 Carroll Avenue, 
June fifth. 

Informal Invitation 

3QI Maple Avenue, 
June 5. 
My dear Mrs. Blanchard, — 

Can not you and Mr. Blanchard give us the 
pleasure of your company at dinner on Wednesday evening, 
June tenth, at six o'clock? We are expecting General 
and Mrs. Fred D. Gordon, old friends of my father's family, 
to be with us at that time, and we want them to meet 
some of Northfield's representative citizens. 

Cordially yours, 

Fern McCune. 

212 Colonial Street, 
June 5. 
My dear Mrs. McCune,— 

We shall be greatly pleased to accept your invi- 
tation for dinner, Wednesday evening, June tenth, at six 
o'clock, in honor of General and Mrs. Fred D. Gordon. 
We hold General Gordon in high esteem because of his 



INVITATIONS 20? 

stand for the temperance cause, if for no other reason, so 

shall be happy indeed to meet him and his honored wife. 

Very sincerely yours, 

Carrie E. Blanchard. 

Invitation to Take the Place of Another 

IS Columbus Street, 
July 14. 
My dear Miss Holmden, — 

I had invited a number of friends to dinner Thurs- 
day afternoon, July fifteen, to meet Mr. and Mrs. John D. 
Lacy, from New York City. Mrs. Gould can not be with 
us on account of an unexpected call to Los Angeles, so I 
shall be delighted if you will grace our table with your 
presence. 

Your sincere friend, 

Hattie E. Ford. 

1200 Salem Street, 
July 14. 
My dear Mrs. Ford, — 

I shall be glad to do the best in my power to take 
the place of your missing guest at dinner on Thursday 
evening, at six o'clock. 

Very sincerely yours, 

Gertrude Holmden. 

A letter of invitation to visit one's home should state 
how long the visitor is expected to stay. This may be 
easily done by writing: "Can you not spend a week with 
us during next month? I should be glad to have you 
come the fifteenth; but if this is not a convenient date, 
let me know when you can come most conveniently." 
The hostess may state the train which will be most con- 



208 GOOD FORM 

venient for arrival of guest. If you are compelled to 
take a later train, write a note explaining the situation. 
Don't take an earlier train. 

Informal Invitation to Spend a "Week 

Mountville, New York, 
July 2?, IQIj. 

My dear Lucile, — 

Papa says that I may invite three of my friends 
to spend a week with us sometime during our stay in the 
Adirondacks. My first thought was for you and Mr. 
Morton, after Mr. Holcrest, of course. Can you not 
arrange to come the fourteenth of August? I have written 
to Mr. Morton to-day. There is a beautiful lake within 
sight of our hotel, and papa has hired a launch for the 
season. Mama makes a good chaperon. She enjoys the 
water and mountain climbing as much as any of us. 
Your loving friend, 

Muriel Chase. 

Pottstown, Pennsylvania, 
July 30, 1913. 
My dear Muriel, — 

Your invitation was a pleasant surprise, I assure 
you. It took me no longer to decide to accept than just 
time enough to get papa's and mama's consent. I shall 
arrive at Mountville, if nothing unforeseen happens, on 
the fourteenth of August, at four o'clock in the afternoon. 
In the meantime I shall dream of you, of mountain 
climbing and boating. 

Gratefully yours, 

Lucile Overton. 



At the Table 



A good dinner sharpens wit, while it softens the heart. 
— Doran. 

A good digestion to you all; and once more I shower a wel- 
come on you; welcome all. — Shakespeare. 

It is not the quantity of the meat, but the cheerfulness of 
the guests, which makes the feast. — Lord Clarendon. 

HP HERE is no place, perhaps, where one is judged more 
severely for ill manners than at the table. The 
world has come to look upon a person's behavior at the 
table as an index to his character. 

An "unwritten law obliges men and women of gentle 
breeding to be agreeable and amiable at table." An 
elderly woman "who looked as if she might have belonged 
to the 'Sunshine Society' all her life, was asked by a friend 
for the secret of her never-failing cheerfulness. She re- 
plied : ' I think it is because we were taught in our family 
to be cheerful at table. My father was a lawyer, with a 
large criminal practise. His mind was harassed with 
difficult problems all the day long, yet he always came to 
!the table with a smile and a pleasant greeting for every 
one, and exerted himself to make the table-hour delight- 
ful. All his powers to charm were freely given to enter- 
tain his family. Three times a day we felt his genial 
influence, and the effect was marvelous. If a child came 
to the table with cross looks, it was quietly sent away to 
find a good boy or girl, for only such were allowed to come 
within that loving circle. We were taught that all petty 
14 209 



210 GOOD FORM 

grievances and jealousies must be forgotten when meal- 
time came, and the habit of being cheerful three times a 
day, under all circumstances, had its effect on even the 
most sullen temper.'" 

It is said that Orientals had no family ties of affection 
until they began to eat at a common table. Whether 
this is true or not, it is certain that the happy, well-reg- 
ulated meal-hour may do much toward creating and 
cementing strong family and friendship ties. 

Choose cheerful, helpful subjects of conversation; 
avoid reference to illness, suffering, trouble, calamities, 
and all differences that would be likely to cause exciting 
or unpleasant emotions on the part of any one at the table. 

The habit of finding fault with the food or the table 
service indicates a lack of good training that should be 
overcome, no matter what age the faultfinder may have 
attained. Neither by look nor by tone should such an- 
noyance be shown, and a semblance of trying the food, 
rather than the ignoring of it entirely, is desirable. 

Gentlemen should wear coats at the table. 

A gentleman who accompanies a lady to the table 
draws out her chair, if a servant does not do it, and ob- 
serves that the ladies are seated before he takes his place. 

Gentlemen never seat themselves until the ladies are 
seated, or until the hostess gives the signal for all to be 
seated. The hostess also gives the signal for rising. 

The guest of honor, if a woman, should be seated at 
the table at the host's right hand; if a man, he is given 
the place at the right of the hostess. At formal dinners, 
this rule does not hold. Gentlemen and ladies should be 
alternated at public functions, the woman being seated 
at the right of her escort into the dining-rOom. The guests 
should be served as seated, though ladies are served be- 



AT THE TABLE 211 

fore the gentlemen when the host does the serving. Do 
not place members of the same family side by side, if any 
other arrangement can be made. 

At formal dinners the conversation is never general. 
Each one is expected to confine his attention to his nearest 
neighbors. 

At large dinners there may be placed in the gentle- 
men's dressing-room a tray containing small envelopes 
addressed to the men. Each gentleman will find in 
his envelope a small card bearing the name of the lady 
he is to escort to dinner. If there are more ladies than 
men present, the hostess must enter the dining-room 
without an escort. If there are more men, they follow 
the hostess. 

Avoid the use of original menu cards; they "savor 
of Bohemian feasts, stag parties, or hotel dinners, and are 
out of place on the conventional table. Dinner-cards, 
each bearing the name of a guest, are useful in seating 
the company. Cards without ornament are to be pre- 
ferred, but it is permissible to adorn them with a bit of 
dainty water-color decoration, or with the monogram of 
the hostess. No mistake can be made, however, if the 
card is small, of fine texture, and without other deco- 
ration." 

A gentleman dining at a cafe with a lady consults her 
in regard to her order, and then gives the order for both. 

One must avoid saying too much in regard to the 
palatableness of the food; for overpraise seems insincere, 
and is disconcerting to the hostess; but a sincere, honest 
word of appreciation is certainly a proper thing to give 
to one who has made a special effort to serve tempting 
viands for her guest. At formal dinners, however, no 
remarks about the food are allowable. 



212 GOOD FORM 

Never ask for a second helping at formal dinners, 
luncheons, or breakfasts. At small informal meals a re- 
quest for a second helping may be a compliment to the 
hostess. 

As soon as one is served, it is not improper to begin 
eating, but one should not appear in haste. Such a course 
sometimes makes it easier for the one serving, and prevents 
the stiffness and formality incident when all wait until 
the final serving. If a large number are present, one usu- 
ally waits for those near to be served ; but if there are only a 
few at table, one may wait until the course has been passed 
to all. In case of the dessert, however, all wait until 
every one at the table has been served. 

Miss Holt, in her admirable work, "Encyclopedia of 
Etiquette," says: "To eat slowly and quietly is an evidence 
of respect for one's health and personal dignity. Only 
the underbred or uneducated bolt their food, stick their 
spoon, fork, or glass rim against their teeth, suck up 
liquid from a spoon, clash knives and forks against their 
plates, scrape the bottom of a cup, plate, or glass in hungry 
pursuit of a last morsel, and masticate with the mouth 
open, pat the top of a pepper-pot to force out the contents, 
and drum on a knife blade in order to distribute salt on 
meat or vegetables. " 

A tardy guest is supposed to take up the meal at the 
course being served on his arrival; or if the next course 
is about to be served, he waits. 

As an invited guest, never be late for dinner. Be 
equally careful not to anticipate by many minutes the 
time indicated on the dinner-cards. The hostess need 
not wait dinner more than fifteen minutes for a tardy 
guest. At formal functions she would hardly be expected 
to keep a large number waiting past the dinner hour. 



AT THE TABLE 213 

No refreshment served after two o'clock is fittingly 
called luncheon. "An evening luncheon," says one, "is 
as much a misnomer as a morning supper." 

Laying the Table 

Cover the table with a silence-cloth, which is usually 
made of double-faced Canton flannel or felt. On the 
silencer lay a pure white damask cloth. A well-laundered 
cloth is a matter of prime importance; it should be ironed 
almost without starch, and in as few creases as possible. 
When spread, its long central crease should divide the 
area of the board exactly in half, and it ought to be wide 
enough to hang in folds to within twelve or eighteen inches 
of the floor. A white lace or embroidered centerpiece 
is preferable to one with color. A low center dish of 
flowers or fruit makes an acceptable decoration. Do not 
make the centerpiece so high that it obstructs the view 
of the diners. 

Place a service plate in the center of the space allowed 
for each person, allowing from twenty-five to thirty 
inches in length and fifteen inches in depth for each cover. 
The plate, as well as all cutlery and silver, is set about 
one-half inch from the edge of the table. 

The small individual butter-plates do not now appear 
on the well-set table. 

Place knives at the right of the plate, with the cutting 
edge toward the plate; spoons to the right of the knives; 
and forks to the left of the plate, with the prongs up. 
Where oysters are served, the oyster-fork is sometimes 
laid at the right of the spoons. Bread-and-butter plates 
(not used at formal dinners) are placed at the upper left- 
hand corner of the service plates, and the glasses at the 
upper right-hand corner, near the knives. At formal 



214 GOOD FORM 

dinners it is customary to place at the left of the forks or 
in the plates the napkins (dinner size), with a roll or a 
piece of bread between the folds, but in sight. If place 
cards are used, they should be laid on the napkins. 

Spoon holders are seldom used; but if one does appear 
on the table, the bowl of the spoons should be in the holder. 

Toothpicks should not be placed on the table. " None 
but the hopeless provincial uses a toothpick in public." 

Finger-bowls are provided with the fruit course, for 
each person at the table. Place on a dessert plate a small 
doily, on this the finger-bowl half filled with water. In 
this may be dropped a small flower or leaf. It is proper 
for one to appropriate the flower for the buttonhole or 
as a souvenir. 

The finger-bowl, in the form of a coconut shell of water, 
was used, it is said, in the South Sea islands some hundreds 
of years "before Europeans and Americans discovered 
that it was necessary to their own refinement." 

Use of Knives and Forks 

Take hold of the knife by the handle, allowing the 
forefinger to rest on the upper part of the blade. 

Where there are several sizes of knives and forks be- 
side the plate, use both knives and forks in the order in 
which you find them, beginning with those farthest from 
the plate, that is, if you partake of the courses in their 
order. At fashionable dinners usually the outer fork is 
for oysters, the next for fish, and the third for the entree 
or roast. If in doubt at any time which piece of silver- 
ware to use, observe the hostess. 

Don't put your own knife into the butter, saltcellar, 
or into any general dish. Tiny spoons should be pro- 
vided with the open saltcellar. 



AT THE TABLE 215 

The knife is used only for cutting. The knife should 
be laid on the plate when the fork is taken in the right 
hand. To rest the tip of the blade on the edge of the 
plate and the end of the handle on the cloth is incorrect. 
The knife and fork, when not in service, must rest wholly 
on the plate. 

Don't drum on a knife to distribute salt over the food. 
Enough can be quietly lifted on the tines of a fork to season 
the food. 

Never play with your knives, forks, or glasses, but 
cultivate repose at the table. 

Never put your knife in your mouth, nor use a spoon 
when a fork will serve. Forks may be used for eating 
ice-cream; lettuce and salads are folded or cut with the 
side of a fork, never with the knife. Vegetables, even 
peas, are eaten with a fork. 

Never hold your knife and fork up in the air when your 
host is serving you afresh. Lay them on one side of the 
plate when you send for another serving. Be careful to 
so place them that they will not fall off nor be in the way 
of the server. 

Don't heap food upon the fork. Be content with 
small mouthfuls. "If you take your food with delicacy, 
you dispose of it with ease and speed, and you never 
commit the offense of masticating with your mouth open, 
or talking with it full." 

The Serviette, or Table-Napkin 

Table-napkins were first used only by children, and 
not until the fifteenth century by grown folk. Table- 
cloths at first reached to the floor, and served adults for 
napkins. 

Novelty in napkin folding is not desirable. This 



216 GOOD FORM 

savors too much of hotels, restaurants, and cafes. 

Never tuck the napkin into top of waistcoat or gown. 
Neither is it good form to spread it out over the lap, as if 
you were a child, likely to drop half of what you are 
eating. Instead, leave it folded once lengthwise. When 
you have occasion to raise it to the lips, do so with the 
right hand only, using merely one corner of the napkin. 
Wipe the mouth with a corner of the napkin before and 
after drinking. 

On no account put even the tip of your napkin in the 
finger-bowl. The lips may be moistened by touching 
them lightly with the tips of the first and second fingers 
of the right hand, which have been delicately dipped in 
water. 

After the meal, at a restaurant or formal dinner, lay the 
napkin unfolded at your place. If you are a time guest 
in a household and will remain another meal, you may 
fold the napkin in its original creases, if the hostess does 
so with hers. 

The Individual 

Never come to the breakfast table with hair uncombed. 
Let the morning toilet be simple, but fresh and tasteful. 
A husband paid a pleasing compliment to his wife when 
he said, "We always think of her as a morning-glory, 
because she looks so bright and cheery and pretty at the 
breakfast table." 

Never be in haste at the table. The time to make 
haste is before the meal-time, so that one may always 
come promptly to the table, and while there may be at 
ease. Every one should endeavor to make the meal-hour 
pleasant and profitable. "Food well chatted is half 
digested. " 

Don't lean too far forward when eating. 



AT THE TABLE 217 

Don't place the elbows on the table. Let the unused 
hand rest quietly in the lap. 

Don't talk across people without apology. 

Do not touch the hair at the table. Refrain from 
sneezing or coughing at table; also from any conspicuous 
use of the handkerchief. 

A goblet should be held by the stem, not by the bowl. 
Goblets are preferred to tumblers at dinner. 

Lift a tumbler to the mouth with the thumb and first 
two fingers on the glass near the bottom, and the rest 
of the hand beneath the tumbler. 

Do not make a noise when chewing food. Keep 
the lips securely closed. If you are not sure of your ad- 
herence to this rule, ask a friend to make observations, 
and report to you later. 

Never take a piece of bread and sop up the gravy from 
a plate. 

Never mash food with the fork. Break off small bits 
of potato with the fork, and dip into the gravy. 

Serve yourself to salt by using the small salt-spoon 
in the large receptacle. Lay the salt on the edge of your 
plate, and then transfer it to the food by means of your 
fork prongs. 

Do not take a dish from a servant to help yourself; 
let it remain in the hands of the waiter while serving 
yourself. 

Do not break or cut a slice of bread on helping yourself 
from the bread plate. Take the first piece of bread or 
cake that you touch. Take bread with the fingers, and 
not with the fork. 

If you wish bread, do not hesitate to take the last 
piece on the plate. It is uncomplimentary to do so. 

To chew one's food while serving is not good form. 



218 GOOD FORM 

Do not pile up nor in any way arrange for the benefit 
of the waiter, the plates or small dishes put before you. 
The waiter removes the dishes without assistance from 
the diner. 

Never make yourself conspicuous in any way by aiding 
the host or hostess in serving, unless especially asked to 
do so. If a dish is passed you, and you are in doubt 
whether to pass it to the one next you, simply ask before 
taking it, "Shall I pass it on?" 

Never push back your plate, when nearing the end of 
the meal, and pass the rest of the time fingering crumbs. 

Cheese, olives, bread, toast, grapes, small plums, 
cherries, small cakes, salted almonds, tarts, stuffed figs 
or dates, raisins, bonbons, cookies, celery, strawberries 
with the hulls, watercress, and nuts of all kinds may be 
taken in the fingers to be eaten. Olives should never be 
put into the mouth whole, but the flesh should be eaten 
from around the stone. An olive-fork or -spoon may be 
used in helping oneself from the main dish. If no such 
fork or spoon is provided by the hostess, one may use the 
hand in helping oneself. 

Sandwiches may be taken in the hand to be eaten; 
if one is gloved, a fork may be used. 

Don't dip celery or radishes into the individual salt- 
cellar, but place some salt on your plate, and use this. 

Chicken, game, and chop bones may under no cir- 
cumstances be taken up in the fingers. 

Prune seeds should be pressed out with the spoon be- 
fore the fruit is put into the mouth. 

Celery tops, olive or other fruit stones, banana peelings, 
and skins of radishes should not be laid upon the table- 
cloth. Lay them on the plate, at one side. 

In drinking bouillon the spoon should be used first. 



AT THE TABLE 819 

When only a small part of the liquid remains, it may be 
drunk from the cup, which should be held by one of its 
handles. 

Never drink from a cup containing a spoon. Lay 
spoon in saucer after stirring the liquid, or sipping it to 
test its sweetness or temperature. 

Eat soup from the side of a soup-spoon, carrying the 
spoon from you instead of toward you when dipping up 
the soup. Only partially fill the spoon. It is not correct 
to refuse soup. 

A more inappropriate table act is seldom observed 
than for one to place a slice of bread on the table-cloth 
or in the hand or on the plate, and then energetically set 
about the task of spreading the upper surface with butter; 
yet it would seem that to some persons the relish of the 
meal depends chiefly upon the satisfactory performance 
of this initiative operation. The better way, and only 
allowable way, is to break off (never bite off) a small 
piece of bread from the slice, and butter it just before 
placing it in the mouth. 

Cake is usually broken and eaten like bread or crackers; 
if sticky, it should be eaten with a fork. 

Never cool food by blowing upon it; wait until it be- 
comes cool enough to eat. 

Do not break bread into pieces, nor soak it in gravy, 
milk, or coffee. Don't put crackers or bread into soup. 
Eat these, when served with soup, dry. 

It is in better form to take a small amount of every- 
thing than to refuse dishes. Several refusals at a small 
dinner-party might be quite disconcerting to the hostess, 
as she would feel that her choice of dishes had been an un- 
happy one. The same rule applies to taking only one 
taste from a dish, then pushing it aside. 



220 GOOD FORM 

If one remembers that half the bowl of a spoon or half 
the length of the tines of a fork is all that should be placed 
in the mouth, too large mouthfuls will be less likely to 
materialize. 

In refusing some viand that is passed you, do not 
accompany your refusal with some reserve expression, 
such as, "Not now, thank you," or "Not at present, 
thank you." 

If a person's choice of service is asked, it is well to 
have one, and to mention it promptly. 

In cafes and hotels, when vegetables are served in side- 
dishes, it is proper to transfer them to one's plate, if 
one so desires. 

The Service 

When the dinner is very large, and two waiters serve 
simultaneously at opposite sides of the table, they begin 
the course each time at different ends; that is, one works 
down while the other works up, and they reverse this 
order with every dish. 

All dishes from which one is to serve oneself should 
be passed at the left of the guests by the waiter or wait- 
ress, that the right hand of the guest may be free to serve 
himself. Beverages, however, are served at the right 
instead of the left; also individual dishes are served at 
the right. Dishes should be removed from the right of 
the guest. 

Mrs. Kingsland in her book "Etiquette for All Occa- 
sions," says: "One can not condemn too strongly the 
putting of one dish upon another in clearing a table." 

In one's own home, when there are no visitors, the 
honor of first service is accorded the mother; but when 
guests are present, the host or servant serves the lady 
guests first. If there are several lady guests, the one at 



AT THE TABLE 221 

the right of the host usually receives the first helping of 
the first course, the second lady to the right receives the 
first helping of the second course; and the third lady the 
first of the third course, and so on with the various courses. 
This method prevents the same person's being served last 
each time. At a large and formal dinner, gentlemen and 
ladies are served in rotation. Servants may begin alter- 
nately at the right and left of the host, and proceed in the 
regular order. 

At the conclusion of the soup course the tureen, if the 
soup was served at the table, should be removed, then 
the soup-plates, with the plates on which they have stood. 
Clean, warmed plates, with the next service, are dis- 
tributed; or if the host does the serving of the next course, 
the plates should be given to him, two or three at a time, 
by the waiter. At formal luncheons, it is customary to 
serve soup in bouillon-cups instead of in plates. 

When serving gravy upon plates, place it at one side, 
and not upon the food. 

If a guest offers a dish to his hostess before helping 
himself, she may take it from his hand, offer it to him, 
then help herself and pass it to the one on her other side. 

A napkin with a plate or tray, is best liked for removing 
crumbs from the table before serving the dessert. 

Finger-bowls should always follow the last course at 
formal and informal meals alike, except at breakfast, when, 
if fruit is the first course, the finger-bowl is put on the 
table when the covers are laid ready for the fruit course. 

The fashionable finale for every dinner is coffee, usually 
served without cream. Each guest is served with a cup, 
without asking if he will take coffee. 



" Never exaggerate. Never betray a confidence. Never leave 
home with an unkind word. Never laugh at the misfortune 
of others. Never give a present hoping for one in return. 
Never fail to be punctual at the time appointed. Never make 
yourself the hero of a story. Never fail to give a polite answer 
to a civil question. Never refer to a gift you have made or a 
favor you have rendered. Never associate with bad company — - 
have good or none." 






As Guest or Hostess 

" One of the first laws of friendship is never to intrude." 

Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone. — 
Shakespeare. 

You must come home with me and be my guest; you will 
give joy to me, and I will do all that is in my power to honor 
you. — Shelley. 

The Guest 

"^JOT all guests have the happy faculty of making their 
visit a time of unalloyed pleasure to their host and 
hostess. Neither do all hosts and hostesses give only 
pleasure to their guests. It is not an easy thing to do; 
but those who most nearly approach this happy ideal as 
guests or entertainers usually give particular regard to 
certain little things, which are responsible more than the 
greater for the pleasure resulting from a visit of friend to 
friend. Some of these little things are mentioned in 
the following paragraphs: — 

Make out a list of every-day necessary things you 
mean to take with you on your visit. Then before you 
lock your trunk, make sure you have forgotten none of 
them. "No matter how dearly your hostess may love 
you," says one writer, "a visitor who is continually borrow- 
ing all sorts and conditions of things, from pins and sewing 
utensils to lounging robes and fresh blouses, is, to put it 
mildly, a nuisance, who early wears out her welcome. 
Your own kimono, your own sewing articles, all the little 
personal things, should be among those you take with you." 

223 



224 GOOD FORM 

Make every possible effort, even though it incon- 
veniences yourself, to take a train that will allow you to 
reach the home town of your friend at a convenient hour 
for her to meet you. In leaving, exercise the same care 
to choose a train that will cause the least disturbance in 
the usual home regime of your hostess. One thoughtless 
young woman sent word to a friend, "Meet me at 2:30 
A. M." Only extraordinary circumstances could make 
such a request at all permissible. 

Unless it is absolutely unavoidable, don't drop into a 
home with your valise or trunk without previously an- 
nouncing your coming, even though your friend has given 
you a hearty invitation to visit her sometime. Write 
and ascertain if it is convenient for you to come at the 
particular time you are expecting to go. 

A guest, though she has been invited for a definite 
period, as a week or a month, should as soon after her 
arrival as possible give the hostess an intimation of the 
exact time of her leaving. 

Provide your own comb and hair-brush, tooth-powder, 
brush, soap, wash-cloth, and night clothing; also pens, 
paper, and stamps. 

Take great care to keep the room you occupy tidy. 
See that the bureau and chiffonier drawers are closed, 
also the closet door. If you do not habitually attend to 
these things at home, be assured you will fail when visiting. 
Your hostess may be seriously annoyed by these careless 
acts that greatly mar the looks of a room. Before leaving 
your room, even though there is a chambermaid to take 
care of it, spread the bedclothes out to air, hang up your 
own clothes, empty water from the wash-bowl, and arrange 
things orderly on the dresser and table. 

When visiting, do not be too free to express your likes 



AS GUEST OR HOSTESS 225 

and dislikes. If, for instance, you speak enthusiastically 
of your fondness for apple pie, your hostess may feel 
compelled to provide that for you, even though it may be 
inconvenient for her to do so. If your choice is asked, 
however, mention it. 

Do not make engagements until you consult your 
hostess. 

Do not write to friends and ask them to call until you 
are sure that such visitors will be welcomed by your 
hostess. 

Do not have your breakfast taken to your room unless 
your hostess urges it. 

Attend to your own laundry, and be prompt about 
paying for it. 

Don't play the piano while the children are taking a 
nap. 

Part of the time entertain yourself, writing letters or 
reading, allowing your hostess freedom to attend to her 
duties. A guest should not burden host or hostess need- 
lessly, and should never forget that "tact is golden when 
one is visiting, and that thanks should not be grudging 
when one goes away." 

Don't fear to offer to assist your hostess about some 
of her household duties if she is one who does her own 
housework. If she refuses, don't insist. Perhaps there 
is some special reason why she prefers to work alone at 
that special time. At another time you may again offer 
your services. 

Never appear to observe anything amiss in the deport- 
ment of the people whom you are visiting, and never feel 
any temptation to comment on little things that go wrong 
while you are a guest. "Small frictions and irritations, 
hasty words and ill-considered acts, may ruffle the usual 

15 



226 GOOD FORM 

smoothness of family life at times, but it is the part of 
courtesy to be unobservant and of real nobility to forget 
whatever was amiss, and to make no mention of it at a 
later period. A beautiful sacredness enfolds hospitality. " 

"The good visitor, " says one writer, " is not one who, 
when two courses of action or. means of diversion are 
proposed, answers, in an invertebrate manner: 'Why, I 
really don't mind which we do. Whatever you think 
best, Mrs. B., will suit me.' A choice having been politely 
requested, there should be a prompt decision." Be not 
too ready, however, to make unsolicited suggestions. 

A guest should not leave her sewing or other belong- 
ings in the sitting-room. On retiring to her room at 
night, she should gather up all her personal property and 
take it with her. 

A guest should have all mail addressed in care of the 
host. It will facilitate delivery, and it is complimentary 
to the host to do so. 

A young woman guest receiving men callers should 
not fail to ask her hostess to be present, leaving the option, 
however, with her. 

Guests in a city should pay their own car fares and 
cab hires, unless the host will not permit it. 

Don't stay beyond the day set for your departure un- 
less something unusual happens, or your hostess makes it 
very apparent that a longer stay is desirable. "Our 
social code provides no means of getting rid of the lin- 
gering guest without making of him a mortal enemy; 
and in this particular, as in some others, we have cause 
to envy the Japanese. The Japanese guest is usually too 
well bred to overstay; but should he do so, the matter 
causes not a. moment's concern to the lady of the house. 
She. simply prepares a dainty luncheon, and puts it into a 



AS GUEST OR HOSTESS 227 

pretty box tied up with ribbons. Then, after breakfast, 
and with the sweetest of smiles, she puts the package 
into the hands of the guest, who, in a very few minutes 
after, says his adieus." 

A man guest who is compelled to take an early morning 
train, should, before retiring, say his adieus to his hostess 
and her family so that he may take his leave without 
disturbing the family before the usual rising hour. If a 
woman guest can have the services of some trusty servant, 
it is considerate for her to urge her hostess to allow her to 
leave without disturbing the family regime. 

On leaving be careful to collect your various belong- 
ings. The following lines by Ada Foster Murray owe 
their existence to the fact that many people fail to heed 
the counsel to leave nothing but a welcome behind: — 

" Sometimes we hunger for her touch, 
Her tender, wistful smile; 
And we might miss her very much 
If every little while 

" Her special greetings were not brought: 
' Do send my bag and keys;' 
Or, * In a shower we are caught, 
Express umbrellas, please.' 

" ' Jack thinks he left his purse with you. 
And maybe in the hall 
His watch, his cane, an overshoe — 
I can't remember all.' 

"So multiplex the favors are, 
We, with the poet, find 
That ' she who goes is happier far 
Than those she leaves behind.' " 

Carry off by mistake no trifle that belongs to your 
hostess. The error is easily made, but the rare distinction 
between mine and thine is imperative. 



228 GOOD FORM 

On one's arrival at home, after a visit, a letter should 
be immediately sent to one's hostess, informing her of 
the safe home-coming, and again assuring her that the 
visit was an enjoyable one. Even when a younger per- 
son is visiting a younger member of the family, the note 
expressing appreciation should be addressed to the mother. 

" It matters little what words will rhyme; 
The fact remains that I've had a fine time." 

A simple but pretty gift to the hostess is not obligatory, 
but it is a gracious way for a guest to express appreciation 
of hospitality. 

The Hostess 

All the thoughtful courtesies should not come from 
the guest. The hostess can do many things outside of 
the usual courtesies to add to her guest's comfort and 
pleasure. 

The hostess with what has been termed a "social 
memory" can give her guests many agreeable little sur- 
prises that will add perceptibly to their comfort and pleas- 
ure, for she remembers the personal likes and dislikes of 
her friends that she hears mentioned only casually. 

Some hostesses, when expecting a guest from a dis- 
tance, purchase a number of souvenir post-cards of their 
home town, and after stamping them, place them on the 
writing-desk in the guest-room, where they can be ad- 
dressed and sent home without any shopping being done, 
by their guests. A ball of string kept in a pretty holder 
in the guest-room may prove useful. Baggage tags and 
appropriate railway maps in the desk may also be a con- 
venience to guests when preparing to leave. 

Provide the guest with a fresh cake of soap, freshly 
laundered towels, wash-cloth, and linen for the bed. 



AS GUEST OR HOSTESS 289 

A tempting dish of fruits or nuts placed in a guest's 
room by the hostess, may, because of the change in climate 
or meal-hours, prove acceptable. 

Never keep anything in the closet or bureau drawers 
of the guest-room. 

Never send a person off into a cold, damp spare bed to 
sleep. Thoroughly dry and air all bedding to be used by 
the guest the day it is to be used. In winter extra blankets 
should be given to the guest, and a hot-water bottle will 
usually be acceptable. 

" When you have a friend to visit you, if she be a welcome guest, 
You will try to make her happy, and you'll give her of your best; 
You'll tell her all the story of your varied household cares, 
And everlastingly you'll prate about your own affairs; 
But whatever else you do, don't, for pity's sake, be led 
To put that helpless woman in the cold spare bed! " 

One guest in writing of her perfect hostess, who had 
no means of entertaining beyond those of the ordinary 
housewife, said in describing her guest-room: — 

"This woman always keeps her guest-room ready for 
the chance visitor. In the dresser drawers are clean 
white sheets and pillow-slips redolent of sweet clover. 
In another drawer is a supply of towels, wash-cloths, and 
dainty soap. She keeps the bedding for the room on a 
shelf in the closet ; and there, also, one can find the pillows 
and clean curtains, as well as immaculate dresser scarfs. 
After a guest departs, she puts the bedding away, tucking 
the cleanest of the sheets over the mattress to protect it 
from dust. Frequently the curtains are taken down, 
shaken, folded, and laid away. The toilet articles are 
dusted, and put into a drawer of the dresser; then soiled 
scarfs, wash-cloths, towels, sheets, and pillow-slips are 
put into the wash. After a thorough sweeping and 
airing, the room is closed. 



230 GOOD FORM 

" It is a matter of but a few minutes for her to prepare 
the room for the next guest; and when the bed has been 
made, and the toilet articles are on the dresser, one has 
four spacious drawers and a closet at one's disposal. Noth- 
ing that is needed by any one except the guest is ever 
kept in this room or its closet, so a guest does not have the 
uncomfortable feeling that she is putting some member 
of the family to inconvenience." 

It is not well to strip a guest's bed until after her de- 
parture, for though she may expect to leave on a given 
afternoon or evening, there is always a possibility that 
she may be detained over another night. 

A hostess will not herself run in and out of her guest's 
room as if it were the drawing-room, nor will she allow her 
children to do so. One wishing to enter the room, will 
gain admission by rapping, and will regard oneself for 
the time as the visitor. 

If you have a friend visiting you, and you are invited 
to an entertainment, and it can make no difference to the 
hostess how many guests there are, as at a reception where 
the invitations are general, you may ask your friend to 
accompany you, and, on introducing her to your hostess, 
add a few words of explanation. In nearly all other cases 
you should wait for a special invitation for your guest. 
This may be given either voluntarily or at your request. 
Of course it is only when the hostess is your very intimate 
friend, and your guest is sure to be welcome, that you would 
feel privileged to ask for this invitation. 

It is possible for one to be made "the victim of too 
much hospitality." If the table is daily loaded with 
things that the guest knows has overtaxed her hostess 
in preparing, if the hostess is always making an effort of 
some kind to entertain her friend, the guest feels guilty ; 



AS GUEST OR HOSTESS 231 

she is not at ease. Such visiting is not restful. "It 
would be an unusual guest who would not enjoy being 
shown to a room where there is writing-paper, ink, pens, 
magazines, and books, and to hear her hostess say: — 

"'This is your room. You will be undisturbed here. 
Rest when you like; come down and visit with the fam- 
ily when you like, but don't feel that you are on dress 
parade.'" 

To the hostess inclined to fill the time so full of work 
and pleasure that her guest, on leaving, feels that she has 
had no time for enjoying the society of her hostess, Henry 
F. Cope gives the following sane counsel: "If you would 
show true hospitality to any, let your first concern be 
that his heart is fed: He who comes to your home wants 
you more than he wants your bread and butter, your 
dainties and guest delicacies. There is a feast wherever 
friendship freely flows; there is emptiness and hunger, 
no matter how the board may be laden, where hearts 
are closed to one another." 

While it is not desirable to overtax oneself or one's 
guest in an effort to entertain hospitably, it is more un- 
desirable to fail to observe the essential conventions of 
good form in entertaining those whom one has invited 
to visit at one's home. It is not, therefore, courteous to 
assure a guest too strongly that her coming will make no 
difference whatever in the usual regime of the home. 



Love is hurt with jar and fret. 

— Tennyson. 

God, the best maker of all marriages, 
Combine your hearts in one. 

— Shakespeare. 

Marry too soon, and you'll repent too late, 
A sentence worthy my meditation; 
For marriage is a serious thing. 

— Randolph. 



Weddings 



The sweetest joy, the wildest woe, is love. — Bailey. 

Never marry but for love, but see that thoU lovest what is 
lovely. — William Penn. 

I chose my wife, as she did her wedding gown, for qualities 
that would wear well. — Goldsmith. 

Invitations and Announcements 

VX7EDDING invitations may be written, but never 
printed, if good taste is to be considered. En- 
graved invitations are to be preferred, unless the wedding 
is to be a small one. They should be issued not later 
than two weeks and not earlier than four weeks before 
the date for the marriage. 

A fine grade of white or cream-tinted paper, having a 
smooth surface but without glaze, should be used. 

A wedding invitation does not require a note of ac- 
ceptance unless the cards include a breakfast or a lunch- 
eon at the home of the bride, or bear the letters R. s. v. p. 
It is proper, however,, to call or send cards soon after the 
invitation has been received. 

When one is unable to attend a wedding or a wedding 
reception, the invitation should be politely acknowledged 
by posting or sending by hand, the day of the marriage, 
two visiting-cards addressed to the bride's parents. 

Announcement cards are employed when a marriage 
has been celebrated quietly in the presence of a few per- 
sons. They are posted on the day of the wedding or the 

233 



234 GOOD FORM 

following day. A large joint card of the newly married 
pair is often enclosed with every announcement. 

Wedding announcements require an answer from 
friends only when a "day" or "days" are mentioned on 
them. Then it is obligatory to send visiting-cards on the 
day or the first one of the days. 

Cards are not used to announce an engagement. This 
is usually done verbally at some entertainment, or by 
writing personal notes to intimate friends. 

Invitation 

Mr. and Mrs. George Scott 

request your presence at the marriage of their daughter, 

Annie Marie 
to 

Mr. Howard Willis James 

on Wednesday evening, February the second, 

at eight o'clock 

Washington, D. C. 

Nineteen Hundred and Thirteen 

Or, 

Mr. and Mrs. Harold B. Cummins 

request your presence at the marriage of their daughter, 

Lucile Minerva 
to 

Mr. Charles Franklin Foster 

on Wednesday, the tenth of September, 

at seven o'clock. 

Reception 

from half past seven until nine o'clock, 

Twenty-one Hundred Eighty-four Riverside Drive, 

Camerro, Florida. 



WEDDINGS 235 

Announcement Card 

Mr. and Mrs. George Scott 

announce the marriage of their daughter 

Annie Marie 
to 

Mr. Howard Willis James 

on Wednesday evening, February the second 

at eight o'clock 

Washington, D. C. 

Nineteen Hundred and Thirteen 

Presents 

Presents may be sent any time after an invitation 
has been received. Intimate friends may send gifts ear- 
lier if they desire. Presents to the bride are not obligatory 
for all who are invited to a wedding. Upon those in- 
vited to be present at a church ceremony only there rests 
no such obligation. 

"It is no less a compliment to the bridegroom to send 
gifts to his bride than if he individually were to be their 
recipient. Anything that is intended for him personally 
should, of course, be sent to his address, but the bride 
usually receives all the presents." 

Gifts, if marked, now bear the bride's maiden initials. 
Our great-grandparents used the combined initials of the 
bride and groom on their presents. 

In sending silver to a bride it is well that the articles 
be not engraved. She may have duplicates, and prefer 
to exchange some of the gifts for other articles. 

All wedding gifts should be acknowledged by note 
within a few days after they are received. 

Wedding presents may or may not be displayed. 
Frequently they are placed on a table up-stairs in the 



236 GOOD FORM 

bride's home, and intimate friends are invited to pass up 
and look at them. It is better taste, some writers on good 
form claim, to remove the cards of the donors before dis- 
playing the gifts. 

Expenses 

The parents of the bride assume all the wedding ex- 
penses, except that of the clergyman's fee and the cost 
of the carriage that brings the groom and best man to the 
church, and the one that takes the bridal party to the 
train. The groom meets these expenses. He also pays 
for the flowers for the bride, her maid of honor, and the 
bridesmaids. 

The groom should not fail to offer the officiating 
clergyman a liberal fee, preferably of gold or clean bills. 
This should be placed in a sealed envelope, and passed to 
the clergyman by the best man or groom. The groom 
should be as generous as possible at this time, for he may 
not be able to supplement the fee in later life as a noted 
business man did recently, who chanced to meet the 
clergyman that officiated at his wedding, and who re- 
ceived only five dollars for his services. After a cordial 
greeting, the business man made out a check for five 
thousand dollars and handed it to the aged minister, 
saying, "This is a better expression of my gratitude for 
the service rendered me than what I gave you when you 
performed the ceremony." 

It is the prevailing custom to serve wedding cake in 
small white boxes, bearing the interlaced initials of the 
bride and bridegroom. These boxes, tied with narrow 
white satin ribbon, are piled on a table near the front 
door, and each guest is expected to take one on leaving 
the house. It is not usual to send wedding cake to one's 
friends unless, perhaps, in a few exceptional cases, as to 



WEDDINGS 237 

a relative living at a distance or to an intimate friend who 
may be prevented by illness from attending the wedding. 

Dress 

The ceremonials at the marriage of a widow do not 
admit the wearing of a veil or of a white gown. Neither 
can a widow-bride have bridesmaids or a maid of honor. 

At a fashionable day wedding a man wears a long 
double-breasted frock or Prince Albert coat, white shirt, 
a pearl-gray ascot or four-in-hand tie, white duck waist- 
coat, and light-colored striped trousers (dark-gray tones 
preferred), patent-leather shoes, and deep pearl-gray 
kid or gray suede gloves. 

When the bride is married in traveling dress, the bride- 
groom should wear a business suit of some dark cloth. 
"The coat may be a cutaway or sack coat. The idea is 
conveyed, when the bride is married in her traveling gown, 
that she will leave immediately on her wedding trip, and, 
to be consistent, the bridegroom's costume should also 
suggest this idea." 

Bridesmaids and the maid of honor should be dressed 
in color, not in white. 

Church Weddings 

At a signal from the door that the bride has arrived, 
the clergyman, groom, and best man enter the church 
from the vestry. The clergyman, preceding, turns and 
faces the audience, the bridegroom standing before him 
on his left. 

The correct order in which the bridal procession should 
enter and leave the church is as follows: — ■ 

The ushers walk first, two by two; the bridesmaids 
follow, also two by two; the maid of honor walks alone 



238 GOOD FORM 

directly ahead of the bride, who usually enters on her 
father's arm. After the ceremony this order is exactly 
reversed: the bride and bridegroom lead the procession, 
and the ushers walk out last. 

The best man leaves the church by some side aisle, 
and hands the bridegroom his hat at the door. 

It is quite usual for the bride's brother or some male 
relative to act as usher at her wedding, but always at 
the bridegroom's invitation. The other ushers are chosen 
by the bridegroom from among his friends. 

A married person may act as best man. 

The bridal pair may or may not face the guests during 
the ceremony. 

Home Weddings 

According to Emily Holt, author of "Good Form:" 
"Weddings at the homes of brides vary much, according 
to the taste of the participants. A very acceptable 
form is for the clergyman to stand in a large room dec- 
orated with flowers, facing the audience, with the groom 
beside him. The bride enters on the arm of her father. 
As she nears the place where the groom is standing, she 
draws her hand from the arm of her father, and puts it 
into the right hand of the groom, who has advanced to 
meet her, and thus she is led between the two lines of 
bridesmaids and ushers, if these are present, to her place 
before the clergyman. Arrived at this point, she draws 
her hand from the arm of the groom, and the ceremony 
begins. During the preliminary exhortation, the father 
remains until the moment of giving her away, directly 
behind either the maid of honor or his daughter. When 
the clergyman asks, 'Who giveth this woman away?' 
the father, advancing between the bride and groom, takes 



WEDDINGS 239 

the bride's right hand, and lays it in that of the groom, 
bowing his acquiescence as he murmurs, 'I do.' He then 
retires to his seat with his family." 

The father may, if he prefers, merely bow in response 
to the clergyman's question. "Should the widowed 
mother of the bride give her away, she will merely rise 
from her seat and bow her consent." 

A rehearsal of the wedding ceremony should be con- 
ducted before the day of the wedding, in order that every- 
thing may pass off correctly. 

Congratulations 

Do not congratulate the bride, but extend congrat- 
ulations to the groom. One may say to the bride," I 
hope you will be very happy; and I am sure you will." 
The bride should be addressed first, unless one is un- 
acquainted with the bride but is a friend of the groom. 
In that case address the groom, and he introduces to the 
bride. 

The parents of the bridegroom may be congratulated 
upon their new daughter. 

At a wedding reception the parents of both the bride 
and the groom stand with the married couple, and are 
introduced to the guests. 

Rice Showers and Practical Jokes 

Intelligent people everywhere will welcome an innocent 
substitute for the custom of rice throwing at weddings, 
a custom borrowed from the Chinese, and, though origi- 
nally symbolic of good wishes for health and prosperity, 
now from its vulgar abuse in disrepute. 

A liberal showering of rice always occasions the bridal 
party discomfort, and frequently makes necessary a com- 
plete change of apparel at the first opportunity. Far 



240 GOOD FORM 

more serious results have followed the rice shower. A 
"young married pair were just entering their carriage to 
drive away when their friends followed them with the usual 
idiotic handfuls of rice. The rice struck the horses. They 
became frightened and plunged; the driver lost control, 
and with terrific speed the carriage was dashed against 
a trolley-pole. The carriage was demolished, the bride 
of two hours was picked up unconscious with a fractured 
skull, and died during the night. The young bridegroom, 
with an ugly cut on the temple, lingered for several days, 
and then, when the sad news of his bride's death was im- 
parted to him, he lost his reason, became incurably insane, 
and died two months afterward in the city madhouse." 

Recently a woman died at the Postgraduate Hospital 
in New York City from the effects of a grain of rice that 
lodged in her ear on her wedding day ten years ago. She 
suffered for a decade, and efforts of surgeons to relieve 
her were unavailing. Three surgical operations were 
performed, but the kernel could not be reached. Fi- 
nally brain fever developed, and death resulted. 

Those who have interested themselves in the doing 
away with the ungracious rice-throwing custom, propose 
that the bride be showered with rose petals. Dainty 
bags for holding the petals are already found in the shops. 

A number of the Ladies' Home Journal contained the 
following illustrations of unseemly and dangerous ways 
of celebrating a wedding: — 

"In Wisconsin a newly wedded couple were forcibly 
grabbed by their friends, their hands and feet tied, and 
were then placed in a crate locked with a padlock, marked 
'Live Stock,' and put in the baggage compartment of a 
trolley-car. It was over an hour before the bride and 
bridegroom could induce the motor-man and the con- 



WEDDINGS 241 

ductor, who were in the scheme, to release them by break- 
ing the crate. By this time the bride was in such a nerv- 
ous condition that they had to return home, and she 
was ill with nervous prostration for weeks at her mother's 
home. Her physician writes: 'I doubt if she will ever 
fully recover from the shock.' 

"Some jokers tied a tin wash-boiler to the back of a 
bridal carriage in Missouri. The noise frightened the 
horses, and they ran away, throwing out the bride and 
bridegroom. The bridegroom was thrown on his head 
against the curb, and although months have now passed, 
he has not yet regained his reason. 

"Thrown at a departing couple in an automobile in 
New York, a shoe struck the glass, broke it, and a piece 
of the glass entered the eye of the bridegroom. The 
wedding journey was postponed, the bridegroom was 
taken to the hospital, where it was found that he would 
permanently lose the sight of the injured eye. He has 
to go through the rest of his life with one eye, thanks to 
the joke of his friends." 

Mrs. Charles Harcourt, in "Good Form for Women," 
says: "The practical jokes and horse-play that too often 
mar wedding festivities are the essence of vulgarity. No 
gentleman, much less a lady, could possibly have any hand 
in such proceedings." Harper's Weekly recently con- 
tained the following news note, and comment by the 
editor: "Mayor Johnson ot Chester, Pennsylvania, on 
his way home one night met a boisterous crowd of hazers 
marching through the streets with a newly married pair 
at its head. He summoned the police, broke up the 
parade, and sent the pair home in a cab. Then he gave 
the following public notice to Chester : — 

"'Marriage is no farce, and must not be treated as 
16 



242 



GOOD FORM 



such. In the future, so long as I am the chief executive 
of Chester, there shall be no permits issued for parades or 
public demonstrations that will have a tendency to annoy 
newly married couples. Such matters should not be 
treated lightly.' 

"The mayor's sentiments are entirely sound, and his 
action is commended for imitation where needed. Hazing 
the newly wedded, and treating them to the form of en- 
tertainment known as the charivari, are observances 
that, like prize-fights, are out of date in our civilization." 

Another eminent author says: "There is really nothing 
humorous in making a laughing-stock of one's best friends. 
The sooner the young people realize that marriage is 
a solemn religious ceremony, the better. Everything 
should be joy and gladness, but practical jokes and vul- 
garity should be dispensed with." 

Wedding Anniversaries 



First, 


Paper. 


Fifteenth, 


Crystal. 


Second, 


Cotton. 


Twentieth, 


China. 


Third, 


Leather. 


Twenty-fifth, 


Silver. 


Fourth, 


Books. 


* Thirtieth, 


Pearl. 


Fifth, 


Wooden. 


Thirty-fifth, 


Sapphire. 


Sixth, 


Garnet. 


Fortieth, 


Ruby. 


Seventh, 


Woolen. 


Fiftieth, 


Golden. 


Twelfth, 


Silk and Linen. 


Seventy-fifth, 


Diamond, 



On the Train 

When I was at home, I was in a better place; but travelers 
must be content. — Shakespeare. 

"He that would make his travels delightful," said Seneca, 
"must first make himself delightful." 

'^J'OWHERE is the observance of good form more 
necessary than during a journey. It is a safeguard 
against the designing and vicious. 

The following suggestions relative to traveling have 
the approval of good society : — 

The traveling dress should have no showy embellish- 
ments on hat or gown. All the outer wearing apparel 
should consist of materials which can be readily shaken 
or brushed free of dust. Every movement should be such 
as to avoid attracting attention. No acquaintance should 
be formed with strangers, unless it be under circumstances 
that could admit of no possible question. 

It is not good form to direct attention to oneself by 
standing and looking about in a waiting-room, or prom- 
enading the platform, turning the head and gazing at 
people, or asking questions of any but officials. "These 
things, trivial as they may seem, if carefully observed 
help to keep a hedge of safety about the young woman 
who is obliged to travel alone; while only a slight depart- 
ure from these rules will often open the way for annoyance, 
and even serious dangers." 

The prospective traveler should inform herself con- 
cerning everything she will need to know of her route as 

243 



244 GOOD FORM 

thorougnly as possible before she starts, so as to make 
questioning unnecessary. It is unwise to depend even 
upon men in uniform for information beyond certain 
narrow limits. Do not expect a local ticket agent, nor 
yet a railroad conductor, brakeman, or Pullman-car 
porter to know what every passenger may need to know 
in order to reach his destination. 

"If you are a young girl traveling alone, compelled 
to make a transfer across the city, never take a carriage 
or a cab, but the common public omnibus or car. If 
you have a tedious wait before you, do not try to relieve 
it by sauntering about the depot or street, or any public 
places. Settle yourself down with the determination to 
patiently and quietly endure in the station, unless you 
know some suitable place to which you can go and spend 
the time. Do not ask, receive, or act upon advice from 
strangers as to hotels, or any other places where you 
could spend the hours more comfortably. Accept no 
invitations except from well-known friends, and even 
then not to ice-cream parlors or restaurants. Nothing 
short of a family invitation to some good home should 
turn you for a moment from your purpose to keep closely 
to the line of travel, and endure hardness with good, prac- 
tical common sense." 

One who fails to make requests of railway or other 
officials courteously, advertises oneself ungraciously to 
all observers. " ' I want to leave the car at Billings Street. 
Will you please tell me when we reach that street?' said 
a refined-looking man as he took his seat in the car. ' Yes, 
sir,' said the conductor. At the next corner a big, blus- 
tering fellow stepped up on the platform, and when he 
had reached the door of the car, he said in a loud, com- 
manding tone: ' Say, you conductor, I want to get off this 



ON THE TRAIN 245 

car at Billings Street, and I don't want you to carry me 
two or three blocks beyond it, as you fellows so often do; 
you hear?' 'All right,' replied the conductor." It isn't 
so much what one says as how one says it; but it is better 
to be careful of both words and manner. 

"When you travel," says Will Carleton, "do not 
sneer at things; perhaps you have not been in that place 
long enough to understand the people and their customs. " 

On opening a window in a car, fellow passengers in 
the seat behind you should be asked whether the draft 
is too great, as those behind usually feel it more than the 
person beside the window. 

To have one's baggage plainly marked with one's 
initials greatly facilitates the identification of it. 

Be thoughtful of the baggagemen, and if necessary 
provide yourself with two trunks rather than so over- 
load one that it overtaxes a man's strength and patience 
to lift it. 

It is important that the traveler have about him some 
means whereby, if necessary, others can make sure of his 
identification. His name and address at least should be 
given on a card. 

The husband should register at a hotel for himself 
and his wife. He should write Mr. and Mrs. James Wright, 
not James Wright and wife. The wife should not ac- 
company her husband to the registry desk, but should 
remain in the reception-room or parlor until he has made 
all arrangements for both. 

An unmarried woman writing her name in a hotel 
register, should prefix it with "Miss" in parentheses. 

A lady traveler occupying a sleeping-berth should 
provide herself with a suitable kimono or wrapper in place 
of her usual night lingerie. In case of an accident, one 



246 GOOD FORM 

would feel more at ease perhaps in a dark China silk 
kimono than in the ordinary nightgown. 

Extend what courtesies you can on your journey to 
the sick and aged or to the mother with children to care for. 

Some prefacing remark of inquiry or apology is proper 
before taking a seat beside a stranger in a railway car. 

Do not be rude to nor look severely at one who seems 
to insist selfishly on keeping the entire seat for oneself 
and parcels; and don't be the one to insist on keeping an 
entire seat for yourself to the inconvenience of others. 

The pleasure of a journey both for oneself and for 
one's fellow travelers is enhanced by one's unfailing 
courtesy, as Pauline Frances Camp suggests in her poem, 
"Mammy's Lesson in Manners:" — 

" Case all trabelin's oneasy, 

Fix't de bestes' way yo' kin; 
An' if folks fergit dey manners, 

T'ings gits rough as piny-skin. 
So, w'en yo' goes on a journey, 

Dis de word yo* mammy say: 
Pack yo' manners in yo' satchel, 

Fo' to use along the way." 



Telephone Etiquette 

"God has not yet finished his work with the Christian who 
is not a perfect gentleman." 

A moral, sensible, and well-bred man 
Will not affront me, and no other can. 

— Cowper. 

' I ''HE telephone belongs to the business world; there- 
fore do not monopolize it for confidential chats with 
your friends. 

The one who starts a telephone conversation should 
be the one. to give the signal for it to end. Care should 
be exercised not to prolong unduly even a business con- 
versation. 

Profane, foul, or discourteous language over the tele- 
phone is debarred by the rules of telephone etiquette. 
Some States impose a heavy fine for such a breach of 
etiquette. Neither is impatient or angry conversation 
allowable. 

Be not too ready to use another's telephone, espe- 
cially that of a business friend. 

Unless assured that it is unnecessary because of un- 
limited service, always pay for the use of another's tele- 
phone. 

The telephone should not take the place of written 
notes of thanks, invitation, and condolence. 

The Chesapeake and Potomac Telephone Company 
has recently given to the public the following suggestions 
on telephone courtesy: — 

247 



248 GOOD FORM 

"There is a careful way of beginning a telephone con- 
versation that many persons are now adopting. It is the 
courteous and direct method because it saves useless words, 
confusion, and uncertainty. It runs thus: — 

"The telephone bell rings, and the person answering 
it says: 'Morton and Company, Mr. Baker speaking.' 
The person calling then says: 'Mr. Wood, of Curtis and 
Company, wishes to talk with Mr. White.' When Mr. 
White picks up the receiver, he knows Mr. Wood is on the 
other end of the line, and without any unnecessary and 
undignified 'Helios,' he at once greets him with the re- 
freshing and courteous salutation, 'Good morning, Mr. 
Wood ! ' This savors the genial hand-shake that Mr. Wood 
would have received had he called upon Mr. White. 

"A far higher degree of telephone courtesy would be 
obtained if the face-to-face idea were more generally held 
in mind by those who use the telephone. The fact that a 
line of wire and two shining instruments separate you from 
the person to whom you are talking, takes none of the sting 
out of unkind words. 

"Telephone courtesy begins when the bell rings. 
Promptness in answering the call is a compliment to the 
caller. Telephone courtesy on party lines means being 
polite when some one else unintentionally breaks in — not 
snapping, 'Get off the line; I'm using it.' 

"In a word, it is obviously true that the correct thing 
to do in a face-to-face conversation is also correct in a 
telephone conversation, and any one has but to apply the 
rule of courtesy prescribed long years before the telephone 
was first thought of, to know the proper manners for tele- 
phone usage. Be forbearing, considerate, and courteous. 
Do over the telephone as you would do face to face." 



Punctuality 



" You have a disagreeable duty to perform at twelve o'clock. 
Do not blacken nine and ten and all between with the color of 
twelve. Do the work of each and reap your reward in peace." 

" His promises were, as he then was, mighty; 
But his performance, as he now is, nothing." 

A TEACHER who had been much annoyed by the 

tardiness of pupils, conceived the plan of having 

every one who came late step to a chart on the wall and 

place a mark after his name, then face the school and 

recite the lines: — 

" Be prompt 1 the tardy habit grows, 
And gets a sound berating; 
For people always count the faults 
Of those who keep them waiting." 

There is at least enough truth in this stanza to make 
if safer for one's reputation, if for no other reason, to 
cultivate the habit of punctuality, which means to be on 
time at table, school, church, business, and all other en- 
gagements. 

It is discourteous, conceited, and unkind to be tardy 
in meeting engagements, unless prevented from doing so 
by unforeseen or unavoidable circumstances. Therefore 
it is evident that no one has a license to trespass upon 
another's time and good nature by lack of punctuality. 
A tardy dinner guest is always unwelcome. A tardy 
Sabbath-school teacher, pupil, minister, or student does 
discredit to the work he represents. 

249 



250 GOOD FORM 

It is said of an old Virginia planter, whose honor- 
able dealings were known far and wide, that "never in 
all his life did he fail in an obligation or delay its fulfil- 
ment one hour beyond the appointed time. Once a note 
fell due during a severe winter storm. He was in frail 
health, so sent his nephew in his stead on a sixty-mile 
ride over rough roads. When the messenger returned, 
the old gentleman said: 'All my life I have made it a rule 
to pay every dollar I owed on the precise day it was due, 
no matter if it cost me two dollars for every dollar owed. 
The result is that my name is good in every bank in Rich- 
mond for any sum I may happen to want. Let me com- 
mend the rule to you. No man need undertake an obli- 
gation unless he wishes to do so. But, having undertaken 
it, he is in honor bound to fulfil it, no matter what happens. 
I know you had to swim a swollen river twice to-day. 
If I had not had you as a substitute, I should have made 
the journey myself, swimming the river as a necessary 
part of the proceedings.'" 

Don't allow yourself to form the habit of procrasti- 
nating. This habit works ill both to oneself and to 
one's friends. Remember the old adage, "Never put off 
until to-morrow what can be done to-day. " It is said 
of the late prince Napoleon that he came to his death 
because of procrastination. He had joined the English 
army in South Africa, and was one day riding on horse- 
back outside the camp at the head of a squad of men. 
It was a dangerous situation, and one of the company 
remarked that they would better make haste to return, 
lest they fall into the hands of the enemy. " ' O,' said the 
prince, 'let us stay here ten minutes and drink our coffee!' 
Before the ten minutes had passed, a company of Zu- 
lus came upon them, and in the skirmish the prince 



PUNCTUALITY 251 

lost his life. His mother, when informed of the facts, 
in her anguish said : ' That was his greatest mistake from 
babyhood. He never wanted to go to bed at night nor 
rise in the morning on time. He was ever pleading for 
ten minutes more. When too sleepy to speak, he would 
lift up his two little hands and spread out ten fingers, 
indicating that he wanted ten minutes more. On this 
account I sometimes called him Mr. Ten Minutes.' " 

"Little Albert was only a baby, not three years old, 
but he trotted into the corner grocery with quite a busi- 
nesslike air. ' Muzzer wants a pie,' he said peremptorily; 
but the grocer, having several older customers, smiled, 
and went on serving sugar and flour. ' It's got to be right 
now!' the baby announced. When all laughed, he re- 
peated in his sturdy little voice, ' It's got to be right now!' 
and then, with a pained, perplexed look on his chubby 
face, he turned and primly walked out of the store." If 
a similar spirit of promptness for directing one's own 
actions should characterize all, much of life's friction 
would thereby be dissipated. 

Punctuality, or promptness, in ending an engagement 
is often of as much importance as promptness in beginning. 
Therefore in business as well as in social events recognize 
the value of another's time. A traveling salesman for an 
office appliance came in to see a buyer of a large firm. " He 
walked briskly up to this man's desk, and set a little three- 
minute sand-glass on the desk before the buyer. On 
the top of the wooden end of the glass was his name and 
the article he sold. His opening sentence was: 'This is 
my name, business, and the amount of time it will take 
me to tell my story.' Before the sand had run out of the 
glass, he had given facts, figures, selling points, and argu- 
ments for his device, and had permission of the buyer to 



252 GOOD FORM 

put it into the office on thirty days' trial. He left the 
glass on the desk as a souvenir." 

Busy men appreciate an interview of this character, 
and it is but courteous that any one who solicits an inter- 
view with a business man should be brief and to the point 
in the presentation of his interests. 

Take thought for the next person, that is, if you see a 
board lying around with a rusty nail projecting from it, 
or a loosened tack in a box or trunk, stop then and there 
and remove the possibility of another's getting hurt or 
tearing his clothes. Never think it is not your business. 
You are your brother's keeper; therefore you should 
immediately set right anything which, if left, might cause 
another serious trouble. 

Keeping One's Promise 

"His words are bonds, his oaths are oracles," — so 
does an eminent writer make one of his characters say 
of another. Were this universally true of men and 
women to-day, every phase of life would be revolutionized. 
Rarely is one now found who regards with such intense 
sacredness his word. Promises are lightly made, and as 
easily broken. It is this laxity of statement that is under- 
mining all the strongholds of society. 

It is the man of integrity to-day, as well as of yester- 
day, that makes his mark for eternal good upon the hearts 
of his fellow men. One must implicitly fulfil one's prom- 
ises, if one would have truth inwrought into the soul as 
the golden thread of character. 

The desire for pleasantry provokes one to exaggerate 
or to disregard truth altogether. While our friends may 
understand the license we thus allow ourselves in de- 
viating from exact accuracy, yet the effect upon ourselves 



PUNCTUALITY 253 

is to lessen our regard for absolute truth. It therefore 
follows that we must put limitations on our speech, if we 
preserve inviolate our integrity of character. We must 
regard no promise as of little worth; but rather let our 
words be bonds, our declarations oracles. 

When James A. Garfield was a district-school teacher, 
he took a new jack-knife away from a boy who persisted 
in cutting the desks with it. As Mr. Garfield slipped 
the knife into his own pocket, he promised that it should 
be returned at the close of the session. But during the 
afternoon two committeemen called to examine the school, 
and Mr. Garfield completely forgot about the knife. In 
the evening on slipping his hand into his pocket, he found 
the offending knife. He immediately recalled his promise 
to return it at the close of school ; so, although the boy's 
home was two miles distant, and the night dark and rainy, 
the young teacher put on his overcoat and went to the 
home of Sandy Williams, the owner of the knife. His 
appearance gave much satisfaction to Sandy, who had 
been lamenting his loss all the evening. 

Mr. Garfield said to his boarding mistress, who urged 
him to keep the knife until morning, and then return it: 
"But, you see, Mrs. Ross, I promised, and a promise is 
always binding. It is better to right a wrong as soon as 
it is discovered." 



An empty bag can not stand upright; neither can a man who 
is in debt, — Samuel Smiles. 

Do not accustom yourself to consider debt only as an incon- 
venience; you will find it a calamity. — Dr. Samuel Johnson. 

The first step in debt is like the first step in falsehood — almost 
involving the necessity of proceeding in the same course, debt fol- 
lowing debt, as lie follows lie. — Samuel Smiles. 



Borrowing and Returning 

Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors 
are a superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times. 
— Franklin. 

Neither a borrower nor a lender be; 
For loan oft loses both itself and friend. 

— Shakespeare. 

X/TANY borrowers have unsavory reputations, at least 
so far as the borrowing habit is concerned. They 
"are careless users and poor returners, and this is the 
hardest part for the lender. He is put to unexpected 
inconveniences and loss. Borrowing has its place, but 
young people are wisest if they form the habit of being 
quite independent on that score." But if you must 
borrow, be a careful user and a prompt returner. The 
Bible says "the borrower is servant to the lender." Ac- 
cording to Will Carleton, "It is he who goes lending that 
does the most sorrowing." But it should not be so. 

Return a borrowed book as soon as possible; never 
keep it for weeks, much less for months. Many have 
vainly wished for some way of insuring prompt return 
of borrowed books; but so long as our public libraries 
receive such large sums in fines from delinquents, it can 
hardly be expected that where no fine is charged, books 
will be promptly returned. One should, however, make 
no less effort to be on time in the latter case than in the 
former. 

A person should not be too ready to ask for the loan 

255 



256 GOOD FORM 

of a book. If interest is shown in one, its owner will 
usually offer it for perusal if willing to lend it. 

Endeavor to replace borrowed things with others of 
the same kind. "Why is not the money just as accept- 
able as the postage-stamp, or the spool of thread, or the 
cupful of raisins which a neighbor has run in to borrow? 
asks some one. Because it does not replace the useful 
article. It only furnishes the means to replace it when 
time and opportunity offer. And very often the want of 
a thing is more than the worth of it, as the old phrase has 
it. Even in the town it adds a little to the burdens of 
life to take thought of and replace supplies. Both justice 
and neighborly thoughtfulness should remind us to re- 
turn our loans in kind." 

Thoughtful planning will greatly lessen the need for 
borrowing. Some one has given the timely hint to 
boys, "Never lay your pocket-knife down, and you will 
never lose it, so will not be compelled to borrow." 

Lending a borrowed article, unless you have permission 
to do so, is not good form. 

"A woman who really makes me groan 

Is the one who lives next door; 
She borrows everything I own, 

And then she comes for more. 
She borrows first a baking tin, 

She next requires a plate, 
She then comes back for a dressing-sack 

Or a bar of chocolate. 
She borrows a can or a pan or a fan, 

Or a couple of Irish potatoes, 
A cookery book, or a button-hook, 

Or a tin of the best tomatoes. 
She borrows a trap to catch a mouse, 
And she's likely to ask to borrow the house. 
'Nonsense,' you say. Well, now, why not? 
I told you before she had borrowed a lot," 



The Forgetting Habit 

A man may commit a mistake, but none but a fool will con- 
tinue in it. — Cicero. 

His heart was as great as the world, but there was no room 
in it to hold the memory of a wrong. — Emerson. 

Use your memory; you will sensibly experience a gradual im- 
provement while you take care not to overload it. — Watts. 

A SUCCESSFUL business man once said that from 
one experience in his youth he learned two invaluable 
things; namely, "Never to lose anything, and never to for- 
get anything." His acquisition came through an old law- 
yer who placed in his hands an important document, with 
instructions what to do with it. 

'"Suppose I should happen to lose it, what shall I 
do then?' inquired the young man. 

"'You must not lose it,' said the lawyer, frowning. 

'" I do not mean to,' said the young man, ' but suppose 
I should happen to?' 

" ' But I say you must not happen to. I shall make no 
provision for such an occurrence. You must not lose it.' 

"This put a new train of thought into the young man's 
mind, and he found that a strong purpose was sufficient 
to prevent the usual mistakes caused by forgetting. If a 
person's heart and mind are wholly given to the work in 
hand, if he does with his might what his hands find to do, 
he will not often be heard to say, 'I forgot.'" 

To forgeWto do what you are asked to do is a discour- 
tesy, and perhaps a great inconvenience, to the one who 
17 257 



258 GOOD FORM 

made the request of you ; and it is a poor recommendation 
for you financially, mentally, and spiritually. The for- 
getting of orders and commands has been the cause of our 
most disastrous accidents. 

One who felt it to be, at times if not always, a sin to 
forget, imposed upon himself rigid discipline for the for- 
mation of the habit of remembering. He was once asked 
by a friend to get a certain book at the library. He prom- 
ised to do so, but returned without the book, having for- 
gotten it. It was a mile or more to the library, but he 
insisted on returning for the book, just because he did not 
like the idea of forgetting. 

Do not forget too readily another's likes and dislikes. 
Gracious courtesies can be opportunely shown another if 
his special sentiment toward certain things is remembered. 

Don't forget to do what you offer to do for another. 
Many promised favors never materialize. 

Don't forget in replying to a letter to answer all ques- 
tions in the letter. 

Don't forget to express appreciation for both small 
and large attentions. Don't forget engagements. Meet 
them promptly. 

Don't forget to show those of your home circle the 
courtesies due them from yourself. 



Order and Neatness 

"Neatness is almost a certain test of moral character." 

Set all things in their own peculiar place, and know that order 
is the greatest grace. — Dryden. 

' I *HE disorderly person can not be courteous; for his 
habit makes many unnecessary demands upon other 
people's time and strength. A teacher once said to a 
young man who has since become a distinguished scholar 
and writer, but who at that time was very careless about 
the order of his room and belongings: "If you want facts 
and ideas arranged in your head so as to find them, put 
your hat and shoes and books in some sort of order around 
you. Orderly habits cultivate orderly brains. " It is no 
less true that orderly habits make orderly, thoughtful, 
courteous hearts; therefore have a place for everything, 
and put everything in its place. 

Follow a daily program of work and study if you are 
inclined not to be orderly in your habits. This will make 
your work easier and more effective. 

Never leave an untidy room. " A girl's dressing-room 
is a sure index to her character and habits. A clever 
woman asserted that she could gain a better knowledge 
of one of her own sex by an inspection of her dressing- 
room than by a casual acquaintance of years." "In 
fact," she continued, "when one of my sons announces 
his engagement, I leave no stone unturned to have the 
girl under my eye for her morning and evening toilet. 
She is judged accordingly, and from what I see I can 

259 



260 GOOD FORM 

pretty well guess the sort of wife she will make. How so? 
— Because every thrifty or slovenly trait is sure to crop 
out then. For instance, the girl's own room is always an 
infallible indication of her taste and necessities. I do 
not mean silver-mounted toilet articles, a lace-draped 
dressing- table, or full-length mirrors. They are well 
enough if she can afford them; but the first thing to note 
are her books and pictures, her sewing-basket, her toilet 
articles. It is worth while catching a glimpse of her 
closets and drawers, as they speak volumes for or against 
their owner's tidiness. When gloves are rolled in a hard 
knot, veils jammed under salve-pots, ribbons tumbled 
in with powder and hairpins, beware. That kind of 
thing is eloquent of curl papers at the breakfast table, 
muddy coffee, and cold biscuit to come." 

Some writer has given the following suggestion that 
is worth much to any girl or young woman who will act 
upon it: — • 

"You see, Miss Heywood, I was late to breakfast 
without doing a thing to this room, and then I rushed off 
to school, and mother left it all just for a lesson to me. 
And, oh ! Ned has had that nice Mr. Wilson up in his room, 
and Mr. Wilson knows this is my bedroom; and when I 
asked Ned why he couldn't have had the brotherliness 
to close my door, he said — oh ! he said — he was so used — 
to seeing it like this — he never thought! " and a wet hollow 
in a pillow which had evidently been doing duty before 
received Hazel's unhappy face. 

"Hazel," said Miss Heywood, presently, "if you will 
take orders from me for sixty seconds, I'll teach you 
something that will prevent your ever having this trouble 
again. I call it the 'backward glance.'" 

Hazel was sitting up in surprise. 



ORDER AND NEATNESS 261 

"Go stand by the door, " began Miss Heywood, taking 
out her watch. "We'll suppose you are starting down to 
breakfast, but as you reach the door, you give one back- 
ward glance to make sure that your room looks as you'd 
like to have it if the person whose opinion you value most 
were to pass the door. 

"You see several things to do, don't you? But you 
have just one minute to do them in. 

"Now, ready, begin! Pick up that nightdress from 
the floor, and hang it on its hook. Take the slippers from 
the bed and those shoes from the middle of the room, and 
put them in the closet. Good! Snatch that towel from 
the back of the chair, and hang it on the rack. Lay those 
gloves and dangling ribbons and that collar inside the 
drawer, and close all the drawers. Quick, please! Take 
that tangled mass of bedclothing and turn it smoothly 
over the foot of the bed. Lay the pillows on that chair 
by the window, and throw up the window. Good ! Hazel 
Marston, you did all that in one minute!" 

"You stretched it, I believe," laughed Hazel. 

"Not one second," said Miss Heywood, "and if my 
room looks tidier than yours to-day, it is simply because 
I never, from the hour it was taught me, have forgotten to 
give the backward glance as I reached my door. Tell 
me, now," and she took the girl's face in both her hands, 
"wouldn't it pay to get up just one minute earlier?" 

Be thoroughly neat in all your work. Keep the 
corners of the house clean. Keep the premises about the 
house clean. Insist on absolute neatness of person and 
clothing. 



Toil, when willing, groweth less; 
"Always play" may seem to bless, 
Yet the end is weariness. 

— Bayard Taylor. 

'Some pleasures live a month, and some a year, 
But short the date of all we gather here." 

How poor are they that have not patience 1 
What wound did ever heal but by degrees? 

— Shakespeare. 

Live to learn, and learn to live, 
Only this content can give; 
Reckless joys are fugitive. 

— Bayard Taylor. 



Pleasures and Recreations 

"Fly the pleasure that will bite to-morrow." 

Pleasure admitted in undue degree 
Enslaves the will, nor leaves the judgment free. 

— Cowper. 
Remorse, the fatal egg by Pleasure laid. 

— Cowper. 

r T"*HE mother of John and Charles Wesley said to her 
boys: "Would you judge of the lawfulness or un- 
lawfulness of pleasure, of the innocence or malignity of 
actions, take this rule: Whatever weakens your reason, 
impairs the tenderness of your conscience, obscures your 
sense of God, or takes off the relish of spiritual things; in 
short, whatever increases the strength and authority of 
your body over your mind, that thing is sin to you, how- 
ever innocent it may be in itself." T. H. Beecher gives 
some pertinent questions for testing the value of amuse- 
ments that accord with Mrs. Wesley's admirable rule. 
He asks: — 

"Are they costly? Young people should be thrifty, 
saving up something for a good start. Amusements that 
use up what should be savings are evil. 

"Are they healthful? If, after any of them, you have 
a headache, backache, cold, or a restless appetite, the 
amusement is evil. It should be avoided. 

"Are they refreshing? The amusement that makes 
you less able to go on with your work is badly chosen. 

"Are they pure? Purity is a matter of thought quite 

263 



264 GOOD FORM 

as much as of act. To the pure all things are pure. But, 
alas ! few men are pure. And things that are innocent as 
the frolic of lambs become to some persons stimulants of 
evil and unspeakable thoughts. 

"Are they well earned? Except a man work, neither 
shall he play. All plays are wicked for a lazy, idle man. 
Only the industrious can safely amuse themselves in 
any way. 

"Is their influence good? Any form of amusement 
which tends toward evil, or is surrounded by evil asso- 
ciations, should be avoided like a contagious disease." 

The Twentieth Century Club of Boston is an organ- 
ization composed of many of the leading business and 
professional men of the city. The "drama committee" 
of this club made a study of the amusement situation 
in the city of Boston. Its indictment of the theater 
is given in the following terse but comprehensive para- 
graph:— 

"The fact that a large proportion of the entertainments 
in even the first-class theaters is of a strikingly vulgar 
character indicates that the theater, potentially a tre- 
mendous educative force, has under present conditions 
so degenerated that it is actively exercising an equally 
tremendous and wide-spread influence in lowering public 
standards of morality and decreasing the average of 
efficiency of the individual citizen." 

Dr. J. H. Jowett, "England's greatest preacher," as 
he is frequently called, says on the question of amuse- 
ments : — 

"The final trend of life is too infrequently considered. 
The tastes and fancies of the immediate present — \ I 
like it,' 'I don't like it' — are far too often made the 
arbiters of conduct. Choose your drift, the tendency, 



PLEASURES AND RECREATIONS 265 

goal, or end, of your life. Make it be with God and in 
his glory. You will then have no difficulty in deciding 
upon the right or wrong of this act, this pleasure. Any- 
thing that makes God more real, more near, more glorious; 
anything that clears the vision and moves your soul to- 
ward God, — this is the test you must apply." 

A wise and famous Christian educator once said to a 
boy who was fingering a pack of cards preparatory to a 
game with his younger sisters and brother: "Young man, 
with those cards in your hand you are under the rebel 
flag. The world is in rebellion to our King, and that is 
o,e of the allurements used to win people to the enemy's 
side. I wouldn't flaunt a rebel flag if I were you, for 
amusement, nor for any other reason." 

Another writer of note says on the subject of playing 
for prizes : — 

"The unhealthy excitement and demoralization of a 
bet or a wager is due to the fact that it rests upon the 
vicious principle of getting something for nothing; that is, 
every winning is the result of another's loss. That prin- 
ciple is absolutely contrary to decency, humanity, and 
Christianity. A child into whose life it is permitted to 
enter is deliberately being trained in the practise of a 
principle that wrecks honor, character, and life. 

"Playing marbles 'for keeps' is straight-out betting. 
It is exactly the same kind of betting as that which the 
owners of thoroughbred horses indulge in when they enter 
their favorites in races of pure skill, and place thousands 
of dollars on the results. The race-track horse owners 
relieve one another of their money; the children relieve 
one another of the marbles they are playing with, — and 
the marbles cost money. Betting on events of skill and 
gambling on events or chance never stay long apart." 



266 GOOD FORM 

Seek not first your own enjoyment, but that of others, 
whenever you go to a picnic, entertainment, or a social 
gathering. Look about to see that every one is having a 
good time. In order that you may have nothing to cause 
you to give special attention to yourself, heed the sugges- 
tions contained in the following paragraphs: — 

No, I did not have a good time at all. It has been 
a disappointing day all the way through,' complained the 
returned picnicker. ' First of all, my new dress was not 
done to wear, and I had to wear an old one that I did not 
like. Then the things in my basket were upset, and the 
boat I went rowing in was leaky and draggled our dresses 
until they were a sight. And on the way home it rained. 
I never want to go to another picnic' 

'"Oh, I had a delightful time!' returned the other one 
who had gone along. ' I wore one of my oldest and stout- 
est dresses; I always want something that will stand the 
wear and tear of a day out-of-doors without any bother- 
ing to care for it. I packed my basket myself; one knows 
then how things are located and balanced in it. I did not 
have time to go out in the boats; I was on the committee 
to help with the luncheon, you know. But we had lots 
of fun doing that work, and then a most delightful rest 
all the afternoon under the trees, while Miss Amhurst 
recited for us, and we sang and entertained one another.' 

"It was the same picnic, the same company — but two 
different girls. What if it did rain on the way home? 
The happy-hearted one laughed, and snuggled a friend 
under the umbrella she had been wise enough to tuck into 
the wagon at the start. She had a delightful day, be- 
cause she was a delightful girl. And the other?" 

Do not be too ready to refuse your friends the pleasure 
of your presence for an outing or some simple entertain- 



PLEASURES AND RECREATIONS 267 

ment. You may need the change, and they may need the 
help your presence would give them. Will Carleton aptly 
says: " He who works both night and day, will soon sleep 
both night and day — and through a long series of years." 
But the same author also says that "too many outings 
are liable to deprive a man of his innings." 

Be not too anxious to give surprises; for it is possible 
for people to be really selfish in planning surprises for their 
friends. The following incident is a pertinent illustration 
of that fact : — 

"'The person that plans the surprise has the fun,' 
said a lady to her niece, 'and the other one has to pretend 
to like it or be a curmudgeon. You told me yourself 
that Clifford came home with a headache on his birthday 
last year, and that he was lying on the couch with his 
collar off and needing a shave when those twenty persons 
you had invited to surprise him walked in. Do you sup- 
pose he enjoyed that?' 

"'He'd better, after all the pains I'd taken!' Clifford's 
wife retorted. ' I had perfectly lovely refreshments, and 
a cake with twenty-seven candles, and all done without 
his suspecting a thing. But this year he's on guard, and 
just trying his best to forestall my surprising him. He 
wants me to come down-town to dinner on his birthday, 
but I shall not let him spoil my plans by humoring him 
in that.' 

" ' There it is ; you know he doesn't want to be surprised, 
and yet you're bound to do it — ■ to please yourself. Now 
isn't that selfish? Why don't you let Cliff enjoy his 
birthday in his own way? Go down- town to dinner 
with him, if he wants that.'" 



There are persons who are never easy unless they are putting 
your books and papers in order, — that is, according to their 
notions of the matter, — and hiding things, lest they should be 
lost, where neither the owner nor anybody else can find them. 
This is a sort of magpie faculty. If anything is left where you 
want it, it is called litter. There is a pedantry in housewifery, 
as well as in the gravest concerns. Abraham Tucker complained 
that whenever his maid servant had been in his library, he could 
not see comfortably to work again for several days. — Hazlitt, 



When Not to Laugh 

How much lies in laughter, the cipheivkey wherewith we 
decipher the whole man. — Carlyle. 

To smile at the jest which plants a thorn in another's breast 
is to become a principal in the mischief. — Sheridan. 

HpHE power to laugh is God-given. There is cheer, 
good nature, and health in a hearty laugh. The 
fever patient cured by watching the amusing antics of 
his pet monkey as it helped itself to the patient's medicine; 
the gentleman who after having bought his ticket for 
Europe decided to remain at home and try the laughter 
cure; the morose patient who was surprised and almost 
convulsed with laughter by her lady physician's somer- 
saults, are only a few of many sick persons who have been 
well started on the road to health by a hearty laugh. 
Laughter is equally valuable as a disease preventive. 

Giggling is not laughter. The one is sentimental and 
unbecoming; the other is sentiment and appropriate for 
the highest type of manhood and womanhood. Lowell, 
Livingstone, and Charles Kingsley were good laughers. 

The wisest of men said, "There is a time to laugh," 
and there is a time to refrain from laughing. One can 
trust oneself to determine the time to laugh perhaps 
better than the time to refrain from laughing ; so the follow- 
ing hints for the latter may be acceptable: — 

Don't laugh at the natural defects of any which are 
not in their power to amend. " It is cruel to beat a cripple 
with his own crutches." 

269 



270 GOOD FORM 

Don't laugh at children and youth, thinking to cure 
them of some undesirable habit. Such a course seldom, 
if ever, accomplishes the desired result. In the case of a 
timid child it increases its self-consciousness, and makes 
it all the more unattractive. Edward Bok has written 
an interesting paragraph on how to treat boys and girls 
with "college airs," and since it contains a general prin- 
ciple that is pertinent in this connection, I quote Mr. 
Bok's words: — 

"There are hundreds of homes to which young colle- 
gians will come back next month. And these young college 
girls and boys will be very serious, and they will want to 
be taken in earnest by those at home. And in some of 
these homes everything that these collegians do and say 
will seem 'funny' or 'uppish,' and the sisters and brothers 
who have remained at home will make up their minds and 
be 'bound' that their collegiate brother and sister shall 
not be ' airy ' or ' put over any of their airs ' on them. The 
best-meaning families sometimes make life very bitter for 
their young collegian in just this way. We forget some- 
times that the big, big world is going to buffet the 'airs' 
out of these youngsters fast enough, and it is ten thousand 
pities not to keep the home nest free of ridicule. No 
one made fun of these girls or boys when they were trying 
to walk or learning to read ; why make fun of them when 
they are trying their feet in the larger world, or trying to 
read its great messages? No one laughed at them when 
they were temporarily broken out with the measles; why 
laugh at them when they are broken out with a little rash 
of overconfidence and conceit? One eruption calls for 
as tender care and consideration as the other. Neither 
is so dangerous in itself as it is dangerous in what it may 
lead to. We mustn't drive the measles in, and we shouldn't 



WHEN NOT TO LAUGH 271 

drive the ' airs ' away. ' My mother never laughed at me,' 
said a great man once. 'She laughed with me: she taught 
me to see the humorous side of things; and sometimes 
she laughed with me at myself, but never unless I laughed, 
too, and laughed first.' That was his answer when he 
was asked to what one element more than to any other in 
his life he attributed his great success. 'I was always 
made to feel comfortable at home.'" 

Never take notice by word or look of an unfortunate 
remark, or "break," made by another. 

Never laugh at an obscene story. Better still, never 
allow such a story to be told in your presence. 

Don't laugh at the awkward and eccentric person. 
Some of the greatest names that have graced the pages 
of history were borne by eccentric persons. Some one has 
said that what we call queerness, or eccentricity, in others, 
"is often the result of a bigger brain or a bigger heart 
than God has given to most of us, and which fitted them to 
fill a great and needed part in the world. " The playmates 
of Florence Nightingale, "the angel of the Crimea," used 
to smile at her and think her singular. This was because, 
even as a child, her thoughts were turned toward human 
suffering, toward all helpless living things. It is said 
that she was never happier than when carrying food, 
clothing, or some other gift from her parents to needy 
persons on her father's estate. And "it is well to remem- 
ber that many an irritating fault, many an unlovely oddity, 
has come of a hard sorrow which has crushed and maimed 
the nature just when it was expanding into plenteous 
beauty ; and the trivial, erring life which we visit with our 
harsh blame may be but as the unsteady motion of a man 
whose best limb is withered. " 

Don't laugh at a person because of his shabby clothes. 



272 GOOD FORM 

"When Thomas A. Edison first entered Boston, he wore 
a pair of yellow linen breeches in the depth of winter. 
Don't laugh at a boy because his home is plain and un- 
pretending. Abraham Lincoln's early home was a log 
cabin. Don't laugh at a boy because of the ignorance of 
his parents. Shakespeare, the world's poet, was the son 
of a man who was unable to write his own name. Don't 
laugh at a boy because he chooses a humble trade. The 
author of 'The Pilgrim's Progress' was a tinker. Don't 
laugh at a boy because of physical disability. Milton 
was blind. Don't laugh at a boy because of dulness at 
his lessons. Hogarth, the celebrated painter and engraver, 
was a stupid boy at his books. Don't laugh at a boy be- 
cause he stutters. Demosthenes, the greatest orator of 
Greece, overcame a harsh and stammering voice. Don't 
laugh, not alone because, some day, any one of these may 
far outstrip you in the race of life, but because it is neither 
kind nor right nor Christian." 

Never make a mock of marriage, a heaven-born in- 
stitution, and the only one except the Sabbath that has 
come to us from Eden. Never take part in a mock- 
marriage ceremony. Many persons of good intent en- 
gage in such proceedings; but the effect upon oneself 
as well as upon others is to lessen the feeling of sacredness 
and high regard that should be given to the divine in- 
stitution of marriage. 

Irreverent remarks and lightly quoted Scripture do 
not worthily provoke laughter. 

A harmful custom prevails of teasing boys and girls 
in or below their teens about one another. Such a cus- 
tom should be discountenanced by the parents and the 
young people themselves, because it directs the minds of 
boys and girls into channels of thought that should be 



WHEN NOT TO LAUGH 273 

unfamiliar to them. It makes the young people self- 
conscious, takes away the pure, innocent, happy free- 
dom that belongs to childhood and youth, and robs them 
of the serious interest they should have in their school and 
religious duties. 

"' Respect the burden,' Napoleon said. This counsel 
heeded will never suffer one to make fun of burden-bearers 
and aged people. It will rather cause one to be as cour- 
teous to such as to a prince." Mrs. Cynthia Alden, known 
throughout the world as founder and president-general 
of the International Sunshine Society, and author of 
several books, and contributor to several leading maga- 
zines, says: ''One of the prettiest acts I ever witnessed was 
at a church party when a young man noticed a dear old 
lady struggling to put on her overshoes. 'Why, Mrs. 
Brown,' he exclaimed, 'I can buckle those for you in a 
minute,' and, without even asking permission, he knelt 
down, pulled on the shoes and buckled them before the 
old lady hardly had time to realize what he was doing. 
Afterward, she said to me, 'How nice young men are 
nowadays!' and her face was aglow with smiles." 

Smiles are treasured above rubies. They have been 
appraised at thousands of dollars, and paid for in genuine 
coin. But sometimes even a smile is a discourtesy. The 
irrelevant smile; the smile at an absurd or comical re- 
mark not meant by the speaker to be such, are counted 
as discourtesies, and have in some instances been dealt 
with hardly. A Russian baron, a confidential adviser of 
the czar, saw the humorous side to a trivial incident that 
happened to his ruler, and smiled, or rather grinned. 
He was immediately dismissed from the czar's presence, 
and lost his position, which brought him annually $60,- 
000. A noted Scotchman received similar treatment at 
18 



274 GOOD FORM 

the hands of the German kaiser. His smile lost him an 
appointment to China. Our irrelevant, discourteous 
smile may not cost us so much financially, but it may lose 
for us the good will of those we thus injure. 

To indulge in ridicule of another, whether the subject 
be present or absent, is to descend below the level of com- 
mon propriety. 

He never mocks, 
For mockery is the fume of little hearts. 

— Tennyson. 

Two little fellows stood on the street corner talking 
of the day's happenings in school. I chanced to hear 
the smaller lad say, "Of course I didn't laugh at him; 
for I sometimes make mistakes that way myself. " Pretty 
good philosophy! The principle of making one's own 
frailties an excuse for passing gently over the errors of 
others will do much toward preventing one from becoming 
an ungenerous critic. 

To whisper and laugh during any public entertain- 
ment proclaims one's ill breeding, and invades the rights 
of others. 



The Conventions of Mourning 

Nothing comes to us too soon but sorrow. — Bailey. 

One buttonhole bouquet offered amid life's stress of trial is 
worth a thousand wreaths of roses laid on the coffin of the man 
who died discouraged and broken-hearted. — L. A. Banks. 

p*UROPE is more insistent upon one's recognition of 
the conventions of mourning than is America. Here 
many persons, while conversant with the usages of good 
society in regard to mourning, ignore them as a matter of 
principle, regarding them as an unnecessary means of 
opening other people's wounds. Mothers sometimes 
find that their constant appearance in black has a de- 
pressing influence upon other members of the household, 
especially upon the children, and possibly upon them- 
selves; so they lay aside their somber apparel for more 
cheery garments. 

But if mourning is worn, let the conventions of good 
form be followed. Eleanor Chalmers, in the Delineator, 
gives the following suggestions : — 

"The deepest mourning is that worn by a widow for 
her husband. For a year or eighteen months she wears 
dull, lusterless materials, preferably Henrietta or cash- 
mere, trimmed with crape. She wears a small Marie 
Stuart bonnet of black crape with a ruching of white crape 
next the face. The crape veil is attached to the back of 
the hat, and is no longer worn over the face. 

"Widows for first and second mourning wear deep 
cuffs and collars of very sheer white organdy or else of 

275 



276 GOOD FORM 

white crape. The organdy cuffs and collars are never 
hemstitched, and are very rarely hemmed. 

"Among the other accessories peculiar to mourning 
are suede gloves, and dull kid shoes, and face veils of 
grenadine or net bordered with black grosgrain ribbon 
or crape half an inch wide. Black-bordered handker- 
chiefs are not used as much as they were formerly, and the 
ones that are in use have very narrow borders. 

"The mourning worn by a mother for a grown child, 
or by a grown child for a parent, is practically the same 
as that worn by a widow, except that a toque or hat re- 
places the Marie Stuart bonnet, and the cuffs and collars 
are not so deep as those worn by a widow. 

"A young girl wearing mourning for a parent does not 
wear a crape veil, and she may or may not wear crape on 
her dresses. All white, especially for young girls, is con- 
sidered full mourning, though, of course, it is not so deep 
as black. 

"For a brother or sister full mourning is worn for a 
year, though it is not so deep as for a parent. 

"Mourning should always be dignified and incon- 
spicuous. It symbolizes grief and respect for the dead. 
Showy gowns, fantastically cut and trimmed, that attract 
attention and comment are in extremely poor taste. 

"There is an especially strong feeling in this country 
against the wearing of mourning garments by children. 
A girl of twelve or fourteen may wear black for a parent 
or brother or sister, but it is not obligatory even at that 
age. With men, too, mourning is never emphasized as 
it is with women. A man wears a deep band on a derby, 
straw, or high hat for a year after he becomes a widower. 
He does not go into society for six months or a year, and he 
generally wears black for a year. For a parent or child he 



CONVENTIONS OF MOURNING 277 

also wears the deep band on his hat. So many American 
men do not wear mourning at all that there can hardly 
be said to be any general custom in regard to it. " 

Flowers and letters of sympathy should be acknowl- 
edged as soon as possible, although considerable latitude 
is allowed in the matter, as illness and prostration are 
likely to follow in the wake of sorrow. 

Gay or bright apparel on the part of any who at- 
tend a funeral is not in good form. 

Some prefer to hang the door-bell of a house with 
flowers rather than with the usual funeral crape, the 
flowers suggesting the resurrection. 

Leaves have their time to fall, 

And flowers to wither at the north wind's breath, 
And stars to set; but all — 

Thou hast all seasons for thine own, O death! 

— Mrs. Hemans. 



He has no enemies, you say; 

My friend, your boast is poor. 
He who hath mingled in the fray 

Of duty, that the brave endure, 
Must have made foes. If he has none, 
Small is the work that he has done. 
He has hit no traitor on the hip. 
He has cast no cup from the perjured lip; 
He has never turned the wrong to right, 
He has been a coward in the fight." 



General Suggestions 

" Nothing is so strong as gentleness; nothing so gentle as real 
strength." 

Deliberate with caution, but act with decision; and yield with 
graciousness, or oppose with firmness. — Colton. 

It is courteous and gracious for one early to form " the com- 
fortable habit of overlooking unessentials." 

DE sympathetic. Let others feel the healing touch of 
your life. It may be that your hand-clasp may mean 
as much to some one as did that of a missionary to the 
poor leper in Madagascar, to whom some rude children 
were calling out, "A leper! a leper!" The disease had 
made fearful ravages upon the body of this poor woman, 
and this made her all the more sensitive to their unkind- 
ness. A missionary who heard the children, "stepped up 
and put her hand on the woman's shoulder and asked her 
to sit down on the grass by her. The woman fell sobbing, 
overcome by emotion, and cried out, 'A human hand has 
touched me. For seven years no one has touched me!' 
The missionary says that at that moment it flashed across 
her mind why it is recorded in the Gospels that Jesus 
touched the leper. That is just what others would not do. 
It was the touch of sympathy as well as of healing power. " 
Magnify your joys if you will, but not your griefs. 
The world is already full of sorrow and trial. The best 
way, perhaps, to alleviate the keenness of one's own bitter- 
ness of soul is to remember that others are bearing still 
heavier hearts. This fact is illustrated in an incident re- 
lated by Will Carleton: — 

279 



280 GOOD FORM 

"Dr. Talmage, the celebrated Brooklyn clergyman, 
was riding one day in a railroad-coach, soon after the de- 
cease of a favorite son. His grief was constant and acute, 
and he could not feel that any one had ever suffered as he 
was suffering. 

" In a seat near him sat a gentleman who, he thought, 
possessed one of the most cheerful faces he had ever seen. 
1 How happy that man is compared with me ! ' he thought. 
4 1 will get into conversation with him. Perhaps he may 
console me, or cheer me up a little.' 

"The dialogue ran upon general subjects for a little 
while, and then turned upon Dr. Talmage's great loss. 
'I can not help envying you,' said the preacher. 'You 
seem, from your appearance, as if you had not a trouble 
in the world.' 

"The other gentleman looked grave, and a spasm of 
grief went over his countenance. ' I never saw a sadder 
face, for the moment,' said Talmage, in relating this in- 
cident to the writer. 

"'My dear sir,' he inquired, 'will you tell me where 
you are going? ' 

"'Why,' replied Talmage, 'home: to Brooklyn, New 
York. I get there this evening, if all goes well.' 

" ' I suppose a wife — perhaps a mother — a live son — 
a daughter or two?' 

"'O, yes! I have all those awaiting me.' 

" ' Now I shall tell you where / am going. All my fam- 
ily are dead but one, and that one is my wife; and I am 
making my regular weekly visit to her, at an asylum. 
She is hopelessly insane. But God has left me my life, 
my honor, and my faculties; and I am trying to keep 
patient and cheerful, with the hope of meeting them all 
again in a better world, by and by.' 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 281 

"Talmage rose, and took the stranger by both hands. 

"■' I surrender ! ' he exclaimed. ' My sorrow is as noth- 
ing compared with yours. I have learned a lesson, and I 
hope God will help me to profit by it.'" 

Do not be a slave to other people's opinions. Over 
the front door of Aberdeen University, Scotland, is the 
inscription: "They say. What say they? Let them 
say." "There is a disregard of other people's opinions 
that savors of rashness, conceit, and boorishness; but 
there is a manly and womanly independence, as suggested 
in the foregoing inscription, that is decidedly wholesome. 
No weakness is more pitiful than that which hesitates or 
refuses to do right for fear of adverse criticism. A famous 
rabbi was warned that if he did a certain thing, every 
one would call him a fool. His answer was, ' Better that 
all the world should with one voice call me a fool than that 
my conscience should say to me, You have done wrong.' " 

Don't be intrusive. The "back-door neighbor" is 
not always welcome. It is better to announce one's ar- 
rival by a rap at the door, and thus make sure of not 
giving an unwelcome surprise. "I do not think the 
neighbor who ' runs in,' " says one writer, " has the slightest 
idea of how she offends a certain feeling of privacy which 
she herself does not possess. It is largely a habit cul- 
tivated during childhood. In thousands of American 
homes — good homes — children are allowed to rush in 
and out of a neighbor's house as if it were common prop- 
erty. The neighbor may not mind; then again she may. 
Perhaps she is a sensitive woman, who dislikes to discuss 
an unpleasant subject, so she endures the intrusion of 
children and parents rather than raise an objection." 

Be quick to forgive and to forget an injury. "He 
that can not forgive others breaks the bridge over which 



282 GOOD FORM 

he must pass himself; for every man has need to be for- 
given." Bayard Taylor said: — ■ 

" It is the brave that first forget. 

And noble foes that first unite; 
Not they who strife and passion whet, 

Then slink when comes the need to smite. 
'Tis mutual courage that forgives, 
And answering honor that outlives 

The sunset's hour, the battle's day; 
The hearts that dare are quick to feel; 
The hands that wound are soft to heal; 
The blood that dims a hero's steel 

His proud tears wash away. ' ' 

Glorify your task, however humble, by regarding no 
service as menial or overburdensome. The attitude of 
the mind toward certain tasks does much in producing 
the fatigue they occasion. There is pertinent truth in 
what an old woman said to an Australian tourist in Ireland ; 
when asked by him how far it was to the nearest town, 
she replied with a sigh, " It was five miles two years ago, 
but some Englishman came over with chains and made it 
seven, and our hearts are broke walking it ever since; bad 
luck to them!" 

Be as ready to perform the humble service as the more 
attractive one. "It is always easier to get girls to pass 
the ice-cream than to dish it," said a woman who was 
superintending an ice-cream festival. Did she speak 
truly? If so, was it because the girls feared they might 
soil their gowns? or was it because they preferred the 
easier, the more showy work? Such a spirit does not 
accord with the noble motto of Mary Lyon: "I will go 
where no one else will go. I will do what no one else 
will do." This is the spirit of true service. A young 
woman possessed of this spirit needs no other beautifier, 
no other attraction. By this alone, she will win her way 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 383 

into the hearts and lives of those about her, and accom- 
plish a service for the betterment of the world that all 
other accomplishments and attractions without this spirit 
could not hope to perform. 

Hear accurately; speak accurately. Repeat a mat- 
ter exactly. This demands extreme care. A wholesale 
merchant to whom a man came to buy a large bill of goods, 
telegraphed to a bank and asked if the man was good for 
the bill. The bank telegraphed back, "Not good for any 
amount." But because somebody failed to hear accu- 
rately or to speak accurately, the message when received by 
the wholesale merchant read, "Note good for any amount; " 
so the man was given goods to the value of a thousand 
dollars. But mistakes of far greater moment frequently 
occur ; because by some one's careless repetition of a matter 
great injustice is done to another's reputation, and a 
heart is sorely wounded. Through a clerk's carelessness 
a young girl was kept in prison twenty years instead of 
twenty months, the time of her sentence. 

Cultivate carefulness and precision. One's friends or 
employers are sure to be annoyed by one's careless per- 
formance of duties; therefore carelessness is a breach of 
etiquette. Remember, too, that carelessness is "the 
silent partner of utter and complete failure." A careful 
person is a much-desired person. In an office where a 
number of stenographers were employed, there was one 
young woman who was wanted, and badly wanted, in 
several other places. Why was she preferred above others? 
— Just because of her habit of carefulness, of persistent 
accuracy. There was another stenographer employed in 
the same office, whose persistent and insistent carelessness 
and inaccuracy caused as much perplexity to those for 
whom the inefficient work was performed as the work of 



284 GOOD FORM 

the first young woman gave satisfaction. Carefulness 
is a habit that can be acquired, if one puts forth the nec- 
essary energy. It is said of John T. McCutcheon, the 
famous cartoonist, that, as a boy, he was frequently so 
careless about his work that his father once said to him, 
"You're so careless you'll blunder through all your life." 

"That word careless, with which I was not then very 
familiar," said Mr. McCutcheon in later life, "stuck in 
my memory as if it had been burned there. It could be 
seen by me in my mind's eye as if written in scarlet. It 
hurt me. It worried me. I looked it up in the dictionary, 
and I thought a great deal about it for months. So vivid 
was the impression made upon me by its use that I started 
to try to be careful. By the time I got to school, I knew 
all the angles of ' carelessness ; ' and when I came to enter 
a professional life, I had myself disciplined along that 
line. I found that it paid to be careful in everything that 
I did, and I have always thanked my father for the kind 
of rebuke he gave me at that particular time. " 

Don't underrate anything because you are not the 
possessor of it. 

Do not be thoughtless, and do not be too ready to 
excuse yourself or others for lapses of courtesy or of re- 
sponsibility due to so-called thoughtlessness. Mr. Rus- 
kin says: "In general, I have no patience with people 
who talk about 'the thoughtlessness of youth' indul- 
gently; I had infinitely rather hear of thoughtless old age, 
and the indulgence due to that. When a man has done 
his work, and nothing can in any way be materially altered 
in his fate, let him forget his toil, and jest with his fate, 
if he will; but what excuse can you find for wilfulness of 
thought at the very time when every crisis of fortune 
hangs on your decisions? A youth thoughtless, when all 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 285 

the happiness of his home forever depends on the chances 
or the passions of an hour! A youth thoughtless, when 
the career of all his days depends on the opportunity of a 
moment! A youth thoughtless, when his every action is a 
foundation-stone of future conduct, and every imagination 
a fountain of life or death! Be thoughtless in any after 
years rather than now, — though, indeed, there is only 
one place where a man may be nobly thoughtless, his 
death-bed. Nothing should ever be left to be done there. " 

Be slow to discredit another's word or action. Believe 
in others until you are forced by absolute proof to dis- 
believe. 

"More than fifty years ago, a young man lived in a 
Western city, and, as a druggist, was accumulating prop- 
erty, possessing the respect and confidence of the com- 
munity, as was proved by the fact that, as he was about 
starting to the East to lay in stock, the cashier of a bank 
handed him a package of money in bills to be handed to 
a bank officer in Philadelphia. Being very obliging, he 
received the package and promised to deliver it promptly 
on his arrival, which he did; the cashier of the bank to 
whom he delivered the bills looked them over hastily, 
placed them in a drawer, saying it was 'correct,' and went 
on with his writing. 

"A month later the Western banker came to the young 
druggist, and informed him that a bill of large denomi- 
nation was missing. The young man said he did not 
know how that could be, for he had delivered the package 
as he had received it; that the Eastern banker had looked 
it over, and pronounced it correct, and that he thought 
his responsibility ended there. The facts stood thus: 
two prominent business men in responsible positions 
on one side, and an unsupported 'say-so' of a young 



286 GOOD FORM 

druggist on the other. The odds were too unequal, and 
the young man was the loser; the community withdrew 
their patronage and their confidence; his business was 
broken up; he first attempted one thing, then another, 
but a cloud seemed to hang over him. Years rolled on. 
The story was handed down from one to another, and 
newcomers imbibed the prejudices of the old; and twenty 
years later there was an odium attached to his character 
so that at the mention of his name there was that falling 
of the countenance which meant 'no confidence.' The 
young druggist became an old man, but never succeeded 
in regaining the social position he had lost. After he was 
dead and buried, it chanced that the cashier's old desk 
was taken to a shop to be repaired. On removing the 
drawer, the missing bank-bill was found lodged behind it. 

"The mystery was explained; and probably this dead 
man's neighbors who had distrusted and suspected and 
repelled him for years, were ready to say that they never 
really believed any harm of the poor man. " 

"Never be unemployed, and never be triflingly em- 
ployed," said John Wesley. A loafer never has good 
manners. Make diligence a habit. "The hand of the 
diligent shall bear rule: but the slothful shall be under 
tribute." Some young persons waste hours every week 
that might be used in reading books of worth, gaining 
information of infinite value; and yet they complain be- 
cause they are not given places of responsibility which 
they are unfitted for because of their lack of general in- 
formation. No period of life offers better opportunity 
for wide reading and study than does that of youth. 
i, Charlie Schwab had a little chemical laboratory at home 
in his cellar, where he studied steel at night while the other 
boys were frittering away their odd moments. That is 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 287 

why Mr. Charles Schwab later lived in a palace on River- 
side Drive, New York, and owned the Bethlehem Steel 
Company." Edison and most of the world's noted 
workers and benefactors have received large returns, but 
they put forth large and untiring effort. 

An idler is as a watch that wants both hands, 
As useless if it goes as when it stands. 

— Cowper. 

Don't insist on having things done your way where 
principle is not involved. Give way gracefully to another 
in things unimportant. " Be supple in things immaterial," 
says Dickens. 

"With too many the personal feeling is always first, 
and claims free course whatever may be hindered or 
pushed aside by it; mood and prejudice, like and dislike, 
take the right of way and dominate the life. It is rare 
self-control when one has learned to govern one's likes and 
dislikes rather than be governed by them; to say to such 
feelings: 'You may exist, but you shall not rule. Duty, 
justice, the rights of others, shall take precedence always.' " 

Be truthful. Give no place in your life to the faintest 
departure from truth. Japan recently made a gift of 
two thousand cherry-trees to the city of Washington for 
beautifying its river park. The people were greatly dis- 
turbed, later, to hear that the government had destroyed 
the trees. But when it was learned that a microscopic 
parasite infested the roots of the trees, the wisdom of 
such a course was apparent. The crops of our country 
now suffer a loss of many millions of dollars annually be- 
cause of insect and other pests, so the introduction of 
another parasite could not be permitted. A person can 
much less afford to allow a disregard for absolute truth 
to become a part of his life than the government car suffer 



288 GOOD FORM 

the introduction into this country of a new crop destroyer. 

One can not give truth its proper place in the life and 
be a servant to moods. "One young woman — a bright 
girl — is the despair of her friends because, when she is 
in a joyous, happy mood, she undertakes anything. She 
offers to teach in the Sabbath-school, cheerfully brings 
home large bundles of clothes to be made for poor people, 
and gives strangers the impression that she is a willing 
worker in every department of life. Her family and 
friends are the long-suffering victims of her moods, but 
they are powerless to help her because she will not help 
herself. If the cake falls, she betakes herself to her room 
to weep, leaving some one else to clear away the muss; 
and often poor people have suffered because she promised 
them garments and never kept her word. At the time, 
she really meant to do everything just as she said, but 
perhaps the next day she 'did not feel like it,' so she neg- 
lected everything." 

Do the right thing, keep your promises, irrespective 
of your feelings. 

Don't be reluctant to do another a favor, if it is within 
your power to do it; especially should this be true when 
circumstances place the one asking the favor at your 
mercy. 

"For how much will you take my goods to a safe 
place?" asked a man during the San Francisco fire of an- 
other sitting idly in an automobile. "Twenty-five 
dollars," was the reply. "But I haven't twenty-five 
dollars." "Well, then, your stuff can burn." A little 
farther on a colored man with a wheelbarrow was asked 
what he would take for the same service. "Bress yo' 
heart, massa, nothin'. Dis yer ain't no time for makin' 
money." "Withhold not good from them to whom it is 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 289 

due," says Solomon, "when it is in the power of thine hand 
to do it." 

"Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you," 
or in other words, "Don't worry." "A light heart lives 
long," said Shakespeare. And Nehemiah said, "Go 
your way, eat the fat, and drink the sweet." There's 
always some sweet that may be found in life's experiences. 
" ' Keep the brightest trail,' said an Indian, when asked by 
Bishop Baker, in pioneer days, the best route across the 
plains to the Rocky Mountains. This was good advice 
before the railroads were built; it is just as good to-day. 
Keep the brightest trail; leave the dark, gloomy sub- 
terranean passages. Leave gloom, anxiety, worry, and 
discouragement behind. Face the sun." 

Do not take undue liberties with your friends. To 
say the least, such infringements of good form are annoy- 
ing; frequently they are exasperating, and sometimes un- 
pardonable. The late Duke of Wellington was once a 
victim of an unpardonable presumption, from which, 
fortunately, he happily extricated himself. A lady wrote 
him saying that she was "soliciting subscriptions for a 
certain church, and had taken the liberty to put his name 
down for one thousand dollars, and hoped he would 
promptly send her a check for that amount. He forth- 
with replied that he would respond to the call ; but he, too, 
was interested in a certain church which needed sub- 
scriptions, and counting upon his correspondent's well- 
known liberality, he had put her down for one thousand 
dollars. 'And so,' he concluded, 'no money need pass 
between us.'" 

Be careful not to interrupt one unnecessarily. One 
busy person said of one who was given to thoughtlessly 
interrupting his friends: — 

19 



290 GOOD FORM 

"He is a very good friend, my companion in labor, 
and there is a real affection between us; but sometimes 
I have reason to complain of his actions. For example, 
he passes my desk and quietly lays a newspaper on my 
paper — all in play, of course; but at the same time it in- 
terrupts my train of thought, or possibly causes me to 
make an error in my work, just a little error, of course, 
but all the same an error. He walks on, sometimes 
chuckling; I put the paper aside, and go on with my work; 
rather, I go back and gather up the thread of thought — 
if I can, for sometimes even so small a thing will utterly 
drive away the thoughts. That may be because I have 
just enough of the human left to make me resent the action, 
however well meant it was, and so I am the loser in time 
and thought and — temper, just a little. This has led 
me to think that it is wrong to impose on the time and good 
nature of a friend, even in a playful mood, and even in 
so small a matter. Besides, some people resent a caress 
which another would not notice, or would appreciate. 
Closely related to these little unnecessary attentions is 
the, to me, positive evil of appropriating little things of 
our friends for ourselves. When I bring a flower for my 
desk, I am just selfish enough to want to keep it. It may 
be the token of another friend, and I really want to keep 
it. Respect for the right and property of another is one 
of the highest forms of friendship." 

Do not be soured and worried by disappointments. 
The secret in bearing disappointments graciously lies in 
regarding them as God's appointments; substituting "h" 
for the "d," the disappointment becomes "his appoint- 
ment." The following helpful thought of Mr. Ruskin's, 
if kept in mind, would do much toward sweetening the 
experiences of life: — 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 291 

"In our whole life-melody the music is broken off 
here and there by 'rests,' and we foolishly think we have 
come to the end of the tune. God sends us a time of forced 
leisure, a time of sickness and disappointed plans, and 
makes a sudden pause in the choral hymn of our lives, 
and we lament that cur voices must be silent, and our part 
missing in the music which ever goes up to the ear of the 
Creator. Not without design does God write the music of 
our lives. Be it ours to learn the tune, and not be dis- 
mayed at the 'rests.' God will beat the time for us." 

"In visiting the sick do not be too ready to play the 
physician, " was one of George Washington's rules. And 
it is a good one; for unsolicited advice, however well- 
meaning, is not always acceptable to the sick, nor to those 
who have the care of the sufferer. 

"Stand in your place and lift," was a happy phrase 
coined by Edward Everett Hale. This you owe not alone 
to yourself, but to other people. Lift in your town; lift 
in the school; lift in the home; and lift in the church, in 
the prayer-meeting, in the Sabbath-school, in the young 
people's society. For instance, if you can sing, sing when 
opportunity is given, especially if the song is unfamiliar 
to the majority. Watch for the small opportunities. 

"Learn to live, and live to learn, 
Ignorance like a fire doth burn; 
Little tasks make large returns." 

Do not repeat Scripture lightly, especially in a way to 
cause laughter. The principle contained in the rebuke 
given a young man by his uncle, who was not a professed 
Christian, for his careless use of a Bible text, ought to deter 
all Christians from committing a similar offense: — 

" I can not understand how any one in Christendom, 
least of all a church-member, as you are, can show so little 



292 GOOD FORM 

sense of the eternal fitness of things, so little reverence, 
as to say, as you did when you raised the curtain, 'Let 
there be light ! ' You believe that these words were uttered 
by your Creator upon the creation of the world, and yet 
you repeat them as flippantly as if they had been said 
by your next-door neighbor upon lighting a candle. 

Court suggestions and reproofs from those who are 
brave enough to offer them to you. "He who will not be 
counseled can not be helped." 

" Despise nobody, nor any condition lest it come to be 
thine own," said William Penn. A nobler reason for 
refusing to cherish an ungenerous feeling against another 
is that all men are of one blood, and have been bought with 
one price; so are brothers. 

Don't bluster. David C. Cook says: "Bluster is a 
confession of weakness. The person who maintains his 
dignity by getting angry and talking at the top of his 
voice, acknowledges inferiority. Strength can afford to 
be gentle. It is only weakness which plays the bully." 

The Chinese diplomat sometimes ignores a blusterer 
by closing his eyes, leaning back, and vigorously snoring 
until the blusterer regains his normal condition. Then 
the slumberer arouses from his assumed sleep, and greets 
the man graciously, as if he had just come into the presence 
of the official. This method of dealing with the blusterer 
is not without its merits, though perhaps an attentive 
but decidedly quiet and uncommunicative demeanor 
might prove as effective in silencing the overwrought 
feelings of blusterers, and be less humiliating to them. 

Do you stammer or stutter? Is it interesting or 
profitable to your friends or to yourself for you to mangle 
your mother tongue in this way? Then don't do it. You 
may think this impediment an obstacle that you can not 



GENERAL SUGGESTIONS 293 

remove; but this is not so. If unfortunately you are so 
handicapped, resolutely set about overcoming this defect. 
It can be done. Many, to their credit, have accomplished 
this task. It is no disgrace to a child to stammer and 
stutter ; but it comes very near being so to an adult. This 
point is a matter of Christian courtesy. The stammerer 
makes unnecessary demands for self-control upon his 
friends and upon strangers. 

We should manifest gentle consideration and cour- 
tesy even toward those we know to be in fault. Per- 
haps in no case is it more difficult to reveal a spirit of 
true Christian courtesy than in dealing with persons who 
are not congenial to us, whose manner for some reason 
is repellent. It may be they are altogether too willing, 
for our enjoyment, to give us the pleasure of their society. 
It may be that they are backboneless apparently, de- 
pending upon us to carry them socially or religiously. 
Whatever may be the cause, we shall find great help in 
remembering that they belong to the Saviour, that he may 
recognize them even as his own children, heirs with him 
of the eternal kingdom. Then how can we be discourteous 
or unkind to them? It does not follow, however, from 
this that we should allow ourselves to be subjected to 
continual annoyance. It may be a necessary courtesy 
we owe the person to tell him kindly and frankly the 
thing that makes his company unacceptable. But such 
an event allows of no bitterness nor ill feeling on our part. 

Don't whine and mope if you are rebuffed and meet 
with failure. Without doubt the fault is your own. Get 
up and strike again. Courageous perseverance will do 
the same for you that it has done for thousands of others. 
There are many illustrious examples of the truth of this 
statement. Perhaps none shines forth with greater bril- 



294 GOOD FORM 

liancy than that of Disraeli, who attained fame as a writer 
and an orator. His first books were regarded as the prod- 
uct of an unbalanced brain, and his first attempt at ora- 
tory in the House of Commons was a pronounced failure. 
The description given in "Self-Help " of this failure and 
of his final success is worth noting. Mr. Smiles says: 
"Though this oration was composed in a grand and am- 
bitious strain, every sentence was hailed with loud laugh- 
ter. Finally Disraeli, writhing under the laughter with 
which his studied eloquence had been received, exclaimed, 
1 1 have begun several times many things, and have suc- 
ceeded in them at last. I shall sit down now, but the 
time will come when you will hear me.' The time did 
come; and how Disraeli succeeded in at length commanding 
the rapt attention of the first assembly of gentlemen in 
the world, affords a striking illustration of what energy 
and determination will do; for Disraeli earned his position 
by dint of patient industry. He did not, as many young 
men do, having once failed, retire dejected, to mope and 
whine in a corner, but pluckily set himself to work. He 
carefully unlearned his faults, studied the character of 
his audience, practised sedulously the art of speech, and 
industriously filled his mind with the elements of par- 
liamentary knowledge. He worked patiently for success; 
and it came, but slowly; then the House laughed with him 
instead of at him. The recollection of his early failure 
was effaced, and by general consent he was at length ad- 
mitted to be one of the most finished and effective of par- 
liamentary speakers." 



The Minister 



" That one error fills him with faults; makes him run through 
all the sins." 

The defects in a preacher are soon spied ; let a preacher be 
endued with ten virtues and but one fault, yet this one fault will 
eclipse and darken all his virtues and gifts; so evil is the world in 
these times. — T. Harwood Pattison. 

" The human heart can not live on anathemas." 

If the closet is a throne, the pulpit will be. — J". Herrick 
Johnson. 

A/TINISTERS as a body are the best men living on the 
earth, claims Dr. Charles Jefferson, pastor of the 
Broadway Tabernacle church of New York City. In sub- 
stantiation of this claim, he says: "In purity of motive, 
ministers as a class surpass the lawyers, in breadth of 
sympathy the physicians, in fidelity to principle the editors, 
in self-sacrifice the merchants, in moral courage the 
soldiers, in loftiness of ideals the teachers, in purity of life 
the highest classes in our best society." While thus 
recognizing the sterling worth that characterizes ministers 
as a class, Dr. Jefferson acknowledges that many a man 
fails to meet the full expectations of the people, fails to 
make his ministry as effective as it should and might be, 
simply because he does not demand of himself the best in all 
things. He does not sense the immense importance of 
trifles. He has a genius for blundering, but no genius for 
recognizing the blunder and avoiding making the same one 
twice. This characteristic is especially to be deprecated, 

295 



296 GOOD FORM 

since "even slight defects in clergymen are momentous be- 
cause they live always in a light searching and intense as 
that which beats upon a throne. No other man in the 
country makes such constant self-disclosures as the minis- 
ter. His eyes, lips, teeth, facial expression, voice, mind, 
heart, moods, all these are subjected to public scrutiny," 
which soon gives birth to outspoken criticism ; and this, un- 
fortunately, is withheld from the only one who should hear 
it. If the minister with shortcomings could hear more of 
the special chidings members of his congregation give him, 
he would, if made of acceptable material, sooner attain 
to a higher standard of living. Since these are denied him, 
the only way open for improvement is for him to invite 
criticism from his closest friends, and to make diligent 
study of that which is generally recognized as befitting an 
ambassador of the King of heaven, and heroically endeavor 
to reach this ideal in both small and great matters. 

Though the minister is under constant surveillance and 
severe criticism, he does not merit all our sympathy, for 
much is due the congregation who is at the mercy of a man 
of untidy habits of dress, inappropriate pulpit manners, 
distracting mannerisms, and a looseness in language that 
seriously offends many who are jealous of the truth of 
God, and solicitous that the unconsecrated be won to the 
gospel message. 

Insistent Demands 

Observers from among the ministry and the laity 
unite in according the following points sufficient impor- 
tance in successful work to merit for them a prominent 
place in the consideration of every minister until his life 
shows that they can be lawfully released from duty: — 

Perhaps the fundamental attribute of successful 



THE MINISTER 297 

ministry is that of manliness. "This quality" of min- 
isterial manliness, says Dr. Pattison, "should run through 
all our nature; through our moral nature, saving us from 
the petty insolence of office, and from slavish fear of others; 
through our intellectual nature, delivering us from undue 
subservience either to tradition or to current opinion; 
through our social nature, making us superior to fashion 
and class distinction; through our physical nature, teach- 
ing us self-denial, bravery, and endurance." 

The attribute of manliness is strengthened by the con- 
stant endeavor to emulate the divine Teacher; by having 
a clear vision of the high calling of the ministry; by reading 
the lives of superb men who have filled our pulpits; and by 
assiduously cultivating the qualities of self-denial, courage, 
energy, simplicity, humility, and sincerity. These are of 
course the qualities befitting every true man, but the 
minister in whom every one of these does not shine forth 
with a clear, steady luster, does despite to his holy office, 
and greatly weakens his service. 

Manliness excludes all pettiness, all smallness of 
thought and deed. It excludes all envy, "which turns 
pale and sickens even if a friend prevail," which "withers 
at another's joy, and hates that excellence it can not 
reach." It excludes all touchiness, all "morbid insistence 
on unessentials." It excludes all penuriousness or mean- 
ness in money matters. It excludes narrowness and 
bigotry. What one often regards as adherence to prin- 
ciple will be found, if examined carefully, to be nothing 
more than a narrowness that is positively inexcusable in 
one of dignity and character 

The minister who has completely deserted "Coward's 
Castle," and who will stand boldly for right principles 
without giving any consideration to the possible unfavor- 



298 GOOD FORM 

able result to himself, and who has learned to speak the 
truth in love, that love born in the Master's own great 
heart, is possessed of true manliness, and equipped with 
one of the most effective pieces of ministerial armor. 

Another insistent demand made by every community 
is that the minister be a gentleman in personal appearance. 
"A preacher who is slovenly in his attire, allowing his 
hair to be unkempt, his nails unclean, his boots unblacked, 
and his clothes unbrushed, will prove a very poor conductor 
of divine truth. He will find very small fields of labor, 
and under his tillage they will become 'beautifully less.' 
. . . The minister should be well brushed, carefully shaved, 
scrupulously clean, and well kept; 'the purity of the mind 
breaking out, and dilating itself even to his body, clothes, 
and habitation.'" 

The minister who suffers himself to wear clothes show- 
ing soiled spots on lapels of coat, or on waistcoat and trou- 
sers, creates a mingled feeling of sympathy and disgust on 
the part of all he meets, a feeling that he is woefully lacking 
in one of the essentials of one whose work is to hold up 
continually before the people the spotless Son of God. 
An unpleasant contrast can but be the result of such an 
exhibition of personal neglect. There somehow exists the 
feeling that one who is careless about allowing unsightly 
spots to remain upon one's clothing, must be careless about 
allowing moral stains to remain upon the soul. We have 
come to believe that the admonition, "Be ye clean that 
bear the vessels of the Lord," demands physical as well as 
spiritual cleanliness; and this physical cleanliness demands 
even clean teeth and a sweet breath. 

Good taste in dress is also necessary. Brilliant ties, 
tan shoes, and light hosiery, especially if the trousers or 
shoes are dark, are not acceptable for pulpit wear. 



THE MINISTER 299 

The minister should be an example of acceptable table 
manners in the homes he visits. Every digression from 
the conventions of good form, if it be no more than crum- 
bling crackers into soup, lessens to a degree the favor- 
able impression that might be made upon the household. 
There is no sin in tucking a napkin into the waistcoat or 
collar, but it is better form not to do so; then why be con- 
tent with anything less than the best? 

Perhaps the mother is making effort to train the chil- 
dren to exercise care in regard to these matters; and is it 
kind for the minister to accept of the hospitality of the 
home, and through carelessness undo, or make more diffi- 
cult, the mother's training? 

The unwritten law of the world says to ministers, — 

Be absolutely impartial and just in your judgments. 

Be interested in all with whom you are brought into 
contact. Do not overlook the children in or out of the 
pulpit. 

Be prompt in meeting engagements, and absolutely 
reliable in the fulfilment of promises. However small 
the matter concerned, your word once given must be 
fulfilled. 

Be observing ; be social ; be cordial. A minister of God 
can not afford to be absent-minded. 

Purity of Speech 

Use the purest of English; tell the best of stories; sing 
the best of songs; display the best of pictures; and in all 
these, choose only the best. 

No public speaker can afford to use ungrammatical 
expressions. Neither should he be careless in his pro- 
nunciation of words. The dictionary should always have 
a place on his study-table, and should no more be a rest- 



300 GOOD FORM 

ing-place for the dust than his Bible. Some preachers are 
strangely at fault in their pronunciation, saying, "He that 
believe-uth shall be saved;" "Bless-ud are the pure in 
heart;" "Seek urn," for, "Seek Him." Some say dis'- 
course for dis-course', for-mid'a-ble for for'mi-da-ble, 
hy'gene for hy'gi-ene, gen'u-ine for gen'u-ine, dat'a for 
da'ta, grat'is for gra'tis, pre'vus for pre'vi-ous, pat'ron for 
pa'tron." 

" Be diligent in the study of words," is the advice of 
one divine, " and so become the master of an ever-enriching 
vocabulary." "Preachers lose power over their hearers 
more often by their phraseology than by their thought. 
They overload their thought with polysyllables, and take 
its vim and point and pungent directness all away. Hear 
the Bible; 'There is no work in the grave, whither thou 
goest.' How terse and strong it is! But paraphrase it, 
after the manner of some modern preachers, and read: 
'There is no possibility of activity in the grave, whither 
thou art wending.' Again: 'If God so clothe the grass 
of the field.' What strength and directness! But read: 
1 If an overruling Providence so adorn the vegetable pro- 
ductions of the field.' What weakness and verbosity!" 

"But a clear and moving style is not to be had for the 
asking. It is an attainment bought by most men by agony 
and sweat of blood. A man must feed his vocabulary 
constantly or it will lose its vigor and ardor. The vocabu- 
lary of a minister is subjected to a tremendous wear and 
tear which soon leaves it impoverished unless constantly 
replenished. A preacher's style should be full of color 
and music. Faded and threadbare language is not fit 
raiment for the message of the King. Too many preachers 
use a language that is colorless and tasteless and dead. 

"How can a man freshen and enrich his style? Read 



THE MINISTER 301 

and reread the Bible and . . . Swift and Bunyan and 
Tennyson, for all these have a genius for pouring the 
water of life into the clay jugs of Saxon speech. But read- 
ing is not enough. A man must himself be simple and 
true. Schopenhauer is right in thinking that 'style is 
the physiognomy of the mind, and a safer index to charac- 
ter than the face.' Whatever tones up the spirit and 
cleanses and sweetens the heart imparts straightforward- 
ness and vigor and bloom to a man's speech." 

Seriousness 

Be an earnest, serious man. "A prevailingly trifling 
spirit, having its joke at every turn, taking no serious 
view of life, having no heart-piercing convictions of the 
illimitable need of men, whose unvarying bent is to levity 
and frivolity even in the presence of the high aims and 
solemn responsibilities and eternal verities of the Word 
and work of God, — such a spirit is fatal to all earnestness, 
and therefore, in the end, to all real pulpit and spiritual 
power. 

"This is not antagonistic to cheerfulness. Cheerful- 
ness should certainly mark the preacher. He of all men 
should be no somber- visaged, sepulchral witness to the 
beauty and joy and blessedness of the gospel of glad tidings. 
But the lightness and levity and inordinate trifling of some 
men is but a travesty or mockery of Christian cheerful- 
ness and gladsomeness, and as 'the crackling of thorns 
under a pot.' To be truly in earnest the whole spirit 
must be imbued — the preacher must be an earnest man. 
And this is a chief element of power in delivery." 

One coarse or unseemly anecdote related by a minister 
may forever cut off his ability to win some sensitive soul 
to the fold of God. Perhaps the testing of all one's favor- 



302 GOOD FORM 

ite illustrations and stories by the question, "Would Jesus 
use this?" might succeed in winnowing out all but the 
finest of the wheat. 

Irreverence 

Never use the name of the Lord other than reverently. 
Once a minister for whom I have profound respect stepped 
into a room where several persons were engaged in com- 
mittee work. After learning the nature of the work, he 
retired, first leaving, however, the word, "May the Lord 
bless your souls." This incident frequently comes to 
mind as an unwelcome memory. 

Many ministers have materially lessened their in- 
fluence for good by the careless speaking of the name of 
the Lord in relating some otherwise innocent anecdote in 
which that name occurs. The ambassador of Christ can 
not afford to do this. 

There is grave danger also of using the terms "0 Lord " 
and "Heavenly Father" in a perfunctory way in pulpit 
prayer. Some prayers send a shudder through the heart 
of the hearers because of the vain repetition of the Lord's 
name. When all learn to see the temple of God opened in 
heaven, and behold there the Father and the Son waiting 
to minister to the needs of the people of God, and send 
their prayer direct to the throne of grace, there will be 
nothing in the prayer to irritate sensitive souls. 

Absolutely refuse to quote the Bible lightly, making 
a play upon its words. More than one minister has greatly 
lessened his influence for good by such a course. 

Sane Counsel 

Be chary of pulpit apologies. "Advertising one's 

deficiency is the surest way of impairing one's efficiency." 

"Proclaim truth rather than combat error." This is 



THE MINISTER 303 

not only more courteous, but it is a more substantial way 
of dispensing truth. It is well ever to bear in mind those 
generous words of the Saviour, " Neither do I condemn 
thee." 

Be affable, approachable. "Affability is personal 
magnetism in its best garb." '* In salutations do as society 
does. Be careful of small courtesies, and remember that 
it is almost a perfect description of a gentleman to say, 
' He is one who lifts his hat to his washerwoman.' Be care- 
ful not to be so absorbed in the contemplation of your 
next sermon, or other plans for the advancement of the 
kingdom, that you fail quickly to recognize acquaintances 
whom you pass on the street. Be awake as you walk 
along the pavement, for there your instant and cordial 
greeting will do as much good for the kingdom as will 
your sermons, and perhaps more. Character is shown by 
the manner in which men shake hands with one another. 
The minister who knows how to do this has a point in his 
favor which is a valuable asset. Shake hands like a 
gentleman, not like a boor. There is no need to grip 
another's hand and crush it as though in a vise, and even 
worse is the mincing manner which barely touches two 
fingers. Shake hands in a hearty, friendly manner, and 
by that clasp you will bind many to yourself and to the 
work which you love who would not be touched by your 
ministrations from the pulpit. A hand-shake is a proc- 
lamation of the gospel without words and at close quarters. 

"Court, do not repel, the kindly confidence of your 
neighbors. Be suave, gracious, bland, and be these in the 
right way. Be genuine; the only way to be genuine is to 
have the material within correspond with the label with- 
out. May we not say without irreverence that it was 
this affability shown in word and manner that made our 




304 GOOD FORM 

Lord a welcome guest at the wedding of Cana, and at 
the home of Simon the rich Pharisee? Nay, was it not 
because of this that the little children gathered about 
him, and their mothers sought that he might bless them? 
Any one might say, 'Suffer the little children to come 
unto me,' but would they have come save to one who 
was gracious and kind and whom they instinctively recog- 
nized as such?" 

Self-depreciation is in no better taste than self-praise. 
One suggests insincerity, and the other egotism. Refain 
from both. 

white the laborer is worthy of his hire, and while the 
home that entertains a devoted servant of God no doubt 
receives thereby a spiritual blessing, yet the minister 
should never fail to express verbally to his hostess his 
appreciation of her gracious hospitality. 

Look at the people directly, showing that you are 
speaking directly to them. 

Kneel on both knees to pray. 

If asked in a service to remember a certain person or 
interest in prayer, don't forget that person or that interest 
in the prayer that follows. 

Read the hymns with care and effectiveness. 

It may take courage for you as a minister to tell a 
person, face to face, his predominant failing. It may be 
less embarrassing for you to tell his faults to others or to 
allow him to drift on in his crippled way until some com- 
mittee votes to release the church or community from his 
incompetent work by sending him to some other field of 
labor, or by dispensing altogether with his services; but it 
is more embarrassing to the one concerned. Would it 
not be better for you as a Christian brother to tell him 
plainly his failing when it first becomes apparent that his 



THE MINISTER 305 

work is not proving a success, and thus give him an oppor- 
tunity to correct the hindering cause? The minister 
should break away from the timid and fearful. He should 
love others as he does himself; he should deal as candidly 
with others as he would like to have them deal with him. 
He should not hide anything, but tell the worst, in love 
wisely counseling and tactfully helping the failing one to 
victory. Such service requires the highest kind of courage 
and love; but it well becomes the minister of God. 

Mannerisms 

"Avoid all mannerism — such as much adjustment 
of hair, much arrangement of coat, much handkerchief. 
Be natural. And if nature is awry, mend nature by quiet 
processes of discipline. 

"And only do things that are needful. For example, 
do not let the arms go sprawling in the air in violent ges- 
ticulation like the arms of an old-fashioned windmill 
whether there be much breeze or little." 

"Placing both hands squarely on the hips, folding 
them over the abdomen or behind the back under the 
coat-skirt; crossing the legs, before or behind; vibrating 
from side to side like a cat about to spring upon its prey; 
holding the hands in the trousers' pockets; adjusting the 
hair and beard, blowing the nose, flourishing a pocket- 
handkerchief at the close of each division; and clearing 
the throat with unnecessary tumult are offensive habits 
which should never be practised." 

One should make no great display of the handkerchief 
while in the pulpit, even though it be immaculately clean; 
and by all means never should one unfurl to the view of 
the audience a soiled handkerchief. According to one 
authority, the nose has no place in society. This is a hard 

20 



306 GOOD FORM 

verdict, for, unfortunately, not being adjustable, that 
organ must go wherever its owner goes. Being in such 
disrepute, however, it naturally follows that the less atten- 
tion it receives in public, the less protest there will be at 
its presence. 

It is not amiss for the minister to clean his glasses 
before entering the pulpit. Sometimes this innocent act 
is performed in such a conspicuous way as to engage the 
attention of a large share of the congregation. 

Don't pound so loudly on the desk as to shock nervous 
persons. 

Don't hiss by prolonging your "esses;" don't smack 
your lips; don't draw in the breath through the nose with 
a rushing sound. 

Be yourself. Eschew affectation, for people generally 
feel as did the poet Cowper, who said : — 

" In man or woman, but far most in man, 
And most of all in man that ministers 
At the altar, from my very soul I loathe 
All affectation." 

Watch your tones. Let them be natural. "Some 
ministers indulge in singsong or whining tones, imagining 
them to be more pious and impressive than manly, common 
sense speech; but this is an error. Preachers should have 
no set tones, good or bad, but speak as the sense and cir- 
cumstances require. Many, unfortunately, take just the 
opposite course. The moment they enter the pulpit, 
they drop their personality, and assume the perfunctory 
style of a bygone officialism, or some other, which is 
possibly worse." 

Beware of sustained loudness. "Clearness, distinct- 
ness — not loudness — is the great requisite. Don't try 
to be impassioned or emphatic throughout the entire ser- 



THE MINISTER 307 

mon. If nature thundered all the year round, we 
shouldn't think thunder much of an affair, after all." 

Handle the Bible with reverence both in and out of 
the pulpit. A noted actor once reproved a young min- 
ister for the careless way he handled the Bible, in the 
following words: "What books were those you had before 
you?" "Only the Bible and the Prayer-book," replied 
the preacher. "The Bible and the Prayer-book! why, 
you tossed them backwards and forwards and turned the 
leaves as carelessly as if they were those of a day-book and 
ledger." The young minister profited by the criticism. 

The Closing Gavel 

When the hands of the clock in the United States 
Supreme Court room point to the hour of adjournment, 
though the greatest lawyer in the country may be in the 
middle of a sentence, the court adjourns. Now no pulpit 
convention demands such sudden action on the part of 
the speaker, and yet when the hour for closing the service 
arrives, a gavel usually falls in the mind of each hearer, 
and though the sound thereof is not heard, if the speaker 
is quick of perception, he will discern that the gavel has 
fallen, and, generally speaking, wise is he who heeds the 
summons. Rarely can a speaker afford to be oblivious 
to time. 

Sermon Making 

The following suggestions on the qualities of effective 
discourse may not be unacceptable: — 

Outside the Spirit of God, "there is nothing in the 
entire field of homiletic discussion that will so contribute 
to pulpit efficiency as the constant and masterful command 
of the three structural qualities of sacred discourse, which 
are unity, order, and movement." 



308 GOOD FORM 

Unity demands "singleness of theme, singleness of 
object, and the use of only that material which will tend 
both to develop the theme and to accomplish the object." 

"Unity secures definiteness of impression. Dis- 
connected thoughts are like a whirl of sparks. They may 
be brilliant and beautiful ; but they come and go, leaving 
no distinct impression. Connected thoughts, thoughts 
that are fused and made a living whole by one common, 
animating purpose, are like a pointed tongue of flame." 

Order gives the sermon power. "An arch of stones is 
stronger than a heap of stones." Order is counted so 
important that one says, "It is an inexcusable sin and 
shame for any preacher to make sermons without it." 

As a rule every sermon should reveal a full recognition 
on the part of the speaker of a definite plan, consisting of 
the essentials, namely, the theme and the discussion; then 
of two minor but important parts, the introduction and 
the conclusion. "The object of the introduction is to 
put the hearers in a better posture to receive the truth." 
The conclusion consists of the appeal, designed "to move 
both heart and will, translating tears into duties, sorrow 
into service." 

A concrete illustration of an acceptable outline for a 
practical discourse on Isa. 55: 1, that of Mr. Spurgeon's, 
modified and improved by Dr. Herrick Johnson, may be 
of interest. The outline follows: — 

Text: "He that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat." 
Isa. 55:1. 

Introduction: Here is the strangest transaction under the 
sun. A merchant is offering his wares. The wares are of ex- 
ceeding value, beyond all price, and the buyer has nothing with 
which to buy. God is the merchant. All the riches of grace 
and glory are the merchandise. The sinner is the buyer. 

Theme: Heavenly merchandizing. 



THE MINISTER 309 

I. The buyer — the sinner — he is " without money." 
i. His fancied innocence is spurious. 

2. His fancied righteousness is worthless. 

3. He is loaded with old debts. 

4. He can not borrow, for he has no credit. 

5. Although an utter bankrupt, he is the onfy kind of 

buyer who is asked to this sale. 
II. The merchant — the faithful and gracious God. 

1. Faithful — it is not his way to mock men. He will 

deliver the goods. 

2. Gracious — he sells of grace, not of necessity. It is 

not a forced sale, and grace is all that makes this 
sale possible. 

III. The goods — pardon, peace, adoption, security, victory 

in this world, and in the world to come life ever- 
lasting. 

IV. The conditions of sale: — 

1. Desire for the goods. 

2. Acceptance of terms. 

3. Actual appropriation. 

Conclusion: Sinner, this is heavenly merchandizing. Heaven, 
pardon, peace, and everlasting life are offered you here for noth- 
ing. Do you want these wares? Then just believe this heav- 
enly merchant. He deals in infinite values. Millions of buyers 
have testified that he never played false with a customer. He 
has just what you need. He is eager to sell. Agree to his terms, 
and take the goods, without money and without price. 

Begin your discourse strongly. Challenge the atten- 
tion of the hearer at the very first, and endeavor stren- 
uously to hold that attention throughout the discourse. 
Sometimes it is well "to present the strongest argument 
first, and then recapitulate in the reverse order, getting 
the force of climax," though usually one follows the op- 
posite method. 

Man's nature requires variety. It is not courteous nor 
right to fail to recognize this law of both the physical and 
spiritual natures. Variety in choice of topics and variety 
in presentation are absolutely necessary to successful 
work. No stronger illustration or source of instruction 
on this point can be found than the Word of God itself 



310 GOOD FORM 

presents. Variety is included in that command of the 
Saviour's, "Feed my sheep." There is one minister of 
whom it is frequently remarked that he never fails to give 
his hearers something new and interesting. He often 
relates some inspiring incident in connection with the 
opening hymn or the Scripture reading. Then he crowds 
his sermon full of relishable and profitable spiritual food. 
He is a reading man, a studious man, so is a ready man, 
ready with pertinent incidents and illustrations for in- 
structing and inspiring his hearers. 

But this is no more than every minister should be. 
If a minister can not find time for efficient preparation, 
it is questionable whether duty bids him attempt the im- 
possible work of profitable preaching. 

Summary 

The following suggestions given by Prof. Grenville 
Keiser, of New York City, formerly professor of public 
speaking at Yale University, may serve as a concise 
summary of the foregoing suggestions: — 

Don't apologize, don't shout, don't hesitate, don't 
attitudinize, don't be personal, don't be "funny," don't be 
sarcastic, don't declaim, don't fidget, don't speak in a high 
key, don't pace the platform, don't distort your words, 
don't exceed your time limit, don't emphasize everything, 
don't praise yourself, don't tell a long story, don't sway 
your body, don't fatigue your audience, don't speak 
through closed teeth, don't drink while speaking, don't 
fumble with your clothes. 

Don't hem and haw, don't stand like a statue, don't 
clear your throat, don't speak rapidly, don't antagonize, 
don't overgesticulate, don't wander from your subject, 
don't be awkward, don't address the ceiling, don't be 



THE MINISTER 311 

monotonous, don't put your hands on your hips, don't 
be violent, don't rise on your toes, don't forget to sit down 
when you have finished. 

Do be prepared, do begin slowly, be modest, speak 
distinctly, address all your hearers, be uniformly courteous, 
prune your sentences, cultivate mental alertness, conceal 
your method, be scrupulously clear, feel sure of yourself, 
look your audience n the eyes, be direct, favor your deep 
tones, speak deliberately, get to your facts. 

Do be earnest, do observe your pauses, suit the action 
to the word, be yourself at your best, speak fluently, 
use your abdominal muscles, make yourself interesting, 
be conversational, conciliate your opponent, rouse yourself, 
be logical, have your wits about you, be considerate, 
open your mouth, speak authoritatively, cultivate sin- 
cerity, cultivate brevity, cultivate tact, end swiftly. 

Finally, the minister who has a keen sense of the fact 
that his life, from his official position alone, must strongly 
influence for good or evil, will regard it as worth while, 
even imperative, that in both small and great matters, 
in word and in deed, he be as nearly perfect as man can be. 
His life then can not but reveal the deep solicitude ex- 
pressed by the preacher of whom Jean Ingelow wrote: — ■ 

" Still I search my soul 
To find if there be aught that can persuade 
To good, or aught forsooth that can beguile 
From evil, that I (miserable man! 
If that be so) have left unsaid, undone." 



Index 



Accuracy, importance of, 283. 
Affability, value of, 10. 
Altercations, with clerks, 68. 
Arms, akimbo, 54; swinging, 

135 ; taking gentleman's arm, 

137. 140. 
Asset, graciousness of manner 

an, 10; valuable, 130. 

Banks, Louis Albert, story of 
the "bully," 31-34- 

Bath-room, monopolizing of, 
69, cleaning tub, 69. 

Bell, ringing for fun, 26, 30, 31 ; 
for calls, 143. 

Body, grace of, 55; strength- 
ened, 57; control over, 60. 

Borrowing, reputations of 
borrowers, 255; borrowing 
books, 255; returning bor- 
rowed things, 256; lessening 
need of, 256. 

Boy, baby's admonition, 9; 
kind of, 15; rebuke to, 21; 
message to, 29; courteous, 

137. 
Blustering, refrain from, 292. 
Bully, defined, 31; example of, 

3i. 

Calls, first, 141; day for, 141; 
receiving, 142 ; length of, 142; 
closing of, 144; discharging 
obligation of, 144; asking 
men to call, 146; imperative, 
146, 147. 

Callers, ringing bell, 143 ; giving 
name, 143; entering parlor, 
143; taking leave of, 143; in 
case of second caller, 144; 
men, 145; promptness in 
receiving, 147; pad and pen- 



cil for, 147; disposing of hat, 
cane, 169; assisting gentle- 
men, 170; handling things, 
170; peering through cracks 
of doors, 172; staring at 
people, 172; scrutinizing 
bric-a-brac, 172 ; taking leave 
of hostess, 173. 

Car, fare, 91, 136, 226; board- 
ing, 91; end seat, 136; re- 
marks in, 137. 

Cards, visiting, 163. 

Carriage, getting into and 
alighting from, 137. 

Chaperonage, how regarded, 
92; of Europe, 93; when 
needed, 93-96; value of, 97; 
subject for joking, 97. 

Cheerfulness, demanded de- 
spite perplexities, 37; results 
of, 37; in the home, 115; 
makes the feast, 209; mag- 
nify joys, 279. 

Children, value of the word 
don't to, 107; respect toward 
the aged, 108; salutations of, 
111; promptness and punc- 
tuality demanded of, 113; 
obedience of, 115; teasing of, 
123, 124. 

Christian, beautiful in all his 
ways, 10; not boisterous, 10; 
unfinished, 247. 

Conversation, in case of em- 
barrassment, 173; reticence 
in, 174; art of, 179; begin- 
ning of, 179; characteristics, 
180; golden rules of, 180; 
demands of speaker, 181; 
interrupting of, 182; topics, 
183; anecdotes, 183; use of 
slang, 184; gushing, com- 

312 



INDEX 



313 



paratives, superlatives, 185; 
jests, 187; malice in, 188; 
listeners, 188, 189; prickly- 
speech, 191; sarcasm, 192; 
criticism, 192; at formal 
dinners, 211. 

Compliment, delicate, 16; ac- 
knowledging a, 172. 

Courage, telling another of his 
faults, 292; meeting failure, 
294. 

Courtesy, power of, 10; ap- 
preciated, 10; true expression 
of, 12; reward of, 13; dis- 
crimination of, 55; defense 
against discourtesy, 63; to 
benefactors, 62 ; to strangers, 
69; demands of Christian, 
147. 

Criticism, relation to home 
atmosphere, 118; easiest 
thing, 193; power to hurt, 
194; fatal to excellence, 194; 
due to misunderstandings, 
195- 

Culture, so-called, 12. 

Danger, to girls, especially 
business girls, 7077. 

Daughters, world needs our, 79. 

Delegate, how to act, 57. 

Drawing-room, overcoats and 
overshoes in, 169; playing 
and singing, 170; handling 
things, 170; receiving callers, 
141; taking leave of callers, 

143. 

Dress, best dress, 60; charac- 
ter of, 99; relation of dress to 
studiousness, 10 1 ; barbaric 
idea of ornamentation, 101; 
tidiness of, 102-104. 

Dignity, sitting on boxes, 54; 
girl without, 81. 

Dinners, engagements un- 



fulfilled, 173; tardy guest, 
174, 249; too-previous guests 
174; When to leave, 174; 
guest of honor, 210; duties of 
escort, 210, 211; conversa- 
tion, 211; menu cards, 211; 
praise of food, 211; signal 
for rising, 210; second help- 
ings, 212. 

Envy, 24. 

Errands, asking others to do, 
52; perform quickly, 23. 

Friends, with men and books, 
35; taking liberties with, 
288; interrupting work of, 
289. 

Generous, with strength, 23; 
accomplishments, 47; in ta- 
king blame, 122. 

Gentleman, honors woman, 
16; speaks gallantly, 16; 
walks next to curbing, 20; 
does not take woman's arm, 
20; allows ladies to precede, 
20; accepts reproof, 36; 
trustworthy, 36; strong, 36; 
hat on one side, 38; gay neck- 
ties, 38; hose, 38; shoes 
polished, 38; coat brushed, 
39; sweet breath, 39; hands 
in pockets, 39; feet on floor, 
39; mannerisms, 39; bathing, 
39; asks to call, 146; stands 
until ladies seated, 169, 210; 
legs crossed, 129, 169; as- 
sists lady with jacket, 170; 
wears coat at table, 210; 
dining at cafe with woman, 
211. 

Girls, duties of, 82; consult 
mother, 82; gifts to men 
friends, 82, 83; exchanging 



314 



INDEX 



photographs, 82; engaged, 
83, 90; relation to young 
men, 83-86; relation to "the 
proprieties," 87, 88; walking 
with men, 89; place to re- 
ceive callers, 90; gifts to ac- 
cept, 90; escort of, 145; 
visiting fiance, 145; the 
social girl, 79-86. 

Grace, power of, 57. 

Grumbling, not good form, 
199; who does the most, 
199. 

Guest, of honor, 210; tardy 
dinner, 174, 212; too-pre- 
vious, 174; unbidden, 223; 
preparation, 223; train to 
take, 224; length of stay, 
224; things to take as, 224; 
keep room tidy, 224; making 
engagements, 225; assisting 
hostess, 225; departure of, 
226; mail of, 226; callers of, 
226; car fare of, 226; de- 
parture of, 227; arrival at 
own home, 228; gift to host- 
ess, 228. 

Habit, forgetting, 257; dili- 
gence, 285. 

Head, scratching, 53. 

Helpful, going up-stairs, 50; 
readiness to do, 51. 

Holidays, how to keep, 61. 

Home, school, 47; resort, 47; 
rooming in private, 69; 
visiting in private, 69; ex- 
press affection, 118; avoid 
argument in the, 118; girl 
of the, 47-57- 

Hospitality, impose no bur- 
den, 119; a duty, 120; a 
pleasure, 120; emergency 
entertaining, 120; expensive 
refreshments, 122. 



Hostess, social memory of, 
228; preparation of, 228, 
229; spare bed, 229; a per- 
fect hostess, 229; hospitality 
of, 230; first concern of, 231. 

Housework, spirit toward, 
48, 49- 

Ingratitude, of girls, 62. 

Introductions, proper forms 
of, 175; speaking names, 175; 
introducing strangers, 176; 
introducing sisters, 176; 
introducing husband, 177; 
repetitions of, 176; on the 
street, 176; recognizing of, 
177. 

Intrusion, friendship forbids, 
223; passing into another's 
apartment, 119; passing 
before another, 172; in- 
quisitiveness, 181; back- 
door neighbor, 281. 

Invitations, form of, 201, 205- 
207; time of sending, 201; 
wedding, 201; dinner par- 
ties, 201, 204; evening re- 
ceptions, 201 ; musicales, 
201; breakfasts, luncheons, 
201 ; afternoon receptions, 
201; to a married pair, 202; 
to a substitute, 202 ; definite 
time, 202 ; responses to, 202- 
207; card of regrets, 203; 
obligations of, 204; formal, 
205; informal, 206, 208. 

Irreverence, quoting Scripture, 
291. 

Jokes, practical, 26, 27, 239. 

Kimono, receiving callers in, 

53- 
Knees, crossing, 54; spreading 

apart, 55; in stooping, 55. 



INDEX 



315 



Laughter, cipher-key, 30; 
value of, 196; when to re- 
frain from, 269-274; gig- 
gling not, 269. 

Letters, illegible, 149; parts of, 
149; answering, 150; dating, 
150; signing name, 151, 154; 
address on envelope, 151; 
letter of introduction, 152; 
anonymous, 152; substitu- 
ting post-cards for, 152; 
folding, 153; use of trite 
expressions in, 156; address- 
ing high officials, 157; angry 
letters, 158; examples of 
acceptable, 158-161. 

Liquor, evil of intoxicants, 
40; signing pledge, 41. 

Luncheon, when a misnomer, 
213; time of serving, 204; 
invitations to, 201, 203 

Man, measure of, 15; relation 
to woman, 15; lifting hat to, 
18; entering house, 18; 
carrying packages, 18; pick- 
ing up articles, 19; woman 
in employ of, 19; asks 
father's consent, 19; taking 
leave of young woman, 19; 
gloved hands, 19; as escort, 
19; offering arm to lady, 20. 

Manliness, of ministers, 297. 

Manners, to be guarded, 9; 
compulsory instruction, 9; 
bureau to educate in, 11; 
relation to morals, 59; of 
girls, 59; bring difficult 
things to pass, 78; of what 
made, 117; of the home, 
117. 

Mannerisms, avoid, 39; par- 
ticular ones, 304, 305. 

Messenger, faithful, 23. 

Minister, defects soon spied, 



295; most observed, 296; 
fundamental attribute, 296; 
personal appearance, 298; 
table manners of, 298; lan- 
guage, 299; irreverence of, 
301; affability, 302; manner- 
isms, 304; time to close ser- 
mon, 306; sermon making, 
306; influence, 310. 

Mother, sewing, 49; pleasing, 
49; Mother's day, 50; calling 
on, 50; consulting, 82; re- 
ceiving counsel of, 91. 

Mourning, conventions of, 
275; cards, 167; magnify- 
ing grief, 279, 280. 

Neatness, a test, 259; untidi- 
ness of room, 259; untidi- 
ness of dress, 102, 104; un- 
tidiness of work, 259. 

Notes, examples of, 1 58-161, 
205, 206. 

Obligations, bills, 69; service, 
282. 

Order, greatest grace, 259; 
disorderly person not cour- 
teous, 259; cultivating order,, 
259; order in room, 259. 

Palissy, conversation with' 
Henry III, 36. 

Perfume, use of, 68. 

Pleasures, too much enslave, 
263; tests of profitableness, 
263; the theater, 264; mar- 
bles "for keeps," 265; at 
picnics, 266; refusing friends, 
266; surprises not always, 
267. 

Positiveness, guard against, 
S3. US- 

Property, public, 28; private, 
28, 115. 



316 



INDEX 



Postman, calling name of, 55. 

Promises, binding, 251; worth 
of, 252; fulfilling, 252, 287. 

Punctuality, to be cultivated, 
249; lack of, 249; procras- 
tination, 250; ending en- 
gagements, 253. 

Readiness, to forgive, 281; to 
do, 51; to perform humble 
service, 282; in excusing 
oneself, 283, 284; to do 
favors, 287. 

Receptions, invitations to, 201 ; 
responses to invitations to, 
202, 203; promptness in 
arriving at, 173; time for 
remaining at, 173. 

Repose, cultivate, 169. 

Reverence, fostered, 126-133, 
301, 302; Washington an 
example of, 126. 

Rudeness, in ringing bell, 30; 
to servants, 50. 

Rules, of German emperor, 37. 

Salutations, of children, 11 1; 
of hostess, 119; of mother, 
119; of escort, 19; of church 
attendants, 133. 

Schoolgirl, 59-65. 

Self-ease, destructive of 
beauty, 57. 

Self-depreciation, suggests in- 
sincerity, 294. 

Sensitiveness, is unkind, 172; 
at jests, 188; at neglect, 200. 

Sexes, association of, 79. 

Sister, duties of, 56. 

Shop-girl, courtesy of, 68. 

Societies, secret, 63. 

Splurge, noisy, 35. 

Stammering, to be overcome, 

293- 
Standing, 55. 



Stick-to-it-iveness, need of, 64. 

Strangers, welcoming, 133 ; 
questions of, 136. 

Street, throwing things on, 
30; expectorating, 30; kiss- 
ing on, 135; singing, 136; 
talking across the, 136; at- 
tending to toilet on the, 136; 
eating on, 136; pointing to 
objects, 136; standing in 
groups on, 136; passing 
others, 137; taking gentle- 
man's arm, 137; chewing 
gum, 138; step, 140; hands 
in pockets, 140; staring on, 
140; turning and looking 
after one, 140; absent- 
mindedness, 140; recogni- 
zing friends on the, 140. 

Strikers, joining, 29. 

Student, regard for reputation, 
24; dress of, 101. 

Suggestions, general, 279; 
courting, 292. 

Sympathy, duty of, 279. 

Table, agreeableness at, 209, 
210; criticizing food, 210; 
drawing chairs, 210; second 
helpings, 212; beginning to 
eat, 212; how to eat, 212; 
laying the, 213 ; use of knives 
and forks, 214, 215; use of 
napkin, 215; manners at, 
216-220; service, 220, 221. 

Telephone, use of, 247; signal 
for closing conversation, 247; 
profane language over, 247; 
paying for, 247; invitations 
over, 247; rules of telephone 
company, 247. 

Temper, pouting, 52; grouty, 
37. 

Tobacco, reasons for non-use, 
42-46. 



INDEX 



317 



Traveler, dress of, 243 ; deport- 
ment of, 243; taking a 
carriage, 244; opening win- 
dow, 245; baggage of, 245; 
registering at hotel, 245; 
occupying berth, 245; ex- 
tending courtesies, 246; 
keeping entire seat, 246. 

Truth, departure from, 286; 
moods antagonistic to, 287. 

Umbrella, taking your own, 53. 

Visiting, friends, 223-228; the 
sick, 290; at fiance's home, 

145. 
Visiting-cards, material of, 
163; size of, 163; married 
woman's card, 164; business 
woman's card, 164; card 
of unmarried woman, 164; 
joint cards, 164; gentleman's 
card, 163, 166; use of card, 



166, 167; mourning cards, 
167; cards of regrets, 203; 
cards of condolence, 167. 

Walking, swinging of leg in, 55; 
swinging of arms in, 135; 
step of woman, 140. 

Weddings, invitations to, 233, 
234; announcements of, 
233, 235; responses to in- 
vitations and announce- 
ments, 233, 234; presents, 
2 3S; expenses, 236; dress, 
237; church, 237; home, 
238; congratulations, 239; 
rice showers, 239; practical 
jokes, 239; anniversaries of, 
242. 

Women, responsibility of, 80; 
friendship with men, 80, 
81. 

Youth, time to learn, 10. 



The Great Second Advent Movement 

BY J. N. LOUGHBOROUGH 

A late revision of the old book " Rise and Progress 
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"f •■•' •• 

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THE SPEAKER'S MANUAL 
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BY FANNIE DICKERSON CHASE 

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1. A list of two thousand words commonly mispro- 
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2. A list of foreign words which have become " Amer- 
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3. A list of homonyms. 

4. General rules and suggestions for spelling and 
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